Over-stimulating the Senses - Addiction to Adrenaline and Beta Endorphins?

[Just Sara]

Hi all;

I've been self assessing for a long time now, and have come across an habitual need to stimulate myself with dysfunctional thoughts that prop me up or give a perception I'm not small or insignificant at all; feeling powerful and a winner.

On the flip side, I've also had thoughts that bring me down (too big for my boots) causing a 'normal' feeling of being average or small/insignificant...safe from ridicule or punishment.

We've all had those fantasies of kicking the winning goal or standing on a podium with trophy in hand sucking up the acclaim and cheers from the crowd. But what if those fantasies turned into yelling at someone until they were on their knees leaving you feeling pumped and superior? Or maybe getting in between parents to fend off upcoming violence and be the hero?

Isolating myself has turned my world inward where I play out the day in my head. This is where I've been living and getting to be on top, or berate myself into submission.

The other noticeable factor is the adrenaline or beta endorphin rush I can have from this; undetected until recently due to the normality of 'feeling' this way.

Looking for a discussion peep's...your thoughts?

Sara

[1113]

Thnx SS,

Your life story and where you are now is an inspiration to me. I dont really know what else to say, but I heard it with my soul.

Six

[V17]

I just wanted to clarify where I said "got off" probably wasn't as clear as I intended it to be. What I mean is, that people started to pay attention to me when I started acting the daredevil and by being 'seen', was my way of thinking I was liked.

[SourceShield]

Hey V,

It's incredibly fascinating to me that we all have differing ways in which we have been addicted to 'the rush', but deep down its all the same chems being released into the body that we are all hooked on.

You, V - with being a daredevil at times or taking on jobs that you knew would be high-energy.

Here's a crazy one for you...

In my home telling lies sometimes meant that I didn't get a hiding, and sometimes telling the truth still got me a hiding!

Telling lies became a survival strategy for me.

Lies kept me safe - also, the act of telling lies releases a flush of adrenaline.

Why?

Because there is a threat - even if it is perceived.

I always felt unsafe.

But as I began to socialise more, fibbing was more about...me not wanting to tell my friends about my completely insane family!!!.

So I would make up all these wonderful stories about what me and my perfect family did...like blah blah blah.

The rush is a big time drug hit!

However, fast forward 20 years and it was pathological...took me quite a while to actually admit to my psych that I used to lie pathologically.

I say used to because I feel that its important to recognize that it was in the past, and that we can change our not so healthy habits --- Thats neuroplasticity!!!

All from becoming hooked to the rush-feeling as a child because all I was doing was protecting myself from getting a hiding.

I feel that its really important to remember that some of these habits - and by that I mean it in the exact same was as we would say DRUG HABIT - because thats what it is...our habitual drugs of choice have been adrenaline, endorphs, cortisol etc...

But they can also be the healthier naturally produced feel-goods as well...

Thats freedom.

Free dominion to choose how we live by our own design.

StayWonderful

[Cornstarch]

....."and lost it as the ape became stupid"

Ba ha ha! I love it.

You are an absolutely incredible women Star.

And so interesting! You should write your memoirs at Walden Pond. I would so pay money for it.

My condolences with the narcissistic parent I completely understand! My god until you've lived it!

I believe narcissists are further down the emotional intelligence food chain and are less evolved human beings. Sorry, they just are. Their grandiose sense of entitlement, grandiose sense of their own pain and perpetual obsession with their image is so last whatever that name is.....a scientist will help me out. I felt like I was living in parallel Universe to my friends and I couldn't get off. Mind warpers.

You are just amazing.

Beware of the Brumbies out there in that wilderness where you live.

Incredible.

xxxxx

[Cornstarch]

Sourcey, a while back under the PTSD folder/Threadbare thingy or whatever ya' call it on here I posted some links about Male Sexual Assault.

I do believe you are the first male to not create an alias on this forum and stand and stick up for men, and say I was assaulted, betrayed and abused.

You're a bloody legend mate!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[V17]

Hey SS,

I hope you realise how amazing you are and if you don't can I say I think you are freaking amazing!

This post, others I have see you respond to - most recently the 'alienated at work' one - makes me realise that if you hadn't gone through the stuff you have gone through; your insight, compassion and truth surely wouldn't have been what they are today. The same has to be said to all the amazing people in here.

Kinda puts a new spin on things for me. Love it!
V.

[Cornstarch]

One of the 1st.

Other warriors have posted!

Still awesome.

[SourceShield]

...takes one to know one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MuchAwesomeness

[SourceShield]

Thanks V!

I actually really NEED BeyondBlue and these forums at the moment.

I've become incredibly isolated.

Partly because I am a typical introvert and Im totally okay with doing the 'lone wolf' thing for a bit, but also because my trust in people has taken a bit of a hit in the last year, and now I must brush the dirt off AGAIN and pick myself up...gets exhausting, so these forums are a blessing.

These forums and posts are literally keeping me from slipping into the all-so-common 'negative feedback-loop' that I guess many of us here can slip into...of feeling sorry for ourselves, and then hating on our life, and then hating on others...which can get really boring and tedious...and around and around the feedback-loop goes...

Its really and genuinely therapeutic for me to come here and reach-out and connect.

The depressive downward spiral that many of us experience also releases...adrenaline -- it's a perceived threat!

So BB is medicine for me, right now.

To read and learn and know that others, like you, FEEL what I do too --- we all have ridiculously hideous stories...they'll make great plots for novels and movies one day I'm sure, but we also have our moments of gratitude and appreciation and thankfulness.

Thats reality.

I need this because I just do!.

I hate writing glib things...I can't deal with fake crapola comments that mean nothing...so, THANK YOU.

With

SincereAppreciation.

[Cornstarch]

Suffering is not an even spread Saucy. You know that don't you. Yeah, everyone suffers, but I'm sorry some people are just blessed. They are given a deep reservoir in childhood that they can draw upon for the rest of their lives and we just can't compete.

There is so much societal pressure to not play the victim. I totally get it. It's ugly and it's unattractive if it is persistent and not balanced. But hell somedays I just gotta re-visit the fact that I was for a time!

These threads are filled with heinous crimes. Hollywood couldn't make it up.

Mine played out underneath what I term the "middle class" gaze. Bury your head in the sand, those sorts of things do not happen in these sorts of families.

I play the lone wolf often too. I'm not under the doona, but I'm off somewhere in my head.

In adulthood it's probably viewed as maladaptive, but the adults that were responsible for me in childhood, left me with no choice but to utilise my Forest Gumpness. I had no choice.

When life asks primary school aged children to process terror in silence, on their own, without safe, secure tribal elders to look out for them...........I consider it a god damn miracle we are alive.

No wonder we grew up too fast and feel old and weary at times.

I said to my health professional this year, "is it OK if I say I hate my life?"

It was such a relief to say it. I find it odd that I felt compelled to ask permission. I never want to be a winger and complainer because that is exhausting to be around. But to just say it out loud was such a relief.

I just want 2016 to be over. This isn't an SOS, I'm OK and not down tonight, I'll still be here for all the ones to come, but I just want 2016 to be over. Another hit by a freight train year.