Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[Hanna3]

Hi Grandy and Paws,

I used to like Bill Collins too, and he seemed to know everything there was to know about movies!

Rosemary is a nice kind neighbour but I do wish she would tell me she would like to come in and help with my garden and organise a day, instead I come home and find her already working in my yard.. I would prefer her to check with me first.. she is a great help but it's a bit inconvenient.. last week I had to go to an appointment.. and it's hard to get my car out... I spoke to a friend and she suggested I tell her I can't help physically so can I offer her some money or gift of something as thanks... as helping her is flaring up my nerve pain...

I have reorganised my refrigerator, the kitchen and bathroom look amazing, I've decluttered and found storage solutions.. put a little pot plant on the kitchen cabinet.. got a new doona cover for the bed - I keep admiring how nice everything looks! I feel more in control, so if I eventually move it will be so much easier.. and living here more comfortable. My friend here who is minimalist is helpful to chat to!

Off to the supermarket, I am having a cooking afternoon. Big hugs to all xooxoxoxoxox

[Paw Prints]

Hello Hanna, Grandy,

Grandy I do keep a list of things I need for when I go into big town to do a shop as it is 50km each way & I don't want to forget anything... I don't bother with one for the general store which is just 10km away as I usually only grab a couple of essentials whenever I go there... you would think I could remember just 4 items which is all I needed the other day... nope... I went today to grab the coffee & some milk... they were out of coffee!!!!...

Hanna I think your friend's idea is brilliant as a way to cope with Rosemary's help without upsetting her...

I'm envying your motivation to declutter... my lack of motivation to do almost anything that is useful is so frustrating, depressing, disappointing... I'm truly fed up with myself... I hate that I'm not making any progress.. even my usual go to's for helping me make a start aren't working...

My biggest frustration with myself is keeping regular sleep hours... I am not a vampire so why do I find it easier to go to sleep with the dawn & get up with the dusk... I wouldn't mind if I actually got stuff done during the night instead of wasting time on the computer... it doesn't help that I find myself avoiding going to bed & then avoiding getting up... it messes up my taking my meds at regular times or even makes me miss doses... which doesn't help me... neither does curling up on the couch & crying.

Sorry for the woe is me... I almost deleted it... but I need to put it in writing... I'm hoping having it written down will enable me to push past whatever is causing this blockage in my mind..

Hugs

Paws

[Paw Prints]

Hello Hanna, Grandy,

Grandy I do keep a list of things I need for when I go into big town to do a shop as it is 50km each way & I don't want to forget anything... I don't bother with one for the general store which is just 10km away as I usually only grab a couple of essentials whenever I go there... you would think I could remember just 4 items which is all I needed the other day... nope... I went today to grab the coffee & some milk... they were out of coffee!!!!...

Hanna I think your friend's idea is brilliant as a way to cope with Rosemary's help without upsetting her...

I'm envying your motivation to declutter... my lack of motivation to do almost anything that is useful is so frustrating, depressing, disappointing... I'm truly fed up with myself... I hate that I'm not making any progress.. even my usual go to's for helping me make a start aren't working...

My biggest frustration with myself is keeping regular sleep hours... I am not a vampire so why do I find it easier to go to sleep with the dawn & get up with the dusk... I wouldn't mind if I actually got stuff done during the night instead of wasting time on the computer... it doesn't help that I find myself avoiding going to bed & then avoiding getting up... it messes up my taking my meds at regular times or even makes me miss doses... which doesn't help me... neither does curling up on the couch & crying.

Sorry for the woe is me... I almost deleted it... but I need to put it in writing... I'm hoping having it written down will enable me to push past whatever is causing this blockage in my mind..

Hugs
Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws,

I have limited internet access tonight but I'll try a reply to you... I wonder if the sleeping during the day/waking at night could be depression and/or lack of routine - reason to get up in the morning? Is it hard to face the next day so you stay awake at night? Can you gradually try to get back to a slightly more normal routine do you think? It could be medication as well...

When I tried to declutter before I tried to do too much at once - what I've learnt is that you only try to do the smallest and easiest bit first - so I started with the kitchen benchtops... and then the bathroom - if you want to declutter and tidy a linen closet, you don't try to do the whole closet, you just do one shelt at a time. Do one shelf and then stop.

I've put smaller containers/oddments in the fridge into little trays so they can easily be found instead of getting lost at the back.. The other thing I've learnt is to find a place where everything can be put away off flat surfaces (like kitchen benchtops). Flat surfaces attract clutter! Try to keep nothing but the soap dispenser on the bathroom vanity.. nothing on top of the toilet.. nothing on the kitchen benchtops that doesn't absolutely have to be there.

I don't have much chinaware deliberately.. no more than four cups, plates, etc. I decluttered my cuttlery and threw half of it away.

I'm starting on clothes tomorrow!

I suspect last time you tried to tidy the house, you tried to do too much at once and got overwhelmed/exhausted? Just try to get into a routine to keep one room clean and tidy - just one room. Then when you can do that, try another room, or part of a room, or shelf, or coffee table. That way you feel like you are achieving something and don't get demoralised.. also the woman I follow on utube says you give your brain a dopamine hit when you look at a clean, calm, tidy room, and that makes your brain enjoy the sight.. so you are motivated to do more.

I listen to music when I go to bed - I wonder if that would help you to sleep - I listen to my tablet with earphones - it is worth giving something like this a try? And I read...

Nice day today but muggy and just had a downpour here... rain tomorrow, rats.

I hope you feel improved tomorrow Paws dear lady. Fluffy hugs from little Sam! oxoxoxoxo

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws, I hope you are OK...

