Why social media is no good for you

[white knight]

Facebook has in my case been my biggest Achilles heal in the last 3 years and on line forums before that.

My problems with Facebook has, admittedly been my sensitivity, my not realising it is a haven for nastiness and my ignorance to how to use it. More on that later.

But my last straw with FB was this morning. Two friends I know personally, husband and wife, have each posted fresh posts about who is their best friend.  The woman posted her husband as her best friend.  Her husband posted another woman as his best friend.  Time to jump ship here!! This is kindagarten stuff that should have been left at the sand pit.

These are people over 50yo. Doesnt it all seem a bit..err...childish?

I thought I had tried everything to make FB work. I defriended 140 "friends" earlier this year. I've blocked the toxic and the bullies, I've refrained from commenting when it would explode the topic. I've gone to the end of the earth...well it seemed I did.

My problem is that I dont want to lose the service. There are long time friends on there that I value, that dont cause me harm and it is my only means to maintain contact with them. 

So, having said that I realised today that by clicking the "follow" button to make it "unfollow" I can still have contact if I want to but I dont get to be sent their posts, only their occasional comments.

I'll give that a try. Pity there wasnt a half day class I could have attended 3 years ago to educate myself on how to use Facebook.

It all has resulted in driving me to the garden. No I dont have FB on my mobile phone- I refuse to.

I've also come to the conclusion Fb is not productive to my life enough to warrant it. In fact if I take an overview of the concept, it has harmed me in more ways than any other over the years, caused confusion and I would have been better off without it- period. I have a dear friend that works in therapy and I've consulted her on many occasions to see her view on FB comments made so she can steer me away from my over reactions.

So I'm off to the garden, might cook some mini muffins, might play with my Fox terrier. And if I can try hard, I might just log onto Facebook only to see if there are any messages. Then log out.

The Facebook game's final siren is near. Some of us have enough issues in life without so called "friends".

[white knight]

Hi all,  Great posts there.

We are retired so our lifestyle is somewhat different. But talking about calmness in the bedroom.

My wife and I have a routine, we stay up late because all the good programs are on that hour then hop into bed and watch the shows with our adorable mini foxy dog. She's a very clean dog and sleeps under our doona. That's her play time while we watch telly. Then about 2am we fall asleep. I've never been so relaxed. But then again we have no schedules.

I found that if there is the slightest angst on FB from a friend I ring them and get clarification. 90% of the time there is nothing wrong.

All in all social media has more positives than negatives IMO. As long as its managed with a firm hand.

Tony WK

[lozb12]

Facebook has been a huge problem for me. Maybe I am too sensitive but I see things that hurt me, I get messages that can set my anxiety off etc but whenever I deactivate it I feel like I have truly lost touch with everyone I know. Most of my thread is funny pics and movies or motivational pages and I miss that too. Guess I just feel extra lonely when I'm not on it. Would love to deactivate for good !! I agree with your post so much 

[Trish_M]

Thank you white knight for an illuminating view of the social media. I could relate and identify with lots of things you wrote. Facebook was initially a great tool and point of contact for me but then I began taking it all too seriously, looking for hidden meanings in other people's status updates, worrying if they were about me, etc.

Today, I do try to just keep things simple, all things in my life. Am I being superficial? Too aloof? Not fully and readily engaged with the people in my life? Who knows? Just at the moment, I try to remember that I am as talented and as flawed as everyone else and I am doing the best that I can at this point in time.

I wonder too if it's a generational thing, I am 60 and sense that those much younger than myself use the social media in quite a different way to myself. If I think about things too long or too deeply, I start obsessing, ruminating, worrying, becoming anxious, but then I remember that this pattern of thinking is a hallmark of  depression and anxiety and more often lately, I can stop and just decide to refuse to engage in this questionable practice of negative thinking in my day. Facebook had become an enemy or a torment because I relied upon it too much to define my value, I had deactivated my account numerous times but then missed contact with positive and valued friends. I guess we are all "a work in progress" Luckily, I have a wonderful psychologist that has helped me to understand the mechanisms of my disease and guided me in cognitive behaviour therapy which is working to change unhelpful patterns of long ingrained thinking about myself and my place in the world. I now see the various social media as just another form of communication, I can use or not use as often as I please.

