Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[Paw Prints]

Hello Hanna, wave to all,

A tiring day today... definitely an early night... I went to a small family bbq lunch at my sil's in the city... it was lovely catching up with everyone... I hadn't seen some of them since before covid struck... my sil is still promising to arrange a catch up for lunch at the big town near me...

Early last week I rang the son (carer) of my elderly relative (who died recently)... we managed to talk for nearly 2 hours... the only down side was I found at first it added more to the dark place I've been since my relative passed... yet I think it has helped more than hurt... as I've slowly felt better since it. A complete surprise was one of her other sons rang me to thank me for travelling so far for her funeral... which I thought was lovely of him...

Woofa was very pleased to see me home tonight...I was immediately sniffed over to make sure I hadn't been seeing any other dog whilst away... having been fed he is now asleep beside me...

There was a small scrub fire just 2km from my place yesterday...it was a bit unsettling as it was so warm & windy... plus we are very dry here still as we haven't had anywhere near the rain we usually get... the authorities actually put out a direction early afternoon asking all farmers to not do any burning off /put out any fires they had going & for campers to not light fires due to the high number of call outs they were getting (ended up at over 50)... I could see 3 separate ones from my back door over the day. Thankfully today we got some rain.

I think all the frogs from the dam have moved to my back yard... it is deafening at night now when I open the back door for Woofa before bed... I've always had a few frogs about the place but the increase is very noticeable... I just hope I don't get a corresponding snake increase.

Hugs & pats

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws,

How lovely that you got to a family BBQ and caught up with people after such a long time - and I think the phone discussion, even if it made you feel down at first, might have been very healing for you... I hope so.

We have had a lot of rain here, but perfect weather over Easter, warm and sunny, and the Autumn colours are lovely - a change headed in tonight and cold and wet tomorrow unfortunately...

I used to have froglets in a small garden I had long ago in the city - I loved the sound of the frogs at night - but then I got brush turkeys and they freaked the froglets out... but the baby brush turkeys used to come out of the bush and walk miles to my garden, where I had water and lots of shady plants - and they stayed there and grew up - one generation after another - they must have imprinted how/where to get to my place... as brush turkeys don't raise their young. It was wonderful.

Some of the farmers here have been making their hay bales into animals and put faces on them - I remember you once talked about this down your way... looks like it's spreading! It's fun as we drive past to see them in the paddocks.

We have a big thunderstorm coming in here, so I will go and switch this old laptop off.. it works sporadically, other times I use the phone which is difficult... I'm glad Woofa was happy to see you back home, and I hope you feel a bit better after the BBQ ... it will be nice when the dinner is organised that you missed with covid a while back.

More later, hugs from us here oxoxoxoxox

[Paw Prints]

Hello Hanna, wave to all,

How lovely having the local brush turkeys use your backyard like that... they must have felt safe there... it sounds like you were lucky & didn't have them destroy your garden... I don't know if you followed Ecomama's thread when she was on here... but she had an ongoing battle with a brush turkey determined to make it's mound in her back yard.

I noticed a few easter bunny hay bales on the way to the city... it is fun... & I love that they put so much effort into doing them.

Well it got cold here suddenly yesterday... I ended up putting Woofa's coat on him at bed time as the temp just kept dropping... he still has it on as it is cool enough he would feel it... but not yet cool enough for me to put a jumper on let alone the heating...

My hayfever has been in high gear these last few days... despite the official pollen count being at low... I read an article from Deakin Uni about how the pollen count is measured this morning... the official count only uses grass pollens in it's count... apparently they are only a small portion of potential allergens in the air... cyprus pollens which are known to cause hayfever in Europe a many times higher than the grass pollens... also many native trees are known to cause allergies... unfortunately few studies have been done in Australia & those that have are mostly only done over the spring period... no wonder I find the official count useless in determining how bad I can expect my hayfever to be... especially as I get it all year round.

