Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[Paw Prints]

Hello mmMekitty,

Nooooo LRC.. I had to reassure Woofa that you were only joking about wearing the spacesuit. He couldn't believe that a cat who was friends with a walrus known for his sartorial elegance would make such a choice of outfits. I managed to convince him by pointing out that like all cats of distinction you would want to experience the wind in your fur plus you would quite comfortably land on your feet should you be dislodged. Naturally it would be very unlikely you would come off as I'm sure you would have tightly wedged the pink flamingo pool floatie safely between his ears & filled it with marshmallows to cushion any bumps. With both you & Woofa dashingly wearing tinted aviator goggles, he having some rainbow coloured slobber cloths hanging from his head halter to soak up any slobber & you wearing a jauntily placed cap the two of you will be considered this years fashion setters. 

I love schnozbops 🤣 💙

hugs

Paws

Schnozbops from Woofa

[mmMekitty]

Heheh, not just best at show, but the entire show, just us two!

ReallyWhile the Walrus may be suave, sophisticated & debonair, I am secretly a most rebellious alley cat, with a wonton desire for mischief, mayhem, pot stirring, rabble rousing & chicanery - just go & see what I’m doing to his iceberg while he is away*, if you don’t believe me.

It was a tussle, getting the pink flamingo floatie to fit Woofa’s head, & not keep him from scoffing the mmMarshmallows before I did?

mmmmmm the goggles are so coool! Thanks for that idea. I’m no fan of helmet hair or bent whiskers.

Schnozbops

mmMekitty

* In the BB Social Zone, look for: Croix Parler

[mmMekitty]

Hey Paws & Woofa, how've yous been going?

I'm hoping you are keeping well & as warm as you can - realising it' isn't at all easy for some people in Australia right now, even up here, where I am, I am feeling it. My fingers & toes especially. I'm finding it hard to keep them at least comfortably warm enough to not feel miserable, like I tend to do when the weather is down to single digits overnight.

Hugzies

mmMekitty

[Paw Prints]

Hello mmMekitty, wave to all,

I have been watching the shenanigans you & ER have been up to on Croix's iceberg, Woofa & I have stayed well clear in case the two of you tried incorporating us into the decorations.

The weather here has been wet & cool the last few weeks, some days we have only just made it out of single figures. Woofa has needed his coat on more often than not. Typically for here we have already had two power outages, (both of which were out for over 5 hours each) as soon as the weather turned. It doesn't bode well for this winter.

My phone that stopped working mysteriously started working again last week, of course it was just after I bought a new phone online. I'm still going to migrate to the new phone, now I just need to go into big town to do it. 

I've been pleasantly surprised to have found a GP, at the clinic I go to, who seems to be interested in my health unlike all the other GP's I've seen there before. I've only seen her three times, but she is actually being proactive & I've some tests I need to get done. I hope she stays longer than most GP's there have, it's nice to have someone who listens.

Hugs & schnozbops

Paws & Woofa

[mmMekitty]

Hugzies & schnozbops - I was tired last night, tired again tonight... but at least tonight Woofa can have his schnozbops.

I'm already wearing my winter jammies, put fleecy blankets on my bed & sleep between one underneath & two on top. & I have bedsocks a hood for my head, to keep my ears warm, too.

I'm glad you now have a GP who listens & is willing to investigate what's going on. 

For your health, I hope she stays for a long time too.

More, hugzies & schnozbops, Paws & Woofa.

mmMekitty

[Doolhof]

Hi mmMekitty, Paws and all reading,

It certainly has become cold, I feel sorry for those who are not able to afford heating or are living rough. I like to drag the cushions from the patio chairs, place them on our small front porch, grab a blanket and a pillow and lay there in the sun out of the wind. Warms me up nicely!

Lately I have grabbed a notebook and am writing down positive quotes and messages from Facebook, self care tips, Bible verses and anything else that is helpful and encouraging.

Once again I seem to be enveloped in a shroud of depression that lifts now and then before descending upon me again and making it difficult to see clearly.

Step by step and one moment at a time I will get there.

I'm going to put on an extra pair of long pants, find my beanie, a warm jacket and go for a walk shortly.

[mmMekitty]

Hi Dools, Paws & everyone

When I was depressed years back, when it seemed to close in on me & only occasionally ease a little for short periods of time, I had not appreciated how doing even some small thing to care for myself each day was very important. I couldn't see how it would matter. I could only see the next storm coming, & therefore, feel a need to protect myself, or afailing that, to be still & wait it out.

I can't explain how my perceptions have changed, how I realise that the things we are able to do each day are vital.

