Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws and all here

I was in our local library briefly this morning Paws and I noticed Julia Baird has a book called Phosphorescence which looks rather nice - a collection of short essays by her.  I borrowed it and haven't had time to look at it much except the Letter to a Young Woman which I thought was rather nice.  I don't know if you have a library where you are but if you do perhaps they have it - or will order it in for you?  It looked like something you might enjoy and not heaving reading.

Quite chilly and overcast here.  I have a couple of excellent (I hope) documentaries on DVD from the library today and hope to watch one at least tonight.  

I hope everyone is keeping well and warm and OK.  Thinking of you re your sister Paws.

[Paw Prints]

Hello Hanna, wave to everyone,

I watched the first season of muster dogs, but not this season.  I enjoyed the first series, but just couldn't get interested enough to even try this series, I don't know why.  

No rain here unfortunately.  With the clear skies the nights are dropping down to 2 - 3 deg already, very nippy.  

Do let me know what you think of Julia's book, if it is any good I will try to get a cheap 2nd hand copy of it.  My nearest library is in the big town I go to for the chemist/doctor.  As it is an hour away I wouldn't do a trip just for the library & I already run other errands when I do go into town, so I just don't have the oomph to use it.  It would be nice if they did a bus library to the small towns hereabout, I remember using the bus library where I grew up & it was very handy for those who can't get to a main library.  

How annoying having the movie fritz on you, especially as it sounds like you were enjoying it.  I hope you have better luck with the doco's.  

I spoke to my sister yesterday & she was feeling much better than the previous times I've spoken to her.  They are giving her a variety of complimentary meds to help with the side effects of the chemo & the tumors.  She says these have kicked in at last & she has felt much more human the last few days & even has a bit of an appetite back.  I'm keeping everything crossed that they can keep tweeking them so she has many more good days.

Stay warm

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws,

I'm glad to hear you sister is much more comfortable now, and I hope that continues - feeling sick is horrible.  Thank goodness they've found some meds that are helping her.  

I think you would enjoy Phosphorescence.  I've had a quick read of a few of the essays - they're quite short and chatty -  about all sorts of things - the need for silence, friendship, getting older, etc.  I took a quick look on Ebay and a couple of sellers with excellent feedback are selling it for about $18.00 approx, including postage, which is pretty good for a hard cover book. World of Books Australia or Fishpond might have an even cheaper copy but I haven't checked.

Yes I was thoroughly enjoying Breath the movie and it seized up in a vital scene - so I have ordered a cheap copy on Ebay so I can finally finish watching it!  I figure it's going to take the library quite some time to get a replacement copy, I'm sure they have to go through paperwork and financial issues first..  I wasn't prepared to wait!  It's so nice to see a good Australian movie - the scenery was gorgeous.

I had a long day getting to an appointment and then got home and couldn't find my mobile anywhere and had to drive out and retrace my steps to find it - of course it was in the last place I went and thank goodness in the store someone had handed it in to the staff.  I really must get myself a spare phone in case of anything like this!

My young GP whom I saw today is very lonely for Canberra where he used to live - he went back there for a few days recently and was showing me photos he took with his phone of the autumn colours there - he knows I come from a similar climate - so we had a nice chat about how we both miss the four distinct seasons here!

Kitty gets anxious when I am out for long and has now fallen asleep next to me in the couch.  It's getting chilly at night but not as chilly as where you are, that is cold - today in the middle of the day was uncomfortably hot and people were complaining about it - there doesn't seem to be much of a break from the hot weather here.  

I am off to have an early dinner and relax, it seems to have been a hectic day - especially having to drive out and go all around looking for my phone in a panic after I'd finally got home and started to relax!

[Paw Prints]

Hello Hanna,

Oh what a scare losing your phone like that.  I've only ever done that with my purse (twice) & at least both times I had only been to one shop so it wasn't the run around you had.  It does get the heart racing though doesn't it.

