What life can be like at the end of the tunnel

white knight · ‎30-08-2014

I've been on here for around 5 or 6 months. Over 1000 posts.

I came on here after a few months of peace. I had retired last August 2013 and after some initial adjustments to the new life I began to get mentally stronger. This was largely to do with stress levels. More on that soon.

So, a lifetime (am 58yo) of ups and downs. I wasnt diagnosed with anything until 2003 when my then partner believed I had ADHD. We read a book on it be WEISS and the Los Angelis policeman in that book seemed like me. We went to a Psychiatrist that specialised in ADHD in adults. He said I had it and medication began. Expensive anti-depressants.

In 2005 I had a depressive cycle going on. The same psychiatrist diagnosed me with bipolar 1.

2008 came and my partner and I separated. I went off the medication. For 5 years I'd felt bad on them, really sleepy when travelling 400kms or more a day.

In 2010 my best friend and I got married. We went to another psychiatrist and he diagnosed me with bipolar 2, dysthymia, anxiety and depression. There were many revelations that day. We realised that a second opinion can work wonders. That mania can be misdiagnosed as ADHD, that my bipolar 1 medication (at the correct doses for bipolar 1) can be devastating if you dont have it. Etc.

So what resulted was a mood stabiliser and a low dose of Ad's. Gradually my condition improved but I had a couple of major "episodes" which was traced to stress levels. So my job, a sole business owner was disbanded immediately following that lst episode and luckily went on the disability pension last August.

Since last year I've made further changes to our lives. We organised our finances, purchased a camper to have cheap holidays, reduced Facebook friends to real friends only, rejected family or friends that were toxic to us and planned some strategies to cope with my condition (only short conversations with locals at shops for example and limit TV news).

Every month since February has been an improvement. I can honestly say that I've had 2 bad days in that time. My cycle pre 2003 was in any 8 week period I've have a stretch of 10 days to 3 weeks of depressant and constant sadness.

It doesnt mean resting on our lorrals. But it does mean finally I'm looking at ways to capitalise on my happiness. It feels strange, to be happy for so many days in a row.

And it does prove to me that in some situations if you get the cocktail right, diagnosis, medication, dosage, etc...there might be a light at the end of the tunnel.....

HelenM · ‎31-08-2014

I think that's often true. I suspect that I'm still moving forward in my journey. It's just that sometimes I hit a spot of bad weather.

Helen

Doolhof · ‎31-08-2014

Hi White Knight,

Thanks so much for sharing your story, I really appreciate you opening up and explaining what has been happening over the last couple of decades for you.

It has made me realise I really need to find ways to deal with the stress in my life, as I don't think I understand or accept how destructive it can be on my health.

So thanks for helping me to be more aware of what may be contributing to my mental health conglomeration of problems.

Cheers to you and thanks again, from Dools

geoff · ‎31-08-2014

dear WK, a very interesting description of what has happened over the last several years for you.

I know that your life has certainly been a hard road in more ways than you have actually told us, but from what and how you have described certain circumstances, you can tell it's been a difficult life, especially when you have been diagnosed with all these different type of illness's.

I think determination and strength which you need plus help from your spouse, your psychiatrist has certainly helped, but more importantly, it all comes within your self, because you need the desire to find out what is wrong and then have the will to fight it.

I hope that this post isn't a thank you and see you later, because we don't want this, your such a great person with so much experience who can help so many people who are struggling with their own depression. Geoff.

Jo3 · ‎31-08-2014

Hey WK

Thanks for sharing your story with us on here. I am destressing my life as well ie house, work, mother in law. And I am sure that once these stressors are not here I will feel so much better (I really hope so).

We have a camping set (tent, chairs, bbq, etc) so now that the weather is improving hubby and I will be camping at some beautiful spots around Victoria.

Thanks WK, you are always inspiring to me and others on here.

Take care

Jo xx

white knight · ‎31-08-2014

Hi,

Thanks for the comments. Geoff, I'll be around for some time yet. Although at times it depends, on the weather, my activities and the issues people post as threads. I tend to watch for those posts I can really assist with.

For so many years in my life I didnt think I would ever get to where I am now. And that's the reason for the thread. To give hope to others that we sufferers of mental illness are like finely tuned instruments out of tune and to get them in tune we must go through many steps to get the violin humming. PERSIST!! The trouble with depression and related problems is that your mind sends messages that dont have any sign of hope. We read of "worthless" and "hopelessness", words describing ones feeling sometimes covering years. It can be so disheartening. Tweek the meds (Dr's advice), try another psychiatrist, demand of yourself to rid your life of toxic people and strive for peace.

Jo, my wife and I purchased a "Free camping sites" book of Australia. The "grey nomads bible". It contains so many site you can camp for free. We went to the Stringy bark camping ground between Tolmie and Benalla and it was great. There are walking tracks and one has the site where Ned Kelly and Co shot the three policemen. Amazing. Enjoy.

Jo3 · ‎31-08-2014

Thanks WK

I will purchase this book. I'll have to look up Stringy bark camping ground - I can't wait to just set up the tent, get the bbq out and chairs and sit. oh with a glass of wine and cheese and biscuits!!

Jo 🙂

geoff · ‎01-09-2014

dear WK, you are so right in what you say, and the camping sites seem to be great as there would be so many, unfortunately with my hip I would have no chance, as I'm staring down the barrel of having another operation in Feb. next year. Geoff.

white knight · ‎01-09-2014

Hi Geoff,

Well at least you have a small dog to comfort you. We have our Rosie, a pure breed mini fox terrier. our pride and joy.

Hang in there.

white knight · ‎29-11-2017

Its been over 3 years since this thread was created. What has changed since then?

Well the light at the end of the tunnel has been reached. I'm better mentally then I've ever been. Why is this? How has my mental state made such an improvement? What are the key factors?

Relationships- I have a strong supportive wonderful wife. Early on we had some issues with solving arguments and my need to leave the house. That urge came from a narcissistic mother in my childhood. Anyone that stands over me and raises their voice and I'm gone!. But we sat down and worked through it. Google

Topic: relationship strife? The peace pipe- beyondblue

Finances- a long time trigger for me. As a manic person when young I purchased on impulse. My wife worked out a budget, got rid of a lot of automatic deductions from our accounts. No more financial triggers.

Medications- with mood stabilisers and a small anti depressant tweeking was required. So glad I consulted my GP and we worked together solving what was the best dosage. It's so very important to get that right.

Balancing good life with issues- For me, and hopefully for you, the issues we face daily to struggle through our mental illness has to be balanced by good positive life experiences. That could be as seemingly minor as watching bees around flowers, spiritual time, yoga, relaxation. I'm aware some sufferers don't think these actions/observations work...they do. The problem is that these actions have short, medium and long term effect upon us depending on the individual and the action. EG relaxation could have short term gain for anxiety, muscle tensioning exercises long term gain and so on. So one needs to have faith that they work. I'm proof, so please don't give up.

Employment- I was pensioned from work at 57yo. Since then during my bad times I've often realized that I couldn't work even though I wanted to. This guilty feeling of not working and accepting that I cant work has been a personal challenge. Over time its got better however. Some things take time.

Environment- I'm extremely lucky to live in a Shangri-La, country town over one acre. Our love for animals and the quiet life has been significant to my well being.

Clubs- I finally resigned from the motorcycle club I founded 7 years ago. Largely a Facebook club with faceless people I ended up with several lifelong friends but many hanger onners. It was a good move. I wont join another committee, there is too much conflict.

That's a summary. Hope you enjoyed it

TonyWK