Re your post on my thread, the OT thing is complicated, so far I haven't seen it, some mistake at the hospital I won't go into here... and I generally prefer not to talk about the sight issues here now but thank you for enquiring..

We managed a sunny day here today, I hope the weather is OK where you are and that you and Woofa are keeping well.

hugs.

[Paw Prints]

Hello Hanna,

Thank you for the suggestions... just starting off by doing a small thing is one of my usual tactics to try to begin doing something when I'm struggling... usually try doing something for just 5 minutes... it hasn't been working... but I did manage to do some dishes (cups) last night... when I'm this low even achieving something small doesn't give me the lift I get when I am feeling better... I'm not giving up... I will get there.

Did you see the Drum this evening... yet again a discussion on public/social housing which showed there are solutions... the discussion on how as a nation we used to be proud of our public housing, yet now governments treat it as something unworthy was interesting... yet again nothing in the budget.

How is little Sam's tummy going?... Woofa has been drinking without waiting for my permission more often over the past few days... however his new odd behaviour is treating passing though the doorway to my room (either way) as if he is taking his life in his own paws whenever he does so... he stands & stares at the doorway then does a quick dash through... I have no idea why...

Odd weather here this week... thankfully though it is not humid...

Hugs

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws,

Gosh it's been a busy day today and it's well into the evening now - sorry for the delay in replying to you! It's also turned freezing here like winter and nobody is ready for this cold this early!

Well done you for getting the cups washed! I only have four cups, so that means I can't have them pile up on the sink - and I wash each one straight after using them now anyway... but somehow a certain amount of clutter still happens in the house... I still keep admiring my bathroom and kitchen, so it does help motivate me when I get one area looking nice and serene... so good for you for getting something done!

I didn't see that episode of The Drum, rats, - I keep missing that show lately I think because I don't get home until fairly late. Did it have something useful to say? I don't think any party is doing much about the problem... sadly.

Sam is going OK thank you, so far so good... he is loving the fruit and vegetables which are good for his tum... the sweet potato chews are a real favourite.. and he has Delicate Care dental chews, one per day - the vet said they are designed to influence how the dog chews them - they're only small but he likes them.. and chewing carrot is wonderful fun apparently!

Does Woofa have to go through a door - is he anxious which way it goes... or is he concerned about moving into another room? They say on the internet that getting stuck behind a door is a common problem - the dog gets confused? Sam can get confused about which room is the bedroom when he has a bad night, fortunately this is rare - but he will sit in the bathroom in confusion, poor guy. This is when he has a really bad night, fortunately not often and mostly in hot weather interestingly.

It's freezing here today, icy wind and overcast... not nice at all and unexpected this early in the season.. the electric throw rug I bought is a big help... and Sam likes to lie on part of it. I hope it's not going to be a freezing winter, we are all wondering here...

I decluttered my wardrobe today, it now looks so neat and ordered - I take a before and after photograph on my phone, which is what they suggest...

Have you spoken to the family of your elederly relative who passed away at all? I hope everyone is OK. I hope you are feeling a bit better... and I'm glad that Woofa is drinking without needing the OK sometimes now..

Is it cold down your way? Big hugs from us here! oxoxoxox

[Paw Prints]

Hello Hanna, Grandy, wave to everyone,

Whatever the invisible scary thing lurking in the doorway to my room was, it must have now disappeared as Woofa is back to being happy going through... (nothing was changed before, during or after) Oh poor Sam getting so confused... does he make a noise to let you know he is lost or do you just notice he isn't with you?

It was lovely & cool Friday... I managed to do a few small things including being outside... then I spent from Friday evening until 8am today in bed... only getting up to feed Woofa... I have managed to do a little more today... no one else would notice what has been done... but I can see it...

My mh nurse back when I lived in the city & the Psych I was seeing here kept suggesting I get those frozen instant dinners for when I'm not up to cooking... to be honest I don't like the look of them, so didn't try any... but, as I'm really struggling with making meals lately... when I last went to the shops I bought a lasagne one to try.... which I did tonight... ummm the verdict is... it was edible... just. I don't think I will try any others...

It will be easier as the weather cools... I can make large pots of stew etc & freeze them in meal size portions for when I'm not up to cooking...

I smiled at the thought of little Sam with his carrot chews... Woofa loves getting a whole carrot or better still an apple... he does this silly prancing dance when he works out he is going to get one... but once I he sees me pick one up he can't get his butt down into the sit position quick enough.

I hope the weather picks up there... a drizzily day here

Hugs

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws,

I cook a casserole in the slow cooker and freeze it in portions, or a savoury mince is good for that too. I find the Woolworths quiches are good, a slice of this heated up in the microwave with some salad or veggies and a mug of hot (canned) soup is a good meal, or a mug of soup and a sandwich.

I'm glad Woofa has improved. We had a rather windy picnic today.. got talking to a nice young couple who used to live up my way on the coast, they said they applied and were successful for a rental unit but then the estate agents wait for people from the city to increase the rent paid.. and it's very cutthroat.

I'm up to tidying the linen closet and it's very satisfying. I'm glad you managed to get a few things done too, it does make us feel better. What is the view from your place like now the dam has been filled in?

Are you reading anything these days? I'm reading Noah Yuval Harari Homo Deus... but not much time to read lately...

Sam is going to the groomer I hope this week, but she rang this morning to say she is very tired after catching covid, and will see how well she manages tomorrow and will let me know..

Big hugs from us here oxoxoxoxox

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws, I'm not sure why you don't come by your thread any more, anyway hope you and Woofa are OK. Cheers.