Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy, Deebi, Hanna, Katy & wave to all...

Thankfully the heat & storms took a break today which was nice... I'm not envying the long spate of hot days the rest of you are having to endure... unfortunately it is expected to heat up again here early next week.

Hanna the book is called van Gogh The Life by Steven Naifeh & Gregory White Smith... I was going to read it for a short time each evening before bed... I did the first day, but then I stayed up all night both Thur & Fri glued to it & I've just finished it... I really enjoyed it... it covers the social/historical & family influences as well the the art styles & artists of his time... It also deals with his mh issues realistically, without the bunk that usually colours any mention of his mh... in fact I found the descriptions of his behaviour in his teens & 20s eerily similar to how my eldest brother behaved (minus the art)... I especially liked that they didn't just say how the facts don't match the the common story of his end... but also showed how the story arose & grew...

Grandy I did think about getting those electronic snake deterrents when I moved here... but from what I read on various snake catcher websites they don't work at all...

I had a chuckle at your description of the mice dancing to the current...😁

I haven't given Woofa the new bed... the beds (note plural) he has are good quality & are still virtually as good as when I bought them... so the new one is still in its box in my spare room whilst I toss up whether to just keep it for now or maybe donate it to the rescue group for their next fund raising auction.

Hugs to you all & pats to your furs

Paws

[demonblaster]

Hey our lovely Pawsy lass 😊🐾 and lovely peeps here and reading hiyaz

☺ Oh darl that book had you in how lovely being so into it, happy for you darlz. Sounds interesting. I read and must start again it gives something to look forward to doesn't it if it's a gooden, had that once wow couldn't wait. I usually go with fiction.

How kind you considering to donate the bed.

Some love the heat don't understand that tho maybe they feel secure with it surrounding them I find it smothering but everyone to their own likes I guess. I count down the mths till it's over. The weather got it right for mostly a wet winter so far.

I too enjoyed Grandys mouse description 😆

Hope very much the mood changes are settling for you Pawsy they're hard work aren't they and that your new mattress is lovely and comfy hun.

Good times ahead dear Pawsy 🤗☺🐾

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws,

Thanks i looked up the book and it won a Pulitzer for biography! There's an interesting review on the New York Times online which talks about how controversial it is. Sounds interesting!

It's endlessly hot and muggy here, I'm pretty over it! Sam and I are both tired today. Have to go to the next big town to get him groomed tomorrow so a long day.

That's a nice idea to maybe donate the dog bed.

Not much news otherwise as town is very quiet and it's very hot and I'm having a lazy day!

Keep well down there!!! 😊👍🐶💕😷💝

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi Paws

I think you’d like the weather here today - 25 and breezy 🙂 I took Stormy for a swim this morning and thought I may need a jumper! (She swam - I didn’t).

What are you doing to keep busy? I love that you chewed through your book. It’s great to find something so engaging.

I want to clean out my storage room but some wasps are nest building around the door and I’m too chicken. Might go for a bike ride instead.

Hugs from me n Stormy x

[Paw Prints]

Hello Katy,

Ummm I think I must have polar bear ancestors 🐻‍❄️... 25 is a bit warm for me... I would have been tempted to join Stormy in the water... how is she after her slow walk the other day?...

Woofa is really starting to show his age... he is slowing right down... & he is seems to be suffering "door syndrome" you know when you go to another room to do something & as soon as you pass the thru the door you can't remember what you came there for... well he heads off & then I find him standing at a point where he could be intending to go either way & he has just stopped looking lost...

Avoiding a wasp nest sounds sensible to me... you can get a powder from places like Bunnings, which comes in a plastic bottle so you can squirt into their nest & around it (after dark of course)...

After a humid week in the 30s including a thunderstorm last night... a southerly cool change came thru about 4pm & it is now back to a lovely 17...

A nose bop from Woofa & hugs from me

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws and Katy & everyone

Paws my friend's elderly dog in coast town used to do that, and sometimes she'd be walking down the road and suddenly stop and seem confused about where she was, poor thing! I wonder if memory games would help Woofa? I hide treats and Sam has to find them around the house, and he has a giggle ball from the Reject shop that makes a high pitched giggling sound when he pats it, it drives him nuts as he chases it around!

Katy, decluttering sounds good! I'm binging on home decorating books from the library at the moment and the rooms look all serene and lovely! I think it's a form of escapism, looking through beautiful big picture books of photos of lovely cottages!

🙂😷🐶💕🌻

[Paw Prints]

Hello Hanna,

I can scatter kibble in full view on the floor & Woofa still can't find them all... he has been like that all his life... so hiding anything doesn't work at all... even hiding smelly extra yummy stuff doesn't work...

He has toys but he now doesn't want to play like he used to... these days he loses interest in minutes rather than hours... his attention span has shrunk with everything he interacts with... from the neighbours cows to smells in the yard or chats in the evening with the other dogs in our valley... everything.

