Three self-care things you did today!

[ecomama]

We can do it BBers, we can do self-care.

Sleepy21 pointed out research that shows self-care REALLY helps!

Please share what you do for self-care so we can get inspiration, ideas and motivation to do it too.

Best wishes
EM

[Eagle Ray]

Hi Blue

Yes I get the thing about having more the next day with things piling up after a rest day. But I think the rest days are often necessary to recharge. But I know being a carer is incredibly full on so it’s a balancing act. I think extending kind thoughts to yourself can help, so that on the rest day you let go and be gentle towards yourself (still learning this myself!). I’m reading a book called Sensitive is the New Strong at the moment which is helping me with this kind of thing. I’m learning to say no to things that are taking my life energy, and then re-orient myself towards what gives me life energy and being kind to myself with the things that have to be done. Even with the passive aggressive relative, I practised saying no to the energy directed towards me which was about her feelings of disappointment and frustration in life that are not to do with me. In the past I would have gotten quite hurt, but you realise it’s coming from an immature part of the other person. I’m quite gentle so sometimes people use me as a target for their frustrations because they think I won’t fight back, but I’m learning to bare my teeth a bit so to speak and defend my boundaries.

No worries re: the blanket, we all have different tastes 😂

I’m glad you ordered a pizza and took the stress out of dinner 👍🍕 

My self-cares:

- went for a nice late afternoon walk 

- did some reflection on my future and explored options

- had a chat with my friendly neighbour 

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Hey Eagle Ray,

I'm certainly learning that about rest days. With my increasingly regular meltdowns lately, I haven't had a choice, it's rest or my body forces it upon me. Especially now we're understanding my struggles better and what the causes are, hubby has been beautiful and supportive in trying to help me stop the meltdowns and recover from them when we don't succeed. Importantly, he's helping me do just what you said re giving myself some kindness. I can definitely be my own worst critic, and kind of a bully to myself - and I'm sure you know how much good that does. Super glad to hear you're getting better with defending your boundaries, great work.

My self cares:

- Got help with a form that didn't make sense (unclear instructions are the worst, and most forms are full of them).

- Went for a walk after my appointment. Not a long one, there were a lot of people, but had a few moments in nature.

- Got myself a coffee and put in my Loops before tackling some grocery shopping. I've been hitting a wall trying to get really important items in my online orders (stuff I paid for didn't show up, then citing a product limit on an entirely different category of items, I was blocked from buying most of my frozen veg) and was forced to push myself to go physically and do the shopping I haven't been up to doing.

- Took a long nap after the above.

Blue. 

[Eagle Ray]

Hey Blue

Im so glad you have that support from your hubby. I totally get the self critic. I’m gradually becoming aware of it in myself. It still happens but I realise maybe a minute, 5 min or an hour later and then manage to get in touch with some self kindness.

 I feel meltdowns are a way of our bodies protecting us from overwhelm, forcing us to stop so we have a chance to re-regulate. I think stimming is similar - how the body seeks to regulate the nervous system. I had typically autistic hand flicking stims as a child. I never did them consciously, the body made the decision and then I’d realise after the fact or not until someone else pointed it out. Then by about 12, now highly aware they were seen as weird by others, my body learned to shut them down when around others. But to this day, if on my own, they still happen if I’m overwhelmed, especially by distressing thoughts. It’s a hard thing to explain to those who don’t experience it.

I completely relate re: forms. I have had plenty of meltdowns myself filling them out in the past. I once had to fill out a very lengthy form for working in the public service and I actually just couldn’t do it and abandoned it. It probably meant that wasn’t the right work for me anyway.  For a hilarious take on trying to fill out tax forms, I enjoyed the first episode of the first series of Black Books where Bernard goes bananas trying to understand his tax return 😂

My self cares:

- had a really good and necessary sleep this arvo after more insomnia last night

- had a constructive, helpful discussion with my psychologist

- went outside and looked at the stars ⭐️ which are brighter and more visible here as I no longer live in the city. They are truly magical!

