Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[ecomama]

Hey Paws and all the lovelies, 

A potentially difficult day for you today. I am so sorry for the loss of your brother, big hugs darling girl.
Like Hanna said I am so glad you can take Woofa with you. Our fur babies ground us don't they? Well some times... they smile at us and love us with the happiness at just being with us in the moment. 
We have a lot to learn from our pups! 

It's shocking people with children OR PETS are turned away from rentals where you are Hanna, I'm sure it happens here too. 
Thankfully things are changing where you live Paws. 

Canada is leading with an inclusive attitude with dogs, I hope it spreads. Seeing dogs in the airport everywhere years ago was a delightful surprise to see! 

Thinking of you today Paws. More hugs. 
Love EM

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws and waves to EM and everyone',

I hope you made the trip safely and are home safe now!  I do understand how much you must miss your brother - I don't know if you have said somewhere when he died - but I am sure he wouldn't want you to be sad at the gathering because of him Paws - he surely would want you to be happier than you are now, and to enjoy the family gathering.  As I have said to others here on BB, grief is the price we pay for love - and if something bad happens to what or who it is we love - a person, child, parent, friend, pet, country - we grieve for it/them.  If we didn't grieve, it would mean we had never loved.  

Can you tell yourself that your brother would not want you to be unhappy on his behalf, yes to remember him and think of him, but to enjoy yourself?  I think we must enjoy the good things in life if we can. 

Sam did well today, we had a spring like day and had a nice time meeting up with a couple of European friends by the river.  

That lady I spoke to who couldn't get the rental would have had to have proof they had refused her because of children - either witnesses who heard it, or written evidence - and then she would have to go through a tribunal hearing.  Landlords seem to be able to get away with whatever they want these days, we really need desperately to strengthen rental laws to protect tenants and prospective tenants.

I hope you can get the plumber in before that leak turns into something worse, Paws, and well done for going to the family gathering, and I hope you managed to have a good time despite being so sad for your brother.  Big hugs from us here oxoxoxoxo

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Paws, Eco, Hanna and everyone…🤗..

I also hope your day went okay today….big deep breathes dear sweet lady…if your home now…please be gentle with yourself, make a nice pot of tea and sit down and relax in a comfy spot with Woofa and give him a big cuddle…You done amazing today 🤗..well done, it must have been so hard for you to get ready and walk out your front door, with so much anxiety stirring around in your head….

I am so very happy that you are still here…I have gotten to love you dear friend…I have learnt that, we don’t need to physically meet for a special bond to grow…

Just wanted to call in to see how you’re going and to gently remind you that you are a very valuable person to us all on these forums…and to please take good care of you…

Here dear Paws, if you need to talk…

Sending you my kindest thoughts with lots of care, love and hugs..to you sweet Paws and your gorgeous fur friend…🌹🦋💜🤗🤗..

Grandy..

[Paw Prints]

Hello Em, Hanna & Grandy,

Thank you for hugs... 

It's been a very long day... the birthday girl was like the energizer bunny...  all go...  after missing out on other birthdays because of the lockdowns the last 2 years she was so excited to see everyone.

Woofa was so pleased when I got home... I had left the telly on & the laundry light as I knew it would be dark before I got home & he is a scardy cat being left alone in the dark... however I hadn't counted on getting home & finding the power was out...  he was not a happy chappy being stuck in the dark all alone...  we are both much happier now the power is finally back on... the drive home took nearly 4 hours instead of the usual 3 as the traffic out of the city was a like carpark...  I don't miss city driving.

Big hugs back at you all

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws, glad to hear you are home safely, so it was a birthday party, how nice!  I can imagine poor Woofa was relieved to see you back home again, sitting alone in the dark must have been scary for him.  The traffic here is getting worse and worse, so many people have moved out from the city since the pandemic hit, all the beautiful surrounding green hills are now covered with dark rooftops, the new suburbs are all car dependent - no public transport - so more cars pour into the cbd.. I had a long chat with an old friend back in coastal town today and she described how awful it is there now.. rooftops everywhere it used to be bushland - all the koala habitat has gone - mostly it's for retirement villages... she has trouble getting out of her street now, there are no lights at the intersection and the traffic is so bad.  I don't know where all these people are coming from, but I feel sad for all the wildlife.  

I have had a lovely Huntsman spider in my laundry for a couple of weeks now - she sits in the same place without moving - I was worried she was starving but now I think she must slip outside when it's dark.. I like having critters like her around, as long as she stays in the laundry and not the bedroom I am fine with that!   She's rather fascinating.

Took Sam to the dog park for the first time in a couple of months this afternoon, just for a short time, I think he enjoyed it but he's fast asleep now after playing with a rescue Chihuaha (? I should check that spelling) that belonged to a couple of nice guys.  I guess the two little dogs liked having someone their size to sniff around with!