We have had a little rain over the past few days... but we are well below the rain level we would usually have received by this time of year... when I went to get milk I caught up with the local news & apparently some farmers have actually had to cart water in... no wonder the authorities were so worried the other day about the fires hereabout...

I hope the lovely Autumn weather is continuing where you are

Hugs

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws,

We have never known just how the baby brush turkeys found my garden - I suspect they may have smelt the water... as they came a long way from the bush reserve ... and I guess they stayed because they had shelter and water... they used to sit on the gate like a row of chickens... and yes they dug up the garden rather badly as they got bigger, and eventually they left. Then next year another lot came own the road and into the garden, and so on. Amazing.

I don't know that thread, I look at very few here. I know the grown brush turkeys can wreck gardens, but there I used to be we let them wander freely around as we liked them. They're fascinating birds. I had possums in the garden too, they could be hand fed, it was probably a sign of how much they were losing their habitat in the city sadly.

I have decluttered and organised all my paperwork and photographs, throwing out lots. My books are culled and what I have kept look neat and tidy on the bookshelf. It's very satisfying.

It's turning quite cold here and due to rain soon I think. I have the ABC series of the wonderful book Edens Lost by Sumner Locke Elliott to watch, I ordered it from EBay - I loved the book! I also want to get Careful He Might Hear You by him, that was also made into a movie here in Australia. He's a fabulous writer.

Are you reading anything these days? I got the Quarterly Essay on the #me too movement from the library today, and another couple of nice books on home decorating so I can enjoy the photographs!

I have the husband of an elderly friend in hospital in the city, he is 96 and had a fall, she is very aggressive and giving the poor nurses and doctors a bad time - I talk to her each day, it's going to be hard for her.

Sam and I both weary tonight, going to put my feet up and enjoy the DVD. Hugs from us here ooxoxoxoo

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws & everyone,

Paws I remember ANZAC day is important to you - I wonder if you managed to go to any events for it in your town today? I think I remember you stood on the footpath with other people when the pandemic hit... so it's nice to see it celebrated normally today. I missed the parade here as Sam was unwell, but we made it when they were finishing up at the cenotaph and had a look at the lovely wreaths, and they were also training the military assistance dogs here to be used to the crowds, wreath laying etc. Those dogs are amazing.

I hope you are OK there. oxoxoxox

[Paw Prints]

Hello Hanna, wave to all,

I'm sorry that I wasn't able to get back to you before now... you are right Anzac Day is important to me... unfortunately I missed all the commemorations as I've been fighting a shocker of a headache since I woke yesterday... the pain relief meds did nothing to help ease it yesterday... thankfully it has much improved this afternoon & is now down to just a dull ache...

Poor Mr Sam.., he is having a bad run... I hope he is back to his gorgeous self today.

I support a charity that trains dogs & returned veterans to earn their assistance dog status... it is wonderful the way the dogs can sense the veterans emotional/psychological needs... but then I think what all assistance dogs do is very special...

It has been very warm here the last few days... unfortunately it is also very smoky as they are doing planned burns all over the district... though they still haven't done the one they letterboxed me about...

I started reading (re-reading) Elizabeth Gaskell's The Life of Charlotte Bronte a few days ago... it's been ages since I last read it...

Hugs

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws and everyone,

I hope the headache has stayed away! Cold and raining all day here today, so not a lot we can do outdoors unfortunately - it's rather dreary!!

I read a review of the book you are reading on Google and it was by someone with a different point of view about what Charlotte Bronte was like... I discovered our library has the other biography of her, "Charlotte Bronte, A Life" by Claire Harman, so I got it out today - would you be interested in comparing accounts? I won't get to read it cover to cover, it's quite thick, but I can have a good look at it - it might be interesting, they are such an amazing family. Just an idea. I notice there are several movies made of Jane Eyre too - have you seen any of them, I wonder which is best?