How wonderful having a GP who will actually chat to you.  Mine can't wait to get you out the door.  There isn't much autumn colour around here as it is almost all native vegetation, only the big town I go to has trees that turn with the seasons.  I have a few deciduous trees at my place, but the leaves barely start to turn colour before they drop here or the winds rip them off.  Where I used to live my neighbour & I had Liquid Ambers which turn a deep red colour & drop lots of largish leaves which make great compost.  The neighbour across the way had a tree which had pale green leaves that first turned a gorgeous pale yellow then a real gold colour before dropping.  In fact most of the houses had non native deciduous trees, so Autumn was always a colourful time. 

It does sound like you a missing the seasons very much.  It must be horrible still having hot weather at this time of year.  Today was meant to be in the high teens & sunny, but I've had much needed showers of rain all morning & we have only made it to 14 so far, which is lovely.  

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws and all here

We did finally get rainy and chilly weather yesterday Paws and it was sheer heaven!  I loved it.  Today started like that but unfortunately fined up later and became sunny much to my disappointment!  I have an elderly (95) year old friend in Sydney who is home alone for a couple of days while her son who is her carer, visits his grandchildren in Melbourne - something he rarely gets to do.  She is amazing but did something to her mobile phone and now she can't send or receive messages or phone calls from it - oh dear.  She still has the landline and I ring her a few times each day to say hi and check on her, as well as her son phoning her. So in between doing a grocry shop and finally doing some housework today, my time is spent on the phone but she is marvellous and I'm happy to help - I do worry about her.

My GP is a lovely young Asian fellow and very lost here - he hates the climate - I thought it was sweet the way he took pictures of the autumn colours there last weekend - I used to do that where i lived and still have some on my phone too - so we commiserated with each other.  Most people here love the hot climate, so I think he was pleased to find someone else who understood about loving four distinct seasons.  When he's finished his GP training I have no doubt he will head back to our nation's capital much relieved.

I don't know where today has gone - I seem to have achieved very little apart from a grocery shop and a couple of chats to my elderly friend.  Maybe it's the shorter days that make me feel like I haven't got much done before it's evening again.  

Any news of your sister Paws?  I hope she is being kept comfortable.

Kitty was so sweet in the colder, wet weather yesterday, snuggling up to my on the sofa and very smoochy.  He's less so today now it's turned sunny and fine again - I think both of us yesterday were loving the rainy overcast day.  He still won't use the nice bed I bought him, instead he prefers on top of a throw rug on the armchair.  I purchased a laser pen from Ebay for him and he has had a wonderful time chasing the red dot all over the house - so at least it gives him some fun and exercise!

I have my care greenslip coming up so I need to be frugal over the next couple of weeks - gosh insurance has gone up as well as electricity!  I'm quite looking forward to my heated electric throw rug to arrive from Melbourne - I think mid-this week it should turn up - they're marvellous for keeping you warm on the couch and saving electricity costs.    One thing I don't miss from where I lived previously is the power bills from the cost of heating - it got to seriously cold temps there and you just had to have some heating in at least the living room.

I watched a concert of Paul McCartney from the Beatles in Red Square in Russia the other evening - it was some time ago and Paul and his wife met with Putin for morning tea, and Paul was saying what a pleasant chap Putin seemed to be!  Oh dear.  The concert itself was amazing - the Russians had never been able to listen to Beatles records as they were banned.  I can't imagine living under a regime like that.

I hope you are keeping warm and snug there Paws, I'm sure the nights are getting chilly.  Do you have an open fire or a decent heater?   A good thing about dogs was how they snuggled up next to you and kept you warm - I do miss that for sure.

ER if you are reading I hope you are having a relaxing time out and feeling better for it.

I'm off to have a nice cup of tea - I purchased a lovely old brown betty teapot at an op shop a while back and it's perfect!  I like a well-seasoned old teapot made in the UK... the tea is always wonderful.

[Eagle Ray]

Hello dear Paws and Hanna,

Paws, it sounds like nice cool temperatures where you are and it’s lovely to have the rain. And glad you got some nice rain too Hanna even though the sun came back out again. We have finally had some rain here a few days. I noticed rainbows today and suddenly realised I hadn’t seen one for ages when they are usually a common sight here. I also saw some emus in a paddock. I’ve seen them in that paddock a few times and I think they’re wild emus but I’m not sure how they get in there. Someone said yesterday barn owls have come into this area looking for water as it’s even drier in some inland parts where they usually hang out.

