Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[Paw Prints]

Hello Hanna & ER,

Very warm here today, after a few days of lovely cool weather, I was surprised when I opened the front door just how warm it is.  

I'm good at not remembering people either, more often though I may remember their face but but their name or where I know them from.  My sister rang this week needing details of our near relatives, such as cousins.  We were both going blank on some of the names, I even couldn't remember the name of the cousin I speak to regularly on the phone.  The names came to me at about 3am the next morning.  I find it so frustrating not being able to remember names or things when I actually need to.  

Hanna I hope you feel well enough to be able to go out to the cafe for lunch this weekend & that it isn't over run by tourists.  I try to stay off the roads during holiday times as there are so many more people on the roads who are clueless about how to drive on country roads or tow a caravan.  I think people should have to get a towing licence before they are allowed to tow things like caravans or horse floats etc, it would make the roads a lot safer.

Hanna I often wondered how the early settlers coped with our weather.  Especially the women who were accustomed to wearing many layers, which was fine in the chilly UK, but must have been a nightmare when trying to live in a bark hut in the bush.  

Hugs

Paws

ER 

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws & ER and all here

That makes me feel a bit better Paws!  I've run into a few people here who know me and while I know their faces, I can't for the life of me think of their names or how/where exactly I knew them from here...  One of my friends got really cranky because I couldn't remember the name of the local newspaper ... ummm - I've been living in a completely different place a long way away for several years - why would I remember a local paper here?  I don't think I ever read it much anyway... I had to think the other day about the name of Rosemary's doggie - of course it was Molly - I must ring her tomorrow and say Happy Easter - she is very devout and I wouldn't disturb her today.

It was very rainy here today and the owner of the cafe changed her mind and is keeping it closed over Easter.  I felt a bit sorry for the holiday makers as there was only one cafe open for coffee in the whole town.  It's been quite cold - I had a nice stroll along the estuary and there were dolphins going up towards the sea, it's always lovely to see those.  Hopefully somewhere will be open for a toasted sandwich and a coffee tomorrow!  Meantime I have been tidying up the pantry ...

I actually borrowed a book from the library a while back about early settlers in Townsville of all places.  The photographs were fascinating but how in that hot humid climate did the women cope with all the long dresses and boots?  I went to Townsville once in winter and that was still as hot as I ever want to be... They must have been tough, those women!  No wonder they fainted fairly often.  When I looked at the remaining little orignal cottages in the central west where I was, I could see that with a fire going they would keep fairly snug in the cold winters at least.  I went to a talk at the library there once where the historical society was showing old photographs of people in that area from last century - the ones i loved were of the children, often photographed with their favourite cat or dog - it was nice to see the family pets included - the girls were all wearing large elaborate hats, I'm sure they were their Sunday hats for church - as having a photograph taken back then would have been a major event, I can understand why the people all dressed in their best clothes.

I started watching a fabulous Reader's Digest documentary on Queen Elizabeth last night - it's several discs long and I only got through the first one - it's from our library here - the old films were fabulous. 

Tonight is kitty's first night in several since the vet visit without his calming medication, so I'm not sure what I'm in for tonight and tomorrow... I hope he is settling down a little bit.  He likes to lie near my feet when I am sitting in the loungeroom and he rubs against my legs in the mornings to greet me but he dislikes being touched and is still very easily scared - and he still chases my ankles which I'd rather he didn't do.  Tomorrow will tell I guess!

ER I hope you are not feeling too bad today and the covid is easing.  I haven't been too bad today, I think a rest day was rather good - being chilly and rainy I had a good rest in the early afternoon.  i hope you are taking things easy and looking after yourself ER.

[Hanna3]

Have you decided on what dog you are going to get Paws?  I imagine you will get a young pup?  When do you think you might get one - you must be looking forward to it?  I miss Sam and I miss having a dog very much, but realistically it's not a good time for me to get another one just yet due to various circumstances here.  I do wish I had one to walk when the weather is nice and cool, I enjoyed going for walks with my dog.

