So, how was your day?

[Doolhof]

I've had a busy kind of day that went very well. I have managed to work, go for a swim, had lunch in a park, enjoyed a coffee and biscuits with a client and looked at the second hand tent we have just bought ourselves.

I went down to the chook house to check on my "ladies" and had a chat with them while they clucked away waiting for me to feed them. I also had a look to see where we can set the tent up in the garden this weekend to try it out. I'm already thinking of places nearby where we can go camping. I will also ask my sister and nieces if they would like to join me sometime.

Please feel free to contribute and share how you have spent your day.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[Doolhof]

Dear Indra,

Thank you so much for sharing part of your life story with me and others reading your post.

I can not begin to imagine what you and other sexual abuse victims have had to suffer as children. My first husband turned into a bit of a monster and would bash and rape me for fun. I was a young adult, but I was an adult, how children survive I do not know.

This is certainly a safe place for you to share your story. There have been other people posting of their abuse as children as well, both male and females. I can't think of any recent posts though if you wanted to connect with someone to share how you are feeling.

I'm so sorry you had to experience the violence as well. I understand that too. My Mum suffered from terrible depression and probably PND . Mum's favourite weapon of choice was a solid wooden broom handle. She would often threaten to kill us al in the car as well.

My poor Mum suffered terribly from her depression and was just not given the assistance she needed.

Are you still close to your brother now? Do you talk much about what happened when he was young? How do you think he would react if you told him you had been sexually abused?

I'm so sorry your Mum was not able to help you or listen to you when you were a child, and not now as an adult either.

The main thing is to tell yourself that in no way at all were you responsible for what happened to you! It was out of your control. You tried to receive help but it was denied to you.

Regarding your friend who had you stay at her home a lot, sometimes friends come into our lives for a while, and then they are gone. It does not mean they no longer care or think of you, they have just moved away for one reason or another.

Dear Indra, I hope that by sharing your traumatic childhood, you have been helped in some way.

Thinking of you and sending you cyber hugs.

From Lauren

[Indra]

Hi Lauren,

Firstly a big hug straight back to you - it was definitely a release sharing some of my life on here. I remember being at the psychologist when I was younger to work through my anxiety disorder and being asked the question, but not being brave enough to talk about it. I think as you get older (I'm old lol ) I think sometimes you are ready to deal with it or let it go so to speak.

It wouldn't end very well if I told my brother about the abuse - he knew the family friend and would probably blame himself for not protecting me. I am close but we don't live close to each other. I am glad that he talks to me about this at least I can relate and help him to speak about it, as I don't think he would have spoken to a professional about it. It comes up in conversation a couple if times a year and most times I am there just to listen.

I am sorry to hear what you had to endure as well, regardless of illness or not children shouldn't have to endure this. My  Mum was never violent - just distant and unloving with me. She also left our family, often for months at a time. She had always said that I was the independent one - I learnt pretty quickly that I had to rely on myself. With your 1st husband I am glad you had the courage to get out - it tears you down physically and emotionally - it shows you are a survivor Lauren.

Again it always helps talking in here - will share a cyber hug and coffee with you xxx

Indra 

[Doolhof]

Hi Indra,

This is a great place to share how you are feeling and coping. Sometimes chatting with a psychologist can feel a little confronting. Here, you can write what you like and stay anonymous.

I have benefited so much from not only feeling like I am able to help people, but also having people support and assist me in so many different ways.

When I first started posting on here, I thought that maybe I might need to be a bit more like how one other lady was answering posts! That was my lack of self esteem talking to me. Then I realised that was a silly suggestion!

We are all our own individual selves, each having our own unique ways of communicating and caring for each other.

Maybe it is not a good idea to share details of your abuse with your brother. It is good that he is there for you.

I'm wondering what your Mum had to endure as a child? I am not saying this as an excuse for her behaviour but it just makes me wonder. Recently my Mum talked about stuff that went on between her and her three brothers and it repulsed me.

Knowing more about what she endured and realising there was no help or support for her, made me think how miserable her childhood was.

I am so thankful we have so much help and assistance available to us these days!

On a more cheerful note, I did some cooking yesterday, I baked a banana cake and a slice, so if you were here I would make you a coffee, offer you some banana cake and slice and we would sit in front of the fire and have a great chat. I'd make sure we had some laughs along with the possible tears.

Cheers for now, from Lauren

[Hopefullseeking]

Hi Lauren,

Sorry I haven't been around for a while, my head has been a bit scrambled of late.

I have made an appointment with my GP to talk about the Vertigo as the last couple of weeks it has been at it's worst, don't know if it is aggravated by stress, if so then I know why.

I have found out my sons charges after ringing the courts and that has really taken its toll on me.  I feel like I am back to square one when he was first charged.  At least this time round I have learnt to do nice things for myself and it helps.

Today I am taking myself off to the movies and going to see Spy.  It is a comedy and I like Melissa McCarthy, you just have to ignore the swearing I've been told. I thought I might buy lunch before the movie then buy a choc top ice cream to take in, peppermint is my favourite.