Paws, I’m so glad your sister has been feeling a bit better with the additional meds. I remember when my mum was having chemo there were many extra options along with the chemo, including things like foot and head massages and all sorts of things to help feel better. Anything that lifts your sister’s spirits is good. Yes it will be great if they can keep tweaking things to help her feel more comfortable. I think they know more and more these days about ways to care well for people through cancer treatment.

I hope you are doing ok and read about the sleeping in the day and being awake at night. It sounds really hard at times Paws. I was similar for a while and was only sleeping maybe 2-4 hours at night. In my case hormonal medication is now helping me sleep at night but I know it can be so hard and depression can play a major role too in the pattern of being low energy and sleeping in the day but awake at night. I can understand the impact of hearing about your sister affecting those patterns too. I think sometimes our bodies just go down like that and I’m finding it sometimes has to run its course but things can start to lift in their own time when ready. I hope you can find some peaceful rest and your body can feel some ease and some healing energy.

Hanna, I too miss times I’ve lived with dogs and they snuggle up and keep you warm. One of the first dogs I lived with was a beagle/cocker spaniel/border collie/kelpie mix. He was black and white with a curly tail. He was just a six month old pup when I started living with him. He would climb up next to me on the sofa and kind of sit like a little person with his legs out in front of him. He’d get sleepy then kind of collapse into me and go to sleep. He was so funny and I remember peaceful snoozes with him on the couch. The strongest traits in him were the beagle ones which meant he followed his nose and it sure was hard getting him to come back to you when out on a walk and he was off the lead.

Your teapot sounds lovely Hanna. I just went to make a cup of tea then remembered there was a power blackout. So I went and got a lemon from the garden and mixed it with some soda water which still gave me a bit of a lift. I drive to Perth tomorrow for a medical appointment which I don’t really feel up to but will have to psych myself up for it. Ah the power just came back on! Cup of tea time.

Take care and have a peaceful evening xx 

[Hanna3]

Hi ER and Paws and all here

Well we certainly have had rain here today - so much some of the roads have had flash floods!  It's stopped now but it's been lovely watching the rain out the window.  I had ordered a heated throw rug from Ebay and it was delivered this morning and it's so warm and comfy!  I think we will be using it tonight.

Kitty has been snoozing on the bed all day.  I ducked out to run a few errands and have a coffee - I don't like staying indoors the entire day, i need to get out even briefly.  I like to look out over the sea on a grey rainy day - all the boats are moored close to shore for safety in this weather and some of them are lovely to look at.  One thing I have always enjoyed here is when there is a weather change brewing, all the boats come in through the bar to safe harbour - the bar here is extremely dangerous with strong currents and rocks and there is a Marine Rescue here that monitors the ship traffic on computer screens and there are big warning notices up at the entrance of the bar to notify the ships.  I've seen plenty of vessels in trouble that have had to have assistance and get towed into shore - the marine rescue folk are incredible.  

ER I love different types of tea (even though I have plenty of coffee) and I learnt the hard way - buying teapots that either dribbled the tea out and made a mess, and/or made the tea go cold very fast - to look out for the older, earthenware pottery ones especially any made in the UK.  So many come from Asia now and they just don't work - the traditional English ones are the best at pouring and keeping the tea hot!  So when I saw this well-used, pre-loved old brown earthenware teapot in the OpShop I just knew it would be perfect!  You can see from the spout how much it has been used for years - so it's well-seasoned as the saying goes.

Paws I often wake up about 2am and can't sleep for a couple of hours - I end up getting up and doing the vaccuming or something like that, it really helps - they say the worst thing is to lie in bed trying to get back to sleep and I find getting up and doing something active - even in the middle of the night - helps me get back to sleep again later - and I feel like I've got something useful done as well!

