Talking to your inner critic, can it be tamed?
Do you have an inner critic ? Have you ever tried to talk to your inner critic. This is what happened when I tried. In my Be yourself thread people asked about how I interviewed my inner critic. So here it is.
This is adapted from a writing exercise to interview your inner critic about one's writing. As my inner critic has an opinion all aspects of my life I decided to broaden the scope of the interview.
Me: I welcome (well I don't really) this opportunity to
find out why you always need to have an opinion that is always negative about
me and my life.
IC: I thought this was going to be a friendly interchange of ideas but there you go with your anger and hostile remarks. I do not see myself as negative but as helping you, because you do need help.
I am here to help you why can't you see that?
Me: So when I am trying to sleep and you tell me about all my mistakes, embarrassing moments, how does that help me?
IC: I thought while you are in bed you would have time to consider some of your past behaviours. This I feel will only help you to improve.
Me: If you are so helpful why do I feel so worthless, so sad, so ignorant when you are around? Do you really know how low I can feel when you are constantly telling me all my faults?
IC: You make yourself feel that way- I am merely pointing out the truth. It is not my problem that you are so weak.
Me: Maybe this was a bad idea you are never going to listen to me or understand me.
IC: Have you ever thought that maybe you shouldn't listen to me if I upset you so much.
Me How can I ignore you when you are so loud at times.
IC: See this is what I mean you are so weak. You have the power to ignore me, to silence me but all you do is whinge and complain.
Me: I am ending this interview. Enough is enough.
What would you say to your inner critic and what do you want to hear from your inner critic? Maybe you can have a go at interviewing your inner critic.
I once remember reading we wouldn’t treat our friends or enemies as badly as we treat ourselves.
i found the other day when I was criticised and I felt the inner critic agreeing with the insults I started telling my self I was kind and patient and I made myself a cup of herbal tea with lots of honey.
Quirky....next time your supportive, kind inner critic says something nice and encouraging to you....at least I hope it does so occasionally...mine does. I suggest writing it down. Write down what the kind critic says in felt pen on some paper and tape it to the inside of your wardrobe door...or somewhere no one else will look. I find her messages absolutely healing to read when I'm lacking in confidence, unsure, or anxiety ridden.... I don't know what I would do without "her".....sending love....x
Hey quirky, so much introspection from you as per usual lol... must be the eclipse stirring things (joking not joking).
Once I realised that "my" inner critic wasn't actually ME talking to myself but me recalling, often cruel, criticisms from family and / or abusive ex partners. I was able to treat any of these comments as they should be treated, as a nasty little toddler who was attempting to reduce me.
They were more like "intrusive thoughts" borne from traumatic relationships.
So doing a bit of individualised exposure therapy and following each thought BACK to the source eliminated them completely.
Those people have zero credibility to tell me what to do. Hence neither do those thoughts!
SO because ALL this was from my past.
I choose to no longer live in my past.
I can THANK them all for being part of the fabric of my life that drove me with steely determination to be the person I am today.
NOW I'm choosing to create a wonderfully wild and exciting FUTURE for myself and the kids, so I'm practicing feeling the emotions, thoughts, feelings that come with it ALL already being here NOW.
Now if I make a mistake I forgive myself immediately, apologise to the person immediately where possible.
I make myself accountable to myself ONLY, apart from my bosses at work lol.
If I need to DO better, I make note of this, but ONLY for myself.
I don't harp on myself ever.
I am my own BOSS.
Learning how to control one's thoughts is the most powerful part of Meditation because it brings so much FREEDOM.
Dearest quirky, you are so precious. I hope you really know this.
I couldn't leave the forums without saying a cheery goodbye and THANK YOU for all you do here and the questions you've brought to my attention too. I appreciate YOU!
More explanation on my thread but as I was searching for YOU, I saw others I need to say goodbye and thank you to too.
Wishing you ALL the very best for an enriched LIFE full of love, joy and happiness.