Hugs from us here oxoxoxo

[Paw Prints]

Hello Hanna,

You remind me of my dad... he was also a fan of leaving huntsman spiders free to roam in the house... my only objection was when I found them in my room or worse in the shower... then I would relocate them outside... I'm not so friendly to them here... I wouldn't mind if there was just one... but they come in herds here & I've got to the point where I no longer put them out, I just spray them. 

The explosion of new housing seems to be everywhere... every time I do the drive into the city I see more & more of our most fertile farming land going under new estates... and you are right they don't have the infrastructure of public transport available which just increases the appalling traffic bottlenecks. How sad that the new housing in your old town has destroyed koala habitat... especially as they are so endangered in your state...  

That is wonderful news that Sam was feeling well enough to go to the dog park & to actually have a play there... it must have been a relief for you to see him happier in himself than he has been.

Another day spent in bed... Woofa spent most of the afternoon barking at anything & everything in my defence... now I'm up he is happily snoozing beside me.

I'm feeling like I might be able to spend tomorrow up & doing things... fingers crossed I still feel that way tomorrow.

Hugs

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws

I've worked out the huntsman is catching tiny gnats that fly in at night. I like having her in the laundry! She doesn't seem to move around much.

Yes where are all the people coming from? My friends in the city say high rise apartments are going up everywhere they look in the suburb I grew up in and used to ride a pony around. Yet the regions are getting crowded out too. What's happening?

An elderly friend in the city died yesterday so I have to get a card for my elderly friend his wife, he had a fall and died yesterday and they had been married for 71 years...

My laptop has died completely so this is from my phone. More later 🐾🐕💝

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws, well Madam Huntsman spider was happily trotting across the kitchen floor this evening apparently headed for the loungeroom... so I slipped a glass over her and a piece of paper underneath and deposited her carefully outside where there is plenty of cover... I am happy for her to be in the laundry, but I do draw the line at the rest of the house!!!  I hope she manages to stay warm and dry somewhere tonight!

I discovered our library has a book with several people already reserving it (it's a new aquisition), and i thought it sounds like one you might enjoy - it has superb reviews - it's Elizabeth Macarthur's Letters and it was put together by Kate Grenville.  I've read a couple of exerpts of the letters and it looks like a fascinating dip into the new colony in Australia at the time.  I wanted to come by and mention it to you in case you are interested.  Hugs from us here oxoxoxo

[Paw Prints]

Hello Hanna. Grandy, Em, wave to all,

Hannah that book does sound interesting... I will put it on my to read list for when I'm next ready to try reading something new.

I'm sorry to hear you're not well... I hope they work out the cause soon for you... I promise I won't mention it again or fuss.

Woofa is being his usual daft self... I'm now needing about an hour from telling him it's bed time to actually being able to go to bed... it's like trying to get a toddler to go to bed... one more drink... one more trip outside... did he remember to puddle ??... nope.... one more trip outside... lets just stand here... are we done... nope lets do it all again... over & over... I can't get mad with him though as he really is genuinely confused/forgetful & I'm just glad I still have him at this age.

I wish I could say my sleeping routine, moods, etc have improved... still a work in progress..

Hugs to all

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws, I know I replied to you ages ago... it's not here, so did I accidentally reply on my thread?  I'm not sure, and it's painstaking to go through page after page trying to find anything... I can't get an " overall" view of the forums any more and I feel rather blinded....

We are having a quiet at home afternoon and evening here - it was so cold today, a wind off the ice and intermittent rain/sleet and then sunshine, ten minutes later rain and wind again... did grocery shopping and went to the library, then home and I have been reading and chatting to a friend on the phone and Mr Sam has been sleeping!  He's been looking tired lately and an afternoon snoozing won't do him any harm - he seems very content in fact!  I have had to keep the heating on low as its so bitterly cold.  

I get along well with a young woman at the library here, she moved from the city as she could no longer afford the rents there - but they go up and up here too... she said there are so many homeless people here now - I do see some of them either camping by the river or in cars with the windows covered - poor things in the cold - one of the churches here offers free hot meals at lunchtime and sleeping bags.. this shouldn't be necessary in Australia though... anyway she said they come into the library during the day to keep warm, and read - and they want to take a book with them to read in their cars - and you can't borrow unless you have an address.  So they have started issuing No Fixed Address library cards so people can borrow something to read.  How dreadful this situation is.

I was talking to a young woman at the dog park the other day, the group of women shun her - she is very quiet but it's the first time she has sat and talked with me - our dogs were playing together - she is very nice, works for an interior decorator, she said people pay a million dollars to get their homes decorated - some names from television that are well known  - she's amazed at the money they have.  So that was interesting.

I hope you and Woofa are warm and snug tonight!