Not much news here, it's too wet and chilly, not a day for dog parks and dogs out playing! So excuse a rather short post, but it's one of those days where it's not possible to do much that is of interest due to inclement weather!!!!!

Big hugs.

[Paw Prints]

Hello Hanna,

Thank you, yes the headache is gone... I'm just left with that washed out feeling today.

My version of Elizabeth Gaskell's biography of Charlotte is a Penguin Books edition... it has a good introduction which discusses how Gaskell's version of Charlotte's life is very much compiled to try to shoehorn Charlotte's life into what Gaskell felt was good & proper in a woman... (just as an aside... this is one of the earliest biographies written about a female author by a female author)... Gaskell clearly did not approve of Charlotte's siblings or father... her unforgiving version of their characters was apparently being contradicted by others who knew them almost from when the book was first published... I do find it interesting as a window into the views/opinions & way of life of people of that period...Gaskell clearly has rigid views on how people should behave & it is very clear in her writing... her detailed descriptions of events/people she did not approve of are often fascinating... especially the Yorkshire working classes... her mental gymnastics trying to justify Charlotte's affection for them are impressive... I think this book is as much about the author as it is about the subject.

There is also a list of recommended biographies on Charlotte which apparently give a more rounded view of Charlotte & her life... I keep intending to look at some of them... but being me just haven't got to it yet... I would be interested to hear what you think of the version you have... it isn't on the list... (but my edition was published back in the 80s)

I have on VHS the 1983 BBC tv mini series of Jane Eyre with Timothy Dalton as Rochester... I can't remember seeing any other versions or movies... but I guess there must be some.

Another warm smoky day here... I'm hoping the forecast rain on Saturday will finally clear the smoke

Hugs

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws,

Yes there's a bit of a discussion about it on Google, isn't it interesting! The biography I borrowed today is a Penguin book 2005... that critiques yours. The library here didn't have any other versions unfortunately, and the book I got out is pretty thick!!!

I think there have been a few movies.. the library had one with Susannah York and George Scott (somehow I can't imagine Charlotte looking like Susannha York..) and the later movie has Mia Wasikowska and Michael Fassbender.. I think I'll try that one!

It's such an interesting topic, the book you're reading sounds fascinating. I remember reading one critic once who said "there was nothing wrong with the Bronte's that central heating couldn't have fixed" which I thought was quite amusing (and probably not far from the truth!!!!)

Must have been hard times to live in.

It's cold and wet here. Keep warm! Cheers. Sam has been fast asleep on the couch for hours now, he doesn't do cold wet weather! oxoxoxoxo

[Paw Prints]

Hello Hanna,

Did you watch the Jane Eyre movie? How was it? I agree that Susannah York isn't someone I would have cast as Jane.

I'm always bewildered by people saying they would like to live in past times... they clearly have no knowledge of what life was really like (regardless of wealth) for women... or how hard it was for the majority of men & children...

A busy day here... (well busy for me... though probably not what other's would call busy)...my depression is trying to keep me focussed on what didn't go to plan... I'm trying to be pleased with myself for managing to do things... I went to big town & got scripts from the Dr... then to the chemist & then I did a full shop at Woolies instead of just grabbing a couple of things or avoiding Woolies altogether... A big detour on the way home as the highway out of big town was closed because of a crash... I was very glad to get home & Woofa was very pleased to see me... mostly because there had been some scary thunder as the first few fronts crossed the area.

The doctor is fine at giving repeat scripts, but useless when it comes to anything else... I tried to talk to her about how I'm struggling... she actually turned away... then asked if I was sure I didn't need any other scripts... it was obvious she considered the consult over. I wish I could change to one of the other practices in the area... but there aren't many & of those there are... most still have their books closed to new patients or they charge over $100 dollars for a basic consult (even for pensioners)...

A few days of rain due here... so nice being able to have the house open without being smoked out.

I hope you get some breaks in the weather & can get out with Sam.

Hugs

Paws