[Eagle Ray]

Self-cares today:

1. Did some reflection on how to handle communication with two people I will be communicating with tomorrow where I need to set some boundaries. Watched some videos on the topic to help me. Still find it scary at times, even though most times things work out so much better when I set boundaries. People usually respect you more when you assert boundaries, especially when done in a calm, compassionate, healthy manner. It’s just an irrational fear on my part based on early life experiences, but slowly getting better at it.

2. Enjoyed a walk after dinner with the sun going down much later - almost the summer solstice. Watched an osprey hunting and really enjoyed the light before sunset.

3. Made a decision to get up early tomorrow morning to do a meditation by the ocean to set my intentions for the day and prepare myself for handling the day effectively.

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Hey Eagle Ray,

I know how lucky I am to have my hubby. He's ace! My inner critic mostly comes up when I'm worried my impairments will impact the safety of my family. For the rest, I've mostly silenced that nasty voice. We're both making progress.

I agree with you about the nature of meltdowns. Again, for me, they mostly worry me insofar as any failure to function I have impacts the safety of my family. That's what makes it scary. Back when I was on my own it was fine to not clean, skip a shower, have canned spag for dinner, stay up all night goofing around with a special interest and sleep all the next day. Not so much any more. Problem is, that was me self-regulating and I can't do it now. Ergo, meltdowns all over the place. Aaargh! Totally hear you about stimming, I had some oddball things I did as a kid that I'm trying to rediscover now I'm all grown up. It's hard to unlearn that automatic shut down we put on those things when we were made very aware they weren't "socially acceptable". I understand!

Oh man, I love Black Books! Good reference. I remember him making a jacket out of receipts, haha. Love your self cares, too, you're doing great.

My self cares:

- Went swimming with my brother. It's literally years since I last went swimming, and it's one of my favourite activities. Trying to rediscover things I used to enjoy.

- Saw a childhood friend for the first time in years (she lives a long way from me and was in town briefly - we ended up meeting at the hospital around hubby's appointment). We reminisced and talked about stuff that's happened since we last saw each other. I also picked her brains about what I was like as a kid (I remember next to nothing, and she has fantastic recall). She remembered a whole bunch of stuff that I believe will very much support me in getting my ASD diagnosis. Yay!

- Asked my brother if he would mind babysitting Mr Feisty for a day or two so hubby and I can try to get away for a small holiday. It will be tricky around his health, but even thinking that it's a possibility is a breakthrough for us with how things have been lately.

Blue.

[Eagle Ray]

Hi Blue

I loved reading your self-cares. Yes swimming is so wonderful and it’s great when we discover something we love but have lost touch with. It’s like our body/muscle memory is still there even if our mind forgot it for a while.

And how wonderful to see your childhood friend! It’s so meaningful to catch up and great if her recall can support your ASD diagnosis.

 I do understand that tension you describe between regulating what you experience from a neurodivergent perspective and the challenge of balancing that with the neurotypical world. I’m trying to get back into the workforce and it can be overwhelming and scary being the square peg in the round hole. But it’s like I have to force myself to fit but give my neurodivergent self air/space to be when I can. Sigh!

And so wonderful you might be able to have a holiday with hubby. Holidays can do a world of good. I find even after a couple of days I return with a new perspective on things.

And yes, Black Books, ha ha! I think that first episode is still my favourite, but I also love the one where Fran has to present to the board meeting in her new job and draws random squiggles on a whiteboard. I’ve actually sat through work situations just like it so it’s not as far fetched as it might seem.

My self-cares:

- reflected further on protecting my boundaries today and can feel I’m definitely getting stronger at it, including channeling anger in a healthy way (rather than turning it against myself).

- made an omelette I quite liked with leek, broccoli, capsicum, cayenne pepper and mustard powder accompanied by quinoa. I find omelettes are fun to experiment with.

