Share your stories on forging your own path.

[Guest_322]

Hi everyone,

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about expectation, choice, conventional and non-conventional paths. I was hesitant to put up this thread but here it goes...

My personal thought is that even in this day and age, there's often an implicit expectation that everyone gets married, has kids and has a full-time 9-5 job. Don't get me wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong with getting married, having kids or a 9-5 job. That's not what I'm talking about here.

The point that I'm trying to make is what suits one may not do another. And I think we can sometimes do a major disservice- even with the best intentions and even if it's accidental- to each other when we pressure others to follow a certain path.

It's not always explicit pressure, it's often implied e.g. with comments like "when you get married" where the assumption is you will get married. Never mind that maybe some people don't want to get married, don't believe in marriage or can't get married in Australia in the case of the LBGTI community. I would suggest saying "if you get married" instead.

I feel that my point isn't about getting married or not getting married; I feel my point is about how everyone has their own path to follow and that we shouldn't make assumptions about other people. I know it might seem petty that I'm commenting on "if" versus "should" but the difference between those 2 words holds immense power in my opinion.

Anyway, now that I've gotten that off my chest...I really want to hear from the round pegs in a square hole.

Please share your stories about the road less travelled- the obstacles, pressures as well as triumphs you had to overcome to pursue your path

Dottie xxx

I feel as though I could learn something from you guys. And I feel others could too.

[Guest_322]

*Please share your stories about the road less travelled- the obstacles and pressures you had to overcome as well as triumphs in pursuing your own path.

Dottie x

P.S. This is what I get for being lazy at editing my own posts haha.

[blondguy]

Hi Dottie. Another great post!

I used to worry a lot about being on my own until my GP asked me if I was contented with my own company.

I replied 'Yes I am' Having anxiety and then depression made having a quality relationship difficult as we do restrict ourselves having a mental illness in order to cope.

Taking life less seriously and terminating being a perfectionist was a huge breakthrough for myself. There is still lingering low level anxiety but the high expectations of a partner can be a stress in itself

Always great to see you Dottie

My Best Always

Paulx

[CMF]

Great one Dottie,

I have certainly gone against the grain in many ways. I've now reached a point in my life where i realise i am doing the best i can with what i was given. People who judge do not know our journey our whole story, what we have been through to get where we are.We are trying to be the best we can with what we have.

Cmf

[james1]

Hey Dottie,

I like this thread!

For me, I definitely struggle a lot in terms of finding my own way because of my struggle with my identity...and what others think of me.

So a couple for me:

• Cultural background - I've really had to just break stereotypes here because having Chinese heritage but being born in Aus in a very Caucasian area has been pretty difficult. Not in the racism kind of way (it's certainly been there - I've just gotten used to it), but rather for me to know who I am. I have aspects of both so I don't fully fit into either culturally, which causes a bit of resentment on my part. So for me, it's just a matter of breaking stereotypes so I can learn to accept this combination of cultural influences on me, and not have it affect my friendships or relationships (which it currently does).
• My odd personality - so I'm mega childish at times, and at others I'm the exact opposite. This causes me a lot of grief because my not childish side is often trying to curb the childish, saying that adults don't do that and people will judge. So for me, I just try to ignore both myself and what others are thinking by listening to music and doing whatever it is strikes my fancy. Whether it's walking around barefoot, walking on people's brick fences, jumping from square to square on the pavement avoiding cracks or taking my bird on a bike ride...the more I expose myself to judgment, hopefully the more I get used to it.

Lol okay I'm tired now. But thanks for putting this thread up 🙂

James​

[Just Sara]

Good morning Dottie;

Another thought provoking thread; well done!

The road less traveled is usually, as you say, in opposition to social norms and expectations. I've never really been one to follow these and tend to do my own thing. In saying this though, it has gotten me into some dicey situations.

What seems to be at the core, is being swayed by the pain/problems of others. It comes from a childhood in feeling unduly responsible or feeling the need to take over from toxic authority figures I encountered; protecting siblings or those I felt were vulnerable. Following my own path seemed to be aligned with that.

