Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[Hanna3]

Hi ER and Paws,

This bug is just chugging along for a while - mostly I had such a temperature I was so very hot.  I had to take kitty to the vet today so had to get up very early to get him into the crate which he definitely doesn't like - I'm not long back so it's been a longish day.  We had huge rolling storms last night with strong winds and rain the entire night.

Paws I'm sorry that teacher behaved like that to you, and it's the sort of thing we remember for the rest of our lives.  I'm sure as ER says that they pick on the quiet ones because they think they are more easily bullied and they are probably right, but then that makes us even more insecure and anxious.  

I met another lovely couple recently with their two dogs, one a Cavalier and the other a medium bitza purchased from the local RSPCA shelter - they said there was a queue of people wanting the dog but the husband of the couple is developing dementia and so they gave the dog to him and his wife.  Apparently the dog's owner had died, hence it wound up at the shelter.  When the man got up at the cafe to get a coffe the dog was whining with anxiety - I can understand having lost one owner, it didn't want to lose this one.  They also seemed like a lovely friendly couple.

We think kitty is struggling with the small unit and perhaps he was originally an outdoor cat, so I have some thinking to do about what is best for him.  I saw the same vet as put Sam down six months ago, so it wasn't the best visit for me (not her fault - just my association with the last time I was there).

I am very wary of groups of women with no men to break up the clique - they to tend to join together and pick on one or two people as some kind of "bonding" and amusement.  The men that I worked with seemed to be more direct - if they didn't like something they'd just say so - unfortunately the women seem to conspire behind people's backs.  I was on another forum where we were talking about viewers (Utube) calling women Karens which is really annoying - I think they have nothing to say and just enjoy trying to insult people and get a reaction by doing this.  It is tiresome.

ER living on the coast sounds nice in your state - the sea would be that lovely colour so different from the Pacific Ocean over this side.  Small places sure tend to have cliques.  My friend who is nurse in charge of Emergency at the main hospital where I used to live is having trouble with the other nurses ganging up on her and gossiping about her - she is quiet and a good worker and new to that area, I said they pick on her because of those things and also because she is in charge.  It's annoying for us quiet ones that people seem to think we are the ones to pick on.  Maybe we need to become "the mouse that roared" a bit more often and surprise them!

I picked up another good book, called Too Much of a Good Thing, it's about how our makeup and genetics are programmed for us to hunt and deal with fighting other tribes and how that genetic material affects us now in modern Western societies where we no longer use up that energy in activities like hunting and fighting.  The author is a medical practitioner and it's all pretty interesting - I just haven't been up to reading much of it yet but it does make me think!

I'm off to have a rest after taking kitty to and from the vet... lots of driving and I'm still a bit woozy...

[Paw Prints]

Hello Hanna, ER, wave to everyone,

Hanna having whatever you have chugging along is not good, I really hope it clears up soon for you.  Do keep your fluids up & try to rest lass. 

ER I'm sorry to here you also had a teacher who picked on you as a young child.  I've often wondered why a teacher would pick on the quiet one when as I would imagine having a class of quiet non disruptive children would be a blessing for a teacher.  

Hanna Brucie will still need more time to settle in to his new home & realise he has landed on his paws.  It usually takes at least 6 months for an animal to feel secure & settled & that is after just one move.  He has had at least two moves so it might take him a bit longer.  Plus the weather you have been having won't help.

Touch wood, I now think the hot weather is over for this summer here.  The last two days have been about 20 & the nights are back to being lovely & cool.  The forecast is for the next week is more of the same... yayyy!!!

hugs

Paws

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Hanna and Paws,

 I really hope your bug is improving Hanna. If you have a temperature it is probably good to rest as much as possible. The book you mention, Too Much of a Good Thing, sounds interesting. I’ve often thought sport plays a role in using up energy that would once have been used for hunting and fighting, but obviously not everyone does sport. When I am out doing wildlife photography I feel a bit like I’m hunting, but for images not prey. And I seek to form connections with the birds and animals and always respect their space. But it does have that primal feeling when I’m out there, on my own in nature.

