Talking to your inner critic, can it be tamed?

[quirkywords]

Do you have an inner critic ? Have you ever tried to talk to your inner critic. This is what happened when I tried. In my Be yourself thread people asked about how I interviewed my inner critic. So here it is.

This is adapted from a writing exercise to interview your inner critic about one's writing. As my inner critic has an opinion all aspects of my life I decided to broaden the scope of the interview.

Me: I welcome (well I don't really) this opportunity to find out why you always need to have an opinion that is always negative about me and my life.

IC: I thought this was going to be a friendly interchange of ideas but there you go with your anger and hostile remarks. I do not see myself as negative but as helping you, because you do need help.

I am here to help you why can't you see that?

Me: So when I am trying to sleep and you tell me about all my mistakes, embarrassing moments, how does that help me?

IC: I thought while you are in bed you would have time to consider some of your past behaviours. This I feel will only help you to improve.

Me: If you are so helpful why do I feel so worthless, so sad, so ignorant when you are around? Do you really know how low I can feel when you are constantly telling me all my faults?

IC: You make yourself feel that way- I am merely pointing out the truth. It is not my problem that you are so weak.

Me: Maybe this was a bad idea you are never going to listen to me or understand me.

IC: Have you ever thought that maybe you shouldn't listen to me if I upset you so much.

Me How can I ignore you when you are so loud at times.

IC: See this is what I mean you are so weak. You have the power to ignore me, to silence me but all you do is whinge and complain.

Me: I am ending this interview. Enough is enough.

What would you say to your inner critic and what do you want to hear from your inner critic? Maybe you can have a go at interviewing your inner critic.

Quirky

[Moonstruck]

Grandy....I couldn't agree with you more. When...when...are these people who make these decisions going to realise the mental and emotional harm, damage, despair, pain, torment that this over emphasis on "happy" Christmas hype.....does to such a lot, I repeat, so many... (and there are a lot, they just suffer in silent distress)

Of course, if this time of year means a lot to you, and your family...go for it. that's great...of course it's lovely to put decorations on your house and wear special T shirts, earrings and buy lots of delicious festive food....but please, please, don't ram your preferences and personal celebrations down everyone else's necks!!!

If I had plenty of money, heaps of luxurious cars, clothes, diamonds, servants, butlers, etc....I certainly wouldn't shout it from the rooftops and draw excessive attention to my good fortune to the rest of society!!! Particularly those who were poor and had nothing!...yet those who plan and enjoy a wonderful Christmas with people they love and who love them keep ramming it home to those who are without.

....sorry folks, this topic just really gets me angry...so cruel.

[quirkywords]

Hello moonstruck and Grandy,

Grandy,

These pressures have always been here so maybe we need to find meaning.This time of year and not be distracted by the commercialisation. as children we would accompany our dad taking Smith family hampers to people in need.

We can do acts of kindness and teach our children the meaning.

moonstruck, I agree that families should celebrate how they like.

Quirky

[Moonstruck]

I have to apologise for my last post...a bit over the top. I was in the middle of severe anxiety and it just kept pouring out of me...I am sorry. I got carried away. Please make allowances for my raving and if I have offended anyone.... Quirky I know this is about our Inner Critic, not Christmas and I lost the plot a bit.....

[quirkywords]

Hello all,

Moon no need to apologise, your post made a lot of sense.

i feel my inner critic is influenced vex by social media, advertisements etc and tries to make me feel bad.

you were right on topic. thanks moon.

Quirky

[White_Rose]

I remember Christmas when I was a child. So much magic, so much joy. Snowballs and turkey, presents and Father Christmas in the shops with family getting together. I suppose w cannot blame the shops etc. They want to make a few dollars we go along with it buying what we cannot afford at times to please others and to be seen as giving as everyone else.

We can protest by only buying what we need and not what social pressure dictates. You never know, it may catch on.

Christmas is sad for many people because they are alone or remember that last Christmas they had a loved one with them. The homeless would love to celebrate in a home of their home but make do by having Christmas day lunch with one of the local groups who give up part of their Christmas to give a lift to others.

My mom died on Christmas day and it was pretty horrid. Why does it seem worse because it was Christmas? My mom's death was heartbreaking and will be so regardless of the season. I miss her very much.

Lets leave Christmas to those who can enjoy huge celebrations and we will enjoy ourselves in the way we like best.

Mary

[quirkywords]

hello everyone

Mary thatwas sad about your mum dying on Christmas Day. my mum died on mother’s day.

Infeel we letnour in er critic or nagging voice of self doubt u dermine us when we feel we do not really matter so the voice feeds our insecurities and we start being menare tomourselve sthan our critic is.

Do others agree?

Quirky

[Elizabeth CP]

I think we need to remember where Christmas came from. It is the celebration of the birth of Christ. I remember explaining this to my children & explained that our present to him should be doing things which makes others happy because that is what he would want. Unfortunately our society & the media gives the impression that we should fit in with some set idea of what being happy looks like. Those of us who enjoy spending time sharing a traditional Christmas meal & traditions with our family should do so as long as everyone else is happy with that but if you prefer to spend time alone or with a partner then do so but don't let out critics tell us we shouldn't.

I remember the Christmas shortly after my dad died we continued with the normal traditions. Half way through the meal I was missing my dad so badly I left the table & found somewhere to be alone so I didn't spoil it for the others. My brother came looking for me & I explained how I felt & he admitted the same feelings so he went back collected both our plates & we sat together sharing our grief but knowing our spouses & children were still able to enjoy themselves. Looking back I am glad I had the courage to break with tradition on that occasion & had the chance to be at peace doing what I needed at that time.

When someone wishes you a happy Christmas let us take that as an invitation to switch off our critics & do whatever feels right for us as an individual no matter how different it is to societies portrait of a happy Christmas. Let us also reach out to others who are struggling & make them feel a bit more encouraged or happier without them feeling forced to comply with others expectations.

[White_Rose]

Hello Elizabeth

Great post and so true. I know that Christmas is about the birth of Christ but it's a bit difficult to write much about this here. Well it's my decision to go to church on Christmas morning, and to services all year. Ad to remember what Christmas is all about. Thanks for helping me to say that.

Mary

[ChrissyStar]

My inner critic can be good & it can be bad. Often, I'm able to track back to where it came from and whether or not it is valid. Was it an opinion my Mother gave me (a common source) & do I agree with it. Why does it have this power over me (is that really that important?) and how can I amend it (the trauma I feel because of it)? What use are these thoughts to me - can they highlight something important, help me work through something that's holding me down (ie. set me free) or am I still bound -why? Sometimes it works (disappears) & sometimes it doesn't. I feel that once I get over one, another will take it's place. I'm still trying to figure that out - I suspect I may suffer from heriditary anxiety...and that this was a result of my G'mother in England during the last World War. I suffer pretty heavily - to the point that I hate my life and wish I wasn't burdened with it. Something I remember my father expressing when I was a kid - although he blamed us kids for the suffering. So this tells me my Father also suffered in this way (yes, I remember his depression(?) clearly. So it's just something that happens. Doesn't make it easier to know there things. Or does it? That's why I share here, isn't it? To make it easier? My intention was actually to help others and through this, help myself. I hope I have done this for you today - made it easier.

[quirkywords]

hello everyone

Thanks Elizabeth for a great post.

I agree with the sentiment behind this sentence.

Let us also reach out to others who are struggling & make them feel a bit more encouraged or happier without them feeling forced to comply with others expectations.

Also lets remember not everyone celebrates Christmas and let us all respect each others beliefs and practise tolerance at this time and through out the year.

Quirky