What helps to keep well?

[PamelaR]

Hello everyone

Have been around the forums now for a couple of months. Posted a couple of threads under PTSD, but think it's time I move on to 'Staying Well'. In reality that is the reason I came to Beyond Blue Forums in the first place - to stay well. Not to dwell or mooch in the past.

Many of you will have read the factual information about my past. Something that is missing from my posts though is - how I really am. That's what I want this post to be. It has to be about things I'm finding out about 'who I am and how I keep well'.

I was so down, having retired last year, losing all sight of what I wanted to do, being physically incapacitated, thyroid medication not right and screaming inside. The psych who I'd just started seeing wanted me to look a my personality..... No you don't. That's not what I wanted. So I moved on to a new psychologist.

The new psychologist is drilling down. I have to take stock of myself, my feelings, my emotions and ultimately - who I am (so I need to look at what has formed by beliefs, behaviours and values).

Interestingly I'm still apprehensive about divulging me. You know why - because I was brought up to show no emotion, to not feel good about myself. And especially NEVER talk to others about yourself. That would be bragging or worse, getting too big for my boots.

ATM feeling very emotive. I want to scream, I want to reach out to you all out there and to hug you all.

Hugs were never something that happened in our household. I only learnt how to hug women in the 1990s when I worked with some wonderful group of women in the disability field. How good was that!! What had I'd been missing all those years - hugs from women. It learnt it was okay. Hugging men - of course that was always okay cos it's normal.

Me - my heart pounds at least an hour or two every day. I spend and hour or two settling those pounds. Why does it happen - every look, every word, every sound and every thought make me feel worthless.

I asked hubby today if he loved himself. He said well, yes a lot more that I did before. You know I did that. I thought him to love himself. But can I do that for me. I'm really trying.

Loving oneself - keeps you well. I'll get there. BB forums is helping me like you'd never believe.

Sending everyone who reads this all the hugs I can.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[Guest8901]

Hi Pamela .. so good to see you back again, and thanks for the description of where you've been at lately eg being away, being on edge, SI, etc. Some good and some bad obviously.

Yes I know you CCs have to keep welcoming any newbies. But you dont have to do it all on your own of course. Especially when you are not feeling too good yourself. Thankfully Beyondblue is a very caring and supportive community. So when CCs are severely tested, time and health wise, there are many long term members who are always willing to pick up the slack. And you see that all the time. And lots of new members as well who see other newbys that they relate to and respond. You (or any CC for that matter) should not feel you are on your own when it comes to keeping things ticking over. If you need a bit of time out, its important you take it. This place will continue to be the wonderful helpful place its always been, thanks to the calibre of members it attracts.

Yes gardening is good. I'm not a great gardener by any means, but I just like being outdoors in nature I think. I like to see things grow, bloom, produce. We have lots of lovely citrus trees this year, and we have an abundance of lemons, mandarins and oranges. First time in about 3 years since we had a decent crop. Its obviously been a good season here for citrus fruit. I think mainly I love vegetables because you can reap the rewards pretty quickly. But we dont have a very good area for a vege patch unfortunately. Too many bugs, too much shade in winter and too much sun in summer. For some reason the owner before us thought it was a great idea to have a South facing vege garden!

I note that you had your volunteering day today. I did too ... my first day! It was great, and I felt good about it. I actually felt good about me. And that hasnt happened for a while.

So I guess I can say that volunteering and bringing some brightness into someone else's day, makes me feel good about myself, and thus helps to keep me well.

Hi everyone ....

Amanda

[Elizabeth CP]

Life has been busy with a few curve balls sending me off course so I haven't had time to post much. I read a book 'When happiness isn't enough balancing pleasure & achievements. It really gave me something to think about to improve my life & I thought could help others.

