Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws and everyone,

You just beat me here I am home a bit late this evening, we had lovely weather here today and sunshine but apparently tomorrow is going to be cold and raining... rats.

I spent a year here finding a decent GP... they were appalling on the whole - then I found the young woman GP who set up her own practice here and I wouldn't go anywhere else, she is excellent - but extremly busy. I am not surprised at your tale of your GP, it's disappointing, but they get very little training in mh issues. I don't know if it would be worth your while maybe travelling to someone in the big city maybe once a month... I know that's a long trip for you.

I haven't watched the Jane Eyre dvd yet. I had a good look through the biography I have, it's very dry, I think she has put in as much information as possible but it's not aimed to be entertaining. Your Mrs Gaskell might be the better choice! I can't see how Charlotte could have been demure.. when she was working at the school she said the children made her want to vomit... she had a huge crush on that professor.. she seems to have been very unhappy at her lack of looks. Their father sounds a difficult man. I remember about her trying to find a sprig of heather when her sister Emily was dying - so very sad. Such times with no antibiotics.. to watch her sisters die. I think the book your have has more of Charlotte's own letters - what do you think of her from those?

Well done on doing some shopping and the long drive. I know that isn't easy for you, so a big pat on the back!!!

I don't know how far you are from other big centres who might have better GP or mental health personnel - or even just a counsellor of some kind that is medicare billed... is there an information centre anywhere where you could ask? Or a social worker at a hospital who might know?

Sending hugs from me and little Sam here to you oxoxoxoxoxox

[Hanna3]

Just popping by to say hello Paws, I hope things are improving for you... lots of hugs from us here xooxoxo

[Paw Prints]

Hello Hanna, wave to all,

I am actually out of bed & dressed this afternoon... which is a big improvement...

I'm afraid I haven't read anymore these last few days... the head hasn't been in a good enough place for me to focus enough...

Demure is definitely not the impression I get from her letters or from her behaviour... as much as Gaskell tries to show her as being an unselfish martyr caring more for her family than herself... it is still obvious she is clearly not... she & all of her sisters were very obviously unhappy with their lot in life & the restrictions being a female (& relatively poor) entailed... they at least had a father who encouraged their learning & their writing... which helped them to have a larger, more educated social life than would have otherwise been the case... though that does seem to have been a double edged sword as not being able to do what their richer acquaintances were able to afford to do seems to have rubbed. She definitely wasn't backwards in coming forward when it came to asking her Aunt for the money to study in Brussels.

The clay circle that was the dam still isn't showing any sign of re-vegetation... nothing is growing not even weeds... I feel sorry for the kookaburra's as they are still spending some time sitting on the power line over it waiting in vain for a feed... like them I'm missing the wildlife that used to use it.

Hugs & pats

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws,

Good to hear you are up and about - that's a positive step, yay!

I didn't read about how she got the money to go to Brussels - but yes certainly I had the sense that their poverty frustrated such clever women - what limited possibilities single women had then, really dreadful how constrained they were. Dreadful to always be looked down upon by others in society too..

I had the impression their father was a very difficult man - he sounded like he had quite a temper - but yes I thought she sounded confident but emotional... I glanced at the book Jane Eyre again but doubt I would read it through another time.. I didn't finish the DVD as it was so poor..

So I am reading an Irish writer, Nial Williams, Four Letters of Love, an absolutely beautiful book - but not much time for it today which is very cold, wet and bleak here - but I had a disturbed night so am a bit sleep deprived - ran around doing errands today... now hunkered in for the evening!

That's a shame about the dam, perhaps in the Spring someone will plant something?

I hope you continue to feel a bit better in yourself.... not much news from here, so sending hugs from me and Sam oxoxoxooxox

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws and everyone

Paws I wonder would you consider living somewhere larger with access to better services (such as decent GPs!) - given that I know the cost of housing has become dreadful... just a thought. This place has become so busy since the pandemic started that it's become too big and busy, it's more like a city - not the quiet place it used to be.

