overwhelmed at leaving hospital

[Jo3]

I need some advice - I have been told by my pysch that I can go home on Thursday.  I am so scared, overwhelmed and unsure if this is what I want.

Being in hospital for almost 2 weeks has given me space, time to reflect on me, time to cry, panic, time for me and me only. When I did go home on the weekend for the day I couldn't wait to come back here. that's pretty bad isn't it when you can't wait to get back to hospital - to my own room, my own space.

I have never ever been away from my family except when in hospital to have children. Never been away from my husband for any length of time. So it's huge and something I felt I had to do for my own health and mental well being.

but soon it's time to go home and I am feeling overwhelmed with tears, wish I could stay longer but I can't financially need to go back to work. 

I can come back to the hospital as an outpatient and do group sessions which I will if I can juggle it between working and now starting my new course.

I am so glad that I came here only wish it was done a long long time ago and that I could have stayed another week or two. I think it's given the family at home a chance to stop relying on me and actually doing stuff for each other.

I am feeling abandoned by the hospital and feel a failure if I was to come back in. I have been reassured by the staff that this is not the case; it's my head.

Does anyone have any tips on how to not feel so overwhelmed when leaving a place where I felt safe, happy, peaceful to going home again.

Jo

[Guest_3712]

Hey Jo,

I know exactly how you feel.

All of my admissions were 4 weeks or more and I can remember the trepidation and panic I felt about going home, especially the first time.

A couple of things I remember is how strange I felt re- entering the world , and feeling so disconnected from everything. Eventually these feelings do pass ,

It's important to know that just because you have been to hospital ( and hopefully feel a bit better) you are not "cured". Recovery is an ongoing journey as I am sure they have told you in hospital.

Don't place high expectations on yourself to feel different or perform differently. It is also good if your hubby can talk to one of the doctors or psychologists before your discharge as his expectations maybe unrealistic.

Hospital is not reality Jo. It is certainly a safe and supportive environment when you are in a crisis, but it is not a long term solution. If you can follow up with the after care support that is good, I did this several times and felt it made a big difference to my attitude. If you can't don't worry but you must keep up with your outside support group.

Don't worry about returning home now immerse yourself in the last few days in hospital. You may surprise yourself with newly found strength and understanding of your illness.

Take care and

Be kind to yourself

Stressless

[Girl_Anachronism]

Hi Jo,

First of all I am really glad that you got a positive experience from your hospital stay. I have said it before but the way you type sound a steadier and calmer. I know the feeling your talking about, I was there just last week. The key I believe is slowing the transition over. 

Stressless had a great suggestion on getting your husband to talk with the metal health team their and help him understand that you will need time to adjust. When you do get home try doing some of the things youwere doing in hospital, although I personally couldn't wait to thave my own bathroom and long hot shower which a nurse would't interrupt with a concerned knock. 

Often they will do home visits to help and check up on you. Outpatient services area a great idea. Just take it slow, Jo, keep hold of that sense of self you found in the hospital. We'll always be here to support you. 

GA

[Neil_1]

Hi Jo

I'm just chipping in here to say "Hi" - oh, I've already said that in my opener!  Hmmmm, now what to say????   Ok ok, just kidding.

Jo, it's great to hear from you and it does sound like you have made some positive steps whilst in hospital.  That's about all I'm going to say, because I haven't been there to know exactly what to advise.

Stressless and GA are your Number One friends who have responded to you with brilliant posts - so take all of what they've said in - it's all good stuff Jo.

And do remember, we are here for you - but above all else Jo, read again Stressless's and GA's responses to you.

Take care my friend and we'll see you on this site again pretty soon.

Neil

[Girl_Anachronism]

Allow me to be flippant, but reading my message back, I can't help but imagine a 'metal health team'. I imagine it involves lab coats, stethoscopes, drums and eighties rock hair cuts.