Basically the book said we need to have both pleasure & achievements in our life but if they are out of balance it affects our well being. Pleasure is about appreciating the moment so involves doing things which make us feel good. Too much is counterproductive because we lose the ability to enjoy things. An example I experienced yesterday: I went for a walk with my husband who is still recovering from a serious illness & injury. I noticed a pile of autumn leaves so I asked him to step to the side so he walked through them. He is blind so he didn't know what I was doing until he felt the leaves. He shuffled through the leaves with a huge smile on his face enjoying the feel of them. I also got pleasure watching him enjoy the experience.

The book suggested we do something however simple which gives us pleasure each day

The achievement aspect involves doing things which will benefit us later so may or may not be fun at the time but lead to a feeling of satisfaction which is important. Too much emphasis on achievement can lead to feeling driven or dissatisfied as there is always something more to achieve. The book suggested starting the day doing a small task which would make your home a little better eg shine the kettle, or put something away but then take time to notice the improvement throughout the day to get bursts of satisfaction.

A few days ago someone visited & commented on my brick wall which I painted a few months ago. The reminder helped me stop & notice the wall again & feel satisfied with the change. I think it is important to dackle things which matter to you & you can manage in your current state. Pushing yourself too hard just leads to feeling like a failure in my experience but choosing something which is manageable is helpful to build self esteem & self confidence.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Pammy and all,

Thanks for letting us how you’re going. You seem to be going through a lot...I’m glad you’re keeping tabs on your thoughts and reaching out. Well done 🙂

About staying well...

Commitment to ongoing self care for volunteers to keep well (here on the forums or elsewhere):

I used to regularly volunteer in what was often a very high stress environment as I dealt with people in crises. I know it was a very different environment to what you incredible CCs do here but self care was absolutely drilled into us.

It’s partly why you see me constantly going on about it although I bet everyone is sick of me saying those 2 words. Me and my never ending self care spiels. Lol.

Anyway, we used to even have recommended time limits on how much time we spent volunteering to prevent burnout and for our mental wellbeing. After each volunteer shift, we would always be asked “what will you do for self care today/tonight?”

Self care is different for each person but it can include maybe taking regular short breaks from voluntary duties, not pushing yourself past your limit, reaching out for support, etc.

About encourage new members to post here, Pammy, great question 🙂 I feel some new members might be happy to just read or are mainly sticking to their own thread and not venturing too far beyond it...

So perhaps one of the best ways to encourage new voices on this thread is to simply commit to regularly updating (which you’re pretty much doing anyway) with your own suggestions and gently asking for more contributions while you’re at it.

That way, it will keep this thread near the top of the “staying well” section meaning new members are far more likely to see it and will hopefully respond 🙂

Pepper xoxo

[blondguy]

Thanks again for the great thread Pamela

Staying Well for me...

• Treating others how I like to be treated...Common Courtesy is free 🙂
• Using my Nikon P900...ahhhhhhh
• Giving something back.....(here on the forums as a volunteer) after being in management for 35 years

Nice1 Pamela

Paul

[PamelaR]

Hello everyone

Many thanks to all you contributors. Such wonderful suggestions for people to think about and maybe try themselves to keep themselves well and try to steer away the blues for awhile.

Amanda your citrus fruit trees sound lovely. I'm so envious because my first try at growing a lemon tree was a dismal failure. I'm not put off though, I shall try again. I am so pleased to hear you've been out volunteering and really enjoying it. You know Mandy, you have come a very long way and it pleases me. Thank you for sharing.

The CC's do realise we're not alone and that others are there to help keep things ticking over! There are so many of you respond to the new and old posters. It is greatly appreciated.

Elizabeth - Yes, you're so right. Thank you for sharing your walk through the leaves with hubby - beautiful. It's the little incidental things that happen around us that we often take for granted that can give us such pleasure. Like hearing the frogs croaking when it's about time to rain or when I'm watering the garden. Or feeling the raindrops falling from the leaves onto my head as I walk under the tree. Butterflies that dance and skim their way through the garden when I'm checking on the weeds make me smile and want to rush and get my camera. I love to hear the children in the neighbourhood laughing and playing outside on their bicycles, skateboards and other things that I don't know the name of.

