What does 'recovery' mean to you?

[hope4joy]

Hey guys,

I just had an interesting chat to my Mindspot phone therapist (thanks to whoever it was that recommended this course) about my expectations about experiencing depression. I realise that I've been feeling like a failure because I haven't eliminated my symptoms from my recent bout before uni goes back next week. But in the broader scheme, I've been busting my gut in therapy for the last six years, trying everything to 'get better', yet am still faced with many issues.

I'm starting to question which bits of my mental illness I keep fighting and which bits I accept and try to manage. I've always had such high hopes and standards. Sadly my depression is not the once off isolated episode sort - but I've had all sorts of difficulties since I was around nine years old.

So my question is, what does recovery from mental illness look like to you? What does it mean? What does it involve? What do you accept and what do you keep fighting to change?

I'm keen to hear your experiences,

with loving thanks,

Christina

[blondguy]

Hi Christina

Apologies for hi-jacking your thread...

I just want to say Welcome to Stacy and what she wrote about stopping to smell the roses...and the art therapy too..Does bird watching (as in photography) count as meditation?....I find 'clarity' through staring at many trees and waiting for the illusive little Wren to come back into frame....I have had depression for a long time too..

Just wondering if I can meditate through having 'clarity'?

You have a lot to offer here and help people with Stacy...Nice post 🙂

Christina....Back to your Topic...Does having a good sleep every night mean I am recovering? My symptoms have nearly all gone...I just wanted your opinion if thats okay?

Kind Thoughts

Paul

[StaticRose51]

Thanks for the Welcome Paul - that's so kind of you! 🙂 

​As you describe a sense of clarity by Bird watching, I think you could certainly try working this into a recovery thing and focusing on it during a meditation. (I hope this makes sense. I only meditate outdoors every so often)

Maybe your mediation will then make your sense of clarity sharper. 

If I may be a little bold here.. A good sleep experience like you described is a positive sign also! I suffered from poor sleep at night a year ago and that didn't help my Depression symptoms. 

Good luck on your journey to recovery 🙂 

~Stacy 

[hope4joy]

Hi Paul,  MisterM, Starwolf and Stacy!

Its nice to have the chance to pop back in on the forum. I've had a very hectic week, finding out I needed to move house in a hurry, as the result of being bullied by a housemate, and then today and yesterday making the move. It was sad because my old house was somewhere I'd lived for three years (well two months shy) and that is the longest by far I've ever lived anywhere as an adult. I was really itinerant for a good decade or so. So I guess at the time recovery meant sticking things out and not running away... forcing myself to stay and not believe that the grass would be greener elsewhere. In this case I probably overstayed, but that is a first! I had been bullied for a while but tried to deal with it and put up with it, when really it was more self-affirming to move on. So in many ways it was good it all came to head, and I guess in recovery terms, making choices that nourish me and those in my life is something I'd like. It is sad though to loose my old home, it was in a very leafy green quiet part of the suburb, a little hidden oasis of solitude I guess, which was lovely for my introverted part.

But to your question Paul, yes, I agree with Stacy that sleep is very much important for health and an indicator of recovery. Although not to beat ourselves up when sleep is out of whack. For my own experience, depression often makes my brain sort of 'buzz' at times at night and I can be awake for a few hours. So a sleep all the way through the night for me is a good sign that depression is less. I feel very blessed that on the whole I sleep well - as I really notice the difference when I don't. And on that line of thinking, I guess recovery is about being able to handle the chaos and drama that life can thrown up and not be affected. This week despite my move I also got sick and also injured my leg while moving a mirror - needing stitches - it was totally chaotic. And I could feel myself getting tired and teary - as I wasn't sleeping well either from the stress of my housemate's actions. But I just reminded myself that it was a difficult tired and its reasonable to feel exhausted and that it will pass and things will become even again. So maybe that is part of recovery, trusting that the storms will pass?

...

[hope4joy]

...

Starwolf I like your suggestion that sitting meditation isn't often a good fit for the Western temperament! Yes, I think that I do agree with you. Somehow I have this idea in my head that sitting meditation is the 'true' way or something of the best way, when you're right, buddhism offers many different paths to stillness.

Am all outta thoughts. Have you guys (or anyone else happening on this post!) got ideas on what recovery means for you?

Kind wishes, Christina 

[hope4joy]

I hope the first part of my post appears too... if not my response shall be very brief for tonight! :0

[white knight]

What does recovery mean to me?

It's a cocktail made with regular GP visits, soul seeking, youtube watching for the guru "Maharaji sunset", medication and ridding my life of people proven to be over domineering.

Some people might say that with all these actions one hasn't "recovered". But that's the price one pays for a mental imbalance or illness. That's the way it is. Once accepted it is still a tough road but its part of you. As my specialist for deep vein thrombosis said to me once- "your vein thrombosis is now part of you and always will be". So is my mental illnesses. So in a sense my illness always being part of me means I've recovered nearly as much as I'll ever recover. Apart from learning more about how to cope better, there is little more to do.

In the scheme of things one can be in recovery. No where near cured though.

Tony WK

[Just Sara]

Thankyou Christina for this thread.

