Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws,

Sam has to sleep a lot more now and the hot weather we're in for over the next few days is really hard. I understand Woofa just needs to rest more!

I'm sorry you're feeling blah, these times don't help. If you google pandemic fatigue there are so many people having difficulty doing anything like their usual routine and being forgetful, irritable and sleeping problems seem to be very common.

I wonder if sometimes we have to allow ourselves to be a bit "off" and not expect too much of ourselves and if it goes on too long then we need to make ourselves do something.

This morning turned suddenly cold and rained hard so no outdoor Cafe but with the virus you can't go to an indoor Cafe safely and can't shop, even the library is almost empty, so the day becomes dreary, and now the sun is blazing and it's 30 degrees, you can't plan the day!

So I give myself permission to have a day where I don't get much done and I try not to feel guilty about it... Not always easy to do!

Can you watch a nice movie in the evening or read something happy or funny, I find this can help.

We are in unsettling times and I think everyone is a bit "off" so maybe how you feel is pretty understandable!

Big hug! 🤗💖🐕🐶💝

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi Paws

I may have mentioned at some point that Stormy used to be friends with two GD “sisters”. One reached bloody miracle age. She was lovely. Stormy enjoyed playing tug of war with her. The GD really didn’t need to exert much effort for it to be an even competition lol.

Sending your lovely fellow a big smooch.

Thinking of what you wrote, would a practical tool help perhaps? Have you heard of “taking your thoughts to court”? My friend told me about it. You can google and find a worksheet, if actually sitting down doing something practical might work better for you.

Anyway, only a suggestion. Not easy to get off the hamster wheel…

A pleasant 28 here today and I’m being fairly useless. Might start a new book 🙂

Hugs!

[Hanna3]

Hi Katy

I've been useless here today too - it's been too hot to do much outdoors and I can't go indoors into aircon in the cafes because of the virus😯

I think feeling apathetic is a sign of the times!. Hope you managed to get some reading done. Have you ever read Monkey Grip by Helen Garner?

Pats to Stormy.

I was looking forward to watching Djocovic play - oh rats!

Take care of yourself over there 🙂🐶💖🏖️

[Paw Prints]

Hello Katy, Hanna, Deebi, Grandy,

Katy ( don't know how you survive without aircon given the temps you are getting over there... my old place didn't have aircon until the last few years before I moved... but at least I didn't get the days of unbelievably hot weather you are getting...

I think Stormy is showing great wisdom not wanting to go for a walk... could you tempt her with a swim...

I had to chuckle at you saying "A pleasant 28 here today".... I had to shove Woofa over to sit on the couch earlier as he was already in front of the fan here, well before it even reached 28.

Oh I love the thought of Stormy playing with a GD... I used to love watching my previous Dane playing with smaller dogs... he would usually let them win if they played tug... Woofa was getting good at learning to tone his playing down to their level before he was attacked... I feel sad for him he misses out on that now.

Today's achievements... I washed some of the mountain of mugs & glasses that have been building on my kitchen bench... my hands are playing up so I dropped & broke two... I filled the draining rack so I will wash more later (touch wood)..

I have emptied & cleaned the bird bath & refilled it... the fairy wrens must have been watching as they started using it before I even made it in the door...

One of my nieces has covid... so she is isolating in her spare room... her youngest is struggling with the fact he can't see mum or cuddle her... but he has given her his favourite cuddly toy to keep her company...

My thoughts are with the people in Tonga & their friends/family who are unable to make contact... the footage of the eruption is frightening...

Hugs to all

Paws

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi Paws

How very lovely to have fairy wrens in the garden. They’re such a joy to watch ♥️

I’ve just remembered that I must go scout for fallen passion fruit. It’s my vine’s first proper fruiting season and yesterday I found four. They were only wee but full and yummy. I’m sure you mentioned blackberry bushes - do they fruit? I think they’re my favourite of all, but so expensive to buy!

How is your niece going? And your family member that was unwell? Hopefully both as comfortable as possible under the circumstances.

Another warm day here and I’ve spent it with a fabulous book, yet again ignoring my dishes or anything else productive.

Off I go to check my vine… Hugs x

[Paw Prints]

Hello Hanna, Katy, wave to everyone,

Yes I love watching the fairy wrens use the birdbath... I placed it so it gets afternoon shade but I can still see it from my lounge... they are ferocious little birds though... if a lark or willy wagtail is using it & the fairy wrens want to use it they will chase the bigger birds off... I am wondering if I need to make another deeper one for the bigger birds like Kookaburras as they don't use this one at all.

My area is under an extreme heat warning for the next few days (mid to high 30s) when I read it I thought of you Katy & how that would probably be a cool change for you after all the 40 deg days over your way.

Hanna with the heat up your way are you managing to get out early (or in the evening) to the park with Sam... I think the two of you would go stir crazy if you have to stay home for a few days in a row...

I'm wondering if I'm being overly concerned... I have a group of friends in the city... we usually catch up a few times a year... of course we haven't been with covid... but they have arranged a catch up in a few weeks... everyone except me has said yes to going... we do lunch at a pub & then spend the arvo there catching up... everyone is jabbed & our usual table is well away from other diners... but I don't feel comfortable with omicron everywhere to spend hours in a pub dining room... what do you all think... am I being silly not going or am I right to be wary.

