Social exclusion.

[Meganrubyjoy]

I'm struggling with my social life and self esteem and depression as a result.

I was in a car accident close to five years ago in which I suffered extensive injuries but most notably, a brain injury.

I was very fortunate as my car accident happened in Victoria so I was covered by insurance which covers my medical treatment costs for life.

I've also been rather lucky in that my injury does not present at all, even doctors struggle to identify it unless I fill them in on the issues I suffer but I have social issues similar to suffering Aspergers'/autism.

My best friend at the time was involved in the events that led to my accident occurring and whilst I was in my coma (3 weeks) and the entirety of my hospitalisation (9 months) she lied to all our mutual friends about how my accident came to be and to some that she was even with me on the night.

as a result my friends withdrew from giving me their support and sympathy while I was in hospital and still refuse to this day.

i currently can not work or study due to my injury and I have only 3 or 4, (not particularly close) friends.

i do volunteer work at the dogs' refuge of WA and as a volunteer education assistant at my localprimary school but I've made no true friends through these avenues as my brain injury prevents me from being particularly social and I suffer bad fatigue plus I do not trust people easily so struggle to keep friends.

Im very lonely and if it were not for me having adopted a little poodle just over two years ago I am sure I would have taken my life by now.

I need to make new friends and be social to help combat my depression and anxiety, any advice on how to go about meeting new people or social activities to get involved with would be greatly appreciated.

Many thanks,

Megan.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Megan,

I am so sorry for the late reply.

You have certainly had a really rough time: accident, injury and all. But I think the loneliness and sense of isolation is probably the most painful of all. Maybe a sense of loss too from the injury and your friend's betrayal (sorry if that is not the right word).

I respect how you are trying hard to help yourself and are looking for ways to move forward and perhaps make some new friends. Credit to you 🙂

Your poodle sounds like an absolute blessing and good on you for volunteering! Sometimes animal companions make the best companions. But understandably, i get that you crave more human interaction as well.

There are online meet-up events (and obviously be mindful and safe if you register for any of those: meet during the day in a busy area, make sure friends know where you are, etc). Otherwise what about local library events like book clubs, membership events at art galleries, etc?

I think it helps to pursue something you are interested in as I often find you will meet like minded people by doing what you love e.g. don't join a soccer a team if you dislike team sports. Sure, you'll meet people but they might not be your cup of tea. Choose something you are genuinely interested in, and you will often meet people on the same wavelength.

In saying that, I hear that you might have some interpersonal communication struggles due to your brain injury. My 2c is just keep trying.

All the best and kind thoughts,

Pepper

[Starwolf]

Hi Megan, welcome to the forums.

Thank you for sharing your story with us. Social isolation is an issue that keeps recurring around the forums as it is often part of the mental/emotional condition territory. It is a vicious circle as shunning contact with others only reinforces self-effacing tendencies and confirm the false belief that we are unlovable.

The reality of it is that there is no building friendship without mingling with people. Trust is not easy to regain once it has been betrayed. I am sorry you had to lose someone you thought was your friend in such a despicable manner. It is often adversity that tells us who is really on our side.

My daughter suffered acquired brain injury as a child. She was ostracized and bullied during her primary school years but -as she recovered- it became easier for her to hide it ever happened. As a young adult, she started by volunteering, using personal experience to work with disabled people. The good thing about volunteering is that it allows us to mix with people who are more compassionate than average. Kudos for making a difference. It is a great start.

Small steps is the way to go, small chat over a cuppa after work for example. As confidence builds up, time out in company can gradually be increased.

Meanwhile, navigating these forums is good practice. There are terrific connections to be made. The social zone has quite a few threads. The virtual cafe is popular. There is a Pet thread in the Staying well section. You may want to introduce you Poodle to us there. I grew up with Standard Poodles and working lines German Shepherds. I live with a small pack of K9s (including 3 Poodles) so would be interested in reading more about yours.

This is a safe space. Here you can talk freely. Please rest assured that you will be heard and supported in any way we can.

It is good to have you on board.