Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[Hanna3]

Hi ER and Paws and all here

ER, I just love the enthusiasm you show when you talk about your photography!  It just shines through the text, how inspired you feel by it.  It's wonderful to have an interest like that!  I understand about noticing the tiny things - I think it's similar to me when I take my sketch pad and look at the trees, at the different bark on their trunks, the way one branch wraps around the tree trunk - that sort of minute detail that you start to pay attention to.  That lovely lonely elderly man back in the central west I told you about would have loved to talk photography with you!  A discussion with a fellow photography-lover would have made his day.  

Today has raced by, it turned very hot which now means the evenings are becoming chilly.  If all goes according to plan I will drive to the nearest big town to buy kitty a warm covered bed for these cool nights.  i enjoyed a coffee out this morning and a cluster of holiday makers were thrilled watching sharks feeding at one place (where they often turn up as it's a fishing spot).  The visitors all seem to be making the most of the lovely weather at the end of the Easter break.  

I got caught on a very long phone call this afternoon but it's an old friend I love talking to, but now i'm running a bit behind so excuse a slightly rushed response.

I'm glad the covid seems to be easing - and I understand about the car problem, I do worry as mine gets older.  I felt better today and I think my problem yesterday was due to a drug the GP put me on which I stopped today suspecting it!  

Kitty is doing so well - a week on the calming drug has helped enormously - he's been off it a couple of days now but he's a different cat - he's really settling down now.  He's very sweet and the attacking/biting has eased right off.  

The staffy dog sounds rather gorgeous - are you able to get one at some stage?  It's so nice to have a companion dog and it helps with walking - makes it so much more interesting with a dog.  I really hope you can get one sometime.  A lady I met for lunch a few times here asked me why I had a pet - she didn't have a pet and didn't want one - I found that an odd question - people have pets for companionship, to encourage them to go walking, as an interest, to have something that they have to think about and care for other then themselves...

My apologies for the short response... I will do better tomorrow!  

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Hanna, Paws and All,

Yes, I’m sure I’d enjoy talking with the elderly man you know about photography. I used to belong to a photography club at one stage. There isn’t one where I live now but perhaps there could be one here at some point. I’m not up for organising such a thing now but maybe in the future.

It’s wonderful that Brucie is settling down. It’s just lovely you have his sweet presence and companionship. Part of me really wants to get a dog. However, I’ve also thought about doing petsitting as a form of travelling. I have quite a bit of uncertainty in the future with my health and financially as well. I want to know I can fully support a dog if I get one. But I’d also like to travel a bit if I can. If I did some petsitting stints I could travel a bit in a way that’s affordable and get to have some animal time that way. So go my thoughts at present anyway. I have lived with 6 different dogs in the past so I’m most familiar with dogs, but I have done housesitting with a couple of cats before which I really enjoyed too. Some of my best memories include times spent with animals. Right now I’m remembering being in my 20s and running with my friend’s dog, a small kelpie, along the beach. It was just a joy! I’ve lived with 3 staffies so I’m particularly familiar with that breed and I love them to bits even though they are so full on at times. 

That’s interesting about the sharks feeding where you live. We get them here too both in the estuary and along the coast. One day I was walking along the beach and saw a big 3 metre shark was swimming along beside me just a few metres from the water’s edge. I found out he is known to locals and divers swim with him. He apparently has been caught several times by shark fishers and then released again. I’m surprised he hasn’t chomped a human in retaliation! I feel like there are real characters in the animals of this town, not just the human residents. The local magpies are mimics and often mimic the calls of other birds, but also do wolf whistles and mimic dogs barking. It feels quite eccentric sometimes which I really like.

Well I’m rambling away and must go and do my dishes. I hope you’ve all had a good start to the week.

Hugs,

ER

[Hanna3]

Hi ER and all here

I think pet sitting or fostering would be a wonderful idea!  You get to enjoy the animals and return them again.  I was chatting with a guy recently who had a gorgeous Staffy dog, really sweet - they can certainly have nice natures.