I am in Recovery! I say this with confidence and clarity because I've seen the other end. Who I was 2 yrs ago is a distant memory. It doesn't mean I don't have issues; it means I thank goodness each day I'm still alive and have living and coping skills that get me through the day.

I recently had surgery; the term recovery is relevant to healing the physical body too. I was told not to drive or do too much for 6 wks. Today is 3 wks and I've been driving for over a week and threw my crutches out after 9 days. I went to join the Gym and the consultant was concerned about the timing being 3 wks short of my baseline. I explained to her, 6 wks is the maximum time allowed to cover the hospital if anything happens. But I determine when I'm ready to move forward.

My body heals in tune with how much commitment, energy and time I put in. I'm climbing stairs unassisted and walking without any effort because I refused to give into their expectations.

My mental and emotional health I see as similar. I can't express enough how amazing it is to have my knee back after decades of pain and restricted mobility. I smile just thinking about it. My recent break-through is the same. The bad limb, symbolic of my screwed up beliefs, was taken out and replaced with a new one. That's all it took for me to feel like a new person. Both physically and mentally.

I know it sounds too simplistic, but the moment I connected the dots after doing a simple body/energy exercise, I felt like I physically dropped kilo's of weight. I've carried a burden on my shoulders my whole life and have now let it go; I mean really let it go.

My state of recovery is in me, around me and with me, and has been since I was born. Each small step of learning from my mistakes; each time I accept my limitations; each time I tell myself - "This too shall pass"; each time I remember to pat myself on the back and give myself a sensitive loving hug, I am living my recovery.

I have experienced so many traumatic events, I thought I would die from the pain and fear. When my glass was full and my mind broke, my spirit didn't. I got through each excruciating moment through sheer will and determination to 'live'.

That's my story for today. Tomorrow I may feel different. Just for today...I cherish each confident beautiful moment living my recovery; just for me. Not the image that others see.

[hope4joy]

Hi Tony WK and Dizzy@home (funny, your name makes me feel dizzy just typing it out, somehow I imagine spinning in circles!),

Thank you both for sharing your thoughts!

Tony I really like your description of recovery involving a suite of regular activities to stay well. So it is skills learnt and the supports in place (GP, meds, soul seeking) that are part of recovery - and not getting to some sort of magical end point where one's mental illness is cured and disappears. I guess with all other things in my life I need to do things to maintain them - like my fitness, my friendships, my art making... yes they are all a "practice" rather than an end result. I wonder why it is that my brain still seeks that elusive wonder land where there are no problems and no illness and no difficulties... maybe just an aversion to pain and suffering?

Dizzy@home, it is nice to hear you confidently say (shout?!) that you're in recovery! I like your comment that you have gratitude and living and coping skills to get you through the day. Yes, I think this is a huge part of recovery. I'm glad you have achieved so much over the last two years. You sound really powerful right now, in a beautiful way. Speaking words of conviction. It sounds like healing your knee is allowing you to move forward in life, no longer being held back. Perhaps moving at a run or jog to make up for time lost, and to utilise this burst of energy. Thank you for sharing the energy of where you are at. Just beautiful.

Kindess to all reading this,

Christina

[white knight]

Hi hope4joy

You've highlighted a good topic that has hit my curiosity. Why is it that our minds constantly seek an ultimate recovery? While our minds in terms of physical restrictions accept that - at 60yo I dont expect to run in marathons, I don't expect to walk on a treadmill for more than 30 minutes, I don't expect to garden all day, I don't expect to gain 20/20 eyesight...and so on.

And the circle of expectation of 100% mind recovery would create more anxiety? Is this expectation of recovery part of most people with mental illness? Is this recovery, on demand, a reaction to no longer living within the boundaries of "normal".?...eg if we break our finger we can see it and we also know a broken finger will heal likely 100% so we just have to wait for the healing process. With mental illness we don't have a waiting period. In fact if we do think there is a waiting period "I'll be ok in a year or two" then as previously stated one could get let down heavily by the reality of a life long illness.

Anxiety is a good example. In 1987 when I had a panic attack I was ok about it. I went to the doctor to get an ECG. It too was abnormal. Diagnosis, heart attack. 3 months later that diagnosis was proved incorrect with further tests. A sigh of relief..."its only anxiety". Yet that anxiety took me 25 years to a complete recovery.

Perhaps training sessions will someday be included for all mentally ill patients at all doctors surgeries. An education process to make sure we know the road can be a long one and full recovery not likely. But to also educate us to see what the possibilities are. A list of famous people with mental illness to see how special we could be and a road map to show us the likely direction our illness can take us with and without treatment.

Tony WK

[blondguy]

Hi Tony and Christina of course for the Great Topic 🙂

Tony...I had to stop what I was doing and say good on you! I have copied and pasted a sentence of yours that is so very true and correct.....

"An education process to make sure we know the road can be a long one and full recovery not likely"

Nice1 Tony WK. I was told by my GP in 1986 that my severe anxiety and I quote " will most likely be with me for the rest of my life" Unquote.

I had no choice but to 'accept' it....even after days of worry and panic I had to accept this Anxiety disorder was there to stay....25 years later...it just became so boring I didnt even care about the symptoms anymore...they were nothing but 'feelings'

Bullseye Tony 🙂

Kind Thoughts

Paul