Hi BB community, I don't know how long i have had issues with depression
and anxiety, but it has been a fair chunk of my life, at times taken a
big chunk out of me, who i am and even the ability to have positive
thoughts for extended periods of time ...
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Hi BB community, I don't know how long i have had issues with depression
and anxiety, but it has been a fair chunk of my life, at times taken a
big chunk out of me, who i am and even the ability to have positive
thoughts for extended periods of time (up to 6 months). Then i would
drink & smoke and feel even worse and get stuck into these habits no
with others, but alone. I have cried myself to sleep so many times that
it almost became part of my life. I remember the lowest point i have
felt, was when i was struggling to choke back tears whilst in a group
discussion, that is a pain like no other. I feel my depression occurs
when i start over thinking on stuff like comparing myself to others,
work [average 6-7 days a week the last 7 years], the condition of our
world, environment and attitude in society brought me into this realm.
It changed my opinions to the point of hating people for their
ignorance. I also would pick on myself, hate myself, and hurt loved ones
around most of all my parents who i was so cynical to when i returned
home from traveling for two years (i left Australia for the reasons
above). That was my direction. I then started taking it out on others
upon my return, if someone picked on me, i would become very aggressive,
antagonistic and sometimes violent. The last time was with my brothers
in Sydney where i ended up in Jail for the night. This is the first time
i have ever shared this with anyone, but i am glad it is in confidence
of persons who have struggled in a similar way. I briefly ran through
some of the symptoms of depression and i could tick all the of them off
at one point or another. Depression has taken my lifestyle, point of
view and direction away from me. [when feeling anxious/depressed] The
biggest resource for me now when feeling this way, is interacting with
others, including my closest friends who have always seen the signs and
talked me through it. On the other hand what i have found was what works
for me in managing this. Diet and Hobbies I moderate my drinking now and
don't smoke. Writing issues down has helped I now try to identify the
problem, write down i reacted, and what i could do to manage it next
time. I am patching things up with my family, though i don't think they
realized how long i have been dealing with this and have been dismissive
until recently. They would say things like "why cant you just be happy",
"your so hard on yourself" & "stop worrying so much". Battling but
getting there. I hope you do aswell
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