I am off for a long drive into the nearest big town to get kitty a proper warm cat bed as the nights are getting chilly - but today is going to be in the 30's so I'n heading off early... I think we have rain/storms heading in by tomorrow.  Unfortunately I changed our routine slightly this morning and he bit me again.. just shows he still gets easily stressed.  It's all due to past stress and trauma... and requires much patience on my part - but now I have to walk around with Brucie's teeth marks on my arm for all to see!  

We have currawongs making a lovely sound outside - it's a beautiful morning but I am headed for a long drive in busy traffic.  I'll get the bed, grab a coffee and head home again.  

You live in what sounds like a very beautiful area ER.  It's so nice to live in places where we can get so much enjoyment and peace from the nature around us.

I'll be back later... hopefully with a cat bed and no more scratches!

[Hanna3]

Gosh, back from a long hot day in the big town - which was packed!  We hit mid-30s today as well which is ridiculous for this time of year.  Got the cat bed I wanted thank goodness, kitty is curious about it and puts his head in but so far it's too scary to actually get inside!  Also got him a horizontal scratching post, a wave one, which he will have to figure out - they have good reviews but kitty is tired in the heat so not interested today yet.  I got home late, mid afternoon, and very tired - I really don't enjoy dragging around shopping malls anymore!  Maybe I would enjoy it more if I didn't have such a tight budget... there were heaps of people shopping.

I've had no time for anything else today, it's just been hot and tiring but at least I got a bit of what I wanted.  the cat bed is fabulous and they only had two of them, so I'm glad I went up and got one as the nights are getting chilly.

I have ordered a documentary about a famous Russian pianist, surname Richter - I watched him play on Utube and was staggered.. and I've been listening to the utube channel Crime Scene 2 about the Lucy Letby case in the UK and it's been enthralling.  Chatted with a couple of the neighbours this morning, one has a miniature poodle who terrifies my cat through the glass window here - which is funny as kitty would easily beat the dog in a fight but kitty is scared of the tiny dog.  

There's not much news at this end but I am glad you are getting such pleasure from your photography ER and I sure hope you are starting to feel a bit better.  A photography club would be terrific for you there.  You sound like someone who has some great interests, I reckon we could sit down over a cuppa and have a great chat...where you live sounds delightful...and getting a staffy would be marvellous, a companion to go with you on your photography trips and dogs are wonderful companions anyway.  

I understand about car worries - mine has some issue with a side mirror which I have been warned might ost about a thousand dollars  - and it's getting older - I did know someone who sold her house and moved into a flat in order to free up enough money for a new car to last her into retirement, but I don't have that option.  I can't imagine not having a car either - it's a real problem in our car-designed society isn't it?

Sending best wishes for your improving health - and for pleasant weather as I think we are in for some forecast huge storms here pretty soon - I'm looking out the window now and I can see the sky darkening with some heavy looking clouds.  

[Paw Prints]

Hello Hanna & ER, wave to everyone,

ER I know many Great Dane owners prefer to use pet sitters to mind their Danes as Great Danes usually don't do well in kennels & regrettably many so called "Pet Friendly: places won't allow giant breed dogs (which is silly as Danes are just couch potatoes).  I think if you want to travel across Australia it is a good way to save money & even make some money. 

It is amazing you both get to see sharks so close to shore.   

Hanna I feel for you getting another blast of summer heat.  Poor kitty & poor you, plus getting bitten, not what you need.  I do hope the bite wasn't too severe.  A cold front swept through here yesterday with the first decent rain this year.  It is forecast to make it up to NSW so hopefully that means you will be getting an end to the heat at last.

Paws

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Hanna and Paws,

Hanna, yes, staffies are like the most super friendly dogs ever. They are extremely oriented to people, often more so than to other dogs actually. There's a cute little blue staffy (as the ones with grey coats are called) in my town. Sometimes the owner has tied her up to a sign outside a shop. When she sees me or any other human she starts wagging her tail like crazy, almost pulling the sign over with excitement. I go and give her a pat and she just loves it. She is a little, wriggling bundle of joy. Some people are scared of staffies and it's true that if not socialised well and treated poorly they can sometimes be aggressive. But with the right love and care they are the biggest lovebugs you will ever meet. They are also hyper-enthusiastic about life. If you are feeling down, they will just lift you as they know how to find joy in the moment. They will also make you laugh as they are absolutely hilarious. They are very solid, physically robust dogs as well.

