Triggers that down you. Triggers that lift you

[white knight]

How often have we felt those triggers snap us into depression? Down we go. A workplace bully only has to smirk at us. A bit of sad news. A red letter from a bill we've missed. A piece of gossip about us that reaches our ears. For many of us our trigger is unavoidable and I don't think there is much we guilt ridden over sensitive types can do about it. There are some things that medication cant control and psychiatrist session cant solve except a mental bandaid that might make us feel better until the next trigger. So if triggers that cause our emotional drop cant be stopped or lessened what can we do about them? Is there a counter measure? If the negative trigger is on one side of a weighing scale what can we put on the other side to at least try to give a balance?

Well in my view its not unlike positive motivation but in a different sense. What I've tried to do, and in most cases succeeded, is to lock onto quotes. My daughter has anxiety and it peaked last year. She attended a psychologist for one session only, she believed she would need many sessions and extended visits. after her session she rang me and told me she wouldn't be attending anymore. She said that the professional told her that her reactions about elements of her childhood were typical reactions for a child in her circumstance. That at 12yo to leave her mothers home and live with her father (me) and for her mother to disown her for such a move was bound to create many mixed and hurtful feelings. She told me she felt that his comment triggered her in a way that she found the answer to the whole problem. "I'm right now dad" she said.

Similar things have occurred to me over the decades. Once I fought corruption on a small scale at a local council. I was one of their employees. It confused me. I asked my doctor why the mayor acted the way he has, grandstanding and manipulating the facts - "power Tony, its a lust for power". That was the positive trigger I needed. There was no other need to delve into the smaller details. "Power" covered it all.

Reading through some of the threads here has found many more. Posters quote other posters because they "hit the nail on the head" as they say.

Can you, the one that falls mentally down the well of despair, use positive quotes, phrases from others to build a stairway back up?

We have a "quotes" thread here to. Ones that I have found so helpful from the likes of Churchill, Ghandi and so on

Try to focus on these. It might help.

Tony WK

[white knight]

Hi all,

Do any of you have a remedy to stop triggers!

Please post them here

TonyWK

[Guest_1643]

Hi Tony

Was recently triggered by a TV show about abuse.
I didn't like their interviews with the abuser.
Once I realised how upset it made me I was able to talk myself down, and also then I up my self care. I straight away ask what I can do to make my physical and emotional space a little cosier, to nurture myself when I recovrer from the painful sight/sound of the trigger

[white knight]

Hi sleepy

”I nurture myself”. Yes, we often mention here to be gentle on ourselves.

My wife lives animals and cannot bare to see in TV animal cruelty or injury. So I must be ready with the remote to change channels quickly and often I’m not quick enough.

The same in You situation with abuse. Avoidance can be the only remedy and that’s annoying but the easiest alternative to triggers.

Best to walk around that trapdoor with the crocodile below than to test ourselves.

TonyWK

[Elizabeth CP]

I have a dilemma with triggers. A psych recently suggested I just avoid triggers because I'm unlikely to learn to deal with them properly. While this is fine when possible but doesn't always work.

In 2009 we moved to the UK for a year which gave me the experience of a whole summer with no bushfire triggers. We returned to Australia March 2010 as planned which was after any bushfire risk. I was shocked when I went on a family camp at Easter in an area close to the Black Sat bushfires to find the blackened trees triggered extreme anxiety. It was cold & wet so absolutely no chance of fires starting so prior to Black Sat I would have not had any issues. Discussing this reaction with a professional he thought that the year away from Australia occurring so soon after Black Sat taught my mind that avoidance made me safe. This has led to a pattern of increasing avoidance which is impacting my life particularly every summer. I am now being triggered by more & more things which would never have affected me before.

I accept that putting myself in danger or exposing myself to really graphic images or descriptions of fires is pointless but I need to learn to cope with the other things which trigger me which shouldn't

[white knight]

Hi Elizabeth

Good point, avoiding isn’t always practical. My wife, an animal lover, tries to svoid animal cruelty on TV. 80% of the time she isn’t quick enough on the remote!

But dealing with the core issue in her case- to learn to cope with it imo is not possible.

