Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[Paw Prints]

Hello Hanna & ER,

I've spent the last couple of days in bed so I haven't been on here.

Hanna a well seasoned teapot does make the perfect cuppa, the same as with a well seasoned cast iron pan the food rarely sticks.  I think so many people these days have been made to think that everything must be scrubbed back to the original to be healthy which most definitely isn't the case.

ER I don't have chickens here, even though the fresh eggs would be great, I decided against getting them a) because they encourage rats & mice, plus snakes (which I have more than enough of anyway), b) I'm not a fan of their faces or feet which creep me out. I would love to have ducks but the mice/snake reason counts them out too.  The other issue would be the foxes as ducks need much more space & a pond, & so can't be kept in a fox proof enclosure like chooks can.  

More rain has been falling here which is lovely & there is now a hint of green starting to show in the paddocks

Hugs

Paws

[Eagle Ray]

The rain sounds lovely Paws and wonderful to see the hint of green. I understand about keeping either ducks or chickens. You don’t need added issues with rats, mice or snakes and you wouldn’t have wanted more snakes about, especially with Woofa. I hope the rain and the freshness it brings can help you feel a little better. I love the clean smell of fresh rain. I know when I’ve felt my worst, one thing that helped was standing at the window and feeling the fresh air and breeze on my face. It brought me a bit back into the present moment and I felt more connected again to myself and the world. Where I live the ocean is near and there is a freshness that rolls in from it. Sometimes it comes in the form of an air mass when there is no wind, but this refreshing air just comes through the window and screen door like an invisible fog. It’s a lovely feeling.

Go gently and allow yourself to rest if that’s what you need. I imagine you have some lovely birds visit you where you are. Have you noticed new or different bird activity since the rain? When it started to rain the other day where I live, the birds just filled the bushes in the back garden and flitted about loving it. I find seeing the birds very therapeutic too. They seem to just relish in being a bird. I have this memory of a Michael Leunig poem or piece of writing about ducks. It’s about how ducks just go about the business of being a duck, while us humans can be complicated. I love watching ducks having a bath in a lake. I’ve managed to get some photos of when they do a big wing flap after dunking themselves several times. Spray flies everywhere and I love trying to capture that in a photo.

Hanna, the first thing I thought of again on waking this morning was Breath and the wrongness of how is young teenage self was exploited by others. He was too young to handle what he was exposed to and it was sad there was no strong enough presence from wiser adults who could have helped him know what is more grounded and safe. He was being used by the characters of Sando and Eva to feed something going on in them, whether it was Sando’s ego or Eva’s emotional pain. If only his parents could have reached him more, but teenagers can drift off into their own world. His vulnerability was being used by others. You can see how becoming a paramedic was a trauma response to what he’d been exposed to and that “normal” for him had become that rush that reflected what he went through at 15. It made me reflect how important the teenage years are in our emerging sense of an adult self and that ongoing nurturance and a steady, wise presence from those older is really needed. We need people around us who are modelling a healthy way of being in the world.

It’s still dark here and almost 6am with the noise of steady traffic outside even at this time, plus the sound of the train. The city is such a different world to me now and I’m happy my home has the peace and quiet.

Take care Paws and Hanna and wishing you a gentle, restful day.

Hugs,

ER

[Hanna3]

Hi ER and Paws and all,

Paws you are right about a well-seasoned teapot!  I learnt the hard way after buying a new pretty-looking one that didn't pour well and the tea got cold in fast.  Now I stick to old teapots that look well-used and much loved like the one I just got - it's clearly been used over and over and cared for, it's old.  I just love it. A teapot like that deserves a loving home!  I did a lovely Earl Grey in it last night and thoroughly enjoyed it.

I love chickens, I used to mind a friend's chooks when she went away where i lived inland, I love the hominess of them and they were such friendly, curious creatures - but I understand the snake issue and I wouldn't like that either Paws!  

It's sunny today with a light breeze - I wonder if you have this weather down your way, it's lovely for sitting outside for a while enjoying nature surrounding you - soothing and uplifting.  