I'm beginning to understand my path is within me; promoting me first and foremost. This has been a trial and error journey where I still at times put myself at risk for others. I'm comprehending though, that stepping back and allowing people to face life on their own terms is congruent to peace in my world.

It's not easy when people get used to my full support, then when I step back they feel rejected or lash out. When I put myself on the line in sympathy, I neglect me.

I'm learning and that's what counts.

Sara :-]

[Just Sara]

Just wanted to add; forgiving myself and learning from my mistakes is at the heart of my progress. Sara x

[Quercus]

Hi Dottie,

This is a really useful idea for a thread.

Expectation. Such a painful word.

Every person is different and learning that there is nothing wrong with that is incredibly difficult.

I chose a science degree even though I had no interest in it because "art degrees won't get you a job". Funny that I don't feel satisfied in the work I do. It doesn't suit me deep down.

We live in a competitive word and I don't have a competitive mindset at all.

I spent years feeling like there was something wrong with me because I don't like the things other people like to do. I'm happy at home. I don't like the rush and bustle of the city. I have absolutely zero inclination to go out to concerts or clubs or busy places.

But there's nothing wrong with that. I am nothing more than just my own person. Accepting this is my work in progress.

I had a discussion with my hisband recently and worked out my biggest problem is that I get confused and exhausted and overanalyze everything I do. Am I doing this because I want to or because I feel I have to?

Thanks for the thread Dottie. Very interesting.

[Guest_322]

Hi everyone,

Thank you so much for sharing your insight and personal stories 😊

Paul, hey, it sounds like you're doing well travelling solo. I'm glad you're content in your own company.

Ah, I agree that a sense of humour can be very helpful (why so serious, right? 100 BB points if anyone gets my movie reference haha).

CMF, I like what you said:

People who judge do not know our journey our whole story, what we have been through to get where we are.We are trying to be the best we can with what we have.

I completely agree. To each, their own. As long as no one is hurt because of our choices, each life is our own to live on our own terms.

James, I really got a lot out of reading your post. It must have been/be hard to personally define your cultural identity. Racism is disgusting and stereotypes are awful.

I feel as though you're still finding your place between multiple cultures. It must be very confusing, and I bet you feel conflicted at times too.

"Odd personality" huh? Well, I personally like how you can let go of your inhibitions like a child as well as have the poise of someone much older. I say go for it and continue avoiding pavement cracks, jumping on footpaths, etc. If it gives you joy, ignore the naysayers. It's not really their business anyway. It's a pretty sad life to live if they spend it judging others.

Keep being you, James.

Dottie x

[Guest_322]

Hi there,

Again, thank you for popping in and sharing your insight and stories 😊

Sara, you're definitely learning and have come a long way. That's for sure.

It seems like you're learning to let go. Letting others make their own mistakes, fight their own battles and steer their own course has been very liberating for you.

I mean, I'm sure still care, support and love many of these people. But the difference now is you realise its their fight at the end of the day, and you're recognising boundaries. Btw this is just my interpretation of your post so I'm not sure if that's what you meant.

It's great that you're evolving and learning to put yourself first. You're looking after you. Seems as though you've found that oxygen mask...and I'm glad you're learning from past mistakes as well as learning to forgive and nurture yourself. Here's to progress...

Quercus, I like this:

Am I doing this because I want to or because I feel I have to?

I think it's the million dollar question that you've asked. (Fulfilling) expectations versus choice indeed.

In this instance, I don't think you're "overanalysing", I think you've asked a very important question. And I bet many people do the things they do out of ingrained expectations that they mistake/confuse for their own choice. Actually, I think part of the problem is not enough people ask themselves that question.

It must have been/be very frustrating to feel so at odds with typical conventions or trying to be (so-called) "practical" e.g. science degree over an arts degree.

But I'm glad you seem to have come to a place of acceptance- even if it's not a complete acceptance- that you are who you are. And that you don't always like what many others like or see the world as they do. But that's okay.

Beauty in difference.

Dottie x