When all is lost....what can you do? Be radical?

[white knight]

I look back on my disruptive life and wonder ow I survived.  I joined the RAAF at 17 lasted till I was 20. By then I'd owned 20 cars on impulsive buying and the debts that went with them. Then a taxi driver, assembly line worker, cleaner, spare parts sales, prison officer and by 30yo I'd had about 50 jobs and 15 professions. I had no idea I wasnt well. Bipolar type 2, dysthymia anxiety and depression and I'm near certain ADHD had a lot of presence as well.

All of this came to a head in 1996 with a plan for suicide. But I survived it- I turned it around...how? A week later my wife and I separated. I fell into depression while living in a 3 metre caravan but survived....when I purchased a block of land and built my own house. And so the unsuspected routine kept going. Frankly I think two things saved me....a change of direction/interest and consideration for others in my life.

So lets put suicide aside.  You are depression or anxious, up and down mood or family and friends have abandoned you.  Whatever your crisis you are in despair, at the end of your tether and you dont have an answer.  Through default and luck I found the answers to my crisis each and every time it came about. What about you? What can YOU do to slip out of your situation and predicament? To do a u-turn with your life and save it.?

Let's look at what is at your disposal.  Environment- I knew a guy once, a railway worker that was heavily depressed. He lived alone. One day he didnt turn up for work. A fortnight later he rang me and told me he had taken a job as a jackaroo in Queensland.  A year later he rang me to tell me how happy he was. Just one example.  Friends and family- if they are causing you grief then take action. We are talking about your health here. In some cases - survival. Take time out or expel them from your life or somewhere in between. Work- chase another job. Social media- cut out the people you have never met.

I'm saying whatever it takes to allow your mind to be cared for, to rid it of negative forces and situations. I'm not saying it's easy, it isnt. There is a lot of fear out there among people to be radical but I'm suggesting that when there is no other option, that all reasonable options have been exhausted....its time to rethink the basics of your life. The alternative isnt an option, when remaining in your current situation is not healthy.

Perhaps others have more suggestions to avoid falling into the hollow well of hopelessness.

[The_Possum]

Thanks Mrs D.

I think you understand me perfectly and I love the way you articulate yourself.

I have a few friends in the medic sphere and we've often talked about the attitudes that need to change in the profession. Where doctors are afraid to come forward with their mental health issues for fear of stigma and jeopardising their careers. It's a profession that has one of the highest degree of burn out and associated issues.

It doesn't have to be this way and attitudes are changing. One of my friends at a practice in Melbourne works in an environment where the practice owners embrace it. Many of the doctors at the 17 doctor centre are part time, working two or three days a week to suit their lifestyle and ensure their mental health doesn't suffer for it.

The notion that we need to be concerned of perusing dreams or goals or over active intelligence because we carry a disease or burden is one I'll never understand. But an opinion I'm happy to accept.

I'd like to think I can make a difference on the lives of others at the margins of society. Two of the doctors at this practice specialise in young people. The young teenage girl afraid because she is pregnant. The guy in his early 20s struggling with depression and not knowing which way to turn. They only work two days and week but their lives are for filling for them. And this is what counts not what others perceive they should be going because it doesn't work for them.

These practices are hard to find and obviously where my concern remains with having the condition. Even though I've been told it's not like this everywhere.

However I'm not sure I could make it work with a young family and hence 'been radical' and my intreptation of the word is not something that I can or am willing to do. Not at this point in time anyhow.

The thing I love about my psychiatrist is the hope he instillation every time I walk through the door. The hope that we don't need to forgoe our dreams because we have a condition. It's about managing it. My psychiatrist only works 3 days a week himself and surfs the other days! He has found balance for his own mental health and that hasn't involving compromising when forgoing his career due to his condition. I actually admire him (he does a lot of work for disadvanged youth too).

Running out of words I'll continue on another message.. 😉

[The_Possum]

Sorry Mrs D. Ran out of words

I think radical obviously means different things for different people. When I envisage the word and meaning in my life I see it would relate to massive changes that would impact many eg relocating etc

For me I'm focussed more on the every day changes that make a difference and help us to achieve greater mental health.

What you have achieved re:the remote control and pegging out clothes are examples of that. You haven't radically left due to your own values which make you want to stay, but you've recognised that change is needed and you are proactive at making those changes.

I admire your courage and strength to do this. To not walk away where you might feel deep regret due to your values, but to see that there are changes that can be made which may achieve the result you're looking for. You know full well you could be radical at any time and leave at any time.

For me it's about making time for myself. Saying to hubby and the kids and other family who rely on me that I am having some time out now. I'm going to go and get a massage, or go for a run or bike ride. This boosts my mental health considerably without walking away.

My psychiatrist drew a pie chart on his whiteboard and said to me, it's all about balance, it's not about giving up. How are you going to split your pie chart up?

That became pretty clear to me too. There's room for everything, it's about HOW MUCH room to give. As you can tell I like this dude lol

Good points Tony and Paul. Like I always say, it's what works for you and you're happy with at the end of the day.

