Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Paws, Hanna and All,

Paws, I have had the exact same thought that it would be great if car manufacturers started to make some basic cars again with minimal bells and whistles. I really think a lot of people would like that. It's really hard now to find cars that have a real spare tyre too. They are almost all space saver tyres. I love the fact if I need to change my tyre I can put a full size one straight back on. I have seen people with a space saver having to travel slowly on a country highway to get somewhere to get the tyre properly replaced. It actually looks a bit hazardous and I wonder how safe that actually is.

I would quite like to get a small SUV that would be a bit better for country driving but I'm just not sure if I can find one I can afford. My current little hatchback has done a pretty good job of getting about on country roads though so a similar hatch could be good. I ran my car to a neighbouring town yesterday. It mainly seems to not start after short trips when it hasn't been driven for a while. It tricks me by initially starting but not starting again when I go to leave my next location. If I drive it for longer and more often the starting issue doesn't arise. it's a bit of a mystery. I have not had any issues as yet Paws with regard to getting spare parts.

Hanna, I know what you mean about those large vehicles blocking visibility. Many times I have been going to turn left and a large ute or SUV pulls up next to me and blocks the view 100%. I think they forget what it is like being in a small car. If they pulled up just a little further back it would still be possible to see down the road for oncoming traffic.

I just watched the Rocky Kanaka video about Scooby the Great Dane. What a beautiful, gentle dog and Rocky is such a nice guy and so intuitive and aware of what is happening with the dog. I'm glad the update showed Scooby is doing better. I hope he finds a lovely, caring home. I think I would enjoy other episodes on that channel as it is so nice seeing dogs being understood and cared for, though I'm sure very sad at times too in terms of some of the histories they've been through.

I'm glad you are enjoying the windy and rainy weather Hanna and that you are enjoying the much cooler temperatures Paws. It was fairly warm here yesterday but a bit cooler and cloudy now. It is still extremely dry though with no rain at all forecast in the next week. The lack of rain has been pretty extreme and I saw several completely dead trees on my way to a neighbouring town yesterday that were alive just a few weeks ago. It sounds like there is plenty of rain over east. I remember once when we had fires and there were floods over east someone suggested it would be good if you could just tip the Australian continent so the water would flow over here.

I hope you both, and anyone else reading, have a lovely weekend.

Hugs,

ER

[Hanna3]

Hi ER and Paws and all,

The sitting with dogs channel is one of the ones I enjoy watching from time to time - he does his best to get the animals housed - I'm sure he gets money for the videos naturally - I saw somewhere he lives in the country somewhere on a very nice looking property - but at least he does some good with his videos too.  I like the way he sits on the floor and doesn't look directly at the animals so he doesn't threaten them.

My car only has one of those space saver tyres, they get you to the next place but that's all - and at a slow pace.  I agree it's annoying they stopped providing a proper spare!  My Honda has an issue with the passenger side window and mirror and I discovered looking it up that it's a known problem with this car - I never knew before buying a car to look up known mechanical problems with each vehicle.  Still as they get older things do start to go a bit wrong, main thing is to have a decent mechanic that knows you I think.  

It's been so hot here today!  After the wild winds yesterday bringing trees down all over the place (lots are weakened from the long hot summer with no rain) and the torrential rain and cold weather, today was so hot and humid it was horrid.  More for the next couple of days and then the temperatures look to drop sharply thank heavens!

Kitty is angsty today I think it's the hot muggy weather...like me he's better when it's cold (but he is scared of the wind).  He seems bored at times but he will only play with the wand toy for a few minutes, I have tried puzzle feeders but he doesn't like them and I've tried other games people have suggested and he doesn't seem to understand them - I suspect nobody ever played with him.  There is a pee wee that walks right past the front door at the same time each day and he's always reading at the screen door looking like he wants to pounce!  Poor guy must find it frustrating... I guess the pee wee is thankful though.

I didn't achieve much at all today, I found the sudden heat and humidity tiring, just browsed at the library for a while and had a coffee out by the water - the surf is huge of course after the wild weather.  

My neighbours are driving me batty - they sit outside smoking until late in the evening, about a foot from my loungeroom window.  I am well aware they listen to whatever music I am playing or whatever I am watching on the TV - which is mostly news and a video.  I have deliberately gone silent at times to see what happens, and each time I go silent they give up and go inside their unit, so I know they are listening but it's so annoying - I wouldn't sit outside their unit and listen to them.  I give up playing anything now until they go in - if I do, I keep the sound just audible but not enough they could understand it outside - then they go indoors - and I can put the volume up to normal.  It's driving me nuts!  They have some kind of MH issue and seem to depend on others for entertainment, but it gives me no privacy at all.  Plus the smoke!