ER Tim Winton grew up with a wild group of kids, as teenagers they were great risk takers not just in the surf but with dangerous car driving and as he says, many of them died this way.  His Dad was sick for a long time from memory so maybe the absence of his father impacted him.  What I find uplifting is that he got out of this and managed to become a great writer, and he couldn't have done that without the experiences he had to write about.  Young men especially tend to take risks I think - I was just watching the poor parents of those young men surfers who died recently in Mexico - young surfers who travelled to a dangerous part of the world and are now dead as a result.  Breath was a difficult story in parts but very true to his youth and coming of age.  The book had to have an edge to it, if he had just written about teenagers surfing it wouldn't have worked.  The movie handles all this with great sensitivity and I think you would enjoy it  My copy from Ebay came yesteray and I watched it last night and thought it was wonderful.

It sounds delightful where you live. I never got to Albany but I can well understand it might have a "feel" about it after the awful whaling years there.  I hope you managed to enjoy the book despite some of the darker content.

I had a lovely long phone call last night from an old friend inland where I lived, we chatted for a couple of hours, he was saying how the nights are freezing there now and the autumn colours are superb and the days getting properly cold too at last.  He's a crusty old bachelor who is finding it very hard to make any friends there, it's hard as he's a lovely man.  I've told him to not hesitate to ring when he is feeling lonely.

I'm off out for a while now as it's a lovely day here.  Will come by later on and I hope everyone has a pleasant day!

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Paws and everyone….🤗..

Your words about a well seasoned tea pot reminded me of something I did a few years back….I was washing up our morning tea cups one day at work and found the white magic sponges.. I never used them before that and was fascinated at how clean they got everything so I decided  to cleaned out the tea pot and coffee pot at work because they looked brown and dirty along with some cups that was tea/coffee stained on the inside…Needless to say that it wasn’t at all appreciated 😁…I thought I was doing everyone a favour…was I wrong about that😂😂…

We all have our own cups, mine I make sure I clean it with those white magic sponges each time I use it….The other cups I just give a normal wash and rinse in hot water…it didn’t take too long for them to get stained all over again…now everyone’s happy they have clean but stained teapot, coffee pot and cups….

How are you feeling sweet Paws, it’s horrible, depression isn’t it…I understand staying in bed due to depression, I do it quite often….I do hope that you’re feeling even a little better today, hugs dear sweet Paws….you’re an amazing person….I hope you know that…🤗❤️🦋…You got this sweetheart….Depression won’t ever define the people we are…we are stronger then it, and it won’t beat you, me or others if we don’t let it….Let’s choof it off together 🤜👿🤛..

Hugs, love and care everyone..❤️🤗🦋..

Grandy..

[Hanna3]

ER, Breath would be a good book to discuss at a reading group.  I have no idea if Winton himself had any such experience re the older couple or whether he simply made it up or heard about something similar, but it's a great topic for a discussion group.  I finished the movie yesterday and the coastal scenere was stupendous.  I like what Winton says about men surfing waves were doing something beautiful and graceful and he'd never seen men doing something like that before; and also that surfing saved his life as he stopped driving around with the other wild kids and went to the beach instead.

We have wild wet and windy weather here tonight - I'm under a warm throw rug with my beloved teapot and looking forward to watching Queen in Montreal and/or finishing the book I'm reading! 

Paws hoping your sister is comfortable and still being well cared for.  I wonder if you have this rain down your way...

[Eagle Ray]

Hi Hanna and Paws,

Yes, I enjoyed reading Breath even though it got quite dark. I don’t read much fiction. I’m not sure why as I loved it as a child. It does take you to another world that you get immersed in. I would like to see the movie. I read that it was filmed in the town of Denmark which I also know. There are some incredibly beautiful beaches in the vicinity of Albany and Denmark.

Yes, you can see how parts of the book have elements relevant to his own life while still not being strictly autobiographical. I think great writers, whether novelists, songwriters or whatever writing they do, have to bring something from their own human experience to make it work. I was impressed how he created multiple threads relevant to the theme of “breath”. There is a lot of detail and depth when you think about the book. I agree it would be a great book for a reading group with so many aspects to talk about. A good story will make you feel the characters are real, almost like people you feel you now know.