Well done Mrs D, I wish you all the best. Keep us posted x

[Doolhof]

Hi Tony,

Great explanation of being radical. Yes, I do see what you are expressing, being bold in not attending to my husband's every wish and demand does make me feel more like a person of worth.

My being radical in this relationship is to take greater ownership of the person I desire to be without being a doormat all of the time.

Part of me desires to run away and start again, is that just my depressed and worn down state of mind or what I truly feel?

For now I will be looking after myself more, try to ensure my own needs are being met and learn to be more empowered.

A girlfriend has suggested I get dreadlocks...now that would be radical! Ha. Ha. (and no, that is not an option for me, they look great on her but don't think they are quite me.)

Thanks Tony for further explanation.

Cheers all from Mrs. D.

[Doolhof]

Hi Possum, Tony, Paul and All,

I have just looked up the word RADICAL in my little thesaurus, the word can mean among other things:

-essential, extremist, profound, complete, drastic, entire, excessive, extreme, fanatical, severe, sweeping, thorough, violent, fanatic and militant. Mmmm! Quite a few definitions to choose from.

This morning it is almost 10.00 a.m. I have slept in. I am still in my P.J.s. Hubby will soon be up.

The fire is not lit. There is no wood ready for the day. Last nights dishes are still in the sink. I haven't cleaned up the lounge after last night. The kitchen table is still littered with my bits and pieces I didn't clean up yesterday. The rubbish has not found its way to the bin. The cat box has not been cleaned.

Some of these things will need attending to later on as my nieces and their boyfriends are coming for dinner!

You know what though, my husband will get up and not see any of this! Apart from the fact I have not lit the fire and he will be cold, plus I am using the computer when he will want it for himself.

Ahh. He is up. Let the fun begin!

Have a great day everyone, look after yourselves and be RADICAL in your own way.

Cheers all from Mrs. Dools.

Great thread Possum, I will get back to that later. Part of me is still working on Empowerment! Cheers.

[The_Possum]

Haha Mrs D I love it!

I'm about to be on a radical holiday for two weeks.

It was surprise I had no idea about. Hubby has sorted every detail organised time off work and let school know.

I think my husband is pretty radical and has arranges a rad time away lol

Chat soon and all the best x

[white knight]

Hi all,

Paul, thanks. The "when all else fails be radical" thread is one of about 150 now but it s one I mention more regularly because so many souls out there with MI arent motivated and would rather remain in a comfort zone and not acknowledge the possibilities of radical action to their lives.

Another thread, google Topic: the balance of your life- beyondblue is almost the opposite. To balance your spirituality, to balance your life between the fast lane and hermitism existence ..to get those fundamental aspects in tune singing away is to balance your life.

With regards to fundamentals which includes- harmonic relationship, environment of choice, family calmness with mutual care, career contentment, hobbies and sports etc there might be one topic needing radicalising. Eg you live in a large city like Ballarat. You've never enjoyed the place and you prefer the warmer climate. You go on holiday annually to the Sunshine coast but you'd never considered moving due to family being in Victoria.

A balance might include a radical change. You might consider selling your Ballarat home, buying an inland home in Queensland which has homes from as little as one third the price. Plus a motorhome. Twice yearly visiting grandchildren in Ballarat for a couple of weeks might work. They in turn visit you.

Its a radical move that would bring the balance of your own life together in terms of your need for a warmer climate and your mental health which might include a better financial position.

Being selfish with such decision making can result in a happier person that in turn becomes more considerste because you have then grown your capacity to be so.

However, feeling "stuck" can result in numerous psych visits weeks apart that might not ever identify the need for radical change.

A friend of mine worked at Telstra for 26 years. His depression was getting worse. He took a retrenchment package and got his LPG installers license. He now fits gas units to cars in his own business.

He said to me "all those years in that office I didnt identify the ramifications of constant daily dreary work. I'd wait and wait for the clock to strike 4pm. I was just existing. Now I'm stimulated and Ive reduced my medication".

Focussing only on psych visits and medication is great but looking outside the square is to enhance your opportunities to improve your mental health.

My 2c worth.

Tony WK

[blondguy]

Hi Tony

Thankyou for detailing about 'thinking outside the square' ie...being radical.....

I love what you wrote...as its so helpful to look through the illness...

You mentioned "Focussing only on psych visits and medication is great but looking outside the square is to enhance your opportunities to improve your mental health" and " feeling "stuck" can result in numerous psych visits weeks apart that might not ever identify the need for radical change"

Thanks Tony ....this is a great thread....(150?? thats a huge amount of thread topics..wow)

My Best

Paul

[TBella]

Very sage advice!!

thanks

Tbella

[CMF]

Thanks Tony,

Food for thought.

A case of Feel the fear and do it anyway ? I have that book, i should read it.

cmf x

[white knight]

Great CMF.

there is "switching mindsets" also.

Tony WK