When all is lost....what can you do? Be radical?

[white knight]

I look back on my disruptive life and wonder ow I survived.  I joined the RAAF at 17 lasted till I was 20. By then I'd owned 20 cars on impulsive buying and the debts that went with them. Then a taxi driver, assembly line worker, cleaner, spare parts sales, prison officer and by 30yo I'd had about 50 jobs and 15 professions. I had no idea I wasnt well. Bipolar type 2, dysthymia anxiety and depression and I'm near certain ADHD had a lot of presence as well.

All of this came to a head in 1996 with a plan for suicide. But I survived it- I turned it around...how? A week later my wife and I separated. I fell into depression while living in a 3 metre caravan but survived....when I purchased a block of land and built my own house. And so the unsuspected routine kept going. Frankly I think two things saved me....a change of direction/interest and consideration for others in my life.

So lets put suicide aside.  You are depression or anxious, up and down mood or family and friends have abandoned you.  Whatever your crisis you are in despair, at the end of your tether and you dont have an answer.  Through default and luck I found the answers to my crisis each and every time it came about. What about you? What can YOU do to slip out of your situation and predicament? To do a u-turn with your life and save it.?

Let's look at what is at your disposal.  Environment- I knew a guy once, a railway worker that was heavily depressed. He lived alone. One day he didnt turn up for work. A fortnight later he rang me and told me he had taken a job as a jackaroo in Queensland.  A year later he rang me to tell me how happy he was. Just one example.  Friends and family- if they are causing you grief then take action. We are talking about your health here. In some cases - survival. Take time out or expel them from your life or somewhere in between. Work- chase another job. Social media- cut out the people you have never met.

I'm saying whatever it takes to allow your mind to be cared for, to rid it of negative forces and situations. I'm not saying it's easy, it isnt. There is a lot of fear out there among people to be radical but I'm suggesting that when there is no other option, that all reasonable options have been exhausted....its time to rethink the basics of your life. The alternative isnt an option, when remaining in your current situation is not healthy.

Perhaps others have more suggestions to avoid falling into the hollow well of hopelessness.

[HelenM]

As you say acting on instinct isn't necessarily good in a depression. In my first and absolute worst depression I was disgusted that the health service wouldn't help me to die.  One of the good things in depression or just in the human psyche is that we work out the best way to do something based on what we believe are reliable sources. This is what saved me. My facts were wrong and so here I am to tell the tale - Thank God.

Helen

[Doolhof]

Hi Tony,

I'm resurrecting this old thread in relation to a post of yours to me on a different thread.

Yes, I do feel stuck and unloved in my relationship. Where to from here? I have re read this thread and some of the points I have noted from it are:

- I can change the direction of my life

-I can develop and encourage my interests and pursue them

-I can choose to stay or go

-I need to consider what I want from life and how I can achieve that

-Despair can cloud my vision, understanding, perspective and beliefs

-I can take action to change the things I can change and accept those I can't

-Am I too afraid to do any of this?

-Procrastination can have me sitting on the fence...forever

-Feeling mentally overpowered and controlled isn't a fulfilling way to live

Quite a lot to think about!

Cheers from Mrs. D.

[white knight]

Hi Mrs Dools

Sorry I missed your post.

Procrastination?. I'm the opposite hence "be radical" is levelled at those opposite. I see people in their comfort zone, and thats fine but I also see people unhappy and dont understand why they live their only life in a stale relationship or a boring or abusive or dominated lifestyle.

Then again leaving home at 17 to join the RAAF saw me travel around setting up home where ever. Most people remain in their abode district.

Focussing on a controlled relationship, all my family members were controlled by my mother, including dad. It was only in 2009 that I was advised by a friend to google

Queen witch waif hermit

Only then did I realise the extent of it. Narcassism doesnt need to contain all four traits. Just having the QUEEN is controlling in itself...and that includes men.

IMO only when one finally leaves the family home can one feel that weight off your shoulders and your dignity or at least your pride seep back in. The result is so overwhelming that people from dominated relationships rarely return because leopard spots dont change.

My wife is a softy, an animal lover and of course she is beautiful. She is also my princess. And I tell her that regularly

What I see in some relationships is a lack of praise, affection, respect, care, expectations, workload etc. Yet they remain there. The answers to their problems is not to endure that life with that person. In some of these cases, the victim with the mental illness has a lessening of their depressive symptoms a few weeks after settling into their new abode...

Once the shock has worn off and one is settled, its a case of learning to take advantage of a new lifestyle, alone and not controlled.

I hope I've help my friend.

Tony WK

[Doolhof]

Hi Tony,

Thanks for your response. I understand what you are saying. If only it was that easy my friend.

Some days it would be wonderful if it was as easy to leave as it was when I was 17, left home with a suitcase of clothes and a couple of hundred dollars.

Lived in a caravan, found work and ended up living the life of a feral for a while.

Not sure I want to do that at 50 plus. Then again, it might be fun!

Not really ready for a deep and meaningful about this issue.

Maybe the grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence for all of us.

Cheers from Mrs. D.

[white knight]

Dear Mrs Dools

Of course.

Take care.

Tony WK

[Doolhof]

Hi Dear Tony,

Just want to let you know I do appreciate your very kind and helpful words.

Maybe for me, I need to be more radical in my life that I have here. I need to stand up for my own rights, look after myself (in a non self centred way) and make the most of what I do have.

