Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[Doolhof]

Hi mmMekitty and all,

I like the idea of adding more fun and humour to each day. I need to discover diofferent ways of incorporating these things into my life.

I do take joy and pleasure from being with nature, a good laugh would be so beneficial. I have heard of Laughter Groups. Maybe I could Google some suggestions to enhance my days.

[smallwolf]

hello Dools,

Here are some ideas in no particular order:

• Watch comedy shows or movies.
• Read humorous books or articles.
• Follow humor websites or social media accounts.
• Use humor to navigate challenges.

I personally look at social media for some funny stuff and that includes YouTube. We all have our own preferences, and hope some of these help?

[Doolhof]

Thanks smallwolf,

I appreciate the list. I used to have a book with dressed up cats in it that was hilarious as long as I didn't consider too much how the real life cats would have felt about performing in such a manner. 

As a child I had a game with riddles and jokes. When we were cleaning out the house when Mum moved, my sisters and I found that game and cracked up laughing as we read out the jokes from our childhood. I am not sure where that game went in the end!

Thanks again for the suggestions, I will work on adding more humour to my days!

Hope you are travelling well!

[Paw Prints]

Hello Dools, mmMekitty, Smallwolf, 

I love the ideas for adding a bit of fun to our days, I've recently found some social media sites that I find interesting & which often make me chuckle, I must admit it is all too easy to lose an hour or two on them.  

Yesterday was a day where I didn't let the voice in my head rule, instead I pushed myself to ignore it & I'm so pleased I did. I had a family/friends do in the big city to go to & the voice in my head was telling me that with getting ready, the long drive there, the do itself & then the long drive home, it was all far too much & I wouldn't feel included, therefore it would be better not to go. 

I gave myself a couple of hours to get ready so I didn't stress, the drive there & back wasn't so awful (I've done it heaps of times) & I actually had a very lovely time catching up with old friends & family. For the first time in a long time I didn't have the feeling of being an outsider & not wanted that I so often feel for part of any get together I attend. I just wasn't listening to that voice in my head that tells me I don't matter or that I don't belong. 

I wanted to share this as I think we all need the reminder from time to time that pushing ourselves to do things can actually turn out really well.

Hugs

Paws

[Doolhof]

Hi Paws,

Thanks so much for expressing how you were able to help yourself in such a way, when we are able to accept our confusing thoughts and push through them, the benefits can be amazing. You can now remind yourself of your achievements and hopefully will be more encouraged to over rule your negative thoughts in future.

I have had a break through at work by occasionally eating my meals in the staff room. When I first started working there I was told I was not welcome to eat there, then Covid hit and I was relegated a separate eating place or could go outside to my car. It still feels weird joining other staff, some are talking to me and I appreciate that.

Maybe I can Google comedians and see what I come up with . Some are so rude and crass though, guess in time I will discover some who are funny with out being crude. 

Googling photos of beaches and gardens sooths my soul, a little more laughter would be good. Will keep looking!

[mmMekitty]

Hi Paws & Dools

I enjoy the fact of your getting some happy social interactions, Paws & Dools. Well done!

I'm enjoying being in the pool for Hydrotherapy, concentrating on that instead of feeling so self-conscious around other people, in my swimwear, (a rashi top & bike shorts), It was somewhat more crowded today & while 'swimming' (is that what I'm doing? Hmmm? I'm not sure.) & the Exercise Physiologist sometimes had to steer me around people & then get me re-aligned with the wall I was heading for, telling me to kick more, get my bum up more, while my face is half in the water half the time, & I am wondering just how far away is the wall, now? & feeling I might not make it. But I was laughing anyway. Even my support worker was breathing heavily after a few laps. It's only a pool with a 15m length, but it felt more like 30m.

Hugzies

mmMekitty

[Paw Prints]

Hello Dools & LRC,

Sorry I haven't replied before now. After my successful outing I crashed deeply into finding everything too hard & have spent most of my time in bed or curled up on the couch. I have really been trying this week to push through & I have succeeded in doing a bit more each day.

Dools I found some facebook groups that are "Appreciation of *pick a thing*" which have comments that are silly, fun, no nastiness (say 99% nice, the rare not nice doesn't stay) & very tongue in cheek. It really is a rabbit hole where you join one then find yourself joining more, most of the people in one group are also in a few more & they have a very international membership. The things appreciated vary including: gates, bathtubs in fields, moss, corrugated iron, clouds, baling twine & lots more. 

Kitty your mentioning that you are getting a new microwave helped me to decide to take my sisters advice & instead of replacing my broken gas oven, with all the expense associated, I have bought a bench top convection oven. It is very basic with nobs to turn rather than electronic settings. I only ordered it Wednesday night & didn't expect it to arrive before late next week (being rural it usually takes time), so I was very surprised to get it today. Now I have to learn how to cook with electricity & workout where it will fit.

