Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[Paw Prints]

Hello Hanna & ER,

ER grief mingled with depression is hard.  I'm sorry you have been struggling with both over the last few days.  I wish I could give you a gentle hug & just sit quietly with you over a cuppa.  I must say though lass that I am always impressed with the way you not only listen to what your mind & body are telling you, but that you are then working at finding strategies that help you to re-find a sense of balance & calm.  I want you to know that if you would find it helpful to talk about your grief it is fine if you want to share it here.  

I tried seeing the Aurora, but missed out.  Some of the photos online were from north of here & I do have an uninterrupted view south to the horizon, so I must have just picked the wrong time or there was more cloud cover than I thought.  I did try the "just take a photo" trick that they recommended, but all I got was a black picture with a red dot which is the warning beacon on the wind turbines down on the coast.  Perhaps I needed a proper camera.  I am disappointed as I also missed seeing an Aurora when I visited Norway & Iceland.

Hanna I wonder if the chop & change weather where you are is causing you to keep getting these bugs.  You have had quite a run of them you poor thing.  I'm going to put my mother hen hat on & ask if you have had your blood pressure & iron levels checked recently as these being off can cause dizziness & we older ladies can be prone to them being off kilter.  I do hope you feel brighter now.

What is it with cats wanting to pounce on laser light spots, my SIL does this with her cat too & the focus by her cat on the dot is so intense.  It must give you a chuckle or two watching him chase & try to catch it.  Are you find games to play with him on utube or do you mean he likes to watch cats play games on utube?  Woofa used to love tv shows that had horses in them & I would often put the races on of a weekend for him.  

Hugs 

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi ER and Paws and all here

I am having a stay at home day although the weather outside looks glorious - but I'm still dizzy and thought a rest day is best - I need to duck into the library briefly to pick up a book I ordered, but that's easier in the afternoon with parking - mornings it's parked out because of proximity to the shops and cafes.

I think it's just a virus as I'm tired with it too... lots of bugs seem to be going around with the changeable weather - which reminds me I must book a flu shot.  Kitty is glad to have me home for company, he gets lonely and doesn't like it when I go out for long periods.

ER I think Rocky Kanaka is good because it's positive - he tries to make an improvement in the dogs' lives and the dogs respond to him so well.  I was looking at gumtree here for puppies for sale - dogs like Sam, Maltese-Shizu cross - here were going for a coupe of thousand at lease.  I goodled back where I lived previously and they're more like five hundred or so.  It's because this is a wealthy retirement area, and inland was poorer and more dogs interestingly.  Lots of people there used to purchase directly from backyard litters off the local farms.  We did this when I was a kid growing up - pups and kittens came from local litters.

I was planning on going to pay my NRMA car greenslip today but I don't feel up to lining up and waiting in the queue, which is always long.  Yes I like to let the store manager know when one of their staff is especailly helpful - I had a lady at the checkouts be especially good when I messed up a transaction some time ago and I told the store manager about her as well - they must have so many complaining customers and I like to let the manager know when one of the staff has been helpful and pleasant - in the hope it helps that staff member in the future. I know if I was in charge of staff I would like to know if a customer was especially happy with someone.

I think we need heartwarming things to hear and listen to ER - I was watching  a Utube video about the Colombia space disaster - for weeks aferwards there were hundreds of people coming the area for any debris and the local residents - I forget which state this was in the USA - cooked three meals a day for all the people out searching not for any reason other than to be helpful.  Sometimes it's easy to forget all the decent and kind things people do.

I would love another Sam dog but not in this small unit - I hope to transfer back and get one there - it's cooler for longer in the year and suits me better.  

ER it sounds like you have some challenging things to deal with and I'm impressed that you go out and do such terrific photography.  Sometimes just keeping on going is really tough and I think we need to realize how strong we are being.  The lights in the sky sound wonderful, I don't know if they were viewable from here but the sky was clouded that evening anyway.

I am playing a Seekers album as I type this and thinking what a great group they were.  Judith Durham had a voice as clear as a bell.

Paws if you couldn't have a Great Dane, what type of dog do you think you would like?  I'm just interested in what breeds of larger dogs - or medium dogs - you especially like?  I can understand your relatives finding a dog the size of a Great Dane a bit overwhelming...

Not much news, just a quiet day here.  I wish this unit had more sunshine in winter but it gets none - summer it gets the sun all day long....

