Talking to your inner critic, can it be tamed?

[quirkywords]

Do you have an inner critic ? Have you ever tried to talk to your inner critic. This is what happened when I tried. In my Be yourself thread people asked about how I interviewed my inner critic. So here it is.

This is adapted from a writing exercise to interview your inner critic about one's writing. As my inner critic has an opinion all aspects of my life I decided to broaden the scope of the interview.

Me: I welcome (well I don't really) this opportunity to find out why you always need to have an opinion that is always negative about me and my life.

IC: I thought this was going to be a friendly interchange of ideas but there you go with your anger and hostile remarks. I do not see myself as negative but as helping you, because you do need help.

I am here to help you why can't you see that?

Me: So when I am trying to sleep and you tell me about all my mistakes, embarrassing moments, how does that help me?

IC: I thought while you are in bed you would have time to consider some of your past behaviours. This I feel will only help you to improve.

Me: If you are so helpful why do I feel so worthless, so sad, so ignorant when you are around? Do you really know how low I can feel when you are constantly telling me all my faults?

IC: You make yourself feel that way- I am merely pointing out the truth. It is not my problem that you are so weak.

Me: Maybe this was a bad idea you are never going to listen to me or understand me.

IC: Have you ever thought that maybe you shouldn't listen to me if I upset you so much.

Me How can I ignore you when you are so loud at times.

IC: See this is what I mean you are so weak. You have the power to ignore me, to silence me but all you do is whinge and complain.

Me: I am ending this interview. Enough is enough.

What would you say to your inner critic and what do you want to hear from your inner critic? Maybe you can have a go at interviewing your inner critic.

Quirky

[Elizabeth CP]

Dools I instituted HC (Harsh Critic) to remind me that it is the harsh inner critic that is like a bully trying to put me down. As I said before It has no useful purpose in contrast to KC (kind Critic) which is the voice in your head we need to encourage which tells the truth at all times but in a way that helps us identify what we can improve & encourages us to do so as well as reminding us of all the good things we do. I need to encourage & listen to KC until it totally dominates that bullying HC & it gives up slinking into oblivion.

NAT & Quirky, Thank you both for your lovely kind words. While we can't only rely on other's kind words they certainly help feed the KC to strengthen it. I really appreciate both of you.

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone,

Mrs Dool I am sorry there was a confusion over HC-harsh critic. I usually avoid abbreviations but I sometimes get lazy.

Moon, I am so pleased your gentle critic has taken control- about time.

Mandy, I am sorry you are still struggling , I have not yet learnt to silence my Harsh critic but I am trying as Elizabeth suggest to let my Kind critic have a louder voice. It is not always easy . It is slow in my shop as it is hot when it should be busy for this time of year. this gets me down and I start hearing that I am no good at selling at attracting customer s and my harsh critic says it l knew I would not succeed. I then thought the other shop are the same so I thought you never what will happen tomorrow or later in the day. My kind critic reminded of good days I had last week. My harsh critic is still telling me how hopeless I am but I am listening to my kind critic telling me think about tomorrow.

Quirky

[quirkywords]

hello to all.

Elizabeth

The great thing about this forum we get to learn from other people who have different ideas. I know I sometimes get stuck and I get an idea like Kind Critic and decide to try it. So thanks.

The thing about friends they will tell your Harsh Critic off but hen listen to their own Harsh critic!

Why wont we believe all the kind things others say to us and ignore Harsh critic.

Quirky

[Just Sara]

Hey Quirky;

Ah yes, the ole (IC) inner critic - be it good or bad, it's just that...judgemental. (Btw..IC also stands for Inner Child and In Charge!) Hmm...a child in charge; food for thought.

For me it's hearing my mothers voice; opinions about all and sundry, whether it has anything to do with her or not. I identified her voice during therapy years ago and have made considerable effort to rid myself of her unsolicited views in my head.

I try hard to identify when the inner critic has power, though I do have to assess myself from time to time, I'm learning to tell the difference.

Decision making and problem solving are difficult for me since my breakdown. That's when doubt and lack of confidence creep in.

Quirky.. your description of the day's lack of shoppers is so indicative of self blame. The IC thrives on it. But you caught yourself and this is progress. How great!

A great topic Q..

Sez

[quirkywords]

I do try to use the long word instead of Initials.

Sez, I am thinking that the inner child in control is when I throw tantrums(imagine that) and act very needy etc. That is the negative side but also my inner child encourages me to be creative, to do silly things, to give lots of hugs, to enjoy the simple things of life and share the wonderment of life in a way only a child can.

You have given me a great idea What if my inner child fights and yells louder than my harsh critic?

MY inner child would blow raspberries at my harsh critic. It would blow bubbles at harsh critic then out fingers in its ears and totally ignore inner critic.