GA

[vip]

Hi Jo with my experience as an outpatient I loved attending the groups and meeting the other patients but I also loved coming back to my home at night. I know the hospital is a safe haven and when your out of there its like going back in the big real world. Think of it as being your going back as an outpatient so you wont be forgotten totally take what you learnt there back to your life learn and grow from it . Maybe write your thoughts in a diary and read it to your group when you go back .take care

[Jo3]

Hi Stressless, GA, Neil & Nes

Thanks guys for replying back and giving me support, advice and encouragement.  It's always nice to know that there are people out there that are willing to give a bit of positive advice.

One more day to go and I think I am okay now in going home, I have come accustomed to the idea of going back home, back to work and starting my new course next week. 

However, I will still ease myself into next week, still going to do my daily walks and meditation. 

As an outpatient at this hospital I can come back and do the support group sessions, gym sessions and yoga which I am going to do.  And the good thing about it is - it doesn't cost anything, as it's part of the outpatient program.  So I am going to take advantage of it and learn.

There will be some changes at home as well, eg. having a roster for the children to cook dinner (because they are all over 18) and they have been helping out while I'm in hospital, so I will continue it.

I am going to take more time out for myself and not put everyone else first, this is what I have learnt in here is that it's okay to stop and do meditation or go for a walk.

I am so glad that I did come to the hospital, I only wish I did 4 yrs ago but it doesn't matter because now I know where it is and if I ever need to come back I am welcome at any time.

it's amazing at how supportive, caring and nurturing the staff have been towards me.  I have cried at night while alone in bed; have had panic attacks during the day; have wanted to escape on the first night - but all the staff at the time helped me deal with it and talk it through. They are all special people.

Anyway enough of me ranting and raving, hoping to be on here again soon to chat

take care everyone, always thinking of you guys

Jo xxxx

[Neil_1]

Hi Jo  

Wow, thanx again for coming and providing us with your post and an insight as to how things are for Jo.   While we (and you) know that you’re not out of the woods and that you haven’t beaten this – and it’s important to remember that, so if there are possible stumbles in the future, you’ll be aware of them and they hopefully won’t come as a big surprise to bite you – instead it’ll be more like a little fish just nibbling on the line and you’ll feel the nibble – as opposed to a major shark or something coming and taking a massive bite.  Ok, odd analogy, but I haven’t used one in a while and I was needing to get one out.  

HOWEVER Jo – you remember the thoughts you were having prior to going to hospital – in particular the ones where you were saying, ‘what if it doesn’t work for me?’   ‘what if I don’t find any positives?’   and we were saying that even if you came out with a 1% increase in change then that would be a WIN.  Well Jo, guess what, judging from the way you’re writing and what you’re referring too, that change is WAY more than 1% - the things that have happened for you while in there sound like they were so beneficial to you. 

AND you’re taking home with you so much knowledge and self-help options – you know, perhaps this is not for me to say, but just thought I’d try this.  You’ve mentioned about a roster for cooking at home (great idea by the way) – but what about possibly cleaning and other things as well?   Like weekly vacuuming – or a roster for the clothes washing and hanging it out on the line, and bringing it back in, etc. 

 I don’t know if this is all your department – but if it is, I believe now is a good time to exercise a bit more ‘self help’ for you and to help better prepare your kids/young adults for their lives when they leave the ‘nest’.  Coz Jo if you are the one doing most of the stuff – if you can implement these changes, then that WILL free up time for you – which is the most important thing here.  

By the way Jo – you weren’t ranting at all – I enjoyed every bit of your post and of your experiences – especially from someone who hasn’t been to hospital in that situation – I’ve had plenty of my share of hospital visits during my lifetime, but they were in different sections of hospitals.  

 Kind regards  

Neil

[Guest_3712]

Hey Jo,

I am so proud of you. Going into hospital is a very hard thing to do in our circumstances, turning our lives over to strangers and opening up about our very private thoughts- well done .Awesome!

I am so glad you have benefited from this experience and yes it is good to know if you feel the need for those warm arms around you again then they are there for you.

You go girl ! 

Be kind to yourself

Stressless

[Girl_Anachronism]

Hi Jo,

I have no advice to give because it sounds like you are doing everything right and you have the confidence to enforce it. So all I'll say is good on you.

GA