- went for a decent late afternoon walk.

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Hey Eagle Ray,

Thanks. Swimming is so good - being in nature, exercising, even the healing properties of salt water. My skin felt great after. Logistics have been the problem for me with swimming, and the sheer lack of good swimming weather over the last three years.

It was great to see my friend, I'd forgotten how much she and I used to laugh together. She remembered some really interesting and useful things, might explore that some more on my thread.

I've found it pretty much impossible to balance my needs vs the expectations of society. To function as I am "meant to" has meant throwing my needs out the window. That has unfortunately done me serious damage over the years. I didn't do too bad with it when I was studying (an area of interest that properly engaged my mind) and working in Night Fill, not having to deal with customers much. Over time things changed, not for the better - longer hours, different departments with less and less control over my sensory experience and higher need for masking, never mind having my methods of self-regulating (i.e. sometimes attending to duties that had to be done out the back) constantly pulled out from under me. I hope you can get a job that does better by you than mine has by me.

It may not be for a little while and can't be long with his health, but a holiday would be good. It's been years. Just thinking that we can is really important.

Ah yes, I remember the squiggles. I relate more to Bernard chasing customers out with a broom. Boy I've wanted to do that at work! Had to bite my lip on Check-out a few times and refrain from asking them to pay with leather-bound pounds, haha.

Great work with the boundaries and cooking and stuff. 🙂

My self cares:

- Finally cooked something. My all-purpose Mexican mix, for nachos or tacos or quesadillas.

- Watched Marie Kondo on Netflix. I'm huge on minimalism and wanted some inspiration to get some stuff done.

- Made myself stop working when I hit my limit and played a game instead.

Blue.

[quirkywords]

selfcare

kept busy when feeling low

ate when hungry

sorted books 

spoke calmly when criticised. 

[Eagle Ray]

Hey Blue and Quirky

I enjoyed reading your self-cares.

Blue, I hadn’t heard of Marie Kondo so I looked her up. I really like her idea of just keeping things that spark joy. I have quite a few things to sort through at the moment, and that’s the best yardstick I’ve come across for what to keep and what not to.

Quirky, I really like your “spoke calmly when criticised” self-care. I can often feel hurt and lose my words. I’m more likely to do that (turn inwards) than retaliate or react outwardly with anger. But speaking calmly is the healthy middle ground and I think helps to keep both yourself and the other person calm. It’s a way of staying centred and grounded.

My self-cares today:

1. Completed everything on my “to do” list. This is a good feeling as it doesn’t always happen. Sometimes I get stuck and just can’t progress through all my planned tasks, but today it happened.

2. Booked appointment with GP for a new mental health care plan.

3. Waited to respond to people wanting my attention rather than doing so immediately out of a feeling of obligation. I’m learning to pause and check in with my intuition about how best to respond to particular people rather than feeling I must immediately answer them if they want something from me.

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Hi all,

Glad you found Marie Kondo helpful, Eagle Ray. I take inspiration from a few places and do some things my own way, but I like Marie's yardstick of sparking joy and her style of treating her belongings (even the ones she's getting rid of) with gratitude. I have a history of being quite ruthless with my minimising and certainly not approaching it with gratitude - I'm in a better place in my life to do that, now. If you're interested, I have a thread on minimising in the Staying Well section. No pressure. Oh, and good on you for stepping back and responding to people when you're ready instead of straight away. Working on that one myself. Getting better.

My self cares:

- Made a batch of yoghurt. I much prefer it home made, with my (also home made) toasted muesli.

- Have continued minimising. Just little things here and there, but I am seeing positive change in my home almost every day, and it makes me feel better about myself and my home environment.

- Made plans to have lunch with an old friend, soon, after he messaged me to see if I'm okay (we're colleagues and though we don't often work at the same times, he noticed my absence, which is nice).

Blue.