I like that Sez.

What do others think.

Put your inner child in charge of your harsh critic? What do you think will happen? Try it and see what happens?

Quirky

[Quercus]

Hi Quirky,

Well my inner child is in charge today. Thrown a wobbly and said no bloody way am I watching everyone else eat birthday cake for the rest of my life and being sugar free and miserable.

Critic went beserk.

The side effects will come back.

You'll have to admit to everyone after a year sugar free you gave in.

Failure! Useless.

Hubby will be angry at having to deal with you moods when you go through sugar withdrawal all over again.

You'll gain even more weight. Look awful enough as it is. Hubby will be revolted and leave.

Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

Yep. Inner child stuck her fingers in her ears and showed critic the finger. And ate more chocolate.

Far. Out. Chocolate is AMAZING! I have such a headache. But chocolate is sooooo yummy. So is birthday cake.

Inner child and I are chilling headache and all. Embracing LAZY! Oh dear it is almost 4pm and I'm still in my pjs. Ah well.

Watched "trolls" with my kids and loved the music and the feel good kids movie storyline.

Feel pretty mellow. This is nuts. I feel like I've drunk a few glasses of tequila. I don't drink anymore. Inner child says who cares the lids are happy. It's miss 3's birthday and the doc thinks they have chickenpox so we're stuck at home anyway. And the kids are having fun too. Isn't that better than feeling crap and angry?

Critic is panicking. Hubby will be home soon. Go get dressed! Fake it. Lie.

Inner child and I don't really give a crap. So what. I'm human. So once a year you eat chocolate and get all good funny. Least it's legal.

Maybe hubby will say far out woman if this is you with a sugar fix EAT THE BLOODY STUFF consequences be damned.

As for pjs so what I painted the grout in the shower finally. So can't have a shower till later anyway. Too bad. The kids are happy. The house is less trashed than usual. So what's the big deal?

I'll try again tomorrow. That's ok. Oh shut up critic! You are such a killjoy. Yes I am weird. That's generally what happens when you introduce a new drug to your system. Yes. Sugar is a drug. Crack for Nat. Hehe. Oh put a sock in it critic. Go bother someone else. You're stuck here? Huh sucks to be you. Payback is a b....

Ooookay. I'm going to crash at some point but for now I'll get offline and go be sugary elsewhere.

By the way Quirky enjoy being silly and childlike. My inner critic HATES it mwhahahahaha (yes... That is an evil laugh).

Bye for now.

❤ Nat

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone,

Nat, my inner child wants to join your inner child and have chocolate and cake now!!

I think Tony said 90% of time do the right thing unless you are allergic to foods etc.

You did make me nod and mile and cheer!

Quirky

[Elizabeth CP]

MY inner child would blow raspberries at my harsh critic. It would blow bubbles at harsh critic then out fingers in its ears and totally ignore inner critic.

Go for it if it works for you. I won't because it is too much like kids picking on me & making fun of me so it would backfire for me. Just illustrates we are all different & need to use what helps us not others.

Thought I would share a memory of when kind critic won.

After a very difficult final year at uni including injuries of self & husband, MI son & less than ideal final placement it was time to look for work. HC(Harsh Critic) had a ball. You'll never get a job. Who'll want you? He reminded me of every negative thing possible. There was no point trying.

Fortunately KC Kind Critic decided to fight back. She reminded me that I'd prayed about the course & I felt good about it so didn't make sense to not get work now. While she agreed with HC that I hadn't done as well as I'd liked in my final placement she said You did well in every other placement so focus on jobs like those that suit you rather than work like final placement. She also agreed with HC that I wasn't confident & had little experience job seeking but rather than giving up like HC wanted her solution was Seek help Fortunately I listened & asked people to proofread my applications. I applied for jobs that suited my talents & interests & I arranged for an interview with the career people at uni who helped me with a mock interview to hone my skills & build confidence. KC won I landed my dream job. Unfortunately it was temporary but it gave me needed experience which led to other work.
I'm sharing this to encourage everyone to use their KC (kind critic) to help them defeat the rotten HC (harsh critic) so that you can succeed in whatever you are trying no matter how small or large. Hopefully writing this will help me get my KC back in control as well.!!!

[quirkywords]

Greetings all,

Thanks Elizabeth for sharing your story about kind critic winning over harsh critic.

I think when we are low we tend to focus on th negative and forget the positives and seeing things in a different way.

Quirky

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone but I am ignoring all Inner Critics and Harsh Critics.

I wonder if anyone has any ideas on how to encourage the Kind Critic to help with worrying. I worry about everything and I try to make lists and to see what I need to do.

My inner critic just says I won't cope with what I am worrying about and that I will mess things up as I don't plan well. Meanwhile my kind critic just remains silent. Any suggestions?

Quirky