Hugs

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws

How old is Woofa now? It's so hard to see our beloved pets get older like this isn't it... Sam was having episodes of confusion at night and would wander into the lounge room and wait as if it was morning. I took him to the wonderful vet here, an older man who is Dutch I think, a lovely man, he is one of the two senior vets at the practice here and he checked Sam and said to take Sam to the dog park for more socialisation with other dogs.

Since the pandemic Rosemary next door has the house and yard closed shut like Fort Knox and poor Sam and Molly next door are no longer allowed to play - she cries through the fence when she sees him, it's so sad and there's no reason the two little dogs can't play together.

Since taking Sam to the dog park he's been a different dog. Hardly ever has the night confusion and he's so happy playing with the other dogs! Now he's got to know several of them and they all run around together!

The other thing I do now is try to walk him all different places. Sometimes around new streets, around the local nursery (he loves that!), he goes to the outside Cafe with me where there are other people and dogs... Anywhere for variety. He loves this and gets so excited!

So sometimes we do the dog park, other times the outdoor cafes and all different walks.

I wonder if you can try taking Woofa to some new places and walks? Are there any dogs and/or people he can socialise with?

I don't know if this is any help? It seems to have made a big difference to Sam. Could the vet suggest anything else?

We do love our pets! 🐶🐕💖💖💖

[demonblaster]

Hey Pawsy 🐾 Hannah 🐕 Katy 🍗and all 👋

I imagine you'd have well and truly finished your book by now Pawsy darl it's lovely having such good memories and feelings to call back on when ever you think to I find can help being more prominent in my mind. Does s/he have anymore books that author I wonder assuming not only the topic but writing style was good to.

Oh darl dear Woofa it would be hard seeing your dear fella getting on. Sounds like some good suggestions there Hannah hope something might spark some gorgeous Woofa interest. I love hearing all your pet antics.

Wow wee that weather sure has cooled off Pawsy. Isn't the reprieve from oppressive heat bliss. You must really have a rough time in summer finding 25 too hot you poor thing. Can't remember if it was here I mentioned about actually friend said yesterday could use a spray bottle of water to squirt or splash it over arms chest face neck then a fan or breeze outside does some magic cooling us off even temporarily's better than not at all.

Up to you how much you want to say Pawsy but wondering how you're feeling these days mentally. You sound as though you've picked up which is great but as we know that can sway. I do hope you're overall better darl it's incredibly hard yakka and the great part is coming out the other side like you seem to have. And it sounds that you've been more active that can be a good sign to.

I've been reading but can't remember if the neighbours still or has done your lawns which I think they have. So nice of them and taking a load off you darl

It's a gorgeous day here with a few threatening clouds but thinking the sun will win or hoping anyway. Interesting I heard the other day sun on the bod can help against covid. This came from someone who's pretty cluey. Wouldn't surprise me because of the incredible things it can do for us from such a vast distance. Fascinates me the out there stuff and mystery of the largely unknown tho there's also a lot of knowledge too gathered over the yrs.

Ok on that note I'm leaving you nice bright shiny light emitting that sounds good but is what it does 😂...TA DA....SUN... 🌞 So this being for a lovely friend I made a few changes so it only reaches temps of 17 oop sometimes 14 cause the thermometer ...welll that's a lonnng 😶 uh oh story...

Go easy on ourselves is what we need to do eh 🌴

Love to you 🐾 and a big well distanced long arm like Mrs Incredible hug to beautiful Woofa man 🐆

Hope your days good everyone ☺🤗⚘

[Paw Prints]

Hello Deebi, Hanna, wave to everyone,

Deebi thank you for the cool sun (yep that is a bad pun)... it has me pondering now if the sun is less harsh in your home neck of the woods (NZ) given it is further south there... when I used to travel... I found in the UK & Scandinavian countries the sunlight was much gentler & therefore much more bearable... as were the warm days.

Hanna unfortunately since being attacked as a puppy by the neighbours dog, Woofa is dog aggressive so playing with other dogs is out of the question... because of this I've always taken him to new places to see & sniff the new smells... moving here made it easier with all the farm smells & the coast being much closer... he has even loved just going for drives... it is these outings that have really made me notice how much he is slowing down... now after about 5 minutes or so he just wants to get back in the car & snooze some more...

Giant breeds age much faster than smaller breeds... so at 7 they are seniors... at 8 they are elderly... at 9 they are geriatric... 10 or even more rarely 11 they are bloody miracles... the life expectancy for Great Danes is about 8 to 9 years... he is 8.5 years... I keep reminding him that I not only expect him to qualify for the double digit club, but he should be aiming for the world age record too.

I am calmer at the moment, but.... and it's a big but... I'm existing by doing avoidance things... like mindlessly playing mahjong or reading a book all night to avoid going to bed... then staying in bed all day to avoid having to do things... while dreaming repetitive familiar themed dreams (even the bad ones).. when what I need to be doing is challenging my thoughts & pushing myself to try doing the things that I need to do.

I feel like I've pinched Katy's hamster wheel... getting nowhere fast... I know I have to be brave & jump out of this pointlessness... working out how is problem.

Hugs to you all

Paws