Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Paws and Hanna,

I’ve just been watching The Dog House on Channel 10 where they match people up with a rescue dog. It is a very lovely show and the people who care for the dogs are beautiful people. I am thinking you would like it Paws but I’m not sure if you get TV reception where you are. I find it healing to watch when I’m feeling like I need something warm and comforting. I’m sure you’d like it too Hanna. Tonight the last match up was so moving. A woman had experienced a recent loss and she bonded with a little Jack Russell cross called Eloise who is very shy and gentle. You could see it was the perfect match. Another family were looking for a companion for their Bulldog Boris. He is such a character. They eventually realised he is at a stage he wants his own space as an older dog, so the match up didn’t quite work in that case. But the dog they tried to match him with did find another home. And a really nice couple adopted a lovely 11 year old black Labrador. I’ve already forgotten his name. He was lovely too. They helped him lose weight and he seemed much younger than his 11 years. 

Take good care Paws and we are here if you want to have a chat any time.

Big hugs,

ER

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws and ER and all,

It's public housing that's the problem Paws - the standard of housing is just terrible - they are old and regular maintenance is never carried out due to lack of funding.  The only really good housing I have seen is the new villas that organizations like Housing Plus are putting up.  These at least are modern and have reverse cycle cooling and heating and some insulation.'

There is a video online of public housing in Vienna in Austria and it is just wonderful - and I wonder why here in Australia the standards are so low.  I hoped the housing shortage would spur governments onto spending more money on affordable housing but it doesn't seem to happen.  Then of course people who live in this housing get health problems from how inadaquate it is and that costs our public health system.  Prevention by building decent quality housing would be a good idea!

ER I got on the DSP long ago when it was easier than now, but even then it was a gruelling process and it's demoralizing because you basically have to prove you can't do anything at all - which is demeaning, and if you're not careful you can take that on board.  It's a really demoralizing process.  Try not to let it get you too down - the govt makes it deliberately difficult and it drags people down.

I am now on the Age Pension and that is heaps better because it doesn't carry the stigma of the DSP - so once you reach the age where you can switch over, do that!

Paws any news of your sister?  I hope your family are keeping in touch with you, it's an anxious time and support is needed!

[Hanna3]

ER i used to be a volunteer dog walker for the animal shelter in Canberra some time ago and I loved taking the big dogs for walks around the forest nearby, but if I could have I would have taken the whole lot of them home with me!  Rocky Kanaka is good for the soul I think - his videos are something positive and caring.  I'm glad you're enjoying them.

The DSP makes you have to declare yourself hopeless and that's a real problem with it.  Don't take the process on board - once you're on it you don't have to go through this again.  I remember how degrading I found the process ages ago.  

Centelink does this to people - it's pretty much designed to be degrading and humiliating for people to deter them from going on any sort of welfare.  Don't let them get the better of you - they're just a bunch of clerks and some of them like the bit of power they have.

We have a beautiful day here and I'm going to make the most of it...  will try to come by later on.  You will be fine ER, the process is designed to do this to you - it's demeaning.  Hopefully soon it will all be behind you and you can relax a bit.

[Hanna3]

Hi ER - and Paws yes we kind of ambushed your thread and please excuse us!  I hope you are managing OK with the stressful family situation you are having to deal with lately.  

ER sorry I had neighbours call in earlier and had to cut off quickly.  It's very understandable you feel raw after the DSP application dredging up a lot of stuff publicly for you.  Take time to recover from that- thank goodness the application is done now.  I have watched the Dog Box but it didn't appeal to me as much as the Sitting with Dogs channel on Utube - I have a friend who loves watching it though and I'm glad they find the dogs good homes.

There are some soothing Utube channels - I like one called Life with Hazel which only shows videos of a purring cat - for some reason I find it very soothing.  I went out for a bit this morning after chatting with my neighbours and ran into a pleasant couple visiting here with their two lovely dogs, looking for a nice beach to give the dogs a run on - I was glad to be able to direct them to the local dog-friendly surf beach and wished I could have watched their dogs have a great time there.

We had some fun early this morning when the neighbour's little miniature poodle came by - she likes to terrorize my cat at the window and he runs away and hides.  He doesn't seem to have worked out yet that the dog can't reach him through the glass!  The little poodle knows she has him rattled and you can see she is enjoying taunting poor kitty.  The two of them do make us laugh though.

