Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws and everyone,

It is freezing here, it's been below zero since this afternoon and a huge storm and wind came through. More of this for the next week apparently.. hope everyone is keeping warm inside!

I am trying a new tea I found today as part of my new interest - it's a cinnamon, turmeric, ginger and nutmeg blend and if it tastes anything like it smells, it should be gorgeous.

Ibought the most beautiful vintage armchair recently, it's a nursing chair which becomes a rocker... but you can sit in it normally too - it has the most beautiful tapestry all over it, and it very elegant, and it's carved legs are on casters. I got it so cheaply, I paid hardly anything - I feel I have rescued it from the tip.. it has pride of place in a corner of my now cosy lounge room.

I hope you and Woofa are OK in this awful weather Paws. My friend's dog is doing brilliantly after her op, and she came with us and Sam to the outdoor dog friendly cafe yesterday for the first time and did magnificently! It helped that she knows Sam.

hugs from us here oxoxoxo

[Paw Prints]

Hello Hanna, Grandy,

Thankfully we haven't had the winds that hit NSW or the low temps...though it is chilly (it made it up to 9 deg)... it is expected to be colder & windier here tomorrow...

I prefer my tea from a pot too & have a small collection (most were gifts)... a couple of the larger ones I drilled holes in the bottom & have them as plant pots... I'm afraid I'm not not a fan of either cinnamon or nutmeg... though I know most people love them... I'm very boring when it comes to my tea blends... I like the breakfast teas (Irish, English etc)... which I usually have with milk... though I do like them with a squeeze of lemon either as black iced tea in summer or hot in winter... I also like chopping some mint & adding that to iced tea...

Your new chair sounds lovely,,, I'm a big fan of tapestry chairs, you're right they do look elegant.

Woofa has his coat on 24/7 at the moment & still plonks himself down in front of the heater when I put it on.

Stay warm

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws, Grandy, Deebi, mmMekitty, everyone,

I now follow blogs about tea making - all over the world - about how to brew it, what sort of clay the pot should be made out of and what shape it should be, how it should pour, people who hand make them - it's amazing how involved people get - and the history of it is fascinating.

We had some icy cold days here but we missed the snow, although everywhere around us got it.. I hope we get some next cold snap... it was so nice to enjoy the winter evenings snug at home and warm with a hot cuppa...

Have you tried the fresh soups that Woolworths sell Paws, not the canned ones, the fresh ones that you microwave for 3 minutes - I have tried two and I'm converted, they're lovely, I don't know why I didn't try them sooner..

Long chats on the phone to old friends elsewhere today, and two of my friends here are down with flu, and one friend I chat with online in Melbourne and her husband have been down with covid - heavens everyone is getting sick!!!

Keep warm and well everyone, hugs.

[Paw Prints]

Hello Hanna, wave to all,

I have always found the history of tea & tea making interesting... what started me off wanting to know more when I was young was learning that in the west originally tea was kept in locked tea caddies & only available to the well off. Have you found much debate about what is the best design for the spout to prevent drips... I found quite varying viewpoints in the books I use to borrow back in the day.

It seems everyone is getting the lurgy hereabouts too... I spoke to both my sisters this week & they & their families either have it or have had it... I went back to wearing a mask when I went to the chemist & Woolies yesterday... definitely not something I want to catch... it's been bad enough that this week my hayfever kicks in whenever I go outside or try leaving the back door open...

Hanna I've not tried the soups... I don't have a microwave... I wonder if they can be done on the stovetop...

It is surprisingly mild here out of the wind... it is a nice change from the storms earlier this week.

hugs to all

Paws

[demonblaster]

Hey our dear Pawsy 🐾 Hannah 🐕 and everyone else ☺

I've in batches been catching up from the last readings

Pawsy darl depression sure does make it hard as to feel anything without a negative or sadness attached. Horrid headspace. I hope this starts to improve especially with what you're working at like trying to think of goods in your life.

Well done pushing through and doing some things, it's like a brick walls in front of us in those times eh. Good on you they certainly were triumphs. Pushing throughs one of the things that can help at least ease it but so hard. Nice one hun 👍

I'm finding activity no matter how big like you did going shopping chemist Dr or small as in just going to kitchen or another room takes the focus off the downs even if only temporarily it's a break from the stress and pain. I enjoy being outside too wether a walk or just a gander around at nature.

Although as we know too well it's pretty damned persistent. Looking around creates different thought process and movement surprisingly helps create a bit of energy that depression saps from us.

Actually I think a great deal of depleted energy starts with lack of enough sleep weakening our shields for coping which surfaces depression adding to low energy.

I try to remember this'll pass. It's hard yakka eh hun. I wonder how you're going 🤗

What a shame geez we need a good GP. So wrong her turning away and pretty much ignoring you.

I'm hearing Dr's Medicare rebates changed and effects what they get back which is less now. Not good at all! Healths where the big bucks need to be well moreso I think.

I love reading about big tough Woofa and his gorgeous ways and from our other lovelies here. It's easy to feel love for all your adorable furs.

Darl thank you always for your support at mine. I often want to chat there but it's one of those hards that I aim to as you have push through and get to it. It I think you said can bring the downs on a bit harder although it also could be good therapy expressing it and allowing the pain hopefully to transfer to writing and maybe shed some tears which also is a release that's needed.

Anyhoo lovey know I care very much about you and am catching up ☺

It's nice knowing you Pawsy and Woofa 🐾 ☺

Love and care ⚘

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws, waves to Deebi and everyone..

