Talking to your inner critic, can it be tamed?

[quirkywords]

Do you have an inner critic ? Have you ever tried to talk to your inner critic. This is what happened when I tried. In my Be yourself thread people asked about how I interviewed my inner critic. So here it is.

This is adapted from a writing exercise to interview your inner critic about one's writing. As my inner critic has an opinion all aspects of my life I decided to broaden the scope of the interview.

Me: I welcome (well I don't really) this opportunity to find out why you always need to have an opinion that is always negative about me and my life.

IC: I thought this was going to be a friendly interchange of ideas but there you go with your anger and hostile remarks. I do not see myself as negative but as helping you, because you do need help.

I am here to help you why can't you see that?

Me: So when I am trying to sleep and you tell me about all my mistakes, embarrassing moments, how does that help me?

IC: I thought while you are in bed you would have time to consider some of your past behaviours. This I feel will only help you to improve.

Me: If you are so helpful why do I feel so worthless, so sad, so ignorant when you are around? Do you really know how low I can feel when you are constantly telling me all my faults?

IC: You make yourself feel that way- I am merely pointing out the truth. It is not my problem that you are so weak.

Me: Maybe this was a bad idea you are never going to listen to me or understand me.

IC: Have you ever thought that maybe you shouldn't listen to me if I upset you so much.

Me How can I ignore you when you are so loud at times.

IC: See this is what I mean you are so weak. You have the power to ignore me, to silence me but all you do is whinge and complain.

Me: I am ending this interview. Enough is enough.

What would you say to your inner critic and what do you want to hear from your inner critic? Maybe you can have a go at interviewing your inner critic.

Quirky

[Ggrand]

Hi Quirky, and everyone..

I do win at times with my inner critic...then I can loose also....I suppose it depends how strong we feel within ourselves and how much we believe in ourselves whether or not our inner critic wins or not.....

Quirky....Being a volunteer is a very important job....With people like yourself....volunteer their time to help others is doing...one on the most important jobs anyone can do....and it should feel rewarding to you...

Your work is helping the homeless to be dressed in warm clothes now that winter is coming...also provides blankets and food for the under privileged...Without people giving of themselves and their time...these people wouldn’t get the help they need....

You’re inner critic needs to be set straight...Quirky..this time your inner critic is so very wrong.....Believe in yourself and the work you do...Then inner critic might leave you alone....in regards to your job...Not promising inner critic will leave you alone forever.....but voluntary work is very important...

My kind thoughts with care dear Quirky..

Grandy..

[quirkywords]

Thanks Grandy,

I know my volunteer work with Beyond blue is worthwhile but in our society people want to say I am retired and do nothing.

I agree volunteers are worthwhile but not valued by everyone.

Thanks for your kind words.

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone especially people reading this for first time.

I often read posts where paeople are describing themselves negatively and being unkind to themsekves so much so i feel they may have a critical inner critic whispering in their ears.

Why do we treat ourselves in a way we would not to a friend or to an enemy.

Stand up to the negative way we describe ourselves.

No more saying worthless, say are worthy not all the time but we keep trying

We are not hopeless we try to improve and have hope\

No more saying we are a failure, maybe we made a mistake but there are things e can do ok or well.

Do you think reframing how we talk about ourselves will help to tame inner critic.?

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone

Can we ever live without our inner critic. I know people who are so confident that no matter others say to them they know who they are and are secure .

if I am low I just need one person to sound a bit annoyed and I want to cry and hide.

IC says you are a Sook. Grow up.

I say I am trying and doing deep breathing.

[Elizabeth CP]

I've been struggling badly lately with extreme fatigue & constant negative thoughts. My psych said trying to challenge these thoughts in my state is a waste of time as I'll find too many things to 'prove' the negative thought is right. Instead I need to remind myself that is the UNHELPFUL critic. The aim is to try to refocus on more helpful thoughts instead of down the rabbit hole of negativity.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Elizabeth CP, 

Thank you for sharing your experiences with us here on the forums today, it is a brave thing to do and a great step towards feeling better within yourself. It can be so hard when the inner critic is louder than we want it to be, well done for doing what you can to challenge those thoughts, it sounds like you are working hard to feel better by seeing a psychologist.

We wanted to drop in here to remind you that you can call Beyond Blue anytime on 1300 22 4636. We can see that there are lots of other similair experiences on this thread and we hope you can feel supported by them, but sometimes talking to someone right now is really helpful. Our friends at Lifeline 13 11 14 are also wonderful and you can call them anytime.

Thank you again for showing such courage, please feel free to update us on how you are feeling if you are comfortable doing so. 

Kind regards, 
Sophie M

[Croix]

Dear Elizabeth~

I'm sorry to hear how you are at the moment and know that combination of exhaustion and negative feelings, a lack of hope, is terribly hard to deal with. Life has to be better, and I believe can be, even if one's physical circumstances cannot change.

When my mind loops in a procession of negative thoughts no amount of logical reasoning or argument works. I can't think my way out of them, and neither can anyone else who uses the same tactic with/on me.

Your Psych is spot-on, it is a battle you can't win and your mind needs to side-step into fresh pastures, i.e. thinking of other non-related and hopefully more pleasant things.

I'm not sure what they would be in your case, and as you have a busy life supporting others it may not be you can spend extended times on yourself, however I know you are a capable person, and I'd expect could come up with at least a set of short term things to do each day to change your thinking and mood, anything -from a bath to going outside and looking for birds or ...

If you need assistance from someone in your life to get ideas please ask them.

I use movies, books, pets, talking with my wife about pleasant things, going for a walk along a riverbank, plus more.

I'm sure I've mentioned to you before how I use Smiling Mind on my smartphone for 10 minutes at a time to break that destructive thinking pattern and feel calmer

https://www.smilingmind.com.au/smiling-mind-app

I'm afraid I do not remember your reaction, however even if you found it difficult I'd urge you to have another go.

If it does not appeal there are others such as CALM, which has a free version as well as a pay-for one

https://support.calm.com/hc/en-us/articles/360008536834-What-is-included-in-the-free-version-of-the-...

All are designed to take you elsewhere.

I hope something here helps, plus of course if you wish you could revisit the Happy Memories thread where you might find something to spark a similar feeling in yourself.

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/store-your-happy-memories-here-

Croix

[Elizabeth CP]

Thanks Sophie & Croix for your encouraging words. I am trying to type up a list of things I can do including practical activities that need doing to give satisfaction, physical activities to maintain fitness & relaxing activities. My goal is to try doing different activities. I am trying to format a chart to track what I do and the impact on my fatigue & mood. I'm finding it very challenging to set this up since I'm so tired and overwhelmed. Hopefully this will help me identify which things help and what things make me worse.

[golden82]

hi Elizabeth -

what an excellent idea that is about the chart. I should really try that too - in a similar spot to you re fatigue and all the rest. Thanks for sharing, and I hope it helps us both 🙂

[quirkywords]

Elizabeth,

I am glad you have the idea of the chart.

golden and eLizabeth can you share how the chart goes for you. I will try it to.