To do something like putting on wrmer clothes, even the fact of getting up to do that, is a few points - things to point at & say, I did that today. Then the day was not 'completely wasted', was it? I could give myself that small credit.

& the next day, & the next day, adding a little, the few points of credit, makes a difference.

& then when I was doing things I wsn't dwelling on how miserable I was feeling. Doing things, for yourself, others, pets, are ways to help us keep our minds off how horrible we may be feeling.

& then, I wasn't really feeling much when I was doing things.

I think that's how it wentf for me.

So, now I notice, when I am feeling like I don't want to do anything, feeling the mood creeping around, like scary mist in horror movies, coming into my room through the cracks in the walls or under the door -  that's the time to be consciously determined to get up & do something.

It's great, Dools, you are getting up, putting on warm clothes, going for a walk. Give yourself credit for that. tell yourself, "Well done, Dools".

Today I was struggling, my back was hurting, so I did the best I could. I did the group exercises, enjoyed lunch in the park, the returned to do most of the gym work afterwards. I can physically relax more at home, so I decided that's what I needed to do. I am happy with that. I'm glad I did not cancel the exercises today, as I might have done before when my back was hurting.

hugzies

mmMekitty

[Paw Prints]

Hello Dools, mmMekitty,

Dools I've been following you & the others on the walking thread, you should be so pleased with yourself that you do get outside & get some exercise despite how you feel. I love the idea of laying on your porch in the sun, if I wanted to lay in the sun out of the wind I would have to join Woofa on his bed inside by my bedroom window. The only spot outside is way too close to where one of the resident tiger snakes hangs out. 

mmMekitty well done on pushing yourself to go to your exercise/gym today despite having back pain. You are right that we need to give ourselves credit for when we do manage to do something however small. I think what you managed today was something very big & you should be feeling very chuffed with yourself.

Dools you are right about not being able to see clearly when our depression descends. I find when my depression is running rampant the hardest part is trying not listen to the part of my mind that criticises me over all the things I'm not managing. I also find that trying to do things when my depression comes to the fore is like trying to walk through syrup, so very tiring without really getting anywhere.

Small steps & finding things that help to lift the fog is easier said than done, & no one else can do it for us. Yet the support/sharing of journey's/whimsy & nonsense from the friends I've made here I find helps me to try that next little step no matter how hard. 

I want to thank you all, you are some of the kindest people I've ever known

Hugs

Paws

[Doolhof]

Hi mmMekitty, Paws and to all reading,

Thank you so much dear ladies for sharing your kind words, thoughts and ideas around how to feel better about myself along this journey. I have made a few notes from what you have written and placed them in my new notebook, I have written your user names there as well as a reminder of where that wisdom came from.

Realising that being able to move forward, to accept limitations on not so pleasant days and to importantly give recognition to what we do achieve is so beneficial.

Yesterday I had to attend some more one on one training for work. I took the time to take some photos of some local sheep first for a friend who adores sheep. I had allowed time to arrive early so as not to feel too stressed. I reminded myself this new staff member helping me is very patient and considerate when showing me computer stuff. 

I had also taken my walking shoes and stopped off on a side road for a walk to help clear my head on the way home. 

Little actions do make a big difference.

I agree with you Paws, we do have an amazing community of people here! Wishing you both and all reading a day where you have moments of recognising just how courageous and worthy you are! Cheers from Dools

[mmMekitty]

Hi Paws & Dools thanks you both for your comments. It's been small steps for me all the way, well with more than a few exceptions, come to think of them... [big sigh]. The latest big decision was to get serious about getting my body healthier or I may face more serious health consequences if I don't. It's a major change to my life.

I'm so pleased when someone says my words have helped. 

You have some wisdom, yourself, Dools; I've seen how you respond to people here.

You, too, Paws. & Woofa, in the sunny window - that's very smart.

You did very well Dools, stopping to take the photos, taking your walking shoes, getting help from the co-worker who is patient.. so much you ae able to do!

Paws, yep, the idea is to keep trying, because nothing has a chance to improve if we do not keep trying.

I think one of the more underated things people can do to help themselves to keep going day after day, most especially when we feel like crap is to find something funny, to laugh at something, even ourselves, I dare say. My humour gets dark; I feel life is so absurd. I don't ever want to lose being able to have fun, to let my inner child, whether it's LRC or even little mmMekitten being silly & letting the imagination run wild, I think it's kept me upright more often then I care to admit. I enjoy daydreaming little fun stuff & sharing & finding people to play with the way kids do. It's an antidote to feeling down, sad, lonely, etc.

So, if Woofa doesn't leave a little space at the window, I'm just going to plop myself atop his shoulder, or rear, whichever is more comfy. 

Hugzies to everyone

mmMekitty