Reducing alcohol

[Robsyw]

Well I have known for a while that I need help, but today is the day and I have decided to reach out and work my way to getting well.
I don't have a lot of support or people I can confide in. Unfortunately I have begun to live wine a lot more than I should, its becoming a nightly habit. I suffer mild depression and anxiety and I know I have been drinking to deal with these things, along with stress.. I just get so wound up and by the end of the day I just want wine to try help me relax, I just don't know when to stop. I am a mum to 4 kids, 2 older and 2 younger. My two young kids are special needs kids, one who is autistic, adhd and dyslexic and the other has a rare syndrome and hypo/never sleeps... Life isn't easy, I know that's no excuse, but that's what I have been doing. There is alcoholism in my family, both my parents, my dad has ptsd due to being a Vietnam vet, so seeing them drinking like fish while growing up probably hasn't helped. I don't want that for my kids.. Thankfully my older kids don't drink a lot , I haven't always been a big drinker, but they see it, but the younger two is a worry.... I don't want to keep the cycle going... I feel so alone in this world, hubby just says "pft you cant stop, you have tried so many times, you are just an alcoholic" like that really encourages me. He makes fun of me about wine in front of people I know, its embarrassing. I just don't know what to do to stop this end of day habit that is becoming a problem. I worry about my health and whether I will see my young kids grow up or see any of them get married and have babies.... I just want to take control of my life again, I'm just not sure where to start . Sorry for the rant, thanks for anyone who listens..

[white knight]

Hi robsyw, welcome

Im not experienced in the field of alcoholism but I'llput the word out for those that are.

although I did ha v e a partner for 10 years that was a closet one. It ended our relationship. I also felt as useless as your hubby about it.

Good luck

Tony WK

[geoff]

hello Robsyw, I am so sorry for you to see that this addiction has control over, I have been in your position and know exactly how you are feeling, and it's very brave for you to post a comment.
I need to reply back to you, and certainly will, because I want to help you knowing that it's a situation where you have no control, but unfortunately I'm about to log off as I start very early, but rest assured I've bookmarked your name and comment, and will definitely reply to you tomorrow.
I know what will happen tonight and what may happen but try and be easy on yourself and know that there is help out there for you. Geoff.

[james1]

Hello Robsyw,

Welcome to the forums! I don't have a problem with alcohol, but I do with gambling. Like you, I know it's bad but once I start, I just don't really stop.

I don't gamble anymore. I guess I 'relapsed' a few times but I just don't do it now - can't speak for the future, but I'll try not to.

Different things work for different people, but the common thread in any addiction is to admit you have a problem.

It's not the stress or the taste or fun times. It's the simple fact that when you pick up one glass, you're actually resigning yourself to the bottle.

While it is certainly an individual effort to try and stop, this doesn't mean you can't get help from others. Do you have a doctor you can talk to to try and keep you focussed, or even an AA group or support group that you can join? It's very hard to find the right fit/match but having other people keep you honest can be very helpful, until such time that you can keep yourself honest as well.

Some people like your husband may be skeptical. It's very disheartening to hear things like that, but we have to remind ourselves that they are probably also disheartened by what they've seen. So perhaps he has this attitude now - you can't stop that and it's unhelpful, so for the time being, try to avoid those conversations with him. He will come around over time if you stick to your plan to give up alcohol.

You've already begun the journey to try and get your life back together. It's going to be hard but admitting the problem is a huge step forward.

James

[quirkywords]

Robsyw,

Welcome, you have made a big first step by posting here and talking about your problems.

You are bringing up 4 children , that is a huge effort but you have 2 with special needs. I used to work with children with special needs and I admired their parents because I could see how hard they worked to help their children. It is not an excuse but it does add to the everyday pressure of child rearing. You are doing a very exhausting job coping with children with special needs and make sure all their educational, social, emotional and physical requirements are met.

You have a family history of alcoholism and your father has ptsd so that adds to what you are dealing with.

James has posted helpful advice and Geoff will.

You have started on the journey by admitting you need help, that is a huge first step.

Quirky

[Robsyw]

Thank you for your replies... I greatly appreciate the support and helpful thoughts. No wine tonight, I have my relaxation candle burning and changing up the routine. Had dinner early, kids organised for bedtime and keeping myself busy with housework.. After writing my post and talking to my good friend, I actually feel like a huge weight has been lifted, I don't feel as though I am bottling everything up and ready to explode like I am every evening.
All I can do is take it one day at a time and heal the body and mind. bad habits are so hard to break, but not impossible I guess. I just have to keep telling myself that and not try to be super mum/women all the time and ask for help when I need it. That can be hard with very little family support and a very small circle of friends.

What's scary is that after a lot of reading today, alcoholics that drink non stop probably started the way I am and increased from there in a uncontrollable spiral. I cant let that happen, I don't want to be that person.. So its definitely a motivator for me to get myself sorted. Fingers xxx for me and thank you again for your replies and support

[white knight]

Hi again

Thats great. We are all chuffed you have taken a big step.

Im sure our veteran champ Geoff will get back to you soon.

Tony WK

[geoff]

hello Robsyw, can I firstly say that you've been under great strain and probably have been for a long time and once you found that alcohol could reduce this, then it's a good reason for you to continue, quietly in the beginning, but then it became noticeable, plus it was helping you with your depression and anxiety, please don't get me wrong, but if your parents have also got problems with their drinking, then it only seems natural for you to follow suit.
At the moment your two older kids aren't drinking in excess, but the chances of them increasing their intake maybe a possibility, but can't blame this on yourself, it depends on their circumstances.
As your two younger children have special needs, means that as they grow older their demands will increase, they aren't babies where you can put them into their cot, now they're walking around and talking that's why your duties are only going to increase and make life tougher for you.
I remember I was always called an alcoholic when I was drinking when I was suffering from depression, I can't pretend that it didn't happen, and even now as I only drink socially that tag still remains, so be it.
It's not good that your husband has labelled you with this tag, so it's not much encouragement to try and slow down, because when you are called this, then why should you stop or refrain yourself from indulging in the grog, that's a question I'm sure you must be asking yourself, but perhaps you can't do any of this on your own, remembering that you do have a lot to cope with, never the less it can be done in many different ways, that's something I want to talk about as I'm running out of charaters, but before I run out, there is a medication that your doctor can prescribe which will stop you from drinking, but it will only work if you want to stop.
I'll get back to you, so please reply back to me. Geoff.

[ScarletHart]

Hi Robsyw, You've already achieve an important step....its taking that first one that is the hardest... admitting you need help is not easy but you have done it. Well done. Im an older mum with adult children and a grandchild. I've worked in the disability field for over 20 years. One of my favourite treats is essential oils...hunt them down at health food stores or global shops. Lavender and lemon are my 'go to' ones for creating calming environments. I will check back again. Take care.

[Sad_Mushroom]

Hi Robsyw,

I was glad to see your post. I too have a bit of a drinking problem that I've been having trouble ditching. I do OK for a few weeks or so but then everything just piles on top of me and I think "I'll have a drink to unwind" but one turns into heaps. I hope you are doing well.