Paws, I’m so glad you have the cooler weather. Autumn finally! Yes, it makes no sense to me for a teacher to pick on the quiet child who is causing no problems at all in the classroom. When I was doing teacher assistant training we mostly had excellent lecturers except for one who took two classes on discipline. She actually said the quiet kids annoy her and she had very archaic ways of advising on discipline. It’s quite disturbing really. Fortunately our other lecturers were the opposite of her.

I have Covid so I might not be as conversant at present. I hope things are going ok for both of you and that you have a good weekend.

Hugs,

ER

[mmMekitty]

Hello Paws, Hanna & ER, & everyone

Just dropping by to say 'Hello'.

I met a dog yesterday, walking with his owners at a park I was visiting with my support worker for lunch. He was youngish black & very likely mostly a Labrador, who, earlier, it seems, his previous owner, had caused one of his forelegs to be broken, & while healing, was broken again, so then his leg was amputated. He was a lovely dog, very gentle & friendly, not over-excited or stand-offish at all. So, it seems to me, he has a lovely home now, with people who care for him & have treated him well.

I put my name down on the waiting list for a unit across the road from this park. The place is purpose built units for people who are blind or have very low vision. When we told the woman we (my support worker & I), had spoken to about my current place, how the neighbours are, etc, she immediately agreed to put me on the list. We didn't even have to fill out the form or provide references. However, it still could be years before I can get into one of their units, & I'd have to give up on the idea of having a cat while there.

I can't afford to be picky anymore. Only way I could ever have what I'd really like is to have a whole lot more money & then go buy a well-built house - pie in the sky, eh?

While my PC is looking like I prefer, somehow the internet connection, page loading, etc, has become slow, now!

I'm waiting for another appointment with someone from Vision Australia. She is going to bring a couple laptops over to my place so we can compare Microsoft & Apple. I also want to be absolutely certain that whatever I get will connect to my smart TV, so I can still use that as my main monitor. Sometimes, I still think having a laptop could be useful, too, but I do prefer a full-size keyboard. However, if I can learn to use spoken commands & dictation, maybe that won't be so important.

Get well soon, Hanna, ER, & look after yourself, Paws.

It won't be long before we're complaining about the weather being too cold....I'm already wanting bed socks on.

Hugzies

mmMekitty

[Hanna3]

Hi all,

Mmekitty it's definitely worth having a go at those units for the vision impaired.  There was an elderly blind lady who used to live in these units - they put her in a unit up two steep flights of stairs and the unit got full sun in summer and no sun at all in winter.  For her to put her garbage out she had to cope with the stairs each time and she walked with a cane.  I don't know why she didn't receive more help to get into something more suitable, but my neighbours here told me she ended up sick and in a nearby nursing home.  There are small very nice Legacy units a block away that would have provided a better home for her if someone had pushed enough for her.

They will take your age into consideration for a move to those units as well - they can't expect you to wait years.

There is a woman here a friend of mine knows who has had 3 different places in public housing, she doesn't get on with the neighbours and complains and gets moved - and now has one of those lovely legacy units  it's the squeaky wheel that gets the grease all right.  

I'd be demanding that move ASAP with your sight issues they really do need to get you into more appropriate accommodation.

[Eagle Ray]

Hi MK, Hanna and Paws,

The black dog you met sounds lovely MK. I’ve met a few three-legged dogs and they’ve all been so spirited and have not seemed perturbed at all about a missing leg. I knew a cat like this too who sadly was run over and lost a leg, but it didn’t dampen his spirits at all. He was the most dog-like cat I’ve ever met. He would roll over for tummy rubs even with total strangers. He was very easy to pick up too and was incredibly easygoing. It’s lovely the dog you met has a loving home now.

I really hope MK you may be able to get into one of those units sooner. It would be lovely being next to that park. You would get some animal time with people walking their dogs. I think living next to a park can be good for the soul. Across the road from me there is bushland with kangaroos, bandicoots, possums and many birds. I think it makes a difference to me knowing it is just there and easily accessible.

I hope your bug is improving Hanna. I’m finding Covid is not very pleasant but it’s manageable and can feel I will get through it ok. I hope you are continuing to enjoy the cooler weather Paws. Too right MK, we’ll probably be complaining about the winter soon! We could really do with some rain here though. The bush across the road I just mentioned is exceedingly dry and desperately needs it. You can see the plants browning off. I might have to do a rain dance.