Paws, in my last job one of my colleagues got a Great Dane given to her by a family friend who could no longer look after her. She was huge. She used to sometimes bring her dog into work (which I suspect was probably against work rules) but we loved her dog and she was absolutely no trouble and she was kept well outside public areas of the workspace. She was a gentle giant, like a mini horse. I would be quite happy to look after a Great Dane in a petsitting situation.

I'm glad you got the cat bed you were after Hanna. Hopefully he will get used to it soon and find it a cosy, comfy space. As it gets cooler he may be drawn to it more. I'm sorry you have the hotter weather still. I hope the storms that are forecast are not too severe. There has been persistent warmth here in WA and a serious lack of rain.  I am in a cooler area though and the last two nights I have felt it cooling down to a definite more autumn feeling.

Yes, we are definitely in a car-dependent society and where I live there are no public transport services of any kind. My car is my freedom and I value that freedom so much. It feels like a Catch-22 if I get a new car. If I pay more for one with lower km it will put me under financial stress. If I get a cheaper and older one with more km on the clock it will likely have more future problems and cost more in the long run while lasting me for a shorter time. There is a car dealer in the city with a good reputation for second-hand sales, so I have been looking at options there. My dream would be to have a car that is robust for country driving and there are some SUVs I would love to get, but I think they will be out of my price range. Although my current car is a small hatchback it is surprisingly roomy because of its shape and design. It's 24 years old now and still has windows that wind down by hand. I love that simplicity over the high tech in many modern cars. Even though some of the safety tech that exists now is good to have, some of it feels like it's unnecessarily complicated. I've heard of people being locked out of their cars because the car auto-locked when they left the keys inside it. I will try to keep my current car going as long as possible.

I hope today is a good day for you both.

Hugs,

ER

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws & ER & all,

I don't know where today has gone!  I think it's partly because the days are finally drawing in a bit and it gets dark sooner.  Still very hot today but the nights are definitely cooling right down and apparently we are in for rain tomorrow.  

Kitty is terrified of the wind which has been blowing since last night and he's gone crazy.  I have the bites on my arm and leg so I've mixed his calming medicine in with his food for tonight which should settle him down, but after that I only have one more capsule left.  The poor guy is scared of almost everything.  He hasn't worked out what his new scratching post is for yet, and he has gone into his new covered bed but I'm sure it will take a while until he sleeps in it - I think once the nights get even cooler he will be glad of it, it has a lovely thick comfy cushion and nice thick walls.  I got a fleecy baby rug today that i can put in it too for him to snuggle up with.

I am still recovering from the cost of my grocery shop this afternoon, good grief.  I discovered on reddit - where I hover a lot - that the ACCC has a questionnaire out asking consumers various questions about  supermarkets here and it only took me about 10 minutes to fill it in, I'm just glad they are finally looking into the price gouging that is going on.  Here we only have a Woolworths and a Coles, no Iga or Aldi etc, so we have little choiice.

I have a hatchback too ER and it's getting older.  The trouble I am having with a small car now is that everyone is driving these huge cars that are more like tanks, and wherever I park I find one has parked each side of me and I can't see what's coming when I try to back out.  Also when I am left turning if there is one waiting to turn right next to me, I am blinded until he has moved on.  

I think for me it was easier where I lived previously as the shops medical facilties, etc were all close by whereas here it's a long drive into the next big town.  I don't enjoy walking around shopping malls these days -I just want to get what I am looking for and get out again!  Maybe if you have plenty of money to spend it's more interesting, but I have to be frugal and so just browsing isn't for me.

I do love our local Op Shops though - I got a gorgeous painting today, framed, of an old-fashioned young lady reading a book by a window with her little dog sitting at her feet.  The view out the window was lovely.  I couldn't resist, it's beautifully framed and I'm a sucker for lovely paintings!  Now to find somewhere to hang it..

