Over-stimulating the Senses - Addiction to Adrenaline and Beta Endorphins?

[Just Sara]

Hi all;

I've been self assessing for a long time now, and have come across an habitual need to stimulate myself with dysfunctional thoughts that prop me up or give a perception I'm not small or insignificant at all; feeling powerful and a winner.

On the flip side, I've also had thoughts that bring me down (too big for my boots) causing a 'normal' feeling of being average or small/insignificant...safe from ridicule or punishment.

We've all had those fantasies of kicking the winning goal or standing on a podium with trophy in hand sucking up the acclaim and cheers from the crowd. But what if those fantasies turned into yelling at someone until they were on their knees leaving you feeling pumped and superior? Or maybe getting in between parents to fend off upcoming violence and be the hero?

Isolating myself has turned my world inward where I play out the day in my head. This is where I've been living and getting to be on top, or berate myself into submission.

The other noticeable factor is the adrenaline or beta endorphin rush I can have from this; undetected until recently due to the normality of 'feeling' this way.

Looking for a discussion peep's...your thoughts?

Sara

[Just Sara]

In answering my own question from yesterday, the thought of not feeling stimulated into oh so lovely good feelings I think may be at the core.

We're all programmed to 'feel good' to overcome or avoid feeling bad. When it comes to adrenaline, how we interpret 'good' and 'bad' may be skewed by memory and/or fear; especially the excitement 'good' fear brings. (Rock climbing or bungee jumping)

I read yrs ago about us not knowing how to just 'feel' sadness or grief for instance. Because it's so uncomfortable and life requires constant attention, we tend to avoid such things. I'm trying to give myself 'permission' to 'feel' the bad stuff instead of trying to make myself feel better with self stimulating food, beverages, fantasies, drugs, TV, this laptop and destructive relationships to name a few.

Yrs of avoiding bad feelings creeps up on us and bites us hard if we don't acknowledge and 'speak' our peace. We end up in physical/mental/emotional distress. If we still avoid and continue the self stimulating, those wounds get bigger and harder to deal with. They don't go anywhere, they gestate and morph into core beliefs and habitual reactive behaviour and thinking instead of proactive.

Anger is one of those emotions that people can't seem to tolerate in others. So it's the first to be replaced by addictive factors and substances.

Sympathy from others is another habitual trap we get 'hooked' on. "Oh I'm feeling dreadful today" Who responds to this? Enablers and rescuers!

The appropriate response might be; "That sounds awful, what are you going to do about it?" This puts responsibility back on the shoulders of the complainant and leaves the door open for 'empathy'.

Empathy vs Sympathy...one gives energy, the other takes. Which is which to you?

I guess this is where the answer to my question lies; it's been easier to deal with others as an enabler or rescuer, than to 'give' to me. See, that doesn't come with any kudos or external 'reward'. There's always gotta' be a 'pay-off'.

I'm just not experienced with self reward being 'valuable'. Being valued by others is as habitual as any adrenaline rush. And what's my interpretation of self reward anyway? Mmm...this one goes to my psych this arvo.

I needed to write today. It's given me food for thought I must say.

Love you guys...Sara xoxo

[1113]

Morning sconnor,

Love you too.

I forgive myself. Maybe self reward isn't valuable. Maybe its not tangible. Maybe... to just "be" is enough for me.

Hay, but everone is different, the world would be a boring place otherwise.

I value you as a human.

Six.

[Just Sara]

Thanks Six;

I so value your input. 'Being' is for sure a wonderful mindset and worthy of experiencing. I wouldn't 'be' here if it weren't for this...mindfulness at its best. But the 'doing' is so valuable too, a perfect balance.

After experiencing my break-down and its effects, I became so frightened my world wouldn't ever change, apathy was my constant companion on top of the symptoms. It took so damn long!

One day a thought just popped into my mind to go out into the garden and pull weeds. As I struggled with each one, my mind wandered to a time when my Nan was alive and used to do the same thing. I felt her presence, or what I interpreted as this, and a sense of peace came over me. This in turn became an enjoyable activity where I saw it thru and looked on afterwards with pride and achievement.

Most of all though, was the absence of symptoms. I cried with relief and wonder at my success. That was the beginning of 'active mindfulness'...balance.

Getting my hands dirty; physically feeling the earth saved my life. Mind and body in motion connecting with nature. We always remember our first time eh? ha ha

The absence of adrenaline and promoting all the natural good chemicals livened up my whole system. To 'be' and 'do' at the same time, then to reap the benefits was a much needed and very worthy lesson and experience.

I'm so grateful you bought this up. So few words, so much wisdom and insight...

Sara xoxo

[Guest_9809]

Hi Sara. We dont tend to cross paths that often these days. Although I do read your original thread from time to time, and so keep up with how you're doing fairly regularly. Hope you're having a good Sunday?

I hope you dont mind but I am just resurrecting this thread. Wishful posted to my long term support thread in response to a post I made there today, and she mentioned this thread. I havent seen before, and I see it hasn't been used in ages. In fact the final post was not long after I joined and I didnt 'travel' too far back then.

Anyway now that I have found it, and so as not to lose it again, I am posting to it so it will turn up in My Threads. There is quite a bit of info here and I would like to read it all. But little time, and a distinct inability to concentrate right now. So I will get to it another day.