I get the same triggers when stories of jails come on and I left jail as a prison officer 41 years ago

TonyWK

[Guest_1643]

Hi all,

it's hard to avoid some triggers fully

eg like animal cruelty etc

does anyone else feel that sometimes they are almost more drawn to things that are triggering

like i want to know/understand/hear others stories of abuse but I cn't always handle it 100 percent

It can be very confusing

[Elizabeth CP]

Sleepy, You are right. I get annoyed with myself because in the summer I keep checking what is happening re bushfires even when they are hundreds of km away from me so no actual threat to me. This triggers intense anxiety. I can't relax until I know everyone is safe but in the mean time it triggers intense feelings of guilt & helplessness which are a direct link to the original trauma when I hid in the hall waiting to die incapable of any rational action.

Tony You are correct it is impossible to deal with some triggers properly. The only effective treatment is exposure therapy according to my psych which requires regular exposure to the triggers to desensitise you. In the cases of animal cruelty or abuse of humans trying to subject yourself to sufficient exposure to work would just be torture & totally inappropriate in every way!!! In my case with bushfires it is impossible to plan regular exposure & dangerous. I need to accept that I need to avoid bushfire situation both for my own safety & others because I can't guarantee I will act appropriately because of my fear.

Conversely I do need to learn to manage the other related triggers so I can live in Australia particularly in the summer rather than just just exist being more & more restricted by avoiding triggers which are no real threat to me or others.

I guess the question we need to ask is will ongoing avoidance lead to further harm. Avoiding watching animal cruelty for Tony's wife won't cause further harm. For Sleepy avoiding listening to stories of abuse is appropriate. For me avoiding travelling to dry bushy areas on high fire danger days & avoiding sunburn by covering up & staying in the shade on sunny days is fine. Conversely for me avoiding going to places because I might see a burnt tree or a fire might start (Even though the fire danger is not very high) has just lead me to become more anxious & has lead to me being triggered by even less reasonable things so i need help to overcome this..

[white knight]

Yes, I get you both.

42 years ago I worked in a well known Melbourne jail.

Needless to say I was not the ideal person to be a prison officer but I only found out about my bipolar in 2009.

Ive driven past that jail many times. It reminds me of two things- the violence and I worked there when my brother took his life- he was a teacher.

Driving past is ok for me but going inside on a tour is out if the question.

I don’t think my reaction to that place is common. Many ex officers and inmates likely do attend a tour and like to reflect.

Not here.

I think you both have made excellent comments

TonyWK

[Guest_1643]

Hi Tony I can relate to your trigger from the prison, which you feel okay to drive by and not okay to enter.

I've got a "prison" myself - a workplace, that was badly managed, I witnessed harrasment and bullying and staff who tried to stop this happening being fired. I saw a lot of corruption and myself was insulted by the admin when I tried to get involved.

I recently had to contact the workplaec to source a document and I was very stressed about the conversation.
But afterwards I remember feeling in a way that I was the winner -

WHen speaking to my old boss, I wasn't contacting her for a reference or for support or for anything - I just needed an old work doc that she had for me, a technicality for a new job. I was employable and thriving in my new field while she was stuck working in a terrible place for low pay. They bullied me but I left and made a new life for myself. i feel like in the long run, i did win although it took me ages to see it that way.

[white knight]

Hi Sleepy

You felt better due to principles.

In 1987 I was embroiled into mini corruption. I was a dog ranger and part of my role was the dreaded parking fines. A local politician parked his limo in a disabled spot or short term parking and subsequent fines issued. My then weak boss told me to ignore the car in future- I didn’t, I couldn’t. Kept issuing fines.

In the end I was made The sacrificial lamb and sacked. One local service station owner praised me when I attended his business. That praise made me feel my actions were worthwhile.

However, my therapist pointed out that my “saving the world “ mentality doesn’t serve me well. That the world is shades of grey not black and white and although honourable actions on my part it risked my health and income.

What I had to learn as part of my self preservation was other subtle ways of survival but expressing my values and avoiding hurt. Had I told my then boss to “patrol that street yourself and I’ll do the rest of the town” I could have avoided such tormoil.

Since then I squirm when driving past those council offices but take a big breath with pride.

TonyWK