Talking to your inner critic, can it be tamed?

[quirkywords]

Do you have an inner critic ? Have you ever tried to talk to your inner critic. This is what happened when I tried. In my Be yourself thread people asked about how I interviewed my inner critic. So here it is.

This is adapted from a writing exercise to interview your inner critic about one's writing. As my inner critic has an opinion all aspects of my life I decided to broaden the scope of the interview.

Me: I welcome (well I don't really) this opportunity to find out why you always need to have an opinion that is always negative about me and my life.

IC: I thought this was going to be a friendly interchange of ideas but there you go with your anger and hostile remarks. I do not see myself as negative but as helping you, because you do need help.

I am here to help you why can't you see that?

Me: So when I am trying to sleep and you tell me about all my mistakes, embarrassing moments, how does that help me?

IC: I thought while you are in bed you would have time to consider some of your past behaviours. This I feel will only help you to improve.

Me: If you are so helpful why do I feel so worthless, so sad, so ignorant when you are around? Do you really know how low I can feel when you are constantly telling me all my faults?

IC: You make yourself feel that way- I am merely pointing out the truth. It is not my problem that you are so weak.

Me: Maybe this was a bad idea you are never going to listen to me or understand me.

IC: Have you ever thought that maybe you shouldn't listen to me if I upset you so much.

Me How can I ignore you when you are so loud at times.

IC: See this is what I mean you are so weak. You have the power to ignore me, to silence me but all you do is whinge and complain.

Me: I am ending this interview. Enough is enough.

What would you say to your inner critic and what do you want to hear from your inner critic? Maybe you can have a go at interviewing your inner critic.

Quirky

[quirkywords]

Thanks Paul. I think we need to learn not to shout and criticise ourselves when we make mistakes. We are often our own worst critics. Your thread do you like yourself talks about such issues as being kind to ourselves

[quirkywords]

Hello,all

just checking in how everyone’s inner critic is behaving.. ?

Can you tame it?

I know people who don’t have an inner critic who don’t self doubt who like themselves all the time and what they do. One person a cousin, told me there were other people in his life giving him feedback that wasn’t helpful so why should he do the same.

He decided to be positive and gentle and if he made a mistake he would look at what happened without blaming himself and putting himself down.

I know it is not easy but I think if others are being critical of me why should I add to that.
Take care

[Ggrand]

Hello Quirky and everyone...

I just had a wild argument with my inner critic..and it won..

IC....I have to get up and do something, instead of sitting here all day..

Me...yes I know..

IC..then do it..

Me..yes, yes, I will...soon..

IC...ha you’re to lazy to get up...

Me...No..I’m just to tired, couldn’t be bothered..

IC..No one visits you..you don’t need to do anything..

Me..yes I do..my house needs a clean.i need to move around a bit..

IC...You move around., ha ha tell me another joke..

Me..I’m serious, not joking..I need to move around to start getting fitter..

IC..Okay..you win..but let’s have a cup of tea first..and see what’s on TV....

Me...sounds good to me...house cleaning can wait until another day....

Can my inner critic be tamed...not this time...but I’m getting to know IC over a cup of tea...Problem right now..is my IC is doing all the talking...and won’t let me tell it to shut up...told you you wouldn’t do anything, your lazy, your untidy, etc..etc..etc..

Anyone else have arguments with their inner critic ?...Do you win or loose?..

Grandy..

[quirkywords]

Grandy

I hope you liked your cup of tea and chat with I C watching tv.

my IC is nagging me but I have put it in the wardrobe.

it is that sort of day. Enjoy.

[ChrissyStar]

First of all - THANK YOU QUIRKY = for bringing this opportunity into my life (let's see how it goes)...

...........................................................

Me: Hi Inner Critic, what would you like me to call you.

IC: Mum. Actually, you could call me a whole heap of other names too. So go for it, make one up.

Me: How about *&$$(*(*&*%&^^$%^?

IC: That's not very nice.

Me: But you terrorize me daily, what do you expect? Actually, why do you have to do this, at all? Why can't you just let me be?

IC: Because you're a failure.

Me: At what - what did I fail?

IC: Life.

Me: Can you be more specific?

IC: Just look around you!? Does the place look like a regular home to you? It's disgusting.

Me: But the reason it's disgusting is because you put too much pressure on me & I freeze up! I can't BREATHE when you are pressuring me like this!

IC: I thought you said it was because you didn't want to get used by 'men' (which your boyfriend is).

Me: That too.

IC: Because you don't want to be walked all over.

Me: True. But I've never let 'men' walk over me before...why would I suddenly start now?

IC: Because your Mum was a housewife who was 'second-rate' & it's your greatest fear.

Me: Is it valid?

IC: In some senses, yes. Do you see him lifting a finger?

Me: So what do I do?

IC: I see what is happening - you're getting stuck in hopelessness & avoiding what needs to be done.

Me: Yep, no $#!^.

(Dead-lock results in me staring aimlessly out the window. Inner Critic starts the convo back up...)

IC: Your house looks like $#!^. It's disgusting & you have a baby due in 4 days. What are you going to do about it?

Me: I guess I'll have to call the doctor, see if I can get some help through a psyche. This block has really got a hold of me.

IC: You need to release - the negative energy which you're getting stuck in.

Me: Release....hhhmmm...yeah, get it out of my system. So I can be free - just me again. No 'issues'.

IC: It's pathetic, really.

Me: I agree.

IC: You know you could be kinder to yourself.

Me: I agree. How about art-therapy? I could do a really angry, ugly piece & then burn it.

IC: You tried that, remember? And journalling...and a psyche, pills...inner child work...other stuff too.

(I text my boyfriend but don't send & break down in tears...I remember early childhood:

- my individuality being overlooked

- being forced

...and a game I played to cope - that I was a slave.)

Finally, I can release this. I hope it works.

[quirkywords]

Wow Chrissy what a moving chat with your IC. You covered so many topics that I could relate to.
Sometimes I need an ongoing conversation with my IC or even stick to one topic.
You have encouraged me to try another chat and I will put it on later.

[quirkywords]

Chrissy star and everyone reading. How is your inner critic.

I wonder are people taming their inner critic to stop the negative words..?

[CMF]

Hi Quirky and all reading,,

I'm trying to take that inner voice that tells me things must be happening that aren't really happening. I guess it is an inner critic as it makes me believe the things happening are because I am not good enough.

I'm it having much luck taking it.

Cmf x

[quirkywords]

CMF

thanks for your comment. Yes the inner voice sounds like the inner critic.
can you challenge it by saying that isn’t true those things aren’t really happening and I am good enough.
I find the more I talk to the inner voice and correct the misinformation, the more it helps.

it is hard at times especially when my inner critic is so loud.

good luck.

[quirkywords]

Chrissy and grandy,

thanks so much for your chats with your inner critic. I have just rerad them and am wondering have things chnaged since yo posted the caht.?

Have you had other chats.

I liked the way you both challenged your inner critic.

My inner critic tells me because I no longer do paid work that what i do as a volunteer does not matter. I keep challenging this .