I hope things settle down for you soon ER - now the application is done you can hopefully take some time out to nurture yourself and maybe go out and enjoy the wildlife photography and the calming experience of nature around you, it's good for the soul.

[Eagle Ray]

Hi Hanna and Paws,

I am kind of philosophical about the DSP now as it is in the hands of Centrelink. I applied because each attempt I've made to go back to work my health has just collapsed again. I felt I had no choice. But I've also been told most applications fail these days, so I am still working on how I'm going to survive if it isn't accepted. I am working on my own healing all the time and trying to find my way through. I think even if you do get it you are still regularly reviewed now. My goal and hope is that I can get to a point where I can develop a small business idea I can manage with my health and in an ideal world be self-sufficient. Even if I got the DSP I would still be working towards this and the DSP would just be more of a safety net that would give me greater support to begin with. I am doing a bit each day working on this and looking towards the best future I can envisage that is optimal for my health and well being. I'm about to cook dinner shortly and I discovered a podcast called The Chronic Illness Recovery Podcast, so I am going to have a listen to that while I prepare dinner.

Paws, I read Julia Baird's article in her Staying Upright series this morning. It's a great series so thank you for bring my attention to it. I was inspired by the story of the young woman who went through the assault and the way she has made sense of her situation. She was saying how we can't really run away from grief. She said, "Grief is not faster than we are but it is tireless. It won't give up until you are face to face with it." I know this is true of my own life and I am starting to identify ways to begin to shift aspects of my being that have been stuck and find ways to deal more directly with things that have felt so hard. I am looking to sources of support and ways to make some breakthroughs. I related to what she said about a song helping. I have found songs really helpful many times, especially those that resonate with what I'm going through. I don't know if either of you find this too with music and songs? For me they can reach where words alone may not be able to.

Well I must go and make dinner as I'm a little hungry. Croix is away for a week and I've put a call out to MK to make mischief at the iceberg. I haven't heard back yet but I expect if I do there will be shenanigans. Feel free to join in on the thread in the BB social section if you would like to.

Hugs,

ER

[Paw Prints]

Hello Hanna & ER,

ER I'm glad you are also getting something from Julia's articles as I am.  I hope she continues the series for many more weeks as I have found a little nugget of gold in each essay, which even if not directly relatable to my experiences still resonates.

Hanna public housing used to be something we were proud of, then we had the thatcher years where the unemployed & homeless were called dole bludgers & it was no longer ideologically the done thing to invest in social housing or other services.  Unfortunately that ideology is still held in some quarters so it is hard to get the spending needed.  Our pollies need to remember the value of things should not just be judged on the bottom line.

ER I like The Dog House (both Aus & UK versions), but unless I happen to have the tv on & be scrolling just before it starts I never remember when to watch.  I can only get TV by satellite here which was strange to start with because though the programs are the same as here in Vic, depending on which commercial channel I watch the news & ads are for other states.  With the ABC I get to watch all states so that means if I miss a show it will be on later my time as it is broadcast at it's time in SA, NT or WA.

Hanna I love that you used to walk those dogs, so many shelters need volunteers to do things like that.  My niece who is currently waiting for surgery for the reappearance of her breast cancer was volunteering at a cat rescue, which she said needed far more volunteers than they had.

My sister has her second round of chemo this week, so no visitors other than her daughters & hubby.  They will let us know how she gets on.

Hugs

Paws

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Paws and Hanna,

The public housing issue makes me think of a friend in the city who has had such a difficult time in the public housing she has been in. I really hope Hanna that where you go next is somewhere you really like that feels like home for you.

Paws, I could see that Julia has put out a call for others to share their experiences of enduring through difficulty, so I imagine quite a few people will volunteer their stories which will probably provide many more stories to come. It is always so encouraging to read about how people have got through their challenges.

All the best to your sister Paws. It's great she has her family for support.

I may disappear for a bit over the next week or so but I will reappear again. I've been feeling incredibly fragile and vulnerable to the extent that I'm kind of closing down to communication. But it is like I've just come out of several very extreme months with my mental health, then I had to focus on the DSP application and now my body just wants to curl up into a ball. But it actually feels in a good way, like a kind of healing where I need to just be really quiet and still. I'm learning to listen to my body. This morning I woke at 5:15am and I just lay there until 10:15am. I think I am in a kind of recovery where I just need to withdraw for a bit. So I might need to go to where Croix has put up his Gone Fishin' sign on the iceberg and put one up for me there too.