I ducked to the library after the grocery shop and got out a couple of interesting looking books to browse through and had my usual chat with the library staff who are always friendly and got given a couple of free bookmarks made by the local kindergarten kids - they're very sweet and I always need bookmarks!  Plus I have a documentary on the fashion icon Dior which sounds like it might be a bit of fun.

I hope everyone has a pleasant evening - I am off to cook some dinner at last!

Paws the only Great Danes I have come across have been very sweet and calm - iit's quite often spoilt small dogs who get snappy!  I do still love retrievers and cavoodles because they have such happy faces.  I love watching the dogs at the beach here because they are so excited and they all have such a wonderful time.  I will miss taking Sam for our walks along the beach here in the late afternoon, the sea is beautiful at that time.

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws, I don't know if you can get Utube?  The guy in the US I told you about, Rocky Kanaka, on Sitting with Dogs - he sat with a Great Dane tonight.  It was handed in to the shelter because the kids wouldn't feed it.  Beautiful looking dog... thought you'd be interested if you are able to watch it.  If you Google Rocky Kanaka it should come up - it's the latest video, today.  

[Paw Prints]

Hello Hanna & ER,

Hanna I did try watching that Utube show, due to the buffering of my connection I only watched the first 4 minutes (which took nearly 30 minutes).   That poor dog, I hope the owners were prosecuted for letting it get to that level of malnourishment, there is no excuse.  It is a young Dane so will face ongoing health issues from this occurring during it's growth phase.  I hope it finds a good home very soon.  It looked very similar to what  Woofa looked like.  

I think you are right about many little dogs being snappy, while giant dogs usually aren't.  Unfortunately I found there were many owners of little dogs who thought it funny if their dog barked & lunged at Woofa.  I always complimented the owners of small dogs I met that had well behaved dogs as it wasn't that common.

 ER the good thing about cars like yours is there are fewer things to go wrong in it.  It would be nice if a car maker would build basic cars without all the bells & whistles of modern cars, it would make cars much cheaper to buy & to maintain.  I don't know anyone who uses all the features included.  I'm hoping I can keep my car going for as long as you have managed to keep yours going, 24 years is great.  I went from a small 3 cylinder hatchback to a small SUV when I moved here as I need to be able to tow the trailer & the hatchback struggled with the hills.  ER do you find it hard to get spare parts now?  I worry about, as people change over to EV's, whether car makers will stop making spare parts for petrol cars, like tech companies stop supporting older systems whenever they feel like it.   

Only in the high teens here this week, it is lovely.

Hugs

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws, ER and everyone

Wow what weather we are having today!  I love it - heavy rain and strong winds and grey skies, my kind of weather!  Had to drive a long way today for something and I stopped by a cliff overlooking the ocean to admire the huge waves rolling in!  Fabulous.

Paws, my laptop buffers badly on Utube - I purchased I think it's a little 7inch Lenovo tablet - one that fits in your hand - from Big W, JB Hi Fi also stocked them, very affordable.  It connects to my wifi and I can also hotspot it to my phone and it shows Utube a treat - no buffering at all, and I use it to watch anything on Utube as it was cheap, works so well, and is light and easy to slip into your bag and hold in one hand.  

You would enjoy the sitting with dogs channel, he comes across such lovely dogs and you get their back story.  He did an update on the Great Dane, I think they got some veterinary help and it also looked like it had been better fed and seemed well.  I like that guy because he does help get homes for these animals - I'm sure he makes money from the videos, but at least he also does some good.  I think he lives on a nice looking property in the country over in the US somewhere.  

Kitty has been sleeping in his favourite wicker tray on top of the pantry all day.. this is not cat weather!  I'm not long home after a wet drive, lunch at a windy cafe, and the drive home... I do like being indoors in weather like this looking out at the sodden trees in the wind... I hope you are getting some rain down your way Paws.  

Not much other news here...just enjoying the gloomy, windy, gusty, rainy, gorgeous weather while other people here complain about how much they dislike it - I'm happy as a pig in mud!