Mental health issues, continuous chronic pain and low self esteem don't help the journey.

So it is time for me to rise up like the phoenix and get on with being radical right here where I am!

Hell Yes!

Sounds great...now to put it into action! Ha. HA.

Thanks Tony, Cheers from Mrs. D.

[The_Possum]

Hi Tony

I just came across this post and although from 2014 it's a great an inspiring read.

For me personally, I find this is harder to achieve than may be thought.

In my experience the loss of depression see me so irritable and basically not very rational that I wouldn't want to even think of making any decisions. I know I'd likely regret it.

It is at these times that I rely on psychologists and people around me to help me better understand the situation I'm in clearly.

However this comes with great risk. I've had experience with friends who had their own ulterior motive and encouraging me to make decisions that weren't in my best interests.

I've had family capitalising on my vulnerability when it came to blocking others out of my life (that they didn't like, not me).

I have also questioned some of the advice psychologists have given. They also seem to want to bandaid my issues with a quick solution. Eg family stresses you at? Just pack up and relocate. That's great and all. But they don't have to live with the reprocussion of that choice do they? But I do.

I also find when you have so many people relying on you, it's hard to selfishly break free and just do what we want to feel better mentally. I have my own family, kids, husband, ill family.. It gets suffocating here and I do dream about packing my bags and starting fresh. But I simply can't.

Work wise, I've worked in toxic environments suffered bullying which ultimately resulted in my major depression last year. People in the street still hate me & spread rumours about it. I suffer extreme anxiety from it now.

When I really thought about what I wanted to be I realised I hated my occupation. I want to he a doctor. I sat the GAMSAT and got the marks, my GPA under and post graduate was high enough, I prepared my portfolio for submission ready to sit the interview.

How easy do you think it is for a 35 female with two little boys, no income to undertake a gruelling training program & be posted in locations everywhere, working shifts at hospitals.

Being a doctor is what I want to do. But it's never going to happen. And I don't like me career and settling for jobs that I hate, that bore me and that wear me down.

But that's just too bad for me. It's too late. And with a mental illness on my record I doubt I'd ever be employable as a doctor.

Radical might work for some. But it will never work for me. My mental health is always going to suffer for it.

[Doolhof]

Hi Possum,

Just read your post.

Recently I heard that a couple of the Drs at the centre I attend had mayor mental health breakdowns a couple of years ago. They are still working. One of them I see regularly, the compassion this Dr has around my own mental health issues is amazing, I have received such care and attention from this Dr.

Please don't give up your dream of being a Dr. just yet. I certainly do not know your situation at all, other than what you have shared here. Is it possible for this to become a reality?

There are many reason why I feel I can't leave. My Christian values and beliefs are tied up in it all as well. Right now I am trying to make the most of the things I do have and am trying to stand up more for myself, make my needs known and will try to take steps to feel more acceptance and comfort in who I am and where I am.

A small step for me, last night I suggested my husband pick up the remote control himself as it is always closer to him anyway. He usually asks me to pass it to him so he doesn't have to move off his thrown!

This morning I left him a message asking if he could please hang out the washing. I came home and it was done.

Small steps to help build up my sense of wellbeing and self worth.

[white knight]

Hi mrs Dools and Possum

This thread is one of the most "interpret it yourself and adapt it as you see fit" threads of all.

It cannot be taken literally. It was meant to display how radical actions can in some situations improve your life and even save it in some circumstances.

Eg. Some people tolerate toxic people that are never rejected, thrown out of their mentally fragile lives. If they were to be radical and finally move on in life without them, then it would be a radical step, but not necessarily a radical step for someone like me.

Mrs Dools , telling hubby to retrieve the remote himself was radical. It worked. It might seem subtle but its more significant than it appears. Its a "hey, dont treat me as a slave" statement.

I had a friend. His marriage was collapsing. He told me he was planning to move interstate far away from his terrible wife. He had young kids. In his case being so radical is to the detriment of his children and ultimately himself. It was also what his wife wanted.

He agreed with me that if he left and moved to the next town where his wife never shopped, he was in effect being just as radical (in not seeing her, bumping into her) as going interstate. With so many other benefits like his kids still have a dad albeit part time.

Thats an example of "being radical in a more measured manner".

Being radical the thread is aimed at those that feel trapped in procrastinating mindset that causes them harm to the point where they see no relief in sight.

Tony WK

[blondguy]

Hey Tony...I just noticed your thread especially the 'Radical' term as an offset

I have read your original post that you wrote in the late 14th century......and its a good one.

I like how well you summarized your point in your last post as well...

Just my view on what you mentioned "Being radical the thread is aimed at those that feel trapped in
procrastinating mindset that causes them harm to the point where they see no relief in sight"

Just my perspective on what you mentioned above

• never losing touch with our 'inner child'....as in the true meaning
• Ive just been told that I am 57 going on 14.....That was a huge compliment for me...
• I am a huge fan of JessF and Possum's posts here with their varying clarity
• I just have a zero tolerance where taking life too seriously is concerned (even with long term MI)
• Pride is a poor substitute for intelligence

I am happy that I have learned the 'art' of being simple instead of being an 'intellectual'

Our IQ is like a volume control.....we have to turn it down to lessen the volume (impact) of a mental illness not to mention the 'overthinking' that comes with continually having an argument with an overactive brain

This is a crackerjack thread Tony...Where have you been hiding it? Good1

My Best

Paul