Where to next

[Cuzzies21]

I'm lost and not sure what to do, I've tryed two different psychologists and was told I was too depressed for psychology to work, six months ago I then started on meditation which has kind of numbed all my feelings and calmed me down some what, but now I'm in a calmer state I can see more clearly there's no way out of my situation. Been to ED twice (high blood pressure and chest pain) both times put down to anxiety, constant sweating and shortness of breath since late 2019.

I know what's causing my problems but they can't be fixed.

Just wanting to end my pain

[Sophie_M]

Hi Cuzzies21,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing your story with us here.

We are sorry to hear that you are feeling lost and unsure what to do next. We understand how hard things must be for you right now and so we want to remind you that all life is important, including yours. Please know that you never have to go through this alone, and support is always here for you.

If you would like to talk to someone, the Beyond Blue Support Service is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals.

We also strongly urge that in overwhelming moments you get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

Please feel free to keep reaching out here on your thread whenever you feel up to it.

[Croix]

Dear Cuzzies21~

First off I'd like to welcome you here to the Forum. It was a good idea to come because there will be many, myself included, who have (or do) feel like you do. You can not only read their stories in their threads, but maybe others might want ot speak directory to you.

I've had bouts of depression and other problems for a very long time, however thanks to medication, good therapy and time I'm unrecognizable, have a completely different view of myself and the world, and am glad ot be here. I love and am loved, work and have satisfaction in it.

Of course at the start I simply would not have believed any of this possible, and just thought it was some do-gooder trying to cheer me up.

It may come as a surprise but psychologists are not always the answer, although they can have many successes they are not the only medical professionals. In my own case I use a GP (or nowadays lots of GPs as they never stay long) and a psychiatrist whom I have a lot of faith in. His therapy plus meds have made an enormous difference. He did direct me to a couple of psychologist on a couple of occasions to try their specialized therapies, they were sadly totally ineffective.

" can see more clearly there's no way out of my situation." is something I said too. Depression took over my thoughts - so I believed they were my thoughts - and they closed down my view of the world to a few horrible and apparently insoluble problems - mostly based on my own shortcomings.

When I improved I got to see I did not know everything, and the world was a larger place with lots in it I wanted, such as regaining my ability to love - which I did.

I've been to ED several times wiht severe chest pain, lots of tests, turned out it was always my mind causing it, never real heart problems.

Can I ask you to explain what you mean by 'I know what's causing my problems but they can't be fixed" please?

I've more to say but am running out of space, Sophie_M's suggestion of of one of my favorites, the Suicide Call Back Service

tel:1300659467
https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au

Is an excellent suggestion if you feel overwhelmed or frightened of what you might do. Professional, not prone to panic, they can be a comfort - plus you can call them more than once without having to explain all over again.

I was a mess, now my pain has gone, if I can reach this stage, I'd guess you can to

I look forward to talking with you again

Croix

[geoff]

Hello Cuzzies, a warm welcome to the site.

As much as you feel there is no way out of your situation, there is always a way, we just have to be patient and any psychologist who believes you can't be helped by them doesn't want a challenge because it's virtually impossible to walk into the first couple of sessions and walk out a cured person, so the psych has to use their experience and find the answers, which don't necessarily come straight away.

If you know what's causing these problems then that's a good start, but it's only for us to provide our life experiences that may relate to what you're going through and then help you and direct you in another direction.

When you're in a position like this, and I as at many stages, you never believe anyone can help you but a persistent psych should slowly edge away, find the reason and then the cause to begin your treatment.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[Petal22]

Hi Cuzzies21,

Id also like to welcome you to our forums along with Croix and Sophie M.

Im sorry you are feeling this way I understand it’s very difficult to deal with.

Im really sorry for what the psychologist said to you . Did you see a clinical psychologist or a psychologist?

You can be helped, you just need to see the correct people. Never give up hope…

I understand anxiety really well I have a lived experience of severe anxiety OCD this condition bought me to my knees it was the hardest thing that I have ever been through BUT I have come out the other side of the tunnel……..

Ive been recovered now for over 4.5 years…… thanks to the correct professional help that I received.

Can I ask why you think what’s causing your problem can’t be fixed?

Please believe me when I say there is a way around it …. You just need to learn it.

Please come back to us..

[therising]

The warmest of welcomes to you Cuzzies21

I feel so deeply for you as you face what sounds like the toughest most challenging time of your life. I'm so glad you came here. I can see you've already met with some of the most amazing people on the forms here. They truly are amazing and so incredibly thoughtful and genuinely beautiful. Incredibly thoughtful and genuinely beautiful people tend to be the ones who make the most difference in life. The rest...well...hmmm.

