Talking to your inner critic, can it be tamed?

[quirkywords]

Do you have an inner critic ? Have you ever tried to talk to your inner critic. This is what happened when I tried. In my Be yourself thread people asked about how I interviewed my inner critic. So here it is.

This is adapted from a writing exercise to interview your inner critic about one's writing. As my inner critic has an opinion all aspects of my life I decided to broaden the scope of the interview.

Me: I welcome (well I don't really) this opportunity to find out why you always need to have an opinion that is always negative about me and my life.

IC: I thought this was going to be a friendly interchange of ideas but there you go with your anger and hostile remarks. I do not see myself as negative but as helping you, because you do need help.

I am here to help you why can't you see that?

Me: So when I am trying to sleep and you tell me about all my mistakes, embarrassing moments, how does that help me?

IC: I thought while you are in bed you would have time to consider some of your past behaviours. This I feel will only help you to improve.

Me: If you are so helpful why do I feel so worthless, so sad, so ignorant when you are around? Do you really know how low I can feel when you are constantly telling me all my faults?

IC: You make yourself feel that way- I am merely pointing out the truth. It is not my problem that you are so weak.

Me: Maybe this was a bad idea you are never going to listen to me or understand me.

IC: Have you ever thought that maybe you shouldn't listen to me if I upset you so much.

Me How can I ignore you when you are so loud at times.

IC: See this is what I mean you are so weak. You have the power to ignore me, to silence me but all you do is whinge and complain.

Me: I am ending this interview. Enough is enough.

What would you say to your inner critic and what do you want to hear from your inner critic? Maybe you can have a go at interviewing your inner critic.

Quirky

[Guest_1584]

Hi one an all.

l have many inner critics in a sense , l dunno , l always seem to be correcting an adjusting , l really really hate it. if you were talking to me though you'd probably like me because l'm down to earth and pretty grounded , can't resist a joke, just myself, and the astute person seems to recognize l'm also a deep thinker.

But no one would realize how really , unsure l am about myself or anything these days. how much questioning l do with myself and how much adjusting l do, and how l see most things that are really going on with people , in their heads and thinking and the way they are or act and every molecule of the way they treat me.

People think you don't see them , some know l see them , l see it in their faces an reactions and caution, but some are clueless, like my sisters , totally clueless running off their mouths an talking over you , they don't even know,

pEOPle seem to have such a wide spectrum of views and perceptions with me, some will show instant respect , they see things in me, yet some like family l've known all my life see nothing. some don't know you can see the whole picture,not just some tunnel vision view of whatever went on or was said.

lots and lotsss of things l question about myself especially with people. but nearly every day with my daughter too , my past , my ex w , life , all sorts of you nameee it things. done this did l do that why didd theysay this l should've have done that or said this or l wish l could go back and correct that, or what a mess l've made of my lifeit seems now.

So yeah , lots of inner critics, l wish l could just live and be happy and be myself on auto pilot. But l've got a bit of a personality that l have to watch and be careful off , so it seems.

So don't feel bad about your inner critic, l notice even with older people ike my arents before we lost them , they becoming unsure of things , themsleves, even my dad, strongest man l ever knew , yet even he was becoming like that.

someimes l just want that battle to be ended.

do you ever feel like that ?

[quirkywords]

randomx

Welcome to my thread and thanks for your thoughtful comment.

I can relate to most of what you say. I had never thought of having more than one inner crtic, just one powerful one who undermines me.

Also as I get older I know I am doubting myself more and more. Even ten years ago I had confidence to travel, now I worry about traveling a few hours and staying overnight.

I get tired of arguing with my critic. That's why I started this thread to get some ideas to tame it.

I find like you, always second guessing, to be very tiring.

Thanks again you have given me a lot to think about.

Quirky

[CMF]

Great thread, will read through properly when i get a chance.

cmf x

[quirkywords]

Hello to everyone,

Thanks CMF.

I wonder how everyone coped with yesterday.

Was your inner critic quiet ot did it start questioning things you said or did?

Or did you decide to ignore your critic?

Last night I had a friend and her partner over for dinner as it was her birthday and we do this every year. After they had left, my critic started to question things I said and felt I was judgmental and patronising.(yes I know imagine my critic saying that!!)

. I have no idea idea why I do this but I am aware I do it.

Can anyone relate or have any ideas how to quiten that voice.

