I just wanted to share an approach that’s helped me in recent days in relation to a depression that came over me in recent weeks and involved some thoughts of suicide and self-harm. The depression was linked to a traumatic memory I’ve now been able to identify.
Unable to sleep one night I researched online and found the work of Janina Fisher, a psychotherapist who works with clients with complex trauma. Often the part of us that is experiencing thoughts of self-harm or suicide is exactly that, just a part, not the whole of us. But the challenging thing is it can feel like the whole of us.
In Janina Fisher’s approach it’s possible to identify individual parts that have split off as a survival response. These parts can be unconscious because of the way traumatic memories are stored. But it’s possible to bring gentle awareness to the part that might be feeling shame, fear etc and realise it’s not the whole self. We can then parent and take care of this part with self-compassion.
It can help to do this with a caring therapist who is familiar with the approach. I asked my psychologist if she could do this work with me and we did yesterday, and it enabled me to sense and feel what my child self was feeling and be present with that child self to help them feel safe.
It’s transforming the self-attack drive behind impulses towards self-harm and suicidal ideation into caring for that part that split off in the past due to trauma. This allows the part to re-integrate into the whole person in a healthy way.
I just wanted to share this in case it helps even one other person. It’s still something I’m working on, but it’s given me an understanding of what’s actually been happening to me and that there’s something I can do about it.