ER I hope your appointment went well today and that you were safe on the drive and your car doesn't play up.  I hope you're feeling a bit rested after all the DSP hassle.  The drought in WA has been on the news quite a bit, it must be very bad.  I've seen dogs sit like you describe, I think they do it when they are very relaxed.  Kitty has been asleep on the bed here all day and has only just emerged to lie down on another bed in the living room.  Cats know how to spend wet chilly rainy days - snoozing on a soft warm comfy bed. 

I'm glad they can do so much to keep your sister as comfortable as possible Paws - I remember when I volunteered in palliative care a lot of care went into keeping patients as comfortable and cared for as possible - even small things like putting some vaseline on their lips so they didn't chap, and combing their hair - these small things are so important when you are sick in hospital.

I am off to have a cup of pumpkin soup for a late lunch - it's hot soup weather for sure!

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Hanna and Paws,

Hanna I know what you mean about it being good to get out of the house for a bit. I think it changes perspective and gives our senses something new to take in. Even when I’ve felt a bit reluctant to go out, I’m always glad afterwards that I did. It’s like a bit of a reset. It is also great as you say seeing the weather systems change, especially a storm system coming in.

Speaking of the ocean and weather, I’m staying at the back of someone’s place in the city and I found there is a copy of Tim Winton’s book Breath here. I already have read half of it last night. Like you Hanna I’m enjoying it. He describes places I know well and have known since childhood. I know the town of Angelus is Albany. He describes the peppermint trees, the wattlebirds, the karri trees etc, all the things I know well that have been and continue to be part of my life. Although I never went out in surf as crazy as in the story, I did used to bodyboard and remember huge sets coming in. So I can physically relate to the thrill, fear and immediate wildness of those experiences. I remember a friend and myself swimming out to a pontoon in the ocean when we were 14, no adults in sight as you just did your own things as kids back then. There was a cyclone coming down the coast and the surf was huge. We had to dive under the massive waves to get to the pontoon. You just do those things when you are 14 and I think you egg each other on a bit too. I’d be too scared now. So as Tim Winton is describing the adventures in the book those memories are coming back to me.

Paws, I am wondering if you have ever had chickens where you are? I can’t remember you mentioning any. The place I am staying in now has chooks and I like hearing their chooky noises. There is something comforting about chickens. I know for you Paws it would probably mean dealing with other issues that sometimes come up such as rats coming in after the chook feed or foxy predators. The woman here said they have rats to deal with. Where I live I had a brief mouse issue, but the possums are now the main visitors who galumph over my roof at night.

Hanna, the evidence of the drought is everywhere. About a decade ago they said about 20% of the vegetation in affected areas died. This time it is definitely worse. An area of several hectares considered high biodiversity near me with 300 plant species is actually now completely dead. It is partly because of the granite outcrop that’s part of it. Anywhere where there’s granite things heat up even more and die faster than other areas. It’s shocking seeing a complete ecosystem gone. Photos I took last spring of blooming flowers there seem historical now. But I’m hoping there is enough seed that’s fallen that new plants will emerge this spring. South-west WA is recognised as being a hot spot for climate change and it is coming to terms with the reality that the landscape Is changing and will change much more again in the future.

It is a beautiful day here. I can hear the train line nearby. It is funny hearing trains, planes and continuous traffic, all things that are not part of my soundscape at home (except for occasional small recreational planes). I imagine it is quiet where you are Paws without those kinds of sounds. I can imagine it being very peaceful where you are.

Hope you both and anyone reading have a beautiful day.

Hugs,

ER

[Hanna3]

Hi ER and Paws and all,

That's great that you are enjoying Breath ER!  How terrific that you are familiar with the areas he's talking about as well - that makes it really meaningful.  It's not a "nice" easy story either, it's quite gritty - he was quite a wild teenager and mixed with a crowd that got into trouble.  I ended up ordering a copy of the movie online and it arrived today so I will be able to finish it - I watched it years ago but can't remember it really well.  I loved the scenery in it.  It's lovely to see and hear Australian actors as well.

The drought where you are sounds terrible.  I got out the movie of Monkey Grip this afternoon from the library - I don't know if you have read any Helen Garner - I loved this and saw the movie long ago and discovered the library has a copy so I will revisit it.  I seem to be on a roll with Australian movies lately!

