Imagine at a certain young age you enter a library. All the books are on the floor..broken, mixed up and messy..for a reason.
You pick up a book called, hobbies then another called money management or relationships but all the books have missing pages. This library is your life. Its a mess, its your mind.
You seek help. A doctor lifts the bookshelves which are named...nasty people, arrogance, red tape, bullying, employment, diet, exercise, budgetting, sleep, friends, medication, chores crying, shaking, self harm and so on
You are one of the lucky ones in that you want your library in order. Denial wont repair books. You seek help. A psychologist shows you how to pick up the books and slot them into their respective shelf, medication allows you the ability to place the strewn pages into the right book.
You are feeling there has been progress. Family and friends know that you are focusing on the nearest bookshelves labelled toxic people, identity and guilt. You go on forums to ask those that have years of struggle sorting their own library to rearrange the bookshelves in priority. The closer to you the more important the shelf.
You place obligation at the back, then toxic people...gradually you get to the front...depression, sleep, happiness, care, diet and so on are up front. You are nearly sorted.
You spend many years going slowly through every book for pages out of place.
Your libray is a world of priority and order to produce stability. Its a delicate place. Noise (upset, trauma, accidents, inability to cope) can interrupt and distract your world.
You visit friends. Some never have a need to enter their own library. It's in order always has been. They wouldnt know what its like to find a book in pieces on the floor...no wonder thay cant relate.
Everyone has a library. Yours is like all others, unique and wonderful. That fact that yours is messy and a mammoth task to get into its proper order is no fault of yours. Your bipolar might have been inherited the reason a bookshelf is bent...it will never be straight but you can still store books there making the most of a bad situation, for your mind has many flaws. Best accept them and
....keep reading....and never stop!
Tony WK