And yes, I have a film of the Paris Opera Ballet I'm dying to watch - when they finally go inside!!!  Maybe I shouldn't be bothered, but I don't like people listening in...

How's the weather down south or out west?  I hope it's not the hot humid weather we are getting here - just cooling down now thank goodness!

[Paw Prints]

Hello Hanna, ER, wave to everyone,

Hanna having neighbours like that would creep me out, I hope you get to move into the unit you are down for very soon.

I've had to drive on country roads with one of those space saver tyres after getting a flat.  They may be ok for people who live in the bigger cities with decent roads, but I found it a nightmare to use with the other high speed traffic & all the pot holes on the roads around here.   The pot holes meant I couldn't even get up to the maximum speed (80km) as not being as strong as a proper tyre I was worried it would blow out.

Even with my small SUV I have the same problem as both of you trying to see past the huge cars people drive now.  I do wonder why so many people buy them when they don't need to tow anything large.  

ER it sounds like your alternator is playing up.  It wouldn't hurt to pop into a different mechanics & just ask what they think might be causing your problems.  I wouldn't like to see you stuck somewhere with no mobile coverage if it gives up all together.

Still cool here, but there has been no follow up rain since the small amount we got when the cold front came through.  It is desperately dry here, the dams are very low & the paddocks are little more than dust.  Hanna I hope the nice weather here reaches where you are soon.  You can send some of your rain down here, it would be greatly appreciated.

Hugs

Paws

[Eagle Ray]

Hi Hanna, Paws and Everyone,

Hanna, I watched another of the Sitting with Dogs videos later of a young dog about a year old who was in very poor condition. He quite quickly gained her trust. At the beginning she was really cowering but after a few minutes she was doing tail wags, giving him some licks and starting to take some treats. By the end she was happily playing. Such a joy to see. She was then given a thorough wash and clean and looked like a new dog, though she still had skin that is obviously sore and will probably take a while to heal.

I'm so sorry you have those neighbours Hanna that are leaving you feeling uncomfortable. I do hope you can be in another place soon. I live in a group of units too but there are garages between each and so we don't have common walls with the lived in parts of the buildings. I do hear some domestic arguments on one side but overall it is pretty good here. You really want to feel you have your own private space.

Paws, what you describe with the space saver is what I have sometimes seen on country roads. The last person I saw with a space saver had their hazard lights on so people were aware they were driving more slowly. It seems like a form of madness to me when you could have a real tyre. I'd gladly have less room in my boot to make way for a full size, normal tyre. it is weird how something becomes the norm that just isn't logical.

Thank you for the tip about the alternator. The local mechanic here has not been able to solve it, nor the roadside assistance guy. It only started the stalling/power loss very shortly after the timing belt was changed. I'm wondering if that's affected the alternator. I'm trying to stay in areas with mobile phone coverage or at least within walking distance to it. Anywhere off the main highway, even a short way out of town, and the mobile coverage starts to drop off. Some local people I know have recommended a mechanic to me in another town which is 45 minutes drive away. I'm willing to give them a go. The car will sort of very briefly start and then stall. It will do that a number of times. I then give it a rest and have found after waiting a while I can eventually start it again.

The dryness where you are Paws sounds very similar to here. It is absolutely bone dry here too. Hanna, I'm sorry you have the hot, muggy weather again after the cooler day yesterday. Poor Brucie is probably finding it tiring and uncomfortable.

I must go and make dinner now. Wishing everyone a good evening.

Hugs,

ER

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws, ER and everyone

This morning we have grey skies and rain and it's cool!  Hooray!  

ER that is a pain re your car, if even the roadside assistance couldn't work out the problem.  Are there no car mechanics any closer to you that you can get to?  Being stranded on the road somewhere on your own would be scary.  Did they give you any ideas what they thought it might be?  

I'm glad you enjoyed the Sitting with Dogs - when I got kitty the staff there at the animal shelter all watched him - and at the second visit I made to kitty, I copied him as I decided I was too full on with the cat at the first visit - so I just sat and talked to kitty without looking directly at him or approaching him at all and that went much better.  He sees the dogs when they are in a very confined space and I can imagine it would be scary for them to have a strange person up close to them in that environment.  