My unit is finished now other than buying a couch.  I have been doing a bit of gardening too so it is looking good.  Don't have much of a garden as I have a very tiny front yard and the garden borders the fence line and only about a metre wide but I have done a lot with it.  I brought sugar cane mulch and have mulched half of it so need to buy some more.

Hope you have some fun in your life and have managed to get to the beach.

Bye for now

Anne

[Doolhof]

Dear Anne,

It is lovely to hear from you again, and you certainly don't need to apologise for not being in touch, it happens to us all!

I'm so pleased to read you now have coping mechanisms in place regarding your depression as a whole and also regarding finding out about your sons records. That must have been a very distressing time for you.

I too need to put things in place when I am having a trouble with my depression and other issues. It certainly helps to have a strategy in place and to be flexible as well.

Sometimes the plans I make don't work out, so I try to go with the flow and make the most of the opportunities I do have.

Congratulations on all your hard work around your unit and garden. It is wonderful to have a sense of achievement isn't it!

Hopefully your Dr. will be able to sort out the vertigo for you. I suppose the Dr has checked to see if you have an inner ear infection, or is that not a cause of your vertigo?

My weekend didn't go quite to plan but I made the most of it anyway. I helped out at our Church sale and came home with some trousers and jeans for work and a couple of nice tops as well for a very reasonable price.

Saturday night I watched my husband and friends of ours ten pin bowling. My back was just too sore to join in so I enjoyed watching the others have a good time. The other couple have two children aged 5 and 8 so I enjoyed having their company.

Sunday morning I was to go for a walk with a friend and was looking forward to that, but we just sat and chatted instead, so that was okay.

In the afternoon new farmer friends of ours came to check our fences in preparation for having some of their sheep to eat the grass on what we call the back paddock which is about 3 acres. Seems there is a lot of work to do in preparation for the sheep!

So all in all it was a lovely weekend after all. I hope you enjoyed the movie. I sometimes go to the cinema myself and I too like peppermint ice-cream! Hope the whole experience went well.

Now for another working week and what ever happenings come my way.

Cheers for now from Lauren xxx

[Indra]

Hi Lauren,

Hope you have been travelling ok. As always,  thank you for your friendship and ear! I am a little dubious with psychologists - more so as I have gotten older and had to deal with them for my older son!! I think you would do really well in a counselling role - you have compassion and empathy, yet feel comfortable in dealing with things straight off the bat - that is my opinion!!

I have had a tough few days with my older son and his anxiety/behaviour. He is starting to lash out again, but makes it a bit more difficult now that he is bigger than me - dealing with because that's what I do!! 

I know my mother went through alot and I can understand part of why she is like she is. From migrating just after WW2, losing her mother young, her first husband - but she bottled most of it up. 

I did some baking as well - Minion cakes and I made my Taco pie as well - if I bake it though I eat it lol I have put on a lot of weight since I gave up smoking!! 

Big hug to you - I would love to have a coffee, chat and definitely lots of laughs and of course try your banana cake and slice. As long as I can bring marshmallows!!! 

Take care fabulous Lauren xxxx

Indra xx

[Indra]

Hi Lauren - I had replied just hopefully it hasn't disappeared into the cyber blackhole! Will keep an eye out

Indra  xxx

[Doolhof]

Hi Indra,

I think your reply may have gone into that black hole you mentioned! Some of mine do the same thing! Ha. Ha.

Hope you are doing okay.

Today I am taking my husband to the city for an endoscopy. Late last year he had a huge hernia operation. The Dr will be checking that everything is okay with that and also that he has not developed throat cancer!

This is playing on my husband's mind a lot as is only natural as he has had cancer previously. God willing he may just have scar tissue in his throat as he did eat so many things the Dr had warned him against eating soon after the operation.

We will both have answers after this test so that will be reassuring. What ever comes our way we will have to deal with.

I'm going to take yesterday's newspaper and some craft books with me to keep me busy plus a thermos of coffee.

It is a very chilly morning here, just 1 degree so far! I am so thankful I am not a homeless person and that we can afford to warm the house!

Hope you have a good day.

Cheers for now from Lauren

[Indra]

Hi Lauren,

My goodness - hope all goes well for your husband today and for you as well. Waiting for results is nerve-wracking and especially if you husband having had cancer before - can't imagine how hard that would have been. You will both be in my thoughts today x My Dad is having his 2nd hernia operation later this month and he is petrified of hospitals. At least it's here in the town I am in - so I will be able to do things for both of my parents. 

It has been chilly - I am just waiting for the fog to start happening where I am. Yes, enjoy the thermos of coffee and your reads. I am craft challenged - it skipped a generation here lol

I have had a rough couple of days with my son - hopefully the post will appear otherwise I'll fill you in soon. Don't worry about me today - think of your hubby and yourself. I'm am going to make myself go the gym or for a walk - that is a recommendation from the GP and I need to shed some kgs - I stopped smoking last year!

Look after yourself Lauren and keep warm 

Hugs and fingers crossed for you

Indra xxx

[Indra]

Hi Lauren - just a quick hello to see if you are ok and hope all went well today with your hubby.

Big hug and hope you get some rest.

Take care,

Indra x