One of my (previous) friends here was horrible when Sam died - she told me didn't I find it a great release as now I could go to cafes (I go to cafes with or without a dog, for me I don't go that often due to cost and anyway I'd get tired of going to cafes all the time - she goes out for lunch each day which is fine but not for me).  I found that remark very unpleasant but I don't think she understands that I enjoyed my dog - I enjoyed taking him for our walks, I enjoyed him as a companion.  I don't think she has that relationship with her pets - she has a lovely poodle cross now but rarely walks the poor thing - I think for her, pets are there if she wants them and otherwise she is not interested really.  

I think both you and I enjoy having our pets, we enjoy their companionship, they are an important part of our lives.

ER I sure hope you are OK today - it sounds like such a pretty place where you live, I would love to see that area - I only got as far as Perth a very long time ago.  Australia is such a big country to travel around and it's so costly!  How are you feeling today?  Is the covid improving I hope?  I seem improved after a rest day today, so I hope you are able to take things easy for a bit.

Have you had a chance to do much photography at all?  Do you have a friend or two to help you if/when you feel unwell?  It's hard to find good friends who are prepared to be there when we need them, so I hope if you do need any assistance there is someone to help.  Keep warm and rest and lots of fluids!

[mmMekitty]

Hello Paws, Hanna & ER, & everyone,

At the dentist yesterday, I came out from having a 'small'* filling & began talking to someone I thought was my support worker sitting where she was before, only to realise that the woman was not her. Turned out the older woman was very kind & polite about me chatting away about having my filling & how the stuff she used tasted so baaaad, & how good my dentist is about my anxiety about being there .... until my support worker stopped e ... Sometimes it feels like I've been in another world when I have failed to recognise people, or to not realise they are not who I thought ... I fear these incidents are only going to become more frequent or may even last longer - like what if I fail to recognise my support worker when she does point out my mistake? It's going to be sooo embarrassing!

As far as it goes with Brucie attacking ankles, maybe some distraction with something else he might like to attack could be in order?

My other support worker has adopted a cat who is still settling in, improving everyday, but yeah, it's taking some time for her tofeel comfortable & relaxed & also to not be too rough with the claws or teeth. She's not a kitten anymor. But this is a new place, where I suppose, other odours from his brother's cat, who visited for a month or so, still linger... maybe that has something to do with it?

Of-course, I suggest talking to your vet if the problems persist. Even asking for advice from people who run animal shelters could be of use. They will have dad lots of experience with lots of animals.

Hoppy Long Weekend, with hugzies,

mmMekitty

[mmMekitty]

P.S. *means, that filling didn't feel so 'little'. 

[Hanna3]

Hi mmMekitty and all here,

I can imagine that must have been a bit embarrassing for you mmMekitty, to have talked to someone else by mistake - but she probably just thought you were being friendly chatting away.  I think we all do things sometimes that make us feel a bit silly afterwards - I remember once checking my pockets for the change to pay for a take away coffee and the woman behind the counter politely pointing out to me that I already had the cash in my other hand.  Oops!

Paws - If you get Utube well enough I think you would thoroughly enjoy a guy in the USA called Rocky Kanaka on a channel called Sitting with Dogs.  He goes to dogs in animal shelters in America and sits talking with and about the various dogs, and he manages to get them re-homed.  Some of them are sad and others are just gorgeous and it's interesting the way he does it.  He has a big following and I enjoy his videos very much.

Mmekitty I've been told the ankle biting with cats is usually either insufficient stimulation (ie. boredom) or lack of enough social contact - I was out longer than expected this morning due to a long drive and a crowd where I went, and I have noticed my kitty gets lonely.  I did read the solution is more play, or another cat, and spending time talking with/playing with, the cat.  I hope to not be out so long tomorrow so hopefully kitty with get more time with me - it's hard when there isn't another person to help run errands etc and help with minding the cat.

We had a gorgeous day here today, sunny, low humidity and a light breeze - perfect!  I stopped on my way home at a coffee can and had a coffee sitting in the sunshine and enjoying the breeze and the view over a pretty forest of trees.