Quirky

[CMF]

Hi all,

my inner critic always pulls me up when I start to feel happy and on top of things. I mean, happiness and good times can't last can they? Everything comes to an end doesn't it?

my inner critic comes from low self esteem, worrying others think of me and from being a are how I am or how I sound around others. I gues when you've been told that if you do such and such people think your dumb. If you wear such and such people think you look stupid. Being around manipulative and controlling people creates this thought pattern because they have you doing things and accepting things out of beliefs that are not correct.

my inner critic did pop up yesterday. Did I sound bad when I said something? Was my fruit platter ok or did it look crappy? Is everyone still looking at me thinking I'm stupid Cos I'm single mum, I can't make anything work.

cmf

[CMF]

Forgot to add. My critic comes out when I care too much what others think.

[Elizabeth CP]

Everyone has an inner critic. We need to be able to assess what we are doing o we can improve or avoid acting badly. Problem is when that inner critic becomes a negative mean critic. I remember one teacher who was very belittling. Nothing I did was good enough. Even when I did something right I was accused of plagiarizing as I couldn't possibly have wrote it myself. The result was I gave up in that class as I knew I was hopeless. Too often the inner critic is like that teacher; a VERY harsh critic. I mentioned in another thread that we should try to develop what I call a kind critic. The kind critic is the other inner voice which points out what we did right or reminds us why we did something. For example 'I've never done that before so I did well for a first attempt & I'm sure I can improve with practise. ' or Doing XXXX is really hard for me so I did well to get as far as I did.' My thought are the more we consciously develop this kind critic which is realistic & accepts how difficult things are & also acknowledges the positives & encourages us to keep trying when things are hard eventually that kind critic can drown out the mean harsh crtic.

[Guest_1584]

Hell yeah. Had more arguments with myself yesterday than the whole year. How stupids that, of all days.

Why was l alone l need a women in , my life, sshouldl drive 3hours down to family, l don't want to , to hell with that, lhate christmas, nowmy daughter will be here and it's just me, l feel guilty not having a partner and other people around for her, why don't l invite people, because l'maguy and women are better at setting that stuff up , l'm hopeless at it, wth happened to the year, l'm depressed, l miss my gf so much , l've stuffed and wasted the whole year , on and on and on. Can the neighbours see l've got no visitors, l don't even want visitors, what's wrong with me. l miss my gf, she'll be alone too is she ok, is she thinking about me, and more on and on and on. Thank God l'm not still married or l'd be enduring the day with the in laws , that's one good thing.

whycouldn't l just wake up and enjou being a slob until my daughetr comes after lucnch.

[quirkywords]

hello to all

Thanks for reading and the great posts.

CMF, Thanks for your thoughts. As I wrote earlier. my inner critic also picks on me when I am doing ok.

I think the inner critic does pick on our vulnerabilities our low self esteem and our tendency to worry what others think of us.

Elizabeth, Thanks so much for telling us about the kind critic. I read what you wrote before and it appealed to me but as I may have said then to me a critic is not kind. A kind person is an encouraging person. the word critic even with kind in front of it makes me think of a two face critic sometimes kind sometimes mean. That is just me. I do like the idea of listening more to the kinder me, unfortunately I need much practice to coax her form hiding.

Randomx thanks for replying and revealing your inner critic. I hope in then end you enjoyed time with your daughter. The thing is we know we are undermining ourselves but we still do.

Quirky

[Moonstruck]

Quirky...it was quite a coincidence the first time you mentioned our "inner critic". I think it was on your other thread..because that VERY DAY I had gotten a book from the library and the first Practice in it was about "answering our inner critic".

It was put so clearly...something like "would you talk to your best friend or to a little child that way?"...."You don't fit in, you never get it right, you overstepped the mark there, they probably think you're stupid now, you can't wear that, you look awful in it, you really stuffed up that didn't you, " and on and on it plays like a relentless loud radio in our head. Why do we let it get away with this dreadful treatment of us? Surely its time we started answering it back!

the book suggested writing down the next horrible thing the inner critic said and then writing an answer in reply, sort of "sticking up for ourselves" or letting the "gentle critic" speak on our behalf, challenging all the harsh words the cruel one was telling us. I gave it a try. I was surprised at how well I defended myself and shut the cruel critic up!!.... It still comes back of course, it doesn't give up easily.

I am obviously still very much a work in progress. ( I thought we became wiser as we got "old") luv Moon S xx