Apparently it covers a lot of things that I mentioned today in my own thread. Thanks for the info Wishful. (-:

Taurus xx

[Just Sara]

Hey Taurus!

Nice to hear from you; btw...love your profile pic!

Adrenaline is still on my mind as a constant re PTSD and anxiety. Now that I've been suffering depression as well, it comes into play again.

I loved this thread while it was active, but somehow the immediate impact wore off; so many posts were contributed in such a short time.

I found out recently, that people who've suffered adrenaline (and cortisol) overload throughout their lives, might not benefit from excessively stimulating exercise and not to put our heart rate above 140. It's worth discussing, but I'd like to research some more as well.

I'm sorry I haven't been on your thread for quite a while, I feel out of the loop sometimes. I've been having my own up's and down's too, not that that's any excuse. Sorry hun...

Hope to catch up soon when you're up to it...

Sara

[Guest_9809]

Thanks Sara. Yes I know you've been struggling somewhat, as well as being your usual busy self. Definitely no need to apologise for not visiting me recently. And yes I like my current profile pic too, its very symbolic.

I agree about the adrenaline and anxiety in general, definitely high levels of anxiety is a constant for me too. Until recently I'd not suffered too much from depression, so thats a relatively recent addition to my PTSD symptoms. Although from what I have read, it is fairly typical for PTSD symptoms to yoyo between anxiety and depression intermittently. Last year I had a particularly difficult period just prior to joining BB where I was having persistent suicidal thoughts. That was pretty scary. Thankfully I havent had that now for a few months, and hopefully I wont again. (-:

Interesting what you say about stimulating exercise. I have a high pulse rate all the time. Even at rest my pulse rate is usually 110+ bpm. My GP has ordered heart related tests because of it, though all clear. Probably just anxiety? However my blood pressure is quite low, with resting BP typically under 100/60, and often below 85/55 - low enough to be symptomatic. I know this as I have a BP monitor at home for hubby, whose BP is high.

I have extracted and reworded relevant parts of the post to my thread, and included them here for a more general audience. Hope thats okay?

When under high levels of stress or anxiety we release Cortisol. Cortisol is known as the stress hormone, and is released during fight or flight responses to danger, stress, etc. If these levels are maintained over a long period, it can lead to a number of serious health issues.

Cortisol is an important and helpful part of our body’s natural response to stress, however it’s important that the body’s functions are returned to normal as quickly as possible following a stressful event. If our body’s stress response is activated so often that the body doesn’t have a chance to return to normal, it results in chronic stress.

High and prolonged levels of cortisol in our bloodstream have a number of negative effects. This includes: insulin resistance, blood sugar imbalances, cholesterol issues, impaired cognitive performance, suppressed thyroid function, decreased bone density and muscle tissue, blood pressure issues, lowered immunity, increased body inflammation, increased risk of heart and cardio vascular diseases, etc.

So monitor your blood sugar, cholesterol, thyroid, BP, etc.

Taurus xx

[Just Sara]

Oh I'm so sorry again Taurus for being tardy with my response. My up's and down's became more down than up for a while. Even though I've been posting, I wanted to leave this thread until I'd done some looking around as well as talking with my GP and psych.

Your post is most interesting and plays into what I'm going thru atm. So we'll keep tabs on each other to see where things lead yeah?

I spoke with my psychologist yesterday which opened my eyes to some really fantastic info, not just about this subject, but my depression and its effects.

One of the most interesting, was how I thought we couldn't relay information to the 'reptilian' part of the brain (survival fight/flight) from our 'rational' brain. (Conscious analytical) This turns out to be wrong.

As this part of our brain is in charge of heart rate, blood pressure, adrenaline etc, we can't verbally communicate, though we can relay info by calming our body to convince it we're in control and aren't being threatened. I know, easier said than done. But considering the effects of PTSD triggers and anxiety, it's an interesting concept to explore.

Since I've been practicing mindfulness and am pretty damn good at it now, my anxiety has all but gone, but was replaced with depression. I've also had physical changes which on the face of it I thought were probably all hormonal.

Talking with my psych, it seems I affected my own fight/flight responses just by calming my mind and not allowing 'pictures' (Reptilian brain is 'visual') in my mind of past trauma. This has affected all physical responses as well, not all good either, but considering I'm transitioning from overload to normal, it's bloody amazing!

Now, I'm not saying I didn't do anything else. I've worked hard on letting go of the past and associated beliefs/guilt/fear/anger with therapy, self assessing and changing mindset/habits. But mindfulness allowed me to do these things in a more effective way, giving me the ability to focus and think straight.

By not clenching my teeth, hands, legs and body in general during probably every second of the day for 50 odd yrs, my muscle's have shrunk and metabolism has plummeted. It does make sense though. My psych was beside herself with interest.

I'm so intrigued by this and want more! How about you?

Sara x (hug for you too for bringing this back into the fore on your thread!)

[Just Sara]

Btw...fyi...the 'primal' brain which is in charge of emotional responses is effected by verbal and visual forms of communicating. It's more recent on the evolutionary spectrum than the reptilian brain.

Ha! Isn't this great? I'm stoked and ready for more...Sara x