Taking things the wrong way (on the forums and in life)

[Dr_Kim]

Hi everyone 

I am just jumping into this forum to say a few a things about how thoughts and feelings can mess us about in the hope that these insights are valuable in understanding why we get ourselves into certain beliefs about ourselves.

Throughout time, humans are evolutionarily wired to survive. Some of the things that have evolved to maximise survival also become a pain in the ass when they step in at the wrong time or at the wrong level or frequency . A common example of this is a panic attack . 
There is a primitive or reptilian brain (your amygdala) that sits on top of your spinal cord deep in your brain. It controls the “fight , flight or freeze” reflex that we have as a response to perception of danger . This was a very handy evolutionary responce when we were cave men as it allowed us to very quickly respond to predictors and not get eaten!! However , when it fires at the wrong time in response to an inappropriate trigger , its called a “panic attack”.

 Over riding that is our thinking brain or  mammalian brain (the cortex ). This part of your brain has all the filing cabinets in it with information about making sense of the world around us and deciding how to act . So if we hear a noise outside and use our cortex we can “ think “ about whether it is really a sabre tooth tiger, or just wind in the trees…( probably the latter given those tiger are now extinct!!) . 

Similarly, we are wired to “make stories”. We put together explanations for things in our heads because as an evolutionary response , the people who did this quickly, were probably less likely to get eaten by that tiger! As in “noise" and “dark" - quick , run! 

But … in this day and age , putting a story together fast with scant information often leads to an inaccurate story line and conclusion . We want to buy into it , it feels right to believe it , but in fact its just what a lovely therapy educator , Brene Brown recently called our SFD ( Shitty First Draft ). Meaning that we have taken a few dot points of info and drawn together a shitty narrative as that is the way our brains are wired. 

Stepping back and saying “ hang on a minute… is there another explanation , another way this story could be interpreted ?” takes time and emotional strength . ( by this time our cave men ancestors would have been well and truly eaten by that sabre toothed tiger!) . Being curious about our internal emotional world , the way we resist dealing with things , the barriers we put up to allow us to hang on the SFD…its hard therapy work and kind of “unintuitive”.. but can reap huge rewards.  

This can be really important when reading and interpreting posts here on the forums.

So team, what is your SFD? 

What are the barriers that unconsciously you may put up to not challenge this self view?

I hope this may help shed light on some ways of viewing  some of the beliefs , stories , thoughts  and feeling responses on this forum.

[Blue_Jane]

Hi Dr Kim

Thanks for explaining more about our natural fight and flights instincts, your explanation makes me understand our make up more.

We tend to jump to conclusions and make judgements - is that human nature? And is that the SFD you are referring to?

It is important to keep an open mind as we don't know the whole story behind someone's brave post.

Thanks for the thoughts.

Blue Jane

[The_Possum]

Hi Dr Kim

Thanks for this. It does make sense and very nicely explained.

I think jumping to conclusions about a story often happens when we relate some of what has been said or written to something in our own lives, and simply assume it's just the same thing. When in fact, it could be a very different story for that person.

I spent some time with my psychologist about 'jumping to conclusions' and why we do it and how it triggers off anxiety.

On a basic scale for example. You might text a friend and not hear back that day, when usually they are great at replying. In jumping to conclusions my anxiety might heighten and I automatically assume they don't want to speak to me any more, what have I done? The panic sets in.

In stopping that train of thought, I then have the ability to pause and think of all the other possible explanations for that. Perhaps they were busy at work, in a meeting, rushing to pick up kids. Etc etc

It took me a while to realise this before panicking.. It's something I'm still learning. Not to jump to conclusions.

Thanks

[Lucy3]

Hi Dr Kim,

Thank you for your insightful post.

I understand the role of the amygdala and our Flight fight response All too well 🙂

I have a physical condition/ and a Post Op trauma that messed around with my body for the last 5 or so years.

I have Cushing Disease, caused by a tumor in my pituitary gland. I had 95% of my pituitary gland removed with the hope my Cortisol levels would lower. During the surgery several things happened. My Hypothalamus was irritated, my optic nerve became inflammed, I had a CSF leak which had to be repaired with a fat graft. I spent 5 days in the High dependency unit and 12 days in hospital. It was a 2 year recovery after that. During the 2 yr recovery apparently ( according to my psychologist) my amagdala also was irritated. I was living on Ready set go, flight / fight response heightened 24hrs a day 7 days a week. I even woke several times a night in panic mode.

I have been working with this ever since. It's a hard slog, but I am determined to get on top of it all.

My SFD is just about everything. I have become Henny Penny 🙂 The sky is falling. Everything from a plane flying over head to my partner not turning a corner in time to a thorn prick in the garden causing tetanus was going to kill me. I think the worst part is being a nurse and a little knowledge becoming a powerful thing.

I am oh so slowly getting there. I am learning to accept my anxiety, I try not to fight it. I tell myself, did you die last time this happened ( eg plane flying above), no you didnt ! What are the chances it will kill you this time, very small next to zero. By the time I talk myself through all of this the panic is over. It is working, and It is getting easier. I may always have high cortisol levels, but there are always ways and means of handling these situations 🙂

I also agree with Blue Jane. We as a society do jump to conclusions and we are very judgemental. We dont realize it most of the time. I watched a very good movie the other day called " The Shack ". It looked a bit religious, but it really wasnt. But it did touch on the human race being judgemental. Its worth a watch 🙂

I think we would all learn a lot from sitting back and watching, listening, reflecting on whats said, going on before speaking or taking action.

As for me..... I take each day as it comes. I work with my issues, not against them. And each day I successfully get through is a Great Day 🙂

Thanks for reading

[okay]

This makes so much sense. Thank you Dr Kim.

[MezMerrit]

Well thank you for putting that into plain English Dr Kim! I have been struggling with SFD while trying to help my ASD son work through some issues he has with me. I made the grave mistake of calling it narcissism for lack of a better word and he has shut me down again. I feel like no matter what strategy I try, I'm always going to be wrong. I have developed the same pattern with my daughter (also ASD), unlike her brother we can't even get a convo started - she just knows we're headed in that direction by instinct and shuts me down before I can even start. I tend to have more patience with her because she has recently been diagnosed with chronic fatigue but all that has achieved is 2 years of nothing - complete shut down. They'd both prefer we didn't sort any issues out and, eventually (at the click of THEIR fingers), just pick up where we left off. But that is exactly why we keep having the same issues - because they're never resolved. In the meantime, my grand children are growing up and I'm missing out :~(