Take care everyone,

ER

[Hanna3]

Hi ER, I seem to have come down with some sort of virus myself - it must be the one I had earlier, I was fine yesterday and now it's back again.  Went out to lunch and realized at the cafe I was feeling awful..  I hope it's not covid - but glad to hear you are finding it manageable at least..  I guess we are heading into the winter season of coughs, colds and flu viruses again...

I watched the movie West Side Story last night for the dancing which was superb!  I don't know why I never actually watched the whole movie.

Don't think I'm up to much tonight except feed the cat and veg out in front of the TV.... I have no energy at all.  Sorry I'm not up to writing more here.  I also have my Woodstock dvd to watch - I saw the documentary years ago but have a copy of it now, I remember it was enthralling - speaking of which, I found a cd of Jimmy Hendrix recently and his music is fantastic.\

A quiet evening for us here I'm afraid.  I hope everyone else is feeling OK!  It's been an unusually warm March but we seem to finally be getting cooler days and nights here.  The Easter holiday makers are already pouring into town - they will take up every nice picnic spot over Easter and then disappear home again until next summer - it's always nice to have the area to ourselves once they all go home.

Chatting to friends back inland where i lived, they tell me the days and nights are getting very cold now.  I have a friend who has always taken in rescue cats, currently I think she has about five of them - plus one dog.  She is quite happy she says becoming a cat woman in her retirement.  I also have a 94 year old friend in the city who tripped outside the other day and fell backwards onto a cement plant pot - she says she is a bit sore but otherwise just cross at herself for falling over - she is amazing but I must ring her and check how she is - I have known her since I was a little child and she is a very precious friend.  She still walks her little dog and does a bit of gardening - I'm quite sure I would never be that good at that age!

[Hanna3]

Hi all, I think I have managed to get through with a different avatar of little Sam.  I hope everyone can find their way - for some reason it's taking me the very start of every discussion and I have to scroll through to find my place again.  

[Paw Prints]

Hello Hanna, ER & mmMekitty,

It is great being able to see peoples avatars again. 

Hanna that is a lovely photo of Sam, he had such cute button eyes. 

ER that is a very blue ray, are eagle rays actually blue?  I tried googling but I don't think the pictures showed their colour very well, though they did show spots.

It seems those of us on here getting sick is becoming contagious,  I'm hoping to get into the Dr later this week with what I hope is just a UTI.  Of course this Friday being the start of the easter break it may be a few weeks before I can get in.

It is amazing how well dogs can get about on three legs, it doesn't seem to slow them down at all.  The same with blind or deaf dogs, if they have the right owner they just thrive.

ER I read an article on the ABC News site which was about looking at how people go on , rather than how to be happy.  It is the 1st in a series of articles that focus on the how rather than just telling people to be more positive, cheerful etc, which can actually be a toxic response.   Why I thought of you, was in the article one of the things that they have found is seeking awe is very beneficial for our mental health. One of the examples is spending time in nature & taking the time to see the details & absorb the sounds, smells.  They also said taking photo's helps with the sense of connection.  I liked that the article was looking at other ways to cope rather than the standard "pick yourself up", "play sport" type responses.  The article was last Sunday if you're interested, just type awe in the search bar on the news site.

Hanna it sounds like you are going through the decades with all the musicals/concerts you are watching.  I do like seeing Fred Astaire dance as he makes it look effortless.  The movie where he dances from the floor to the walls & on to the ceiling was really well done for the time it was made. 

Hope you are all feeing better

hugs

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws, ER kitty and all

It' takes a while to find this discussion again and it brings me to the start so I have to go through the whole thread to find today.  Yes little Sam had the cutest face and sweetest eyes - I took that while he was sitting on a picnic bench next to me where I used to live.  I still miss him heaps.

Its' gone like summer here the days are suddenly hot again and I was enjoying the cool weather.  We are crowded with holiday makers heading in for Easter.  

You're right about the music Paws, I like it from every timespan I think.  Last night I was watching Eight Days a Week which was about the Beatles early years - the huge stadium crowds they pulled in the 60s were just phenomenal.  As the documentary said, they coincided with the black rights movement and huge societal changes going on.

I watched Woodstock the other night too and that was just fantastic - that was my era as a young thing

I'm off out now to grab a coffee but will be back later - I wanted to check I could find everyone this morning!