I agree that surfing is a graceful activity. It’s both athletic and full of finesse. I’m imagining it uses multiple areas of the brain from co-ordination to spatial thinking to creativity. In surfing competitions they are trying to be artistic as well as showing strength and athleticism, with points for performing artistic manoeuvres. I guess there’s a few Olympic sports like that, such as gymnastics, diving and figure skating.

There was a bit of a stormy looking sky that I was looking at leading up to sunset this evening. It was very atmospheric. There apparently may be thunderstorms on Friday with some decent rain forecast.

Wishing you both a good day tomorrow.

Hugs,

ER

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Paws and everyone…..🤗..

I posted yesterday but it looks like cyber space ate it for lunch…

Your post about a well seasoned teapot brought back some memories…

A few years back now at work, when I first started their…I decided to wash the cups at work as well as a teapot  and coffee pot, they looked all dirty and yucky to me. While washing up, I found one of those white magic sponges and started cleaning the inside of the cups, the teapot and the coffee pot. I was so proud of myself that I managed to get them sparkling 😁…the next day when it was time for morning tea I found out that I done a very wrong thing.. They were quite upset. I had  cleaned them…. I wasn’t very popular. 🙃. They told me I took away all the flavour of the teapot. Now, when I wash the cups , the teapot  and coffee pots, I just wash them in hot soapy water. Now they are nice and dirty and everybody’s happy. I still continue to wash my cup to get rid of all the tea stains. 😁.

I do hope you’re feeling better Paws, I can relate to spending a few days in bed what I’m not feeling the best. It’s okay to do that Paws, That’s us doing  what we need to do to get through that day or days….How are you feeling today sweetheart….Please remember that depression doesn’t define who we are…it’s just a horrible visitor that pops over without any welcome from us and try’s to invade our lives….We can be stronger than our unwanted visitor (depression…., sometimes,  we need to stay in bed until we regain our strength to fight it and choof it off, 🤜👿🤛….

I love the rain so much…the sound it makes on my iron roof, the scent it releases from the grass and trees…the way it washes of the dirt from the leaves of the trees and make them look fresh…I like watching the little birds enjoy splashing in puddles..even in winter 🥶 brrrr…

I hope you’re feeling better dear Paws and today is a good day for you….(and everyone else)…

Hugs, with my care and love everyone..🤗🌈❤️

Grandy..

[Hanna3]

Hello Grandy and ER and Paws and everyone

Grandy you did give me a laugh, I just logged on and read about you washing the teapot!  Poor old you, it was the natural thing to do - we teapot-lovers do get a bit funny about our tea things don't we?  I'm sure I would have done exactly the same thing until I got interested in tea brews and so forth.  It's lovely to hear from you and I think your surgery is put forward a bit?  You will be a new woman once all that is finally done!

I just had an email from the cathedral where I used to live - they send one regularly - they thought it was the first frost this morning but instead it was some rain, but they think the frosts will start soon.  I was chatting to my elderly farmer friend there the other night and he said the nights were very chilly now but the days still not so bad.  It's so different here where they days are still hot and sunny in the middle - but we have a storm brewing here now and it's rapidly cooling down.

Is your town going ahead at all Grandy - friends back in town starting with B say that town and O town are getting huge with new housing estates everywhere.  It had already started when I was there a year ago now, the housing estates had spread over all the lovely green hills I used to love looking at.

ER I don't know if you enjoy movies but I thought of one that I think you would enjoy, What's Eating Gilbert Grape?  I was always put off by the name for some reason, but a while back I borrowed it from the library here and absolutely loved it, what a sweet film about a young teenage boy who has to deal with a mother who has her own problems and a disabled younger brother.  It's honestly heartwarming and there's no heavy or really dark stuff in it - just the reality of this teenage boy's life managing these family issues  

I don't know where today has gone - I had to run an errand, return some books to the library (where I found another couple of good ones i hope) and then got home to have a late lunch and now kitty is all sooky and demanding attention - he is very vocal and meows a great deal when he thinks I am much too occupied with either the computer or the phone!  