Dreary very very cold damp weather here today..got the heating going full bore. Sam has a new outdoor coat, it is not the best fit around his shoulders as it ruches up a bit, but covers him so well and is so warm... so he has that plus his new thick jumper and it's still cold... he has a better wardrobe than me now!

Trying to catch up with Rosemary but she is deaf and never wears her hearing aids, so can't get her to hear me when I call over the fence...

Had a nice casserole cooking in the slow cooker today, diced lamb put in some eggplant, mushrooms, tomatoes... smells and tastes wonderful... am converted to shopping at the IgA in town.. so much friendlier.

When I had that problem with my leg recently, GP says I have torn a muscle in my leg (I wondered about that) so a bit of a slow journey to recover but getting there...

I was impressed at how many people were shopping for jumpers and coats for their dogs over the weekend - the store was full of owners trying jackets on their pets.. what fun!

Great fun at the dog park yesterday, with one tiny puppy 12 weeks old and another little old dog 18 years old, blind and wobbly on his feet, so sweet.

I wonder how cold it is where you are Paws? I hope you and Woofa keep warm... big hugs.

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Paws, Hanna and everyone...🤗..

I think that medical services in rural areas of Australia is well below the stands needed....The bigger town near me has only 2 medical centres...One of them has only 1 permanent Dr..and has 4 Drs that only stay for 6 months at a time...The other one.. the one I use is a bit better..with 2 permanent Drs...I am lucky as I have a permanent Dr...thanks to my psychiatrist who had at one stage years and years ago worked with her.....I do feel sad when I hear that a Dr. won’t take on any new patients, I’m wondering if their is a limit to the amount of patients a Dr. can treat....

I am so pleased that you got out of bed yesterday and got dressed...Well done...The only days I definitely get changed from my pyjamas are Monday and Tuesday...and the day I know my support worker is paying a visit...otherwise ‘meh’ I can’t find much of a reason....

Poor Kookaburra’s...the old dam was probably a good hunting ground for them.,,and they are finding it hard to find another good spot....I have a couple of Kookaburras that visits the cows across the road....I still get excited when I hear them start “laughing”...

I do hope your feeling better then yesterday...

Sending you all my love, care, hugs and pats..

Grandy..

[Paw Prints]

Hello Hanna, Grandy, wave to all,

Oh Hanna... big ouch... do you know how you managed to tear the muscle?... & no you can't blame Mr Sam 😉..

The big town I already go to is a the big town for the district... I would have to move back to the city I think to get reasonable medical services... it seems all the regional towns/cities are struggling with getting/keeping medical staff. Grandy it sounds as bad where you are as it is here... they should offer medical students incentives like wiping their hex debt if they become gp's rather than specialists & move to rural practices.

Woofa started barking at the bookshelves/sideboard etc on Monday... I couldn't see anything... as Tuesday went he wouldn't let up... so I set a mouse trap where he was mostly getting cranky at... Tuesday night - nothing... Wednesday - nothing... Wednesday night - nothing... Thursday I refreshed the peanut butter in the trap - nothing... then about 10pm last night I saw a movement out the corner of my eye... by 11pm mouse No. 1...by 2am I had 4 traps set & had already caught over 10 mice... I was up all night as I was averaging a mouse every 15-20 minutes... I haven't seen any since 5am... I'm going to have to empty the bookshelves/cabinets etc so I can pull them away from the walls until I find where they are getting in... I know the nights have gotten very nippy, but this is ridiculous... the first 4 years here I didn't get one mouse inside.

It has made it up to 9deg this afternoon... so the heater has been on & of course Woofa is sleeping in front of it...

Hugs

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws and everyone

I think I am too cold to reply much tonight, we are at one degree here at the moment due to get colder... after a lovely sunny but cold day...

The thought of all those mice gives me the horrors.... I didn't know you had a mouse plague in your state... horrible...

