Our lives are valid, whatever they look like

[Alexlisa]

There’s a lot of expectations about how a ‘typical’ adult life should look. Career, partner, children, possessions... My life doesn’t look like this, but it doesn’t make it any less valid. Living with mental illness, or any chronic condition, can make it hard to meet these goals, so we often need to set our own instead. And these goals are just as important as other more ‘traditional’ life goals. Sometimes more so, because they can be so hard fought for.

The way we live our lives is valid. I want to say that I always believe this strongly, but I’m human and sometimes I fall into the trap of comparing myself to others. I start to feel doubt about my worthiness and become fearful of sharing my own truths. Which is a bit sad because actually I think my life is a pretty interesting story to tell. At those times I let myself sit with the uncomfortable feelings, breathe and not fight against the thoughts, till they pass and I find my feet again.

Our stories matter. Our goals matter. Our lives are valid.

What is a goal you’re working towards that brings meaning to your life? They can be big or small - what’s important is that they matter to you.

[quirkywords]

ALexlisa

Thanks for this interesting topic.

For over 45 years I have lived with mental health issues and have seen many changes over the years from me being ashamed and embarrassed .

Till many years ago the I got up and spoke to a group of people about my experiences and I felt I was worthwhile and my life was valid .

Beyond Blue gives us a chance to talk about our lived experience or write your story or write to others on the forum so we can share our thoughts.

As I get older I realise everyone is different and comparing ourselves to others does not make much sense.

I used to think I should have been an academic but my friends who are academics are envious of me having a bookshop.

Quirky

[White_Rose]

Hello Alexlisa with a wave to Quirky

What a great topic. So obvious yet you are the first to write about it. Good stuff.

I most definitely agree we are all different. The sad part is most people will say they subscribe to that belief but still want everyone else to live the way the supposed believer lives. It can be quite daunting. I was brought up to defer to to the men in the family even when I wanted to do something different. I did what I thought was OK but always had that nagging feeling I should be doing something different.

That's not the situation now I am happy to say. Living on my own makes me decide what is best for me and what I want to try. It's an amazing world. Thanks for opening this topic.

Mary

[Ebi]

Hi Alexlisa,

This is a great topic. I like it because I really struggle with the tendency to compare myself to others. Sometimes I can end up desiring two mutually exclusive lives... e.g. having no kids and having kids.

I have also suffered a lot from feeling regretful about choices I've made... So again, recognising and accepting the validity and reality of the choices I've made is really important.

A few years ago I managed to find a state of appreciation for my life but I seem to have lost that over the last couple of years since stress and depression have flared. My goal is to return to that. It is a lovely state of mind.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Alexlisa and a wave to all,

From time to time, I think of this thread. I went looking for it this morning, & am relieved to have found it.

My whole life, I felt as though I was battling norms and all the “shoulds”, sometimes overtly but other times in more subtle ways.

I will never be the married woman with her 2.0 children. Even in this day & age, there are still many people who perceive that a woman’s greatest worth is one tied to marriage and children...yes, it’s true that marriage and parenthood can be incredible and meaningful for some people, but by the same token, it doesn’t mean that it suits everyone.

Seeing as I don’t believe in the institution of marriage for me, and I don’t want to have children, I have clearly “failed” on both counts by such a dominant social & cultural norm.

I would love for a time where we are more open minded, & give each other space to define “worth”, “value” and “meaning” in our own diverse ways. But I feel we are so far from that even today...

Thank you for reading. I hope you all have a good day 🙂