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Just Sara A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members
  • replies: 715

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful word... View more

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful words. I hope this thread stays active through members giving out praise regularly to people they feel deserving, and therefore keep generosity of spirit alive within the pages of BeyondBlue Forum. My bunch of Red Roses (my choice) goes to Wishful for the following sentence; 'Personally, I see no reason to be praised in me, but I'm learning that seeing through the eyes of others can be more accurate!!' I so hear you Wishful. Just beautiful... Try to keep your leading comments short to focus on 'their' words. Choose specific flowers (or a gift if you like) to present to them. Sign off respectfully and sincerely. I hope this takes off... Spreading the love...Sara

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Zan STAYING WELL - OR - STAYING ALIVE?
  • replies: 5

Staying well? Come one -- if we've all got a diagnosed mental condition such as Depression or Anxiety Disorder or PTSD or Bi-Polar, we're hardly going to be "staying well" are we? So lets skip the "niceties" shall we and get down to the point that no... View more

Staying well? Come one -- if we've all got a diagnosed mental condition such as Depression or Anxiety Disorder or PTSD or Bi-Polar, we're hardly going to be "staying well" are we? So lets skip the "niceties" shall we and get down to the point that no one here wants anyone to do anything that prevents them from "staying alive". So really the whole question is, what keeps us "going" when all of those horrible forces come in at all sides and totally overwhelm us? I've found sleeping to be the best option -- in fact I think nature almost puts that thought, or desire to sleep, front and centre in our heads in times of greatest trauma and stress. If one observes nature it's easy to see that the injured/sick animal always seeks out that dark safe place in order to heal. It's just that with our modern society being so far removed from nature, with all of its lights brightened, plastic, cement coated, manicured and out-of-place gardens etc, that we have lost that concept, and now many so-called intellectuals and professionals actually believe that sleeping is an escape, or wrong, or giving in. Yeah right - so nature is wrong and modern consumerist Big-Pharma capitalist market driven thought is correct? Huh! I'll take the nature any day, thank you very much! Another "life saving" method is to go on a walk - if able, or take a bus/train to a park and sit in peace and quiet (again the "nature" approach). Me, I'm more fortunate than most in that, as five world heritage National Parks are at my very doorstep. Music or comedy is another --- and singing or making music or laughing is even better. .Just do one, or all --- and stay alive. Tomorrow is another BRAND NEW DAY, and one never knows what it will bring.

Chris_B Are you a sufferer?
  • replies: 11

Do you describe yourself as suffering from a mental illness? Do you feel that this accurately reflects your experience, or do you feel it is a negative label that disempowers you from taking steps to stay well?

Do you describe yourself as suffering from a mental illness? Do you feel that this accurately reflects your experience, or do you feel it is a negative label that disempowers you from taking steps to stay well?

white knight Smoke and mirrors- its not real
  • replies: 4

Our mind plays tricks on us. Apart from causing us to get emotional for no good reason, get angry, be out of control...we see other people being against us. Our enemies are numerous, seemingly compared to other peoples issues with friends and family ... View more

Our mind plays tricks on us. Apart from causing us to get emotional for no good reason, get angry, be out of control...we see other people being against us. Our enemies are numerous, seemingly compared to other peoples issues with friends and family or even strangers. The world is against us, the mentally ill, the "world" surely is only humans for a world without humans we wouldnt have this internal conflict at all. How many times in your life you have disliked a person intensely only to become close friends later on or visa-versa. And as some of us over react to situations, a symptom of our illness (highs or lows and not much in between) we often have regrets as to our actions. A wise man said to me once- "I dont judge anyone for 6 months because I often regret it. I dont know them until that period ends". Just like many of us have highs and lows, thoughts nudging extremes most times are the same. I call them "smoke and mirrors". I dont know about you but I have a tendency to fall out with others more regularly than Mr average Joe Blow. And blame myself. But many times over the years I've blamed myself when later on down the track that same person has fallen out with my friends on the same issues. Which brings me to my point of this thread. We dont know most times if a friend or acquaintance has their own issues/demons to deal with. Many people wont air horn it to the world (as I tend to do). And other issues they might have like physical health issues, family issues, work, environment issues. What about lingering upbringing issues, personality traits...even persona that is different to many of us but normal thinking from the country of their birth? We need to do a few things. Wisdom comes over time. Ageing, even with mental illness gives us more wisdom from experience. To accept the possibility that the person you are in conflict with might be aggressive (for example) because he is not in a good place for some reason is for you to give him/her that benefit of the doubt just like you would like someone give to you. It isnt all about us. It is about others as well. Some, depending on the severity of their actions that hurt you, can be discarded for your own self protection. Others, as you might find after you've known them for at least 6 months, might end up your best friend because you did one vital, wise and positive thing......you forgave them in the hope that the true person hadnt emerged. Sometimes the benefit of the doubt is warranted. Tony WK