Sending best wishes for a pleasant day for everyone

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Paws and Hanna,

Paws, I also tried photographing the Aurora with my phone and it came out black, whereas my camera could see it quite well. Here it was faintly visible to the naked eye, but brighter in camera. But the night before when I didn’t know it was happening it seemed to be much brighter as I saw photos someone took on their phone where the sky was bright red. So I think if it is very bright a phone camera can pick it up. There apparently may still be some solar flare activity on and off for a while, so more chances may come up to see it.

Thank you regarding the grief. It is very complicated painful grief linked the the circumstances prior to my mother’s death and those following as well, and what I witnessed as her carer. I won’t try to write about it now but will keep in mind I can perhaps open up about it. At the moment I feel a bit like you Hanna, that I may have a bug. An hour ago I felt quite cold and right now I’m very hot, as well as a feeling of no energy, being achy and having to lie down.

I loved hearing about Woofa liking TV shows with horses in them. I am imagining that being so big himself he felt like he was a horse 😂 I remember a story a woman told about her pug. She used to watched The Bold and the Beautiful on TV in the afternoon. Her pug loved it and if she forgot to turn the TV on at that time he would pester her to remind her. I’ve heard that pugs in particular like watching TV because their eyes are very flat to the front of their face and it’s easy for them to look straight at the TV. 

Hanna, dogs do seem to be very expensive now. You sometimes see breeds like little Sam at a rescue shelter but not very often and they tend to go quickly. I guess you will have to find one who can get along with kitty too. I am imagining with the NRMA green slip that there may be a way to pay it online so you don’t have to go and line up and pay. Here I pay for my car insurance online. I put in the payment number from the bill and follow the prompts to pay by card. You may be able to do it over the phone too.

Thank you both for being such kind, lovely people. It’s always nice to have a chat. I’m finishing a cuppa at the moment then I’m going to become horizontal on my couch for a bit again. I hope you are feeling much better soon Hanna and I hope you are doing ok Paws.

Big hugs to you both,

ER

[Eagle Ray]

Hi dear Paws and Hanna,

I hope you are having a lovely evening. Just letting you know I replied to you a couple of hours ago but it’s stuck in moderation. There was no content that needed moderating but the system has just picked up a word that automatically sends it to moderation, so it may not appear until tomorrow.

I’m waiting for my chicken to finish cooking in the oven. Not quite there yet. Sleep well 😴 

ER

[Hanna3]

Hi ER and Paws and all here

I wonder if this was the reply that got caught up in moderation ER?  I've had that happen to me as well.  Sorry for the delayed response but on top of having a virus making me dizzy and tired, we got sudden news yesterday that the units were being checked for white ants today and the people would need access to each unit at any time of the day...

So I did a tidy up and general putting private things away etc etc while feeling sick - and today turned quite rainy and they haven't turned up, but also gave no notice they weren't coming... Oh well, I've got my home looking positively pristine so I guess that's something - but it's been tiring!  Plus now we'll have to wait in for them another day..

I feel so off I seem to be living off instant noodles which isn't great but all I can manage.  I hope you are feeling OK ER.  Paws we are supposed to be in for a fair amount of rain and the temperatures to drop significantly in the next few days so I am guessing it must be getting chilly where you are.

Yes little dogs are very popular and it's hard to get them from shelters - they mostly seem to have big dogs.  It's interesting the price difference between here and inland - there's a lot of money here and the price of little dogs seems to go up accordingly!  I think in a bigger place kitty would be OK with a dog actually - I suspect he'd eventually get on with another animal but a more spacious place would be needed insetad of this tiny place - hence not happening until I move yet again!

ER yes we have a nice group of people to chat with here and I'm always interested to hear about your photography and the local landscape and wildlife where you are.  I noticed in the movie of Breath how the trees there were so like the gumtrees here - it must be something about gumtrees growing in coastal areas - very tall with beautiful winding branches.

I was watching Hilary Hahn playing violin on Utube yesterday - she has it all, she's beautiful and she plays violin superbly!  How is it some people get the whole package?  Talent and looks!  Isn't it interesting - when I was a young thing staying in Tahiti on holidays I was courted for a while by a young French guy - I still remember the first time I saw him and he was the most beautiful man I have ever seen - then and now.  Not handsome - beautiful - I think that kind of beauty, especially in men, is fleeting and when they are very young.  I always thought that was how Sebastian Flyte in Brideshead Revisited was supposed to look.  It's rare to see that - I remember being stunned when I first saw him (no I didn't end up marrying him).  I was once at Melbourne airport and saw a woman walking through the airport who was so stunningly gorgeous every single person nearby stopped to stare at her - she stopped every single person - we were all stunned.  I still wonder who she was. A group of Asian businessmen chatting near me all stopped dead and turned to stare at her.  I would like to have looks like that for 24 hours - but it must be hard to have people taking so much notice of you everywhere you go.  I ran into Michael Caine in Myer in Sydney years ago - he's so tall and handsome - but he walked staring straight ahead of him so as to stop people talking to him.  It must be hard to be recognizable wherever you go!

