Talking to your inner critic, can it be tamed?

[quirkywords]

Do you have an inner critic ? Have you ever tried to talk to your inner critic. This is what happened when I tried. In my Be yourself thread people asked about how I interviewed my inner critic. So here it is.

This is adapted from a writing exercise to interview your inner critic about one's writing. As my inner critic has an opinion all aspects of my life I decided to broaden the scope of the interview.

Me: I welcome (well I don't really) this opportunity to find out why you always need to have an opinion that is always negative about me and my life.

IC: I thought this was going to be a friendly interchange of ideas but there you go with your anger and hostile remarks. I do not see myself as negative but as helping you, because you do need help.

I am here to help you why can't you see that?

Me: So when I am trying to sleep and you tell me about all my mistakes, embarrassing moments, how does that help me?

IC: I thought while you are in bed you would have time to consider some of your past behaviours. This I feel will only help you to improve.

Me: If you are so helpful why do I feel so worthless, so sad, so ignorant when you are around? Do you really know how low I can feel when you are constantly telling me all my faults?

IC: You make yourself feel that way- I am merely pointing out the truth. It is not my problem that you are so weak.

Me: Maybe this was a bad idea you are never going to listen to me or understand me.

IC: Have you ever thought that maybe you shouldn't listen to me if I upset you so much.

Me How can I ignore you when you are so loud at times.

IC: See this is what I mean you are so weak. You have the power to ignore me, to silence me but all you do is whinge and complain.

Me: I am ending this interview. Enough is enough.

What would you say to your inner critic and what do you want to hear from your inner critic? Maybe you can have a go at interviewing your inner critic.

Quirky

[startingnew]

Hi Quirky and all

sorry for the delays in between posting. i havent been around all that much. been struggling alot offline with grief, and drs, and illness and whatever life is throwing at me currently.

yes ive done thought challanging as an exercise often i dont write it down though i generally have conversations in my head about whatever thought it might be.

i agree with you Croix i hesitate so much in sharing good news- its kinda like getting the feeling of everyone is struggling and when i say something postivie it sounds like its bragging. i actually like hearing of others successes and i would much rather share the good stuff now too.

[quirkywords]

Hello to everyone,

Hi starting new.

your posts are welcome here not mayyer how infrequent .

I am sorry you have been struggling.

I worry ifI share good news i will jinx it and will then have bad news- silly isn't.

take care

Quirky

[Moonstruck]

sorry to get off topic Quirky...but wondered has anyone read The Happiness Trap by Dr Russ Harris...and what they thought of it?

[PamelaR]

Hello Quirky

You say:

I think that our inner critic often tells us not to show off our achievements but magnifies our flaws. Thats why I started this thread to work out a balance.

I agree, I was taught not to show off! Never to acknowledge achievements and only to magnify how deficient I was. That's why I struggle with the concept of loving or liking myself. Putting this in balance for myself - that was the era my mother grew up in and she perpetuated that value. Thank goodness for the 70s/80s which changed that thinking. I struggle still to change the inner critic! However, I'm ALWAYS up for a challenge and continue to fight those negatives.....

Moon, haven't read The Happiness Trap by Dr Russ Harris. It looks interesting. A long time ago I read Happiness by the Dalai Lama. It helped me put my some of my life into perspective. Will have to have a look at what Dr Russ has to say too.

Pammy

[quirkywords]

Hi everyone,

Moon, I readthe happinesstrap a few years ago and found the title misleading as I thought it would be about how we conned into believing happiness the only goal but real it made me guilty for not feeling happy. Just my opinion.

Pam. Thanks for your reply. I like that you are always up for a challenge.

Quirky

[Moonstruck]

Dear Quirky...hoping your weekend is going OK...(God we're only halfway through!!)

I have shut my inner critic up for now....will let you know when she rears her ugly head again! But she can get stuffed - so I guess my answer to your thread-question is...yes, sometimes, for a while at least..it can be tamed. xx

[PamelaR]

Hello Quirky

How's your weekend going? Have you been able to shut your inner critic up for Easter? Hope so.

I've been able to and consequently have been enjoying it, expected when I felt sick (all recovered now).

PamelaR

[quirkywords]

Hello all,

Pamela and Moon, thanks for your comments. I am glad you are both shutting down your inner critic. I am very tired and have a hacking couch at he moment so I feel guilty I need to rest and hate get help in my shop something I only ever do when I amawaybut I couldnt cope so now I feel guilty I am being lazy even though I am sick. I have no energy to tell inner critic to go away. I rarely get colds so I am impatient That I have been feeling bad for 5days with o improvement and I have been resting.

Quirky

[PamelaR]

Hello all

Awww Quirky. Hope you feel better soon. You know it is okay to be sick, you ARE NOT lazy. When you get better maybe try to think of some good 'turn off' techniques. So you can tell it (the inner critic) to go away - I'll deal with you later. Set aside a time later on to deal with what 'it' wants to say. Not sure if this will work for you. It was something I learnt from my psych when I had 'too much' to deal with in my head. I found it worked.

Have you been to the doctor? You may have something that needs treating?

PamelaR

[quirkywords]

Pamela, thanks for your comncern and nelpful suggestions.

nothing serious just a cold and jetlag a little sleep in a week. I am driving patient partner to lose be impatient because of my coughing and I am over being tired. hard to run a business at busy time of you.

I am already the worlds biggest procrastinator , saying one day I will get round to it- so much so that I was once given a round tuit by my parents!!!

think when you are feeling flat I don't even need inner critic to self sabotage I can do that for myself !!