Your hydrotherapy session sounds fun, I had to chuckle at the "keep your bum up". I think I would need to be going across the pool not the full length as I'm prone to sinking. I'm guessing all the splashing about a certain iceberg has helped your swimming skills immensely, the temperature difference must be a bit of a shock though. 😁

Hugs & schnozbops

Paws & Woofa

[mmMekitty]

Hi Paws & Woofa, & Dools,

So sorry that you've had a rough patch, but glad to see you have pushed through & have been achieving a little more each day. You could play at it like playing a game, scoring a point for every small task you achieve, & when a series of small tasks culminates in a, for example, a completed meal, a completed load of washing, a bed made with clean sheets, & blankets, a very well-scrubbed Paws, score yourself a 'Goal', which is equivolent to 10 points bonuse score. You may be surprised how quickly you can score 50 points.

Congratulate yourself on your successes, whatever they are.

I struggle to do that, just appreciating that I have achieved some thing I was trying to do, finding it hard, but managing to somehow do it, even when it takes 'too' long, (& there I go getting critical about it), getting caught up with how I am feeling about the effort & that I even have to do some things, & not taking any time to consider that I did succeed  [ not a second to say,'Look, mmMekitty, you did it. I'm glad I got that done."

It doesn't help us to focus on what doesn't get done, or if it takes days instead of a couple hours.

I have my new microwave, too. It has a grill & a convection oven incorporated into it. & it speaks aloud the settings, timer, etcetera. I have some learning to do to use all the settings. I have used basic settings, estimating for myself how long, trial & error, to cook basic foods, like potatoes, vegies, chicken, pasta with sauce, porridge, even a couple of the bread rolls, which I turned into garlic bread.

To use the auto-cook settings for various things, I need the talking kitchen scales to weigh the food, & enter that weight, so the microwave can select the time combination of microwave/grill, microwave/convection, convection/grill.

It's very different, having all the settings, more buttons too, than my very old microwave from many years ago, which had only two knobs & button to open the door.

As for swimming, I still feel very unfit. I can't hardly wait until I reach the side of the pool.

For swimming around Croix's iceberg, I have a full-body wetsuit, complete with floaties.

Hi Dools. How are the staff room lunches going?

Hugzies & schnozbops 

mmMekitty

[Paw Prints]

Hello mmMekitty, Dools, waves to everyone,

You are so right it isn't helpful for us to be always focussing on what we haven't done rather than on what we have however small. I was surprised when I joined BB to find so many of us here have the same issue, I never thought it was so prevalent. With small steps & lots of practice hopefully it will one day be an old habit & no longer an ingrained one.

Well I tried out my new little oven tonight, I thought I would start with the frozen crumbed whiting because it has a time & temperature on the box so I could compare the reality to the expected. It took almost twice the time on the box & now I wonder if I didn't leave it long enough preheating. My old gas oven didn't take very long at all to preheat, I will have to trial different times with this one. 

We made it to a balmy top of 6 deg. today, with rain & hail all day. I've had the heating on for Woofa & we did a LOT of going to the back door because he needed to pee, he would look at the weather & decide he could hold on a bit longer rather than risk getting his precious paws wet. 

Of course, silly me, I should have known a stylish LRC would not go for a swim without a wetsuit, after all one needs to maintain ones luxurious pelt at a high standard at all times. Plus the floaties no doubt make a fashion statement with their shimmering rainbows & ability to cushion a discerning cat in whatever pose said kitty should desire. The attached motors gently allow movement in the desired direction as no self respecting cat would consider actually trying to swim, dog paddling is for dogs only.

Hugs

Paws

[Paw Prints]

I have spent a lot of this week trying to understand something. I’m not living my life how I think I wish to & I have repeatedly failed in my attempts to change. I remember all the plans I had when I moved here 8 years ago & I have achieved virtually none of them. I see on bb I mention time & time again that I intend to try again to make changes I think are necessary & yet here I am still the same.

Leaving aside my mental health & physical limitations I’ve been trying to work out what it is that is stopping me. Is it simply laziness? Is it I don’t care enough? Is it I don’t want that life enough? Is it because I am too deeply set in a rut with my ways? Is it I’m scared that if I try I will just make things worse? Is it because I’m only thinking of changing because I think it is expected of me? Could it be a bit of all those reasons or something else? I know I have bad associations with doing some things, but that doesn’t fully account for my failings.

I was hoping if I could work out why I might finally be able to decide how, or even if, I wanted to make some or all the changes. I haven’t been able to settle on a reason, though I suspect it is a combination of fear & being stuck in a rut. I have decided though that I do want to make changes. I am not happy with my life as it is & I desperately need to lose weight to help manage health issues, so I am going to try yet again.

One thing I did remember with all this, is how hard I found it to give up drinking & later smoking. I did finally succeed with both after many false starts. I’m holding on to that memory to help me when I stumble as I probably will. I am also holding onto how much my friends on bb are managing to do despite the hurdles life is throwing them.

I have spent all night writing down things I want to achieve, broken down into one off items (projects that need doing) & things that will be ongoing, along with long term habits I want to build & long term habits I want to stop. I have also set up a spreadsheet to keep track of my daily activities however small. I’ve done it as a spreadsheet where I have a column for each day so I can see if there is a pattern to when I start to struggle.

Paws