Yum passionfruit... I have bought a raspberry bush but it is still too small to fruit yet... there are wild blackberries growing along all the roadsides & in my neighbours paddock & I noticed I have a new one growing among some bushes in my front yard that I missed when I sprayed last year... if they fruit then the wildlife must eat it all as I've yet to see any ripe fruit on them... though the cows in next door's paddock is using one bushes long canes as a back scratcher...

Hugs

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws,

I am just about to have a late dinner I've been out this afternoon but just saw your post. Today's been very pleasant here and quite a cool breeze tonight but I think the rest of the week will be hot.

Rosemary caught up this morning because her sister in another town in this area has died suddenly from a heart condition and she asked if I could check on her husband who is ill when she goes to the funeral which of course I'm happy to do. She's naturally very distressed.

I'm not sure about the pub dinner! Is there an outside area where you could all sit? That would be preferable. It's a risk with Omicron isn't it.. If you'd had a booster I'd be happier. On the other hand it's such a shame to miss such a lovely catch up!

Could you pick near a window/door, well ventilated position?

I'd prefer to be outside if possible. Can you ask them if they can do this? It would be so nice to go along. What do you think?

I guess life involves some risk in these times. I'm weighing up a similar problem with music lessons and haven't decided what to do yet. Not much help to you am I?!!! 🤔😕

I've found people in the dog parks here to be very friendly, hooray! We've been chatting for ages, men and women and kids and our dogs! Very nice 🐶

Good luck with your decision Paws, that's a tricky one. Over to you! I'm not sure what I'd do. Now I've had the booster I'd probably take one risk...

Hugs, I have a happily exhausted dog passed out next to me!!! 🙂🐕💕

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi Paws, Hanna, all 😊

You’ve got our warm weather, and we’ve had a welcome cool change roll in. I’m glad of the reprieve. Stormy kept me awake the other night with her panting rocking the bed! I hope you guys manage to stay cool.

I’d be cautious about the pub lunch too. It seems any length of time indoors without airflow is risky. As Hanna mentioned, I’d be inclined to look for an outdoor venue. I’m sure it wouldn’t be too difficult if that would suit everyone. It would be a shame to miss out again.

Hugs x

[Paw Prints]

Hello Hanna, Grandy, wave to everyone,

Well I've made up my mind & I won't be going to the catch-up... I've also said no to a catch-up at my sil's as well... not so much because of covid... more because my sleep is still topsy turvy & I don't think it would be wise or safe to try driving that far... plus Feb is usually hot here & I would worry about leaving Woofa... I would be gone roughly 12 hours & I couldn't shut him in for that long so he could have the cooling... but leaving the door open for him means he risks over heating & I risk another snake coming in. My sil has suggested a catch-up at my big town (where I go to the chemist) with my sister & I... I said yes... so she will organise a date that suits them & get back to me.

My elderly relative has felt more like eating a little... which is wonderful news... she is still sleeping most of the time & even with her immediate family can only cope with brief visits when she is awake... I'm still hoping covid gives us all a break so I can visit her sometime soonish.

Still horribly hot here... thunderstorms due later today & rain tomorrow... but the temperatures are still expected to stay in the 30s for the rest of the week... so there will be awful humidity to go with the heat.

I wish I could list some achievements I've managed... or that I'm managing a healthy bedtime rather than going to bed with the dawn... I'm tired of fighting my thoughts all the time... I'm a grown adult... I should be able to say "I will do xyz" & then actually do it... I should be able to do the basics without even having to think about it...I'm the one responsible for my actions (or inactions) no one else can make my mind behave... why is it so hard???... It really feels like the last couple of yeas I've been going backwards... the only things I seem to have got better at are avoidance & cocooning... hiding away from reality.

Huggily hugs & pats to all the lovely furs

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Paws...

I think you’re doing the right thing by not attending the catch up...You’re mental and physical health is most important and traveling so far without proper sleep isn’t the best thing to do...I think even though you’re all vaccinated you still can catch the virus and with not knowing if the other patrons in the pub are vaccinated it would probably put a damper on the catch up as well as you would be worrying about your gorgeous Woofa being inside a hot home...

Its Lovely that your sister is going to organise a catch up for you both later on....

I can relate to your last paragraph so much...I uttered those words to my Dr. about being an adult and not being able to decide this or that...she told me that it’s not my fault, I have a illness that prevents me from doing so....hmm didn’t make me feel any better..it’s easy isn’t it Paws, to say tomorrow I’ll do the washing, or the kitchen or make that dog bed cover...(I’ve been wanting to make them for years)...then in the morning all our good intentions from the night before...disappear, who knows where and our motivation goes with it....

I wish I had the answer for you Paws...and know how to keep our motivation alive and learn how to make simple decisions...Children seem more capable then I am at decision making sometimes....Do you think that determination needs to be apart of decision making?..

Paws, Dear lady, you have come a long way since I’ve known you..it might feel at times like you are going backwards, we all do at times...but in reality we take many many more steps forwards...we stumble a bit, occasionally we fall...but you/we/us always get back up and start going forward again....and that’s the best we or anyone can do....

Sending both you and Woofa a big hug with my love and care...🧸🤗💜.

Grandy..