Carl___just_Carl Self harm and anxiety/depression: think long and hard about the pain you inflict on yourself
  • replies: 1

I know that there are a lot of people that fall into the depression pit and seek some relief through self harm. I was one of those people, after the third major traumatic event in my life, I felt overloaded with grief, depression, guilt and a whole h... View more

I know that there are a lot of people that fall into the depression pit and seek some relief through self harm. I was one of those people, after the third major traumatic event in my life, I felt overloaded with grief, depression, guilt and a whole heap of other foul feelings. I thought that injuring myself would relieve the pain. It seemed to help for a while. I escalated to piercings and tattoos. I had 18 piercings in just about anything that you could poke a hole through and ended up with about 20 tattoos of various sizes on my arms and legs. I loathe the tattoos and I've removed all of the piercings but some still cause leaks were leaks shouldn't be. People that loved me could see I was falling to bits and begged me to get help. I thought I knew better and continued hurting myself. When I finally saw sense, or was made to see it, I got help from some very dedicated people, professionals and family included. I deeply regret many things I did during that very dark time, my wife stood by me and weathered some terrible storms, I didn't abuse her directly, but my selfish behavior made the life of someone that would do anything for me miserable. If you love someone, seeing them slowly falling apart hurts as much as a physical blow. I know this to be true too. Call it karma or payback, or what you will, but I got a little taste of watching one of our kids start on the road to self destruction. He pulled through and has held down a very good job now for 15 years, has a beautiful partner and 4 heartbreakingly cute little kids. He asked for help and we made sure he got it. Point of all this? Think long and hard about the pain you inflict on yourself before doing anything stupid. I think we become so self absorbed when we're in the pit that the pain we cause to others just doesn't register with us. That, at least was my case. Be kind to yourself and those that love you. Seek help. <--------You'll see that on everything I've posted or will post. It is the best advice anyone can give you.

white knight Does feeling grateful help at all?
  • replies: 19

I have known Alf for 12 years. We shared a hobby together. He had been single till 53yo then married an much older lady. My wife and I were outside a cafe enjoying a coffee with our pup at our heels when I saw him and asked him to join us. Alf looked... View more

I have known Alf for 12 years. We shared a hobby together. He had been single till 53yo then married an much older lady. My wife and I were outside a cafe enjoying a coffee with our pup at our heels when I saw him and asked him to join us. Alf looked no different to the 100's of times I'd seen him, with his jovial smile and persona. A few minutes into our conversations I asked "and how is ..(his wife) going" He burst into tears so quick. "she died 8 months ago". You know what its like when you try to comfort someone that you know anything you do cant make any effect. Grief is a tough act to recover from. So after a long chat and then changing the subject we left Alf to go about his business I held my wife's hand tighter than usual as we walked along the shops. Thought to myself...gee I'm lucky. Sure I have these up and down mental struggles but I have so much to be grateful for. I also have a backbone of positivity that props me up life a lifebuoy that will never sink regardless of the low lows I have. As Churchill said "we will never surrender" and I wont. And I recall following my first marriage breakup, the pain of moving to part time dad from full time...saying to myself daily "well I know some dads never see their kids at all" so be grateful. Be happy with what you have Tony, not miserable for what you dont have or what you dream for. What of others? I watched a TV show last Monday night of a Cattleman. He'd experienced a helicopter crash that broke his neck. Now a quadriplegic he still was a cattleman albeit a modified one. He carried on his life. Can you imagine his gratitude of still being able to breath, experience his love of his work and be an inspiration? Unfortunately for people with mental illness a lot of our problems are caused by chemical imbalance, hereditary disorders, accidents or environment effects, some of which is not controlled no matter how positive you are or grateful you be. But I'd argue that any minute change in thinking to be more positive, any spark of gratitude for your life's circumstances would be of some benefit, perhaps not evident, perhaps not straight away but like a rolling stone carries no moss an active positive mind carries less negative thoughts. Being grateful is one of many positive abilities we can keep exercising in our mind.....to help our recovery.