Grandy, my friend out west hails from smallish town starting with B that is renowned for its fogs - he grew up on a sheep property out there, has never married, and retired into big town B only to find how hard it is to make any friends as you get older.  I feel sad about him, as I and another lady befriended him in the dog park and he later said we were the only people to be friendly to him.  He is 82 and it's sad he has to be so lonely.  I feel bad in that respect to have moved away.  He has one remaining sister in aged care, otherwise he says he is the "last man standing".  I honestly wonder why a couple of ladies from his church don't at least invite him for a cup of coffee with them after the service - there is a little cafe next to the church - just to be friendly.

I watched a rock concert last night - since i am saving I am going out less and dvds are the way to go - it was Queen in Montreal and I must say those guys have stamina - imagine all that singing and dancing and playing in front of such a massive crowd.  I'd pass out from stage fright.I like it best when Freddie Mercury plays the piano.

ER I don't read much fiction now - I used to, but now I like non-fiction, I can pick and choose the bits that interest me and browse through the book.  I try to tell myself I'm keeping myself informed... because I have some sight issues, I am finding movies more restful as I don't have to focus as much.

I don't think anywhere will be quite the same without little Sam, but I am hopeful of a new doggie one day and we will start again.  I keep seeing people out walking their dear little doggies and feel positively jealous!

Paws, I am glad your sister is gettng what sounds like excellent care.  When my mother had cancer the treatment was hopeless and almost non-existent and she suffered enormously.  She was a volatile and difficult woman but you don't wish that on anyone - I am so glad the care and treatment has improved in the decades since then.  I hope you are taking care of yourself during this stressful time.

[Hanna3]

ER I meant to say - I was talking with a young Canadian doctor here the other day and he mentioned he is planning to move to a town south of Perth - it sounds like somewhere around your area?  He said he loved the town and area and also it was easier to fly to Europe from there - evidently he stayed in the area for some time with his wife.  It's unusual to come across a Canadian moving to WA.  I'm not sure if I mentioned this to you previously or if it was someone else irl that I was talking to about him.

Grandy, do you have all your pawkids still?  I hope the fur family are keeping well.  Do you still volunteer at the Op Shop?  It sounded like it was giving you a social group as well as something useful to the community to contribute to, good on you for sticking with it for quite a long time now.  I think the Op Shop of your name in town with B had a reputation for bullying among the ladies...

Paws, any more thoughts about another doggie?  I wonder what the cost is these days as well, dogs since covid have become so expensive!  I rememer the Great Dane I came across in the park in B town some time ago and how huge the dog was - and an absolute sweetheart.

Hope everyone stays snug and warm tonight.

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy, ER & Hanna,

Grandy I scrubbed a teapot sparkling clean inside & out when I a youngster & doing the dishes.  Both my parents were tea drinkers & were not impressed by my hard work, a mistake I have never repeated.  It was also driven home to never make tea in a cold pot or to use water that wasn't at full boil. 

ER I am a few km's from the coast, but the valley I'm in runs down to the coast & so I get the strong southerlies off the ocean & the ocean fog often rolls all the way up past my place.  I've never known winds as strong as I get here from the south, it can make being outside in them tiring.  I do love the smell of rain, especially when you can smell it before it reaches you.  

Hanna despite my missing having Woofa, I still don't feel ready for a new furry friend, plus the list of "to do's" still needs work.  I think part of it is my heart still wants another Great Dane even though my head knows I can't have one.  I'm pretty sure the Queen concert I watched on SBS last year was the Montreal one, the energy they need to get through a full show was amazing as they do a very long show with only a short break. They also had a few Queen doco's on, I don't know if you have seen it, but the footage of Freddie singing with the opera singer I think was the best bit as he was clearly loving it.

I saw on the news tonight you all may get rain over the coming days & I'm envious.  Looking at what we might get in Vic it seems it will miss here, plus the south westerly cold fronts expected which normally bring rain here, all look like they will slip past under Vic.  So a run of dry sunny days & very cold nights ahead for me here.

I had my bird identification book out today as the strange wren size bird with the red chest was back again & I finally was able to identify it as a Scarlet Robin as it stayed for a longer time than previously.  The Fairy Wrens usually chase it away, actually they usually try to chase everything away from my bird bath, they are such feisty little things.  

Hugs

Paws