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The worst kind of isolation

Community Member

I feel like I am going crazy....

My wife is currently living separately from me due to her issues, my parents have both passed in the last 12 years, I was adopted and the rest of my family basically abandoned me when my mother passed, my wife and I moved state 5 years ago (she has kids, but I dont have any) & due to her own issues we never got a chance to create a new social circle here...

And so now with this self isolation I am literally on my own all day every day. I get to talk to work acquaintances (I am working from home), but other than that I have absolutely no human contact at all.

We are supposed to be trying to get to a point where we can live together again, and generally text each other most days. Our couples counselor got her to agree to a video catch up which we had a few days ago, but she just completely ignored me yesterday (seems to be a habit of every saturday which I dont know why). Then I get some lame excuse on Sunday, today's one being "it was a sleepy day", as to why she couldn't even spare 30 seconds just to respond to my good morning text. But even worse still, if I tell her it upsets me then all I get is "whatever", if I dont tell her than its my fault that I bottle it up... so either way... its always my fault.

I just cant get through to her that this isolation is affecting me worse than it is most people. She has others around her, she has a brother and sister she can call, parents to talk to, she made sure she made her own friends while she hasn't been home.

I dont need the "take a walk, get a dog, find a hobby, do some exercise, find a chat room" kind of response, I know all of that already. I wonder to myself if I just need to vent, or if it is the whole "misery loves company" kind of thing... maybe more than anything else what I need (and what others may need) is just to say how much this isolation thing sucks

21 Replies 21

Hi AlwaysForgotten

I am so sorry for the tardy reply.

It really seems that with all the confusion you are able to see the questions in this Ascension, and that you are able to see that while in counselling she seems to be understanding, able to see her behaviours and accept change is needed, yet in practice this does not happen...as you ask quite rightly."who does this?"...I think a person who is playing for both teams and is so confused and so comfortable in the way things are that there is an inability to change, that she herself is not sure of how to make these changes and may not even want to...so as Croix has so rightly pointed out, these are some questions for you to answer and perhaps the change is driven by you, by you no longer accepting that while you are seeking counsell, the changes are not being really considered and are certainly not be implemented...maybe you can ask her outrightly why????

I think that maybe her consideration for change will not actually happen until you make a move for better for yourself and for your children, then I guess it is up to her, does she be rid of her old ways and commit to her family or does she take advantage of this situation and pursue the path she is on? A risk I think that is worth taking as you do not deserve to be caught up in this mess.

Not being good at relationships is fine, not everyone is, but then there is not being truly willing to try and to take on the other persons feedback or at the very least their feelings...I don't think she is doing either, which perhaps makes her very good at relationships...the ones she wants!

I hope to chat to you some more and I hope that you can find some peace in all of this, it really must be so very painful and I am so sorry that you are going through this, and for your children too.



Hi Sarah,

They are not "our children", they are hers... and she was very adamant of constantly telling me that I have nothing to do with them.

But its all a moot point now. After 9 months of going to counselling and her adamantly telling me she wants to work it out she "suddenly" decides that she wants to try and do it on her own. The piece of the puzzle that has been missing all this time (which she denies and says is only just come to her now), is that I think she was checked out of the relationship years ago. She accidentally let it slip that it was the death of her brother-in-law (whom she has never met) that caused her to push me away, and since then she has done nothing but keep pushing me away and keeping me at a distance. I tried asking her how that could possibly be related to our marriage, and why she has such a strong reaction to someone she doesn't know, but she got very angry in reply to that. Which I find strange, as she was there for the death of my mother who she claimed was the mother she never had and how terribly she wished she still had her in her life.... and yet some stranger her sister (who she isn't close with and who hates her) married has a greater affect on her than the mother-in-law she always wanted.

So for those who said she wasn't building resources to leave, its strange how she is now settled in a new place and now she has had people in her ear about how much she can get out of me, all of a sudden she wants to go on her own (while I still support her of course because that apparently is the law)