I tore the muscle when I stood up in the library, just had my feet in the wrong position I guess.. nothing to do with Sam... just one of those things... whoopee...

A couple more cold but sunny days ahead, they are great for long walks... did you finish your book about Charlotte Bronte? I never read about how she got the money to study in Brussels, how did she manage it?

A friend gave me a large doorstop that looks like a dog... Sam keeps attacking it - it was probably not the best idea, it's almost as big as he is... grin!!!!

I have zero news at the moment.. short days... lots to do but nothing to write about really... so I hope everyone keeps warm... big hugs.

[Paw Prints]

Hello Hanna, Grandy,

There isn't a mouse plague here this year... (there was last year when they got into the house)... just being in the middle of farm land there are a lot of field mice with lots of food & places to live in the warmer months & when it starts to get cold & wet they look for warm dry places to live... I have found where they are getting in... they have chewed through the plaster right beside where they chewed through last year... I have temporarily blocked it with steel wool... but I'm going to have to put something they can't chew through there... as much as I don't like using them I've decided to put baits into the wall cavity before I block it for good... I've only caught a couple since I blocked the hole... but there are definitely a few more still in here to be caught.

Ohhh poor Sam... fancy having a strange dog in his house... especially one that doesn't play... sorry but I did chuckle at the thought of him defending his house against the intruder...😆😂 Woofa says he deserves extra treats for his bravery.

Thankfully it's not yet getting as cold here as it is up your way... only down to about 5 or 6 deg. so far... I don't know why but I'm always surprised by how when it starts getting that cold what a difference a degree or two makes...

Yes I have finished the book... they provided notes at the back of the book covering all the revisions made between the the first three printings... plus notes on old/regional words & phrases... it would have been nice if they had also provided translations of the letters that were in French... it's frustrating having those letters included & not know what was said in them... near the end of the book Gaskell writes about how she had wanted to "show what a noble, true & tender woman" Charlotte was... that pretty much sums up the whole tone of the book... Gaskell had no problem writing about the faults of others... yet she obviously tried to avoid any mention of Charlotte's or she down played them to being next to nothing.

Stay warm

Hugs

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws,

There are translations online of a couple of Charlotte's letters to her friend Ellen Nussey and also a couple of her desperate letters to Constantin Heger - the ones his wife found wripped and sewed them up again...that was quite a crush poor Charlotte had on Constantin...sad actually. Otherwise I think you have to purchase a book with them translated, I agree it's a pain and another reason I wish I'd done French at school!

I would like to read Villette, I remember my mother reading it, but the library only has an audio copy which I don't like and I don't want to have to purchase a copy at the moment, I might browse the op shops... it's meant to be the most autobiographical of her novels.

How dreaful that the Taliban are telling women if they leave home at all, to cover their faces and if they don't it is their menfolk who will be punished - that's a cute way to make sure women behave as it will be their husband/father/brother who suffers if they don't. They can't make a decision affecting just themselves now.

A beautiful day here but freezing morning and night, minus 4 again and thick fog until nearly midday, so the sunny hours are short. It's beautiful walking weather. Ice cream in the sunshine for us this afternoon, it was packed because of mother's day. I think we have a week's rain ahead after the next day or so...

I was reading an account of the Lismore floods online and it must have been absolutely terrible, this poor women lost some of her horses... it happened so fast they had almost no time to know what to do.

I am loving Four Letters of Love by Niall Williams, superb writing and so true but also sad..

I have a second hand recliner coming later this week, got it as a bargain and have a nice side table to go with it - I want it in the window nook that gets the afternoon sunshine in the winter and looks out over the front garden.

I wish the ABC still repeated the Insiders at 8pm Sunday nights, I missed it at 9am and now they don't repeat it in the evening anymore, rats.

I'm glad there isn't a mouse plague and I hope you manage to put an end to the little critters getting in your house - I hate poisoning them too, but mice in the house are dreadful... '

Hugs from us here in chilly NSW oxoxoxoxoxo