I have a call with my energy company this afternoon which is probably going to take time so I'm writing now.  It's been warm today but now turned chilly and raining a bit and windy.  Kitty goes a bit nuts in windy weather, I think all animals do.  

ER you might really enjoy Cloudstreet by Tim Winton as well.  It was also made into a movie.  I loved it, but haven't re-read it in a long time, but it was a favourite of mine along with Breath and his short story collection The Turnings.   Helen Garner is so different to Winton, but they are/were great friends.  The book of hers I really enjoyed was The Spare Room, where she had a sick friend stay who was undertaking what she felt was fake medical treatment.  It's thought-provoking.

Paws, I noticed you were chatting on another thread (excuse me for reading) about new washing machines.  I had to get one not long ago and like you, I was daunted at the sight of a computer-based washer.  The guy who installed it showed me the basics and I have found it best to stick to one cycle only - I don't try all the different cycles and I think they're unneccessary.  I preferred the old machines - less to go wrong - but I admit this machine is small and sleek and gets the job done well - but definitely easier just to stick to a plain short wash and rinse cycle - otherwise you're pushing buttons all over the place!  I got mine from  Appliances Online at a friend's recommendation and honestly couldn't recommend them highly enough - it was delivered and installed by a pleasant guy on the spot who also showed me the ropes of using it.  I live a fair distance from whitegoods stores, so ordering online and getting it delivered to my door was great service.

ER I'd love to hear how you find the latter part of Breath - it's a difficult story and not everyone's cup of tea as it were.  I think you would love the movie, especially as you know some of the places he talks about.

I had the owner of a cafe I used to frequent quite often ask me the other day why I was hardly there any more.  I think business must be a bit slow for her to enquire.  I had to explain it's simply due to cost of living - basic groceries and electricity and insurance go up and up but the pension remains the same and I pay a third of that in rent - it doesn't leave much after that.  I must say I do find $5.50 for a cup of coffee a lot when I can make my own at home and take it out in a thermal mug and it costs me a few cents that way.  

It's getting colder by the minute here and kitty is skittich with the wind and boredom.  I got a laser pen the other day and he is going nuts chasing the red dot - at least it makes him run around and get exericse!

Paws I hope your sister is keeping comfortable and well cared for.  It must be a constant worry for you.  

Sending warmest wishes to everyone.

[Eagle Ray]

Hi Hanna and Paws,

Hanna, I finished reading Breath tonight. It is a well written book but I can understand it not being everyone’s cup of tea. I feel it’s probably important to say some content could be triggering for some readers trauma-wise. I have some trauma issues linked to breathing so some parts were hard to get through, but I’m also super sensitive. But I found it told the story of the main character really well. It comes full circle, beginning with this man with a history that is a mystery to begin with. Then it goes back and fills in the gaps and explains all the context of his adolescence. It’s a coming of age story where it was also his undoing. It reflects the struggle for belonging and acceptance through risk and the way that can play out in a young person still just barely forming their sense of the world. It made me reflect on a lot of things, even people I know, and how they got to where they are now in their life.

I remember seeing an interview with Tim Winton where he spoke of how his dad was a police officer. It meant as a child he heard about some bad things his dad was exposed to in his job, so Tim learned about the dark underbelly of life probably more than some other kids. Some of that darkness has probably gone into Breath. I’ve also heard him speak about a kind of dark feeling in Albany where he spent some of his childhood, the basis of the town of Angelus. I remember him mentioning when the whaling was still happening and the feeling of death at the whaling stations. I spent time in Albany as a child too and it does have a certain energy, a kind of greyness in the frequent overcastness and even the grey granite rocks that punctuate the landscape.

Anyway, I’m glad I read it even though the latter part gets harder at times to read. Though even in the earlier parts there were times it was hard reading about the ever-escalating challenges in testing themselves in evermore dangerous surf. It is interesting the line between risk and keeping some groundedness. I’ve been reflecting on the importance of groundedness lately and its necessity for balance, good mental health and living wisely and peacefully.

Well must go to bed now. I hope you both have a good week. it was sunny and warm in the day here but cooling off at night. I think 27 is forecast for tomorrow.

Hugs,

ER