I have to say those psychologists sound quite depressing. Based on my past experience with depression, I can't help but wonder about the kinds of people who say depressing stuff like 'What you're hoping will help you won't help because you're too far gone' or something to that effect. Who the hell says this kind of stuff to a person who's struggling through what's depressing. Who takes hope away? You seriously gotta question that. Don't think for a second that mental health professionals can't be depressing. Of course, you can find the ones who aren't. They're the complete opposite. There are plenty who can be deeply enlightening and inspirational guides. They can be hard to find at times. By the way, if you're a sensitive person, I imagine you'd be able to easily sense or feel who's depressing/triggering and who's not, an ability to be used to your advantage. This gives you the advantage of fast tracking yourself through not spending too much time with depressing mental health professionals, so you can find the best one faster.

Sounds like something significant happened in 2019. Whether it involved an event or a lot of stuff from the past suddenly beginning to surface, either way 2019 sounds like it marked the beginning of what now feels completely intolerable. Sounds like you're under a massive amount of pressure. The kind of pressure that puts the body into such an enormously hyper active/energetic state, to the point of sweating and feeling like you're suffocating is a serious amount of pressure.

By the way, I don't think a lot of mental health professionals really get how 'numb' can become depressing or how it can point to serious mental/physical exhaustion. I think some simply choose to label 'numb' as 'Detachment'. Some will even prescribe a medication for 'Numbness/Detachment', rather than explore this feeling. 'Numb' is a very telling feeling well worth exploring. I believe we feel everything for good reason.

Again, I'm glad you came here so as not to face the pressure alone.

[Cuzzies21]

Why things can't be fixed is complicated..

It's my wife, she had cancer in 2016 (SCC in her cheek, just below the eye) the surgeons made a judgemental error during reconstruction surgery which resulted in needing further surgery in 2018 to try and reconstruct her face and eye socket, this totally failed (29hr operation, sepsis and resuscitation) We moved hospitals with a new team of surgeons and in 2019 they tried again only for it to fail once more. She has scarring down both arms and legs, shoulder blade and back from where they've taken body parts to attempt to reconstruct her face, she has a speach impairment and very limited mouth opening due to all the surgery, her eye needs to be removed because there's no bone or tissue below it for support, she's a mess with little options left. You can't hide your face when you leave home.

I'm 45, been with her for 30 years, meet in high school.

[Sophia16]

Hi,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums and thank you for being so open. I can see that you are in so much pain. You must be going through such a difficult time.

You have been so strong for getting through it all. You should be very proud of yourself.

You can change for the better but that involves the right motivation. Your brain can achieve anything.

Stay safe and i am always here to chat.

[Croix]

Dear Cuzzies21~

I real feel for you wife, with facial disfigurement, multiple scars elsewhere and limited facial, sight and mouth movement. A very hard row to how.

So basically she has two overall problems, the physical, and acceptance of her disfigurement by herself and others. I don't know if any prosthetic can blunt the impact - do you have any idea?

May I ask how she is coping with all this? Different people would react in different ways.

Your problems are not the same, yes you would love to make all well for your wife, and I guess to some extent you can if she finds eating, talking or other matters difficult. The underlying causes maybe not so much.

Love gives us the strongest of urges to ease and cherish one's partner though life, and one can feel powerless, frustrated, angry, loss of feeling good about yourself and a whole basket of other emotions in such circumstances. I did when my wife died after 9 months in hospital.

BUT - you are already doing what your wife needs most, love and care. It may even be a case where she is able to support you in return, when you are really down. Plus if course you do need outside help. To see no possibility of light is a horrible thing - and most often wrong.

I've a lot more I'd like to say, but firstly do not want to overwhelm you in one post, and secondly would, if you felt able, wish you could tell me how your wife is coping.

Of course you do not have to answer but I'd also like to ask what it is about this that -for you - is the worst thing of the lot.(Sorry for so many questions, I'm not trying to be intrusive but knowing what you are dealing with inside assists me understand)

In the meantime I guess one sensible thing is to give an earnest attempt to get you wife to laugh. May seem trivial, unlikely and maybe missing the point. However even a few glimpses of humor can be a real balm. I'd suggest even if it annoys her or brings out bitterness to start with it is worth realizing its value.

I hope to talk with you some more

Croix

[therising]

Hi Cuzzies

What an unbelievably tough road for the both of you to have traveled and still be traveling on. It must be so incredibly hard on you watching her suffer through such ongoing disappointment and overwhelming challenge. I don't think a lot of people get how tough it can be on a partner/carer, considering what they have to go through to support a person not just physically but also mentally. With little to no break it can be thoroughly exhausting to say the least. If your wife faces depression, it's even harder, especially if you're feeling so deeply for her, experiencing her depression to some degree.

Do you feel her mental health challenges have impacted you deeply, if she is suffering through this in such a way? Would you feel somewhat differently if she was in a different frame of mind? Sometimes it can be so incredibly challenging when our partner we look to in life as a guide at times is the one who's leaning on us so heavily to guide them and we're not exactly sure how to do it, especially if we're struggling so much to make sense of everything our self. Do you have any close friends or family members you can vent your emotions to, who can simply be there to listen and/or offer you advice you feel you might be able to relate to in some way? Even if what they offer is one simple step, perhaps it could be the first to make some difference regarding the way forward. Might even entail you taking a little time out for a breather if that's at all possible.