Mmekitty, they say with rescue cats there is a 3/3/3 rule - 3 days to become accustomed to the new home, 3 weeks to start becoming accustomed to their new life and owner and place, and 3 years to become completely settled!  We are only up to 2 months here... so looks like with your friend as well, it will take some time!  

Jackson Galaxy on Utube has some good advice about cats and he's quite amusing to watch and listen to - your friend might find him helpful?  He's in the US but the advice is universal.

I hope everyone enjoys a pleasant Easter Sunday.

[Eagle Ray]

Hi Hanna, MK and Paws,

I hope you’ve been having a good Easter weekend. I’m pretty much over Covid but just have an annoying persistent cough remaining. I did try a short walk today. I drove to a coastal spot that’s quite scenic and took my camera in case I saw some wildlife. I ended up photographing some gulls and crabs. I could feel my body is still on the weak side. Then my car wouldn’t start which happens every so often. It did eventually which saved me a long walk back into town. I was out of mobile phone range so couldn’t have called anyone to pick me up. The local mechanic hasn’t been able to solve the issue so it’s an uncertainty I live with with my car now.

Hanna, you sound like you live in a similar place as there is an estuary here too where you can see dolphins going out to sea. I was looking out to some offshore islands today with my telephoto lens to see if I could spot any seals but couldn’t see any.

MK, I’m glad you got through your dentist appointment ok and the filling is sorted. I think the person you spoke to afterwards most likely thought you were being friendly and chatty. It’s often nice to have chats in waiting rooms. Quite often everyone sits there in silence but I think many people like to connect and have a chat.

Paws, I also marvel at how women coped wearing what they did back then all through hot Australian summers. It must have been so cumbersome, uncomfortable and impractical. I am thankful to exist in an era where I can wear a t-shirt and shorts or a light dress. I appreciate the feeling of peeling off layers after winter and being able to feel the air on my skin. If I drive down to the beach I often don’t bring any footwear and just walk straight onto the sand. It’s a feeling of freedom.

Wishing you all a peaceful evening and rest of the Easter break.

Hugs,

ER

[Paw Prints]

Hello Hanna, MK & ER,

Hanna at the rate I am going with getting stuff done it will probably be next year before I get a puppy.  I am determined to stick to the decision I made that certain things about the house & property must be done before I am even allowed to start talking with breeders.  Hopefully now the weather is getting cooler I will find the energy to get on with things.

mmMekitty you brave LRC,  I hope your mouth has settled & the pain is now gone.  I think you deserve a gold star & an elephant stamp (the highest award when I was in prep).  I'm sure the lady you chatted with probably thought you were being kind to her as it is terrible waiting to be called in without having something to distract our thoughts.

ER I'm glad you are over the worst of covid, the annoying cough that hangs around seems to be really common, as everyone I know who has had covid in the 12 months has also had a cough that lingers after.  Hopefully the cough will clear soon as you don't need that on top of your other health issues.

ER I love hearing about the things you photograph.  You live in what sounds like a very picturesque area, having the ocean so close & the forest areas.  I can understand how you find it healing to do your photography as it is a wonderful way to step away from our minds turmoil.  I love watching nature & find little things like dew on a spiders web or watching an animal just being it self are always calming & by taking pics of them you would be able to see the little things I miss as I only watch. 

Gentle hugs to you all

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi ER, Paws, mmMekitty and all here

Just a quick hello as i am still off-colour with this virus which seems to want to hang around and be annoying - but it does make me feel "off".  It's nice to watch the dolphins isn't it ER, I like it when there is a group of them and they appear to be playing - or certainly enjoying themselves.  They remind me of the wonderful documentary about Greenpeace - I think it's called How to Change the World - wonderful if you can find it somewhere.  Those young people were so brave.

A warm sunny day today which made the holiday makers happy, there were lots of picnic groups and people cycling along the waterfront.  I'm glad for them as the local caravan park is packed and they do need weather where they can get out and about and enjoy themselves.  The beachfront cafes were flat ouf.  I must say some of the scenery here is fantastic - we are surrounded by national park, so the steep mountains are tree-covered and unusually, go straight down to the sea.  When you stroll along the pretty beaches here, the only view is of the wooded hills, not houses or apartment buildings.  People from the city remark how lovely it is.  

