Self care for people with demanding schedules/busy lives

[Peppermintbach]

Hi all,

I thought that it might be helpful to have a thread to share self care strategies especially for those of us who often feel time-poor with demanding schedules/busy lives.

I understand everyone is different, and like most things in life, self care also needs to be individualised to suit each of our individual needs, interests, personalities and lifestyles.

I’ll be back later to contribute my own ideas...

Please feel free to share your own self care strategies and suggestions 🙂

Kind thoughts,

Pepper

[startingnew]

of course 🙂 what works for some mightnt work for others.

simple things work well i find esp in short time frames 🙂

[Chloe_M]

Those self care tips are interesting, thanks again startingnew

To everyone else looking for self care tips- remember to treat yourself. See a movie with a friend, go to the beach, go shopping, do something that you love or enjoy, or something that is a little bit special.

I went to the movies and went shopping with one of my best friends last Saturday- I felt so good afterwards!

Take care everyone xx

Chloe

[startingnew]

movies and shopping sounds really good. keep doing the things you enjoy 🙂

[Chloe_M]

haha I will- until I run out of money

guess i'll have to get a job.

Any advice on that?

[startingnew]

sure, but on another thread so we keep this one on track. perhaps the friends cafe would be a good place to chat.

[Quercus]

Hello Pepper and everyone,

I have a thought on the topic of self care.

You mentioned time poor but there are so many other limitations that get in the way of self care. Chloe hit on a massive one... Finances.

The reality is a lot of the suggestions we make cost in three ways... They either cost in time or in money or require the help of others... Which means cost in time and effort maintaining friendships and relationships.

Sometimes it feels easier to just let them all slide and not bother at all. That is where I find myself often.

I remember seeing a psychologist a long time ago and her suggestions just made me laugh (the horrible hopeless bitter sort of laugh). Pay someone to clean or cook.... With what money? Go out to a movie or shopping... With what money? So many self care options require money. I remember her sending me home with a self care checklist to give my husband. He read it and frowned and said well she's not very practical is she? Oh hang on let me just go outside to our money tree. Which made me feel even more hopeless.

It is so easy when you are down to start rejecting ideas. When the psychologist started off with unrealistic things I closed myself off from listening because I felt she didn't get it or didn't care.

Sometimes we need to start tiny. Like SNs list of things like breathing or sitting outside.

Another thing I notice in myself is sometimes I need help to self care. My husband sent me an email today simply with a picture and the words go and sit in the sun hon. I haven't been able to yet.

But I know at 4pm my mum in law arrives so I can go to the psychiatrist. So it will force me soon to get off my bum. Make the beds. Clean the kids crap off the floors where they've tipped everything bloody toy out as usual. Do the chores and go shower and pretend I haven't just been sitting on the floor since 630. The kids will tell her anyway and it will change nothing.

Self care needs to be tiny. Like knowing someone is coming to check on you. Knowing someone cares. It helps me get through days like today.

[Elizabeth CP]

I think the problem was not feeling understood. As you pointed out many self-care/ beneficial things take effort because of the cost in terms of money, time or needing assistance. It is better to do what we can even if that means starting small than doing nothing.

Sometimes it is worth the effort to push yourself to to do things which are hard but worthwhile. Years ago we had 3 very young children (oldest was 3!! & my husband had a very low paying job. We'd just bought a new home so finances were extremely tight & we had so much to do getting the garden under control apart from just looking after 3 kids. We were struggling emotionally & our marriage was suffering under the strain. We saw a counsellor who after listening to our problems & getting to know us suggested we needed a family holiday & we needed to get a babysitter & attend dance classes together. She explained why these would help but more importantly she spent time discussing ideas to help us achieve those goals. With her encouragement & suggestions we made the effort to follow her advice. For us it saved our marriage as well as my sanity. I was really struggling & having something I enjoyed to take my mind off our problems had a huge impact.

Obviously I'm not suggesting anyone else follows this advice as it was clearly targeted at us but it shows how pushing yourself to do something difficult can really help if it is right for you.

The difference I see in my example compared to Quercus is that we felt understood not just about what would help us but our home situation which was not the case for Quercus.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi lovely people,

Thank you so much for sharing your self care suggestions, insight and thoughts 🙂

My apologies for the late reply. For some reason, I thought that I had replied to some of the older posts but I just realised I hadn’t...sorry again...

Butterfly Wings (Startingnew): Yes, I’m with you in how self care needs to be individualised to suit each of our respective needs, interests and lifestyles. Thank you 🙂 “Dusk till dawn.”

Chloe: thank you so much for your thoughtful ideas. Movies and shopping with your friend that Saturday sounds like it helped you to recharge and have some fun. I’m happy to hear that.

Nat: excellent and highly valid points, thank you very much. Yes, I agree with you that the trifecta of time, finances and personal assistance/help from others can often either help or hinder self care.

It does sound like your psychologist didn’t seem to quite “get it.” All her suggestions were good in theory but it was clearly with minimal consultation with you as she didn’t understand your circumstances at all. Perhaps it almost even added insult to the injury (so to speak); you were already feeling very low and here she was making unsuitable suggestions.

I suppose it goes back to the point about how self care needs to be personalised/individualised. I like your point about how self care sometimes needs to be tiny. There is beauty in that and sometimes “tiny” is all we can manage at times ❤️

Elizabeth: thank you for your insightful post 🙂 I think your opening sentence possibly highlighted a key struggle and point of frustration/discouragement for Nat (Quercus). Then again, I’m not her so I can’t speak “for” her but I’m just guessing...please feel free to correct me, Nat.

Your counsellor seemed to really understand your situation. She sounds as though she was very caring and took the time to make sure everyone was on board. I’m glad her advice helped and your husband immensely.

Pepper xoxo

[PamelaR]

Hello everyone

Morning Pepper

Just found your wonderful thread. Thank you for starting this. So important.

Self care for busy people - hmmm. Your comments about keeping the house and environment clean and tidy resonates with me. I love having a really tidy place. However, I struggle with doing any housework. It's not my most preferred task. I'd much rather sit on the computer and send another post on BB or FB, or email.

I can be busy in the garden, watering the plants, pulling up weeds, tying back vines. But to tidy up the study, garage - ugh. Can't afford a cleaner. However, I do like the idea of work for work. Maybe I could do something I like for someone and that someone, who likes (does anyone LOL) housecleaning, can do my house.

I keep finding excuses to not do those things I don't like to do. Much more important things. But I do get you when you say - how about 5-10 minutes here and there. I'll try that. However, I'm one of these people who has to keep going until the job is finished. My study cupboards will take days to do. Noticed I already put up barriers. LOL

Much care to you Pepper.

PamelaR

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Pammy (and all),

Thank you so much for your response 🙂

Yes, I hear what you’re saying. For some of us, as much as a tidy environment helps our mental state, finding the motivation (or call it what you will) to do it is sometimes another story. Lol.

Actually, I think striking a deal with someone who likes cleaning/tidying could potentially work. I had a former colleague who was super into cleaning. She would actually visit friends to help them clean as she found cleaning soothing.

Maybe doing a bit here and there may or may not work. I suppose there is a bit of trial and error to find what suits each of us...

Thanks again 🙂

Pepper xoxo