My neighbours are well meaning but chain smokers of very strong cigarettes and they seem to not know how to amuse themselves and rely very much on having other people to talk to them.  They sit outside here most of the day and late into the evening - I am hoping now we are heading into cooler weather it will get too cold for them to sit outside for so long!  I realized they were listening (I can hear them too) - so one night I switched off the TV and the lights and pretended I had gone to bed - and they got up at that point and went inside.  I've since done that several times and each time they immediately get up and go indoors!  So then I knew they were listening.  They wouldn't like it if I sat outside them and listened to what they were doing or saying inside their unit!  I find it disconcerting at best and actually a bit creepy.

I belong to a forum that has been talking about the effects of climate change on reindeer - I read an article online from the BBC about the effects on the Sami people who hunt reindeer - it's even affecting their language - they have words for things like early spring salmon - and 300 words for reindeer - and this is changing as the climate is heating up.  They used to gather to fish for salmon and now they no longer can do that.  

I am off to run some errands on this lovely rainy cool day - I hope everyone stays snug and dry... 

[Eagle Ray]

Hi Hanna, Paws and All,

I have a mechanic locally here but he has already not been able to solve it and may have actually caused it given it only started happening straight after he serviced the car and replaced the timing belt. The mechanic in another town came with a strong recommendation from people I know and trust. So I'm willing to give them a go. Searching online I found someone describing how the heat/cool damage of the normal operation of the car can make the internals in the alternator/regulator brittle. While they can remain fine when they're not moved much, the shaking caused by the removal of the timing belt can cause the brittle parts to fail. That does sound like a possibility in the context of my car. I have also read that corrosion of the alternator plug can cause a lack of charge. That also sounds like it could be relevant to my car. I think Paws you are quite likely on the right track re: the alternator.

I've really enjoyed watching Sitting With Dogs and yesterday I watched another one with a Shiba Inu and one with an Alaskan Malamute. Shiba Inus are Japanese dogs that are a bit like small wolves and almost more cat-like in some ways in their behaviour. Both Shiba Inus and Alaskam Malamutes are stunning looking dogs. I love seeing his kindness with the dogs and it transforms the dogs' nervous systems very quickly. It actually helps my nervous system watching it! That's good how it helped you with Bruce.

I understand how you are feeling about your neighbours Hanna. I would find it a bit creepy too. They are most likely harmless but it is an uncomfortable feeling having people listening in to what you are doing and feeling like you are being observed/noticed all the time in your own home. I do hope you can be in another place sometime soon that will be better for you.

Yes, I imagine reindeer are significantly affected. The bush across the road from me is actually dying off. Many of the softer-leaved plants have gone completely brown. Only a few have a bit of green left on them. I'm worried for the little bandicoots, possums etc that live in that bush. Even the kangaroos are probably having a tough time. Two nights ago I was watering just before nightfall in the back garden and a bunch of honeyeaters came in excited as anything, I think because there was water from the hose. They immersed themselves in one of the bushes that had gotten wet and were chattering away excitedly.

Speaking of birds, yesterday I stepped out my front door and one of the magpies who is a mimic was chattering away about 2 metres from me. He is not scared of me at all. He ran through multiple other bird calls he likes to imitate, plus other sounds such as a dog barking and a wolf whistle. He does the sounds all in quick succession and renders them perfectly. I chatted back to him and said "hello" several times in a friendly voice. I wouldn't be surprised if next time I see him he says hello back to me. I find birds to be incredibly intelligent creatures and I love them. I often chat to the big black cockatoos I encounter on bush walks too. They are curious, interactive, social and highly intelligent.

It is windy here now and was yesterday too. I'm glad you are both experiencing some cool weather now. It is forecast in the low to mid twenties here in the next few days so quite pleasant.

Take care and have a great week,

ER

[Hanna3]

Hi ER and Paws

I meant to get back to you yesterday but things got busy and I ran behind..  That'a a nuisance with your car.  It would be good to have a mechanic look at it and actually figure out what the problem is so at least you'd know and hopefully have some idea of the cost of any repairs.  

We have two very hot days again before it gets much cooler which is due around Wednesday thank goodness.  It's very hot today.  I'm on a very tight budget this week so just got a couple of things from the supermarket - plus it's just too hot to do much.  