Thanks again for your thoughts and for sharing them so freely.

Regards, Trish M.

[GarethL]

As with many things, the benefits of social media might be a case of how you use it - these forums for example.

I think it's wise to reduce your social media usage if it causes you significant distress. Another option is to moderate your usage - there are tools/applications out there which limit the amount of time you can use a website (e.g. facebook) per day. Fantastic for people like me who definitely waste too much time on there!

[white knight]

Hi,

Lozb12,  We really need to accept that Fb is here for good and although I hope you can do without it and deactivate "for good" it isn't the tool its the user. We must learn to adjust and learn about the animal FB is. Sensitivity isn't good, I'm the same, however FB has tools to combat it which one needs to use in proportion to the offensiveness of the post. Over-react and you might have a friend knock on your door or ring you, causing more upset than the FB post that offended you. So often we are responsible for our own anxiety.

Get to know the tool that is Facebook. Learn ways to drift away eg. Instead of defriending a person you find abrasive, just stop their "following". At least then you will have less notifications from them popping up on your daily news. If they are bullies defriend them.

TrishM,    I'm 60yo next year. I agree that we need to limit the use of FB and other social media. I try to leave it all till evening and wont log onto it during the day and don't have those rings that let you know someone has made a comment.

Tony WK

[Trish_M]

Hi Tony WK,

Thanks for your words of support and wisdom.

Again, maybe it's an age thing. I don't have any "friends" on FB who would attack me or that I would attack, I just don't get that type of interaction. Occasionally something will come up in my news-feed which I vehemently disagree with. I either choose to not respond, unfollow that person or if I do make a comment, always say something like "With respect, I completely disagree with your point of view BUT, I will defend your right to express it" then I go on to explain my point of view. People in any of the social media or indeed any other sphere of life who resort to personal attacks are the ones with the problem. Don't know how or why I believe that, I just do, there is never any need to get nasty or make personal attacks. FB does have safeguards and security settings and yes you are quite correct to advise everyone to put them in place.

Thanks again, keep well and bless you for your help.

Trish M.

[LawrieM]

Hi all

I'm of the belief that social media is what you, the end user, make of it. 

On FB, I have 6, yes that's right, six friends; a husband I've known for 20+ yrs and his wife and their three kids (two of whom are my god children 🙂 who knock me off my feet when I visit them) and a friend of the aforementioned wife. I mainly use it to keep up-to-date on sporting teams I follow and post the odd UTube video link. As for friend requests, well, I go look at the person's page to see activity and length of time and if they have anything of interest to say that appeals to me. Hence the low numbers LOL.

Twitter is the same. I mainly follow journos, comedians, folks with similar musical taste, or Steven Fry. Only 70 plus folks have been able to put up with my 'humour' or drop out because I don't follow them. Hey, I's picky. (one day, just ONE day I'd like either Hilary or Barack to favourite a reply tweet.)

My computer is on 24/7 (except when it gets a damned 'bad-pool-error' curse you Win10) so the temptation is always there to open up FF at either of those sites and lose time.

Have not actually been abused on either site, mainly again because I am cautious of expressing contrarian views I know will inflame and usually try to have some humourous slant in the post/reply anyway.

So in conclusion I would say that the way you approach social media will determine your enjoyment or otherwise of whichever site you use.

Hey, I mean if it wasn't for FB I wouldn't have realised that "The Musketeers' had been replaced by 'Sherlock' on ABC TV after just one episode. I actually thought I'd dreamed it for a bit when i couldn't find it on iView LOL.

[white knight]

I'd like to know how many of you have had to introduce protective measures for the internet? How many if you are sensitive to trolls and their cruelty?

TonyWK