Ahhh Pepper you know how to get to the bottom of things don't you. Thank you for all your suggestions. Self-care is extremely important that's why all we volunteers have a wellness plan to make sure of we care for ourselves too. I like your ideas about keeping the thread at the top so the new ones can see it. And I do understand there are many who just want to read. That's okay too.

Hi Paul, yes, cameras work for me too, very much so. Your contribution is greatly received - thank you.

We seem to be delving deeper into the depths of what keeps us well. There is a lot of very thoughtful suggestions happening here.

PamelaR

[Chloe_M]

Hi all

Well its lovely to see this thread is still quite an active one!! I have been off the forums mostly as i am struggling atm with half yearly assessments.

I was more stressed than usual this morning. what i did to 'stay well' was do some mindfulness. It calmed me down a bit. I cannot stress enough (no pun intended) how important mindfulness is!!

Stay well everyone xx

Chloe 😛

[AndyR]

Hi Pamela and everyone.

I love this thread. So many different things.

This morning I cleaned the kitchen and bathroom and changed the sheets on the bed. Little things, basic things but each of them an achievement. When I think that's its not all that long ago I couldn't and hadn't done any of those things for long long periods I realise that I'm coming along in the journey of recovery and staying well.

And while those things keep me well, what I realised this morning was how recognising the progress also keeps me well - I caught my reflection in the bathroom mirror and smiled, because self-congratulation and a 'well done you' helps to keep me well. (Does that make sense?)

Do others on here stop and take a moment to pat themselves on the back at the little things that keep them well?

[startingnew]

Hi everyone

Something that definitely deserves recognition for helping me to keep well are these forums. I was a right mess when i come here and now despite my struggles i know there is abit of light so i will keep walking towards that. The support and friends ive made here are very important to me and are great contributors to my wellbeing.

[Elizabeth CP]

I thought I would share something my son experienced lately in case there is anyone else in a similar position who can learn from this experience.

He has suffered severe depression for years Medication & other treatments have been of limited help. Recently he was diagnosed with sleep apnea. After 2 weeks of treatment i recieved a phone call from my DIL reporting that the treatment has been successful. More importantly she went on to describe how happy he is & how helpful he is around the house & with the children. He confirmed that he feels so much better, less tired & happier. This is the first time my DIL has said anything nice about my son since they married.

Too often when we are MI we focus on the MI but this case illustrates the importance of following up with doctors if you think there is a chance you might have a physical illness. Fatigue exacerbates MI if not actually causing it at times. I certainly notice a correlation between my depression & tiredness. Getting enough good sleep is essential to stay well.

[PamelaR]

Hello everyone

It's been awhile since I've bumped this thread to the top. Thanks to all contributors, e.g. - Chloe, Andy, Elizabeth, Beautiful Butterflywings, Paul, Pepper, Mandy.

It's great to see your ideas about staying well. Elizabeth - I totally relate to how 'sleep' helps tremendously with my mental health. It's just my body has so many years of bad sleeping practices that it's all over the place. I don't take sleeping pills because it's bad for my health. So getting enough physical activity is a must for me.

Butterfly wings - yes, posting on the forums is another way I've helped myself. Mainly by getting me to look at my life and to realise how I've managed all these years. Rather eye opening really.

Andy - I totally understand about the little things we do and how we have to acknowledge these and ourselves. So very important for our well being!

Chloe - Hope you're feeling better now. Mindfulness is awesome. It helps me in a lot of things - to ground myself.

Being a part of the BB community has helped me. I listen to other stories, to see how others manage their lives and it is very humbling. It also gives me a safe place to voice my feelings, my thoughts, my concerns.

Thank you everyone from the bottom of my heart.

Kind regards

PamelaR