Have a lovely week ahead and big hugs to you both,

ER

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws

Is that Julia Baird awe on her Facebook page - I'm not on Facebook so I can't check.  Yes I loved walking the dogs at the RSPCA shelter - the staff were desperate for people to walk the big dogs as apparently people only wanted to take the little dogs, and I was used to big dogs so gladly took them around the lovely forest nearby.  The poor things were stuck in a cage all day apart from that walk and they were wretched when I had to put them back in again afterwards.  If I could I would have bought up the lot of them and kept them in a big paddock somewhere where they could run to their hearts' delight.

We have a huge storm brewing here and a sudden temperature drop.  I've been looking at heated throw rugs on Ebay where they are significantly cheaper than in-store shopping - I find them a great help in winter evenings and help keep the electricity cost down as well.

I agree about the Housing - once we built comfortable, decent houses for people on low incomes, now the existing housing stock is crumbling from age and disrepair but people are still being housed in it - with inadquate insulation and poor quality and black mould, people then get health problems as a result of too hot/too cold/mould - and that costs the government again (and more importantly affects the poor people who get sick).  I get a bit impatient with our PM talks about growing up in public housing but appears to take no interest in it - how disappointing, I had great hopes.

Where I lived inland in the summer where we had daily temperatures in the mid-40s the food in my cupboards actually melted, it was that hot inside the fibro.  In winter it was so cold my muscles seized up trying to cook in the kitchen.  

Well I have got a couple of interesting looking books from the library today and it looks like it's going to be good reading weather here.  

ER I hope you feel better after some time out.  I don't know about how they manage the DSP nowadays - when I got onto it once you were on they didn't bother you again.  I have neighbours here who are on the NDIS due to her MH condition -but with a full time partner as her carer, who drives her everywhere, she still got a woman to take her supermarket shopping and two gardeners yet they have no garden here - only a couple of small pot plants.

It did finally get to the point where the gardeners had to admit they couldn't continue coming because they had nothing to do - and the woman who drove her to the shops also finally left - she had her husband living with her full time and he always drove.  People like this who rort the system really annoy me - they take funds from people who really need the help.

So hang in there and hopefully as you say it will at least be some backup for you.

I'm off to finally relax for a while here now.  Paws, hoping your sister is managing OK and that you are taking care of yourself also.

[Paw Prints]

Hello Hanna & ER,

ER take the time you need & look after yourself, you have had a lot of pressures.  I'm glad you're listening to your body & taking some time to ground yourself.

Hanna Julia's articles are on the ABC "news just in" web page, she is doing one article a week, if you put her name in the search box at the top of the page they should come up.

I had been quite chuffed that for over a month I had managed to go to bed at a reasonable time in the evening & then get up at a reasonable time in the morning, but since my sister's news I'm back to spending too much time in bed & only getting up for a few hours.  I am now working at getting back into the better routine & for the last few days I have managed to get out of bed before 5pm which is a big improvement over getting up around 11pm & going back to bed before dawn.  I'm hoping that by the end of this week I will back to the more reasonable times, especially as for some reason I find it much easier to do things about the house in the morning.

I should do something useful now I'm up (I have had my porridge), but I think I will start a jigsaw & see how I go from there.

Stay warm

Hugs

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws, ER and all here

Two very busy days and sorry I haven't been able to be here much.  Torrential rain here today which I thoroughly enjoyed although driving in it is not so nice.

I watched a dog show this morning on SBS and didn't get the name of it, I'll try to Google it later on, it was delightful.  Paws did you ever watch Muster Dogs, the Australian show I think on the ABC.  I loved it.

I'm glad you're getting back to a more normal routine.  I wonder if you are getting this rain there - parts of this area are slightly flooded.  I borrowed the movie of Breath yesterday and started watching it last night and thoroughly enjoyed it until the DVD seized up right at a critical moment in the movie and I couldn't get it to play any further - rats!  So I only got about half way through.  I'll hand it back to the library staff and let them know it needs replacing.  It was such a good movie!

Sorry I have so little time tonight but wanted to come by and say hi.  More tomorrow but i'm off to get dinner at last!  ER I hope you are having some helpful down time.