Talking to your inner critic, can it be tamed?

[quirkywords]

Do you have an inner critic ? Have you ever tried to talk to your inner critic. This is what happened when I tried. In my Be yourself thread people asked about how I interviewed my inner critic. So here it is.

This is adapted from a writing exercise to interview your inner critic about one's writing. As my inner critic has an opinion all aspects of my life I decided to broaden the scope of the interview.

Me: I welcome (well I don't really) this opportunity to find out why you always need to have an opinion that is always negative about me and my life.

IC: I thought this was going to be a friendly interchange of ideas but there you go with your anger and hostile remarks. I do not see myself as negative but as helping you, because you do need help.

I am here to help you why can't you see that?

Me: So when I am trying to sleep and you tell me about all my mistakes, embarrassing moments, how does that help me?

IC: I thought while you are in bed you would have time to consider some of your past behaviours. This I feel will only help you to improve.

Me: If you are so helpful why do I feel so worthless, so sad, so ignorant when you are around? Do you really know how low I can feel when you are constantly telling me all my faults?

IC: You make yourself feel that way- I am merely pointing out the truth. It is not my problem that you are so weak.

Me: Maybe this was a bad idea you are never going to listen to me or understand me.

IC: Have you ever thought that maybe you shouldn't listen to me if I upset you so much.

Me How can I ignore you when you are so loud at times.

IC: See this is what I mean you are so weak. You have the power to ignore me, to silence me but all you do is whinge and complain.

Me: I am ending this interview. Enough is enough.

What would you say to your inner critic and what do you want to hear from your inner critic? Maybe you can have a go at interviewing your inner critic.

Quirky

[quirkywords]

hi all,

Thanks CMF formyour thiughts.

I think the first trick is to start challenging critical comments when they first happen and not let them grow and fester.
The next trick is to work out what the trick is to first trick.
Quirky

[CMF]

Hey Quirky,

when I read your first suggestion I was hoping the second was going to tell me how lol.

i guess when we figure it we must be sure to share it.

cmf x

[Quercus]

Hi Quirky and CMF and Moon and everyone else reading,

I like your idea of challenging critical comments Quirky. I started thinking about what CMF wrote about wondering HOW to do this.

I'm slowly learning the "how" involves being able to recognise something negative happening within. By slowing down. Giving myself time. Rather than plowing on with the day unsure of why I suddenly feel "yuck" I stop and think. Give myself the time to realise I am upset or angry or triggered and to figure out why I am upset.

Once you can recognise in yourself that something has set you off you can think about what and why you don't feel good. And this lets you identify the problem and confront it before it snowballs.

Probably makes no sense.

My critic is noisy again. I've just been telling her I've got bigger issues to deal with than whether I'm a crappy human being. That put down is just going to have to wait till I have time to give a damn about it. At this stage maybe I'll starve the critic with lack of attention.

I've missed you all. In case your critic is explaining my absence as rejection it's important to me you know that is false. I'm drained and overwhelmed and isolating myself to cope until I find my feet again.

❤ Nat

[CMF]

Dear Nat,

i love the idea of starving the critic. It is true, what we give attention to grows. Thank you for pointing that out. I too am realising that when I focus on negatives they control, especially at work. It doesn't matter about others, I need to refocus and just worry about what I am doing. Common knowledge/sense, I know but I am sometimes es consumed with fighting a battle that doesn't need to be there. I guess it's a battle within myself.

on the subject of rejection, Nat, I'm sure I can speak for all of us, we don't feel rejected. You are allowed to take time for yourself, to heal and feel better. I think your IC is making you think we may feel rejected. It's not the case at all.

Cmf x

[quirkywords]

Nat,

I amazed you give the attention you do to the forum knowing how overwhelmed you are.

My critic says I am not being understanding of you enough and sees my giving you space and time as not being supportive

However I am feeding my critic on Positives and have explained how this is what you need and you know I and we are all here supporting you and will,offer more when needed.

CMF I wish I had thought of Nats answer, I squally lock my critic away and ignore it.

My problem is I am sometimes teary so the least comment from another even if it is helpful or meant as helpful can open up the tear flow.

thanks Nat , can you please remove crappy from your adjectives describing yourself ,and CMF.

Quirky

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone,especially people reading for first time a big welcome and a welcome for returning readers,

How is everyone,s inner critic , quiet I hope.

i was wondering about what Nat said about starving ones inner critic and I wrote last time I was feeding mine with positives but I wonder is that enough..

Is it it enough just to be positive and infomercial all the negative sthat buildmupmor do we really need to try and stop the negatives from getting to us.

i know when I hear l friends say negatives about themselves I can counteract and tell them they are wrong and give them evidence of many positives.

With myself I find that harder and while I can think of positives, stopping the negatives piercing my thick skin seems hard.

Anyone have ideas of how to stop the negatives affecting us or how to develop such a resilient skin that they bounce off??

Quirky

[Music_Freak]

My critic has been whispering in my ear for the last 8 weeks or so...all about uni and how I'm struggling with it. I've been fighting the urge to drop out for weeks, but am trying to think of the end result of possibly getting a job and getting my life how I want it...doesn't always work...

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone

Music_Freak, please ignore your inner critic , and yes focus on the end result. It is hard but if you can ignore and focus on the future and what you have achieved so far. I am so proud of what you have done.

You have come a long way.

Quirky

[lexy_r]

I currently only have an inner critic, even my attempts to talk positively with myself are met with cynicism.

I have taken back up midefulness practice, it’s very early days but I’m hoping at least I will be able to distance myself from my inner critic.

Does anyone have other suggestions?

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone

Lexs, welcome to this thread and thanks for your reply.

If you look back at my first post and other posts people and myself have tried to have a conversation with their inner critic. If you write down questions for your inner critic and answer them it can help you to think about what your inner critic is up to. just a thought.

Good luck with mindfulness.

Quirky