ER your photography sounds like a marvellous interest and I wish we could see some of your photographs!  You sound like you are living in a scenic area which must be great for your photography interest.  I like the sound of the parrots and birdlife you see.

Paws, it's good to have an incentive to make yourself do things sometimes - I made myself clear out the pantry today which is always a dreary but necessary job - taking everything out, wiping down the shelves, re-arranging things, throwing some out - but I felt good I had done it!  Next is the linen closet... I like taking anything good/usable to the Op Shops here so other people can make us of the things I don't want - and the Op Shops make money and use that to help people in need.  Looking forward to getting a new puppy is something nice to look forward to and a way to reward yourself for getting tasks around the house done!  Have you managed to get to know any people in that town yet Paws?  Is anyone there friendly, or it is cliquey like a lot of country towns are unfortunately. 

I watched a marvellous DVD (I still watch DVDs) last night, called Reset.  It's about a new director of the Paris Ballet - he was an American from New York, so very different to what the ballet students were used to.  It was a marvellous documentary, I bought it on Ebay after reading the reviews of it - I could watch it again easily.  What those dances have to go through looks excrutiating at times!

I hope the covid doesn't linger too much longer ER.  I am a bit "off" again today, I am now thinking maybe it's something the GP put me on that is disagreeing with me - I will see him later this week.  Kitty had fun watching all the rainbow lorikeets this afternoon - I feed them some apple and a huge crowd of birds descended - kitty could hardly contain himself but fortunately the screen door was between him and the birds!

I hope everyone has a pleasant evening....

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Paws, Hanna and MK,

Thank you, I think I am definitely over the actual Covid now. It's just this annoying cough which I really hope I don't wake up with again tomorrow. I love doing photography so much. It gives me a sense of purpose and I really notice all the things around me in a great detail. Everyday is interesting because everyday is a little different in terms of the light, cloud patterns, plants flowering, certain animals and birds being active etc. You are right Paws, I see tiny details I wouldn't see without my camera. This is especially so when using a macro lens. I've found all sorts of little creatures living within flowers that I didn't even notice until I opened the image on my computer. The telephoto lens I use for birds really brings out the feather detail and I see that the feather design and structure on a bird is far more intricate than I ever realised. Nature is just phenomenal in what it creates.

Hanna, I really hope the virus or whatever is affecting you comes to an end very soon. It can get a bit draining going through each day a bit under the weather. The Reset DVD sounds interesting and would have been great for you with your interest in dance. Yes, dancers really do put themselves through a lot, especially at a professional level. I marvel at those Cossack dancers who do all those kicks while squatting and can be quite acrobatic. It must have a big impact on their knees. They would be so fit.

Paws, I was looking at rescue dog places last night and I fell in love with a gorgeous Staffy boy. He is described as having a beautiful nature and you can tell from the photos. He is 8 years old though so I'd probably only get about 4-6 years with him as English Staffies generally live for about 12-14 years. But I feel so uncertain at the moment because I'm still in the process of my DSP application and my future feels not entirely secure. With my car not starting again yesterday I worry that I may have to get another car sometime soon too, and that is a financial stress. So getting a pet feels like a big responsibility. I understand you wanting to get things organised before getting your new puppy.

Hanna, it's nice Brucie gets some entertainment from the rainbow lorikeets who fortunately for them remain on the other side of the screen door. I have parrots feed off my fruit trees. The most prevalent ones who do it are the Australian Ringneck Parrots, also known as Twenty Eight Parrots. They especially seem to like the mandarins. The mandarin tree has a lot of green fruit on it at the moment. Once they turn orange the parrots will descend upon them. I try to get what I can for myself!

I will head off to bed shortly. It's quite windy outside. There seemed to be a very small amount of rain this morning as the grass was wet. I just checked the BOM stats to find out and there was a grand total of 1mm. We desperately need more rain!

I hope you all had a lovely Easter Sunday 🐣

Hugs,

ER