honeybean Self Help
  • replies: 5

Hi all, im pretty new to the forum and wanting some recommendations on what helps you with your depression. Although I have struggled with low self esteem and sadness throughout my life it is only recent (last 8 months) that I have been diagnosed wit... View more

Hi all, im pretty new to the forum and wanting some recommendations on what helps you with your depression. Although I have struggled with low self esteem and sadness throughout my life it is only recent (last 8 months) that I have been diagnosed with depression via my doctor. I am on a new medication that seems to be working without bad side effects, although early days and will now be having psychology sessions as only meds scenario didn't work. In the meantime I have found a book on the net called "Mind over Mood" which is CBT (did I get that right?) but was wondering if there is something else that has helped you. Specifically how to get rid of the all intrusive negative thoughts. Thanx in advance Honeybean

white knight PREVENTION is better than cure
  • replies: 3

So, you've recovered? Been through the whole process eh? The trauma of developing a mental illness what ever it is, then the GP visits, losing friends, meds, losing family, psychiatrists, losing your mind. But eventually you have recovered enough to ... View more

So, you've recovered? Been through the whole process eh? The trauma of developing a mental illness what ever it is, then the GP visits, losing friends, meds, losing family, psychiatrists, losing your mind. But eventually you have recovered enough to be back on track.....all the while hoping your meds will keep you in check. What if they dont? Many of us have relapses all our lives. We read about them here- a lot. So, is medication enough to hold off a bout of depression, anxiety etc...likely not. So cut to the chase what other preventative strategies can we implement to safe guard us from falling into the abyss? Ideas for "staying well"? My wife and I have a friend "Joy". Joy lives alone after a 30 year marriage full of physical and mental abuse. She has a brother much older than her that visits her and stays a few days. Joy rents a house that is falling around her. While her brother visited she wanted to fix the sensor lights at the back door. Last summer she nearly stepped on a snake as she alighted her car one night. She proceeded to get a ladder and tools. Her brother stepped in to help. Her brother was not a natural handyperson and began to get frustrated with rotten wood and Joy's dog running a muck. They argued and Joy rocked up at our doorstep in tears. "Why dont you just use a torch" I asked. She stared at me, then stared some more. This simple answer blew her away. So obvious to some, not to others. LED torches last a long time now and are bright and rechargable. You can even get a baseball cap with inbuilt torch now thats solar powered. Also men from her brothers generation (baby boomer) havent adapted to women being able to be handy and they step in. So I suggested she ask her brother to "supervise". Giving his importance to himself to help his kid sister. Sometimes people with MI automatically prevent further issues by their defenses. Not meeting new people or once they meet they dont pursue a close relationship. This might seem bad but this natural defence approach isnt so bad as long as some new people are chosen to seek a friendship. There is a happy medium, caution!. Choose people with similar interests, age and lifestyle but above all the same heart towards things like animal welfare, giving to others and interests. Unfortunately we dont have crystal balls to tell us if they are vicious down the road. But we arent perfect so move on. If you have an upset, take a break. Find a logical remedy if you can. Plan to avoid triggers if you can. Tony WK

Little_Jane How do people make good friends?
  • replies: 10

I am sad, partly because I don't have and close friends to talk too. Partly my current isolation by living out in a rural area. I miss my family that are over two hours away and I cant sleep. My big question is How do people make good friends?

I am sad, partly because I don't have and close friends to talk too. Partly my current isolation by living out in a rural area. I miss my family that are over two hours away and I cant sleep. My big question is How do people make good friends?