I'm glad you enjoy Rocky Kanaka - he did one video with a very sweet dog recently a bit like a retriever cross, named Katie.  She turned out so affectionate he had people all over the place offering to buy her - and he said he had to make a decision among all the applicants as to who was most suitable.  That's a nice problem to have, with so many people wanting to adopt the dog!  I guess he has a standard repertoire of greeting the dog with "HI!" and usually says "Whatever happened to you, you didn't deserve it and I'm sorry" - but he has to say something to get things started.  At least it's nice to watch - I belong to a group online that reports animal cruelty videos and watching that stuff is nasty.  At least we feel like we are helping to do something about it, albeit in a small way.

My neighbours also watch me coming and going through their blinds, it's driving me nuts.  They did it again this morning when I walked back from my car - I see them watching through the blinds and I look directly at them and they immediatelly shut the blinds again!  They have nothing to do, they never go out anywhere, but I am tired of bering their amusement - watching me going in and out, listen to whatever I am doing in my home.. it's getting on my nerves!  I chat to them for about a quarter of an hour in a week to indicate I am friendly but that's enough as I have nothing in common with them, and they talk about the neighbours' business too much and I don't like that.  Maybe next time I see them watching through the blinds I should call out hello...  I had a look on reddit and so many people have this problem, usually the neighbours are elderly folk who are lonely with nothing to do.

I saw a wand toy on Ebay that had heaps of positive reviews from people who said it was the only thing their cat would play with and how much the cat loved it - it was just a striped cloth on a stick - so I ducked into an op shop this morning and purchased a man's leather belt and a long red stripe mens' tie and fastened it together and kitty loved it - the one on Ebay was around $30 and mine cost $1.00.  Bargain!

I watched an Australian movie the ohther night called Blaze, about a young girl traumatized by an assault she had witnessed.  I thought it was very good and it got me in... we do make good movies in Australia, we just don't fund our film industry well enough.

Your birds and magpies sound lovely.  I love the sound currawongs make as well.  There is a guy in Queensland who films the birds who come into his garden to use his birdbath and occasionally I watch his channel - he gets heaps of rainbow lorikeets but he gets the maggies and currawongs as well.  I think he is elderly and alone so making videos of his birdbath is probably a nice interest for him.

I watched a video about Bill Fossey's choreography recently which was fabulous, and another on classical ballet - nothing like two completely different styles!  And I am following Crime Scene 2 on utube, the current videos not the ones from last year - he is reading the prosection questions to Lucy Letby, the nurse accused of the deaths of all those babies at the Countess of Chester Hospital in the UK.  I find it fascinating. 

Well that's it from me today... I'm getting hungry and need to declutter my wardrobe which I've been meaning to do for ages!  I really hope whatever is wrong with your car turns out to be something easily fixed ER.  It would be a relief for you not to have to worry about it.  We rely on our cars so much!

[Paw Prints]

Hello Hanna, ER & everyone,

Hanna what a clever idea making the toy for Brucie.  I know my sister in law often says her cats love playing with empty boxes, that might be something you can try.

I was thinking about your neighbours & wondering if I jumped to conclusion calling it creepy that they go inside when you turn things off as if going to bed.  Now I'm wondering if they are trying to be neighbourly by going inside so their talking doesn't keep you awake, just a thought.

Definitely wintery here today, it made it to a high of just 14 & with lots of lovely gentle showers of rain. Probably they wouldn't have registered as much in the rain gauge, but I will take what we can get.

ER there are magpies in the bush across the road from me as I hear them of a morning, but they don't come into my place more than once or twice a year & even then it is more a fly by than a long visit.  I have watched the fairy wrens & the larks that live in my bushes try to chase the magpies away so that may be why.  You are lucky having a magpie that isn't afraid of you.  Where I used to live there was for many years an elderly lady who would sit on her front verandah & talk to the magpies.  They would happily warble back when she spoke to them.  Over the years they would visit her & bring their young to meet her, sometimes she would have a dozen or more engaging with her or just playing among themselves near her.  

Hugs

Paws

If your car only started playing up after the mechanic changed the timing belt, I would definitely go to a different mechanic to get it looked at & fixed.  I wouldn't be going back to that 1st mechanic again.

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Hanna, Paws and All,

Just a quick message as it's very late and I must go to bed very soon.

I agree with Paws Hanna that that is a very clever idea to make the toy for Bruce, and so much cheaper! I'm glad he loves it!

Yes, the magpies here are lovely and they are such intelligent birds. But they do vary in different areas in their behaviour. They also have variations in calls and appearances in different parts of Australia. I really noticed a difference in their warbling call when I was staying in Adelaide. Several years ago I met a woman from Queensland and she was saying how they sound different there too and it is like they are speaking different dialects. I was excited to find we have currawongs locally here but they never come into the town. You have to drive about 10 minutes out to the areas humans don't go so much. Those are the only places I've seen them and they are quite flighty. So we have tame magpies here but flighty currawongs. The ones here are grey but I met black ones in Tasmania and those ones were very cheeky and would steal your food.