I haven't found much discussion about that yet, just watching these amazing artisans who make the teapot from scratch with so much care and craftsmanship - just for one teapot, and they look so beautiful when they're finished!

It's been freezing here today, top of 6 degrees, and another very cold week ahead.. heaven help our energy bills...

Those soups would easily be heated up in a small saucepan Paws, just take the lid off and pour them into a littel saucepan if you don't have a microwave. They are so much nicer than the canned soups! They are on special here for 2.50 each.. instead of 3.00.

I'm here a bit late and don't have long I'm sorry... I've been watching some interesting talks on utube - the Hoover group have some wonderful talks about current affairs in Ukraine and USA... I'm trying to keep myself informed!

Excuse the brief post... the library here had a great book on tea culture, but when I tried to borrow it, someone had kept it, it's listed as a lost book - it sells for around a hundred dollars - so no chance of me buying it! Darn.

I'm going to an information sesson at the library next week, about using apps on our phones - I want to get better at using them... it's great they have these free information sessions.

Keep warm! oxoxoxoxo

[Paw Prints]

Hello Hanna, Grandy, wave to all,

I've been struggling this past week or so... I've spent most of it in my PJs... lots of tears... I'm missing my late brother so much at the moment... I know what triggered my grief back to this being this bad... I also know I just need to work my way through it.

I am still trying to do things...however small... & have managed to do a few bibs & bobs...

It looks like I will need to get a plumber in soonish... I managed to stop the leak under the sink...I had thought that was also the cause of the water seeping out from under my kitchen cabinets.. but it's still seeping... I'm worried that to get to the pipes the plumber will have to demolish part of the cabinetry.... plus I'm struggling with the thought of having a stranger in my house.

I'm having a battle of wits with a mouse... so far the mouse is winning... he has been managing to eat the food in the traps I've been setting without tripping them... he keeps popping out of odd places & watching me... last night he popped his head out from the side of the curtain half way up... previously he has climbed the lamp cord just to the point where I could see him... he has climbed up the side of the couch & peeked over the arm at me... over & over he seems to be doing things like that as if to say catch me if you can... so far I can't.

I'm dressed today & will go & get milk later... once the fog clears

Stay warm

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Paws,

Ahh sweetheart I’m deeply sorry your missing your late brother and you’ve been crying...I really do wish that I could in r/l give you a comforting hug and just be with you, until this passes for you...

Its okay to stay in your pyjamas if you feel unable to dress...I know I spend days in mine when I’m not up to a better mental state....It’s okay...really...

Times when I miss my husband and I’m in tears...even though he wasn’t a very nice person..I loved him and still do....I will light a candle next to his photo and talk to him about how I’m feeling and how much I miss him....I do believe that the spirit of our loved ones are still around us....

Hmmm..that mouse sure is sneaky..like all creatures they do have a brain and use it to their best ability...My friend “Betty” bought a mouse trap from a hardware store, she said she puts some food inside it and when the mouse enters to eat...bam!...the door closes and traps the mice inside...maybe something like that will work better for you...but you have to be prepared to re home the mouse or ?...

I hope your plumbing doesn’t mean kitchen cupboards to be removed..but I think a good tradesman can do that without causing any damage to anything and reinstall it all after they are finished...fingers crossed for you dear Paws..

Its okay if your not up to doing anything...bibs and bobs...can sometimes be an enormous task for us when we are struggling...so well done doing that...you are doing the best you can..and that’s all you can do...Please try hard to be very gentle on you....

I hope that the trip to get some milk goes well for you today...

My care, love and hugs dear Paws....and some big pats for Woofa..

Grandy...

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws,

I'm sorry you have been feeling so down and sad about your late brother. It's perfectly OK to feel sad and cry and miss him.... it's OK to stay in your pyjamas for a while because you're feeling lousy!

I read somewhere recently that to love someone or something (like a pet) is also to feel grief for them - when they are sick or unhappy, when things don't go well for them, when you lose them. It's something nobody can get out of - if you love someone, you will grieve for them if you lose them.

Feeling the grief that you do is a sign of how much you loved him. How wonderful he was loved so much! Could you think about how fortunate he was to have someone care for him as much as you did? What a gift!

I don't know about the mouse, he/she sounds quite cheeky... I'm sure whatever tradesperson you get in to fix under the sink will be pleasant and professional, they have to go into people's homes all the time and have to be trustworthy - I know you feel uncomfortable there on your own with them - but they will get the job done for you and then leave. Maybe they will be surpisingly nice and kind...

We had a bit of late sunshine today but mostly it was cloudy... I was trying to find new bathmats for the bathroom - it's green and white and I found dusky pink mats and they looks rather nice!

I also got a three cup lovely and expensive coffee press at the op shop - just perfect for if I have a visitor over! Now I need to buy the coffee...

Big hugs from me and little Sam - I do hope you feel a bit better soon - make yourself a hot cuppa.. it's OK to be sad sometimes dear Paws... oxoxoxoxoxo

[Paw Prints]

Hello Hanna, Grandy,

Thank you for your support...

The mouse traps I'm using do catch the mouse alive... I can't for the life of me work out how this mouse is managing to get the food & not get trapped... the plastic traps are about a foot long... with a door that is tripped to shut by the weight of the mouse on a plastic plate on the floor of the trap near the food end... the mouse has to cross the plate to reach the food... I'm beginning to think I have a scientific miracle of a flying mouse.

Hanna how is Sam... have you got a date for his surgery yet?

Hugs to you both

Paws