Carl___just_Carl Is it nature or nurture? Or is it putting a thumb over the hole in the bottle and giving it a shake ?
  • replies: 1

I guess we all wonder sometimes why something cuts us deeply, while somone else cops the same swipe without even getting red mark on their skin. Are we, (and by we I mean people like us that poor their hearts out on internet help forums), wired diffe... View more

I guess we all wonder sometimes why something cuts us deeply, while somone else cops the same swipe without even getting red mark on their skin. Are we, (and by we I mean people like us that poor their hearts out on internet help forums), wired differently? What takes us to the point of overload? I know nobody bounces back entirely from trauma or witnessing terrifying or near fatal incindents. But l personally know people that have seen unbelievable horror, and seem to shrug it off. I know others that have been involved in relatively minor incidents and have been destroyed, taking those that loved them to places that no one wants to go, before the poor soul has self imolated metaphorically in alchol and drugs. Is it our early life that sets us up to bear the horrors of life, is it that we are wired differently or is it that our brain chemistry has been shaken so much by what we see in real life, on tv and movies, that when we get our very own full colour life horror story the fizxing in our brains just won't stop, or if it does, will begin foaming away uncontrollablly again at the slightest provication? My wife, some freinds and I went and saw a show featuring a well known stand up comdian. I obviously didn't read the ad properly regarding the show's content. It was a small part stand up , but largely a talk about her depression and how she dealt with it. I could see by the audience reaction that some people gained something from it. But I left wondering what they'd have left with if she been in a period were her brain was fizzing and buzzing. I guess what I' m trying say is that anyone suffering depression is on their very own rollercoaster ride. I don't know who or what put us there, our shared experience is the misery and pain. If someone telling you to relax and take deep breaths helps, great. If it doesn't, keep looking for something or someone that does. And. Stick your fingers in your ears and a tissue up your nose when the fizzing starts, the stains can be a real problem to get rid of.

white knight Channelling an art you can try
  • replies: 1

Channelling, meaning directing, steering. A ship without a rudder needs direction. A partner can point you towards recovery but then without that rudder soon it wanders.Unlike those without a mental illness who remain within the tracks that take them... View more

Channelling, meaning directing, steering. A ship without a rudder needs direction. A partner can point you towards recovery but then without that rudder soon it wanders.Unlike those without a mental illness who remain within the tracks that take them where their mind has to go and does go without any effort, we dont have train tracks. Our mind drifts. Various traditional methods assist us to move our ship towards the port called "average" but it never seems to get there. I knew an intellectually disabled young man once. I was in charge of him at a sheltered workshop. His job was cleaning the toilets. No one else wanted the job. Ask him why he likes cleaning the toilets he would always reply "because no else can clean those toilets as good as me". He had his golden trade because he was the best at it. And those toilets were pristine. Once I had to tell him to wait a moment while I tightened my belt...he was in there so quick to clean !!I I love poetry. I written it for 25 years. The first 15 years they mounted up in a folder serving no purpose. Try publishing poems. Near impossible. They were written during times of chronic sadness when I had no medication. My sadness was so extreme any topic on TV like starving children, cruelty to animals and the like would reduce me to tears. No wonder suicide them days was lurking. One solution was "channelling".Turning this incredibly hurtful feeling into a positive action. Sadness-how can you turn that around? Is it the same channelling you do after a few weeks of grieving for the death of a loved one? When we start thinking of the good deeds that person did in their lifetime? Instead of the death itself? I sent a poem to a victim of crime. The death of that persons two daughters through murder. 9 years later for me to walk into her dining room and every inch of every wall is my framed poems. I'm not telling you this for praise it is a good example So channelling can become an art. Some form of depression will have such levels of sadness, others sleepiness.You'll need to find your own goal and with your own natural ability. My cousins wife is good at making her own birthday cards with the sweetest words inside for example. My wife suffers depression and she makes quilts to give to others.An indviduals art that provides half a rudder to help steer you towards your destination the port of "average". And anyone can strive to succeed. Be positive, find your own gift and run with it. Tony WK