Paws, I initially went back to the same mechanic when it first happened, wanting to trust that he might understand what had gone wrong and might be able to fix it. He did admit he could have affected something changing the timing belt. He said he tested lots of things but couldn't find a cause. He put in new spark plugs (at further cost to me) but that didn't solve it. So I am definitely not going back there again. I'll try the new mechanic recommended to me.

Hugs and bye for now,

ER

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws and ER

That's a pain that the mechanic may have inadvertently done some mechanical damage to your car ER.  I think worth getting someone to check it out as you don't want to be caught stranded somewhere with a car that won't run... 

Your birds there sound lovely.  We have lots of the pink and grey galahs here at the moment, they are almost taking over the rainbow lorikeets who are everywhere.  Otherwise I don't see many other birds - the occasional Pee Wee or Magpie only.  We are next to a wooded mountain and we did have a koala in a tree outside my kitchen window for a while which was lovely!  I love that your birds have local accents!

It's been hot and now the winds are picking up & it's turning really chilly at last - we have weather warnings here for gale force winds and dangerous surfing conditions.  I went up to the surf beach this morning and there were two very brave - or foolish - surfers out trying to get a wave - the surf was wild.  The beach has been closed for a couple of days and I'm sure it will be closed again by tomorrow.  

Paws I have checked the couple next door by leaving my lights on and simply turning the TV/music etc down to silent - and they go indoors even though my loungeroom lights are on - they are listening.  They don't seem to know what to do with themselves - they have a nice car but never, ever go out - only sit on the porch - we are five minutes from the most gorgeous scenery and picnic spots, but they stay home 24/7.   I would go nuts if I didn't get out.  They rely on gossipy neighbours and they know every move of everyone here, which is why I am wary of telling them anything much and don't like them listening to what I'm doing indoors as it will form part of their gossip.  Whatever their MH problem is, they don't seem to know how to amuse themselves, it's quite strange.  They could drive to a nearby cafe, have a stroll near some beautiful scenery - but they sit and smoke all day into the evening.  I'd go nuts!

I phoned my old neighbour Rosemary today - I meant to ring her over Easter.  We had a lovely long chat - she said it's been unseasonably warm out there too and today is really the first day it's been properly cold with nearby snow forecast.  Her husband is still hanging on thanks to her wonderful nursing care - he is a lovely man and very sick, so Rosemary is a wonder the way she looks after him.  I asked about little Molly, she has lost track of how old Molly is now and she is nearly blind but still going strong.  She said she is still sad about little Sam as he was such a sweet soul and only got as far as 12 years.  She said she rarely sees the people in my house now except for the occasional fight she overhears...  I must phone my friend out there who is a nurse, Louise was having a bad time with the other nurses bullying her & she is a nice kind person but quiet and the new person from the city in a town where the other nurses all knew each other from school.

Funny, I have on my old phone a video recording of little Sam here in this area long ago when he was much younger - he was great mates with the dog that belonged to a crusty old retired farmer here - Shilo (he spelt it like that) was his retired working dog, and Shilo and Sam adored each other - they used to bark at each other non-stop, like it was a conversation.  Sam would go bark, Shilo would go bark! at Sam - and it went on like that for ages - bark/bark! bark/bark!  like for an entire conversation.  Jack - the farmer - said he figured they were hurling insults at each other - I said I thought they must be affectionate insults!  I only realized recently I still have that film on my old phone and Jack still lives in this area - Shilo died - I think I must find Jack and show him the video of our two dogs from years ago...

I popped into an Op Shop I rarely go to this morning, and the ladies who volunteer there were just admiring a large box of the most gorgeous porcelain dolls someone had handed in.  Apparently they were from a deceased estate - they were vintage, very old, china dolls in perfect condition - they had loveliest faces and old fashioned clothing - I liked the brunette one with ringlet curls dressed in a red winter dress with white fluffy muff and hat and lace-up little brown ankle boots!  She was gorgeous.  We all ooo'd and aaa'd at the dolls and hoped someone would purchase them all together - there were four of them - and not separate them.  They had clearly been someone's much loved and cared for collection.

Now I am off to feed kitty... who has been curled up sleeping on my bed all day!