I am tired out after the housework today and then I had to get some groceries as I was almost out of food - so I am now feeling pretty whacked!  At least my home is stunningly clean and tidy but how long will that last I wonder!  We have an inspection next week so I'll have to try and keep it that way...

Paws any news of your sister?  I hope she is still kept comfortable and getting good nursing care.  

ER I hope you feel better soon - sounds like you are also dealing with difficult memories so some gentle self-care and pampering might be in order.  I agree it's always lovely to chat here!

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Hanna and Paws,

Hanna, yes, the post caught up in moderation has appeared now. I think certain words, or combinations of words, automatically trigger the moderation system.

That can be a bit stressful sometimes can't it when you get told people will come to inspect your unit at anytime but you don't know exactly when. And I know how hard it is to clean up when you're not feeling well too. I remember once I had a couple of friends coming for dinner who are a couple. I had spent the day cleaning my flat and put together a nice dinner and dessert for them. Then they cancelled that afternoon as they were unable to make it. I remember thinking at least I got everything tidy and had some nice food to eat. But it certainly can take it out of you getting everything in order at short notice.

I'm sorry you still feel so unwell Hanna. I think if instant noodles is all you feel like that is ok. I think you will know when you are getting better when you feel like eating more. Take it easy. I am better than I was yesterday but I took it very easy this morning and lay down more. I'm hoping to manage a short walk across the road later. I would also love to make an orange cake with the oranges from my tree. I've already given some to neighbours. I hope I feel up to it today, but if not I can do it tomorrow.

I know what you mean about beautiful people. When I was 20 I went to Canada to attend a friend's wedding. While there we went into a photographic film processing store. The man behind the counter is to this day still the most stunningly beautiful man I have ever seen. He was a tall First Nations man with jet back hair down to his waist and stunning cheek bones and facial features. I don't normally stare at people but I found myself doing so at least momentarily until I pulled myself together. He felt like such a dignified person, not at all arrogant about his good looks but someone with really healthy pride. I can't even remember what we said to him, I just remember that first impression. I do think that people with great dignity often carry themselves beautifully. I see that in people who age naturally too with many smile lines on their face. I see beauty that is stunning in all ages but there is that fleeting kind of beauty of youth too.

It's interesting you saw Michael Caine and, yes, I imagine they feel they have to screen out the world looking at them sometimes. Years ago I was walking along the beachfront and I saw a friendly looking man approaching the other way. I said hello and he smiled warmly and said hello back. Immediately after I thought, that was Michael Palin. I looked up what he was doing at that time and sure enough he was in town for an event. I'm quite sure it was him. He has a reputation for being the exceptionally nice guy from the Monty Python crew and I think he would smile and be friendly to anyone he met. I once heard Eric Idle say he used to pretend he was Michael Palin and then behave badly to try and ruin his good reputation 😂

Paws I hope you are staying well and enjoying the more wintery weather, or at least more wintery where you are. There has been a few days of rain here and it's back to sunshine now. I've had quite a few splendid fairy wrens in my garden. I saw emu wrens yesterday by the river. The birds seem to be enjoying the refreshing dampness from recent rain. I also found some mushrooms coming up in my back lawn yesterday.

Take care and hugs,

ER

[Paw Prints]

Hello Hanna & ER,

Hanna Michael Caine remains one of my favourite British actors.  I would hate to be a famous person as it must be so difficult not being able to go anywhere without people wanting to talk to you, however well meaning they are.  I don't think I would like to be beautiful like that lady you saw, as society exerts such pressure to stay "perfect".  I admire how Judith Dench has allowed herself to age with wrinkles & grey hair, I think she looks far more lovely than the older actresses with fake young faces (stretched & immovable).  

My preferred dogs are all on the large size.  Of course Great Danes are my first love, I would also love to have an Irish Wolfhound or a Deer Hound or Stag Hound.  I also like Newfoundlands & Leonbergers but I wouldn't own one as they are such work with their thick coats.  My cousin had a number of rescue Irish Wolfhounds & they were so gentle.  More medium size dogs I've had are Labradors & Irish Setters, I loved both breeds but they are also now on the "not allowed list".  I'm still planning on getting a Field Spaniel when I do get a new dog.

ER I don't know why Woofa loved watching horses, he used to play with the neighbours cows.  They would chase him along the fence line, then they would all turn around & he would chase them & they would keep this up for ages swapping back & forth as to who was doing the chasing.  The local horses just trotted up to their fence & watched him & he would just stand & watch them.  He knew where the paddocks that held horses were & would always stick his head out of the car whenever we approached them.

I'm sorry you are both feeling unwell.  Do rest up & remember to keep your fluids up.  Hanna noodles are fine when you don't feel up to cooking.  

Hugs

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws and ER and all

Paws you clearly like larger dogs - I love them too but don't have the space for them but you do and I can well understand why you like them so much - we had a Beagle and a Golden Retriever when i was growing up, beautiful dogs both of them.  

Yes I got onto beauty yesterday, I think I'd been reading something about it - I'd like to be as beautiful as that woman I saw at the airport for one day just to see what it's like - but I can imagine she must also get awful people annoying her.  How terrific you saw Michael Pailin ER - I saw a programme where he was giving a tour of him home and it looked gorgeous - you should have seen the art work he has on the walls - but then he would have the money for it and I know art and painting are great interests of his.  Wouldn't he be an interesting man to talk to - imagine the  stories he has!

Paws it sounds like Woofa found it fun to chase the cows, it probably amused him - I think the poodle here and kitty are having fun when they face off each other!  There's a wonderful video on Utube somewhere of Michael Caine running a screen acting class - I don't think you get utube well Paws, what a shame as you'd love this - he's so pleasant and funny with the young aspiring actors he is teaching and it's fascinating how he explains acting in front of a camera rather than a stage audience - I never knew there was so much involved. He comes across as someone with a rather nice sense of humour.

I am still feeling crook and wondering now if this is my kidney disease flaring up, I have a GP appointment tomorrow but I still feel crook and dizzy.  It's getting down to single digits at night here next week so I did pop out to the local hardware and got a small radiant heater - kitty will need it, I have a fan heater but the noise drives me nuts - this little one was only $50 and has 3 bar settings and feels lovely - its's a goldair radiant heater.  Just enough for this little loungeroom.  I like to purchase from the little local hardware rather than the big stores like Bunnings or Harvey Norman etc.

ER I can imagine that good looking man you met - there was an actor who used to play an American Indian fellow on a TV series years ago and he was gorgeous - long strait shiny black hair, beautiful facial features.  They can look stunning.  When I went to Tahiti years ago I understood why Captain Cook's men jumped ship there - the women are so beautiful!  No makeup, just straight long black hair and beautiful skin complexion and no jewellry - just a frangipani flower tucked behind one ear.  The most beautiful women I'd ever seen.  

I think it's good to enjoy these things like beautiful people, music, art - it's all part of that awe experience we were talking about earlier - being able to stand in front of a painting or listen to Mozart or look at a stunningly beautiful person and feel awe at the beauty.  I was watching Hiliary Hahn play the opening bars on violin of a piece by Tchaikovsky and it was so beautiful I didn't want it to ever end.

ER how disappointing for you when that couple cancelled dinner - I would have felt very let down, that's really disappointing and I hope that had a good reason for it.  Poor old you!  I also picked up a rather sweet movie the other day at an op shop here - it stared Sidney Poitier and was called The Simple Life of Noah Dearborn and it was lovely.  One of the reasons I like Op Shops is because of finds like that; I also got a copy of Chicago and am loving the dancing of course - I haven't seen that movie since it first came out a long time ago now.  

Well the raibow lorikeets outside are squaking for their serve of apple for the day so I had best be off and feed them.  I hope my nice GP can find out what's bugging me these last few days, I'm tired of being dizzy all the time.  

I hope you feel better soon too ER - and Paws, is it getting properly cold where you are?  I had an email from Bathurst and they said it was getting properly cold out that way now - I'd need more than my little goldair heating out that way for sure!  Stay warm everyone!

[Hanna3]

ER and Paws

I just wrote a post that was above word length and I had to cut out a lot of it and condense the paragraphs so please excuse if it comes across a bit of a mess - trouble is you don't know how much over the word length you are so you don't know how much to cut it by....

[Hanna3]

ER I meant to tell you I lurk about on reddit Australia and there was a lot of conversation recently by keen photographers trying to get good pics of the Auraura Borealis and frustrated by cloud cover!  Apparently Tasmania was the best place to be... so you did well with your pics!