The alcohol roundabout

[MWV]

I can't even remember how many times I feel like I've written this or felt like this. I have bipolar & long-time depression and anxiety. I'm finding it really hard to find purpose right now. I'm currently a stay at home dad and that isolation and sometimes boredom leads me to the wine. Classic case of I have depression so I drink, and I'me depressed because I drink. But I would also binge drink when I wasn't a stay at home dad. I just use alcohol to dull my senses a bit. I know all of this is text book, but still wanted to put this out there to see what strategies other people have tried, and to know that I'm not the only one.... Thanks

[Lilly18]

Hi there,

You are deffinetly not alone with the drinking.

I'm a stay at home mum, i drank 20+ drinks every afternoon/night (im 28) I'm almost 1 year sober! I can relate to the depression from the hangover it was a very bad place for me. Hang in there.

Do you wish to be alcohol free or cut down?

What I found extreemly helpful was seeing an alcohol counselor, nothing else could help me. There is also medication to help with cravings if you need it.

All the best ☺

[Birdy77]

Hey MWV,

I'm not going to be much help I'm afraid, but I wanted to let you knkw you are not alone, and definitely not the only one.

You described it really well, drinking because of the depression, and depressed because of the drinking.

Vicious cycle.

There's all sorts of, as you say "text book" stuff I could say, but won't! The thing I will say is that what helps me to jump off that roundabout is to be absorbed in something.

Easier said than done, takes effort I know. But just simple stuff like, maybe engaging in a hobby that absorbs you, or working on a project while baby is asleep, being physically active, take kids on outings away from home ....

I guess just things that get your body and or mind away from the bottle in the fridge. Also pushing wine o'clock further away, hour by hour if you can. Like if it's 2pm and you want a wine, make a deal with yourself that you can make it til 3pm, so you do something absorbing until then, and when it's 3pm, try push it til 4pm ... If you are absorbed in something, you won't really notice the time. Then you will be able to push it to dinner prep time, awesome.

Being at home makes it easy to slide I know, because you're sort of free and not accounting to anybody ... so if you could have a way to be accountable would be helpful, there could be apps I do not know. But you could use writing here as a way to be accountable if you wanted to? When you really want to pour that first wine, come and write here, or read someone else's post and reply to them ... I don't know, I'm just thinking out loud.

Others will be much more helpful, but just wanted you to know you're not alone.

Wanting to get off the roundabout is a really good start, so: high five.

🌻birdy

[MWV]

Thanks for the reply Lilly18, I always say I want to cut down. It's a binge thing one or twice a week, but I'm starting to feel it as I get older (41).

I found an old post that I wrote in Jan 2018, it was almost exactly the same as thing one today... So things must change.

I have a psychiatrist that I see, I'll talk to her about it, and some strategies....

🙂

[MWV]

Thanks Birdy, it is a vicious cycle..... one you never assume will creep up on you.

I think I'm going to jump back into the real world again after taking some time off. That will absorb me.

I do like the pushback strategy too. Mine is a twice a week thing, but it's the hiding it from others thing that is so unsettling. You feel dirty and of less worth. Not so great, I would assume that contributes pretty strongly to the overall depressive state.

Will definitely keep on writing here for accountability. I really appreciate the message.

Thank you and hope you're doing ok.

🤜🏼

[Lilly18]

If your interested, there is an app called 'daybreak' or check out the hello sunday morning website. They got me through aswell. Highly suggest an alcohol counselor, it's good that your seeing your psychiatrist.

[geoff]

Hello MWV, welcome and thanks for posting your comment, it's a problem that I also got trapped into because of my depression.

Thankfully that was years ago because now I only drink socially, but that's never easy when alcohol controls you.

We use alcohol to null our feelings, but being a stay at home dad drinking 2 days leads onto 3 then eventually 7 days, then we feel guilty so we have to hide where we store a bottle here or there or maybe a cask under the house, maybe in our shed, and when the family is home we make out that we're going to the shed to do something, pretend to fix the mower or something similar, until you're questioned on why you're visiting the shed so often.

All of this caused a divorce, selling the house I thought we would live in 'forever' and now I live by myself.

A doctor I once saw for another reason always told me 'that the grog will end your marriage', I never believed him and never thought my wife would ever file for divorce, I was wrong, even though we still talk to each other regularly.

I'd be pleased to hear back from you and continue this thread.

Geoff.

[Meowface]

Hey MWV. Firstly don’t feel bad for seeing a similar post last year. My diary entries have repeated over and over for the past 15 years. “I’ll never drink that much again” “I wont drink during the week”. It is a way to escape our annoying feelings. Especially if we can’t sleep then there’s really no break from your own mind.

I agree with another poster about getting through the peak drinking hours. I did it the last 2 nights successfully (not Thursday) hence me actually being sober and able to post on a Saturday night. Hated it and wanted to run to the bottle o but just distracted myself. I like to think of the clear feeling of getting into bed sober.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Talk to someone, people on this forum, your gp, a counsellor. Your not alone. A lot of people struggle and drinking is an easy addiction to pick up as a coping mechanism.

[MWV]

Thanks Geoff, the way you describe the hiding is so right.... I think I'm finally realizing that I need to take responsibility for myself, for my mental health and overall wellness. But jeez it's hard sometimes when the 'fun' is calling. But then it's the next day and the black dog is barking.

I'm sorry to hear that this poison caused your marriage to break down. That thought is very sobering. I am going to speak with my psychiatrist about it when I see her next. See what else I can try.

So important to talk about this stuff though, so I thank you for responding.

[MWV]

Thanks for posting Meowface. Getting out of my mind is definitely a huge part of why I drink. To escape from the thoughts, the boredom, the depression. And then obviously the next day is hell, and we're back at the start of the cycle.

Congrats on the Saturday night achievement. That's awesome. It's amazing how good we can feel, right?

I will definitely try the peak drinking hours thing and use it on the days when I'm getting the urge. I've done "This Naked Mind" by Annie Grace, think I need to again. Starting within the 30 days sober thing. I always say how easy that would be to do. But when I'm actually honest with myself, that is rubbish - because I haven't completed 30 days for as long as I can remember.

I've always